"Kyla, I think we are going to love it here." I smiled as me and Kyla just stood there admiring the rooms.
"You're so right. She's moving in here with us, isn't she?" Kyla turned from looking out the window to looking me dead in the eyes.
"Well, I'm kind of going out with her now. So I offered. Her place now is kind of not the best environment, so I offered. And she's coming tomorrow to move in her stuff. I figured you just assumed, you're not mad are you?" I looked confused at her. Her tone sounded like she didn't want her moving in.
"No, why would I be mad? It's your place, why should you ask your sister for approval?" Damn, I knew that sarcastic tone. She's pissed.
"I don't get why you're pissed. You like her, don't you? I mean I know you used to at least. So what's the big deal? She won't be much trouble. It will be like she's not even here, if that's what you're worried about." I can't believe it's barely our first day in here and me and Kyla are already fighting about our third roommate.
"I just don't see why you're dating her again! It's only been what? Three months since you and Ashley had that horrible break up and you're already asking Carmen to move in with you, I just don't get it that's all." Kyla talked as she was fumbling with stuff in her boxes.
"What am I supposed to be doing? Sitting around and moping waiting for Ashley to return my calls? She hurt me too, I told you what she said to me! I do still love her, I'd drop Carmen in a second if I thought me and Ashley had another shot as a couple, but I know it won't happen any time soon. She told me we were made for each other, and I know that we are, but it doesn't look like that time is now." I almost started to cry, but I learned when it came to the subject of Ashley how to hold back my tears. I took a few deep breaths and just shook the thought of her out of my head.
"I know, I know. I just don't think Carmen is right for you. I just have a bad feeling about her, she's in a gang still. I just don't get why you are with her."
"I don't get it some days either, but she says the right words to make me feel better and to get my mind off the whole Ashley everything. So you don't have to get it, just deal with her? I do." I smiled and held out my arms awaiting for the sisterly hug.
She disapprovingly shook her head and sighed, "Oh all right." She ran over to me and gave me that reassuring hug that I needed.
"Okay, so enough about Carmen and Ashley. How about we order Chinese, eat off the floor and watch movies all night since our cable isn't hooked up yet?" I was already reaching for my cell phone to call Chinese place I scoped out down the street.
"Well, Aiden is supposed to come over later and check out the new place."
"I'm not asking for your company all night, just for a couple of hours?" I smiled, hoping she'd be looped into the plan. I honestly didn't want to spend our first night in our new place alone. This is where I think about Ashley and miss her, because I know she would have been here for the moving in bit and everything.
"Hell yes, of course. Screw Aiden, he's not coming over till late anyways. And I'm starved from all the moving in." Kyla ran around the condo for some odd reason. Sometimes I do not know where that girl gets her energy.
"I'm going to get like one of everything on the menu!" I shouted to her in whatever room she was in.
"Sounds good! I'm going to take a quick bath!" Damn does she have a good idea there. Guess I'll just wait until Carmen comes over later to get into the shower. That'd satisfy me.
Me and Kyla and good first day in our new place together. We enjoyed our Chinese in front of the TV, watching whatever movie that came to mind. We were laughing, pigging out, and just enjoying our freedom in our new sanctuary---free from mother. We turned our heads when we heard knocks on the door.
I got up and screamed, "Ahh our first visitor in our new place!! How exciting in this!" I opened the door and was slightly disappointed when I saw Aiden standing before me with flowers. "Hey, Aiden, she's in there, behind all the boxes." We decided to make a box fort and pretend we were sitting on a couch. But that didn't really work when we fell through the boxes. So we ended up sitting on the floor next to our box fort.
"Hey, Spencer, how's the new place?" Aiden asked as he ran up to Kyla giving her a nice bear hug. I looked at them and realized how much they love each other. Made. Me. Sick.
"It's good, naw, it's amazingly great. Hey, you two have fun, I'm going to go to my room for awhile." I suddenly did not feel like watching them make out in front of me.
Kyla let go of hugging Aiden and peered around his body, "You okay, Spence?"
"Yeah, no, I'm good. I just figured I'd leave you two alone, you know enjoy the new place together. I'm just going to power nap before Carmen gets here." I let out a fake smile and hid in my room.
I stared at Ashley's phone number on my phone. I kept punching in the number, but I never hit send. I'd keep punching in Ashley's number, then hit cancel, then I'd dial it again, then hit cancel. I called her a couple days ago and left a message telling her that I was moving out to a place in the hills, but of course I never got a call back. What am I so worried about now? I looked for the box marked, "Private shit, don't touch Kyla," and I dug through it. Ah, I found my handy flask filled with a substance that will drown all my worries and anxiety away. This is exactly what I need before I call Ashley.
An hour later, I was buzzed enough and had enough courage to dial her number and actually hit send. I just assumed I'd get her voicemail like usual. I was rehearsing what I was about to leave on her voicemail as I listening to the rings.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Ash it's me again--" I stopped myself from my rehearsed speech and then realized Ashley actually picked up her phone. Oh my God, what do I say? I haven't talked to her in months.
"Hey, Spencer, what's up?" Ashley asked all nonchalantly, like we haven't been talking in months.
"I was just calling to let you know I moved into my new place in the hills. And I would love it, if you stopped by to check it out. I really want you to see my new place, I know you'll be amazed." I smiled into the phone. I felt my face as I smiled, because I know I haven't smiled like this in months. This is the smile only Ashley got to see. I miss feeling like this.
"Oh well I don't know..." Ashley's voice trailed off like she was unsure about even talking to me on the phone.
"Oh come on! I just want you to see my new place, parent free. I'm kind of having this house warming party tomorrow. I mean our place won't nearly be done or anything, but we have this awesome couch box fort, that you have to see."
Ashley let out a giggle, "A box fort, that's just like you Spence. Maybe I'll come, I just don't want it to be awkward or anything."
I smiled, "Oh come on, it's us. How can it be awkward? I just want to throw the invite out there, bring whoever you want if you feel the need. I just don't feel like a house warming party celebrating my new life, would be right if you weren't there." Ashley was supposed to be apart of this new life, damn, stop getting all sentimental.
"Yeah sure, I'll stop by. Hey but I got to go, I'll see ya tomorrow then."
"Hey Ash?" I paused, waiting for her approval to keep talking. I felt the alcohol talking coming soon.
"Yeah, Spence?"
"I still---still, nevermind." I really shouldn't bring it up to her, I mean she's finally answering my calls, I don't wanna go and scare her away.
"No, what? Go ahead and say it." Ashley urged me to continue speaking.
"I still love you, you know. That's never going to change." I'm just glad I finally got to say that to her and not to her voicemail.
I heard Ashley sigh, "I know. You don't think I stopped loving you, do you?"
"Well, I wonder sometimes. I never hear back from you, I figured you just want to erase me from your life." Damn the booze. I'm starting to regret this drunk dial.
"I--I," Ashley let out a frustrated sigh, "I never wanted that. I'll never stop loving you, okay? It's hard for me too, you know. There were two of us in that relationship and two of us got hurt. It was just easier not talking to you, because if I did Spencer, I knew I would have been ten times as hard trying to move on. It's just hard still. I ---maybe I shouldn't come tomorrow. It might not be a good idea for us."
"No, oh come on. Forget about what we said, I just want us to have a good time again. Can't we at least be friends? I mean we were each other's best friends. I lost you as a girlfriend and a best friend. I'd really like my best friend back if I can't have you as a girlfriend. But I'm not asking for either of those right now. I'm just asking you to come to my party, please?" I did my best pouting over the phone.
"Yeah, I'll stop by. I'm going to go, I'll see you tomorrow." Ashley quickly hung up before I could say anything else. I tossed my phone aside and emptied the rest of the flask into my craving stomach. I soon passed out on my bed, flask in hand.
I woke up the next morning with a slight hangover and Carmen laying in my bed with me. I rolled my eyes for some reason just the thought of her being there. Fuck, I told Ashley we're having a house warming party, well that was a lie. Now, I have to manage inviting tons of people over to make it look like I didn't lie just to get her over here. Damnit, I ran into Kyla's room without thinking.
"Oh my eyes," I found Aiden and Kyla in a compromising position, that will forever be embedded into my memory. Let's just say, you never want to see your sister in---ughh I'm not continuing to explain what I just saw. Okay, hold off the dry heaving so I can talk to Kyla.
"Spencer do you mind?!" Kyla shouted as she grabbed a sheet and threw it on top of her and Aiden.
"Well, no I don't mind at all. Quick talk before you two finish up what you were doing. Okay, so I got a little drunk last night and called Ashley,"
"What?! Oh God, here it goes again." Kyla pressed her hand against her forehead and sighed.
"Let me fucking finish! Sorry, didn't mean to freak, but I have this killer hangover right now. Okay, so I called her and told her we were having this house warming party today and I told her to come over. So since we don't have a house warming party---well we have one now, and it starts tonight. So, Aiden. Kyla. 'Round up all your friends and invite them over. I need it to look legit! I'm going to go to the store and buy a shit load of furniture to make it look half-way decent in here. Okay? Okay." I let out a deep breath after I talked a mile a minute getting all of that out.
"Okay, so me and Aiden will do that, but wanna get out of my room, so I can like finish up here?" Kyla gave me one of those get-the-fuck-out-of-here smiles. And I defiantly got the hint.
"Fine fine, I'll be home in like two hours." I ran out of the room and back into mine.
"Hey babe, how are ya feelin'? You were passed out when I came over last night," Carmen said as she came up behind me and kissed me on the neck. I smiled. But I am still freaking out about Ashley coming over. This could be it, we could be finally getting back together. Eh, don't get your hopes up, kiddo.
"I have a massive hang over. I have to run to the furniture store and get a shit load of furniture in here. We're having a house warming party tonight and I want it too look live-able in here." I laughed out as I was quickly throwing on a clean tee shirt and jeans.
"You know you don't have to get dressed so quickly...we can---"
"I so want to, but I don't have the time, Car." I quickly ran a brush through my hair, I was surprised I found it in a box in my room.
Carmen sighed, "Well, I don't have anything going on today, want me to come furniture shopping with you?" It's not like I can I can say no, she is kind of my girlfriend and all. Whatever.
"Yeah, sure. I'd like that." I've gotten really good at lying and hiding my feelings around Carmen. I just really wasn't that enthused to be shopping with Carmen, when I had hopes that Ashley was coming over tonight.
"Awesome, let's go buy some furniture!" Carmen shouted then gave me a kiss on the cheek. She held out her hand and waited for me to grab a hold. I numbly held her hand and walked to the furniture store to pick out a whole bunch of items that were needed. You know, I didn't know when they said money can buy you anything, they truly meant it. I just threw some extra cash around and they were over with all the shit I had picked out in the store about an hour later. Having money is great, it can almost buy happiness, almost.
I was on my fifth outfit and I was all jittery and nervous. Gosh, why should I be nervous? It's just Ashley. It's not just Ashley, it's Ashley. Damnit, I shouldn't be acting like this, I am dating someone else. Plus, we are supposed to be like just friends. I can still look hot. Okay this outfit will do. Carmen left for a while said she had to go take care of some things. I was kind of relieved when she left, I wasn't sure how she was going to react if and when Ashley shows up. Carmen said she'd be back later, but I can't really count on her. Which in this case is good, because I don't really want her here, to start unnecessary drama.
Everyone started to filter in around eight o'clock. I kept running up to the door greeting every person, hoping that one soon would be Ashley. After running back and forth about fifteen times, I figured she would just find me in the crowd.
"Kyla and Aiden, nice work. Thanks you guys really saved my ass." I hugged them both at the same time, causing them almost to spill their drinks.
"Are you a little tipsy, Carlin?" Aiden gave me one of his looks.
I shrugged my shoulders and diverted my eye contact, "What is tipsy, exactly? I had a few, but I'm completely fine. Don't worry about me. I'm great!"
"Okay sis, you need to tone it down. Let me take that drink from you," Kyla pried the drink out of my hand forcefully. I continuously pouted and hoped she'd give it back. She didn't cave.
"So, we gathered all these people together for this house warming party, where's the person we actually threw it for?" Kyla questioned me with one hand on her hip.
"Well, you see, funny thing about that is, she isn't here...yet. I have hopes. And, you know, if she doesn't come...at least we had a good party, right?" I gave her my everything is going to be okay smile and headed to the nearest table to grab another drink.
I was talking to a group of Kyla's friends when I felt a tap on the shoulder. I didn't bother turning around, "Drinks are on the table, bathrooms that way if you're feeling sick, and welcome to my place!" Then I continued talking to the group, until I felt another tap, proceeded by talking.
"Spencer, it's me." I knew that voice. The voice that was starting to become unfamiliar to me, but once I heard it again, I knew how much I have missed her voice. I slowly turned around as I took a sip of my drink.
"Hey!" I said as I hugged her and go a decent whiff of her scent. Still smells the same, oh how it is killing me. "Welcome to my place, let me show you around! Come on!" I grabbed her hand and ran her through my place and making one final stop at my bedroom. "Thanks for coming. So do you like?" I plopped to sit on my bed as I talked.
"It's amazing. It's beautiful, thanks for inviting me." Ashley smiled. I saw someone standing in my door way. Okay they need to get to moving because me and Ashley are going to have a moment.
"Can I help you? The bedrooms are off limits." I sneered at the person who still didn't move.
"Actually, I was trying to keep up with you two as you ran through the house. Then I saw you guys mingle into here, so here I am." Okay, is this girl loaded? What the hell is she talking about.
"Okay?" I said extremely confused.
"Oh sorry, I just got caught up in seeing the place. She actually came with me," Ashley smiled as the figure in the door came closer to stand next to Ashley.
"Oh my God, sorry for being rude to you. I didn't know you brought a friend. Hi, I'm Spencer." I held out my hand to do the traditional hand shake gesture. I figured it'd make up for being so frank.
"Actually, this is my girlfriend, Natalie."
"Hi, nice to meet you," I shook her hand in complete shock. Did she just say girlfriend. What the hell. Now, the room is really starting to spin. Girlfriend? Maybe this is why she didn't answer my calls. How could she have a girlfriend already? She moved on so quickly---ugh. She's not even pretty. Well fine, maybe that's the jealous me talking. She's okay looking, but I'm definitely way hotter than she could ever be. All right, you need to stop thinking about ways to strangle this chick and say something. Awkward silence is filling the room.
"Hey, why don't we get back to the party. There's plenty of people out there and food and drinks. Come on," I dragged them both back out there and then lost them in the crowd. Hell if I was going to stand there and act okay with it all. I need Kyla. Now.
"Kyla, oh my God, oh my God, Kyla! She brought her girlfriend!" Aiden looked at me with his mouth wide open like he couldn't believe it either, "Aiden, give us a second, would ya?" He heard the hostility in my voice and he left.
"Breathe Spencer, breathe. Where is she?" I made a head gesture towards the two standing over there laughing and talking to people I didn't even know. "Oh, that's her?"
"Yup, can you believe it? A fucking girlfriend!" I will not break down in tears. I will not break down and cry. No I will not.
"No I can't believe she'd be going out with someone that hideous! She is seriously bringing down the beauty quota in this room." Kyla said in complete seriousness with disgust on her face. Ah, this is why I love my sister.
I let out a giggle, "You're telling me. God, why did I invite her?"
"Because you're still in love with her? Well, hey, maybe this will be good for you. You can get over her easier now, seeing that she has a girlfriend and you have---well Carmen. You can just get over her a little." Kyla stood there trying to comfort me.
"You're right. But I don't wanna get over her. Whatever, you haven't seen Carmen have you? I didn't tell her I invited Ashley, she might flip." I peeked my head through the party, there still wasn't sign of her.
"Um, incoming?" Kyla hid behind her cup as she took a sip.
"Hey sweetie, sorry I'm late." Carmen whispered into my ear as she laced her arms onto my waist and gave me a peck on the cheek.
I turned around so we were face to face, "It's cool," I said before she pressed her lips onto mine and before I knew it I was all out making out with her in front of everyone. Looks like the alcohol had more than just a little effect on me. I heard Kyla clear her throat and I was snapped back to reality. I tried to part my lips from Carmen but she tugged on my bottom lip for more. Kyla pulled on my shoulder and I was forced to stop kissing Carmen.
"You were saying something earlier?" Kyla hinted at what we were just talking about.
"Oh, I'm over it." Not really, but Carmen is taking my mind off Ashley and her fucking girlfriend. So whatever, I can't wait until everyone gets out of the house and I can just go fuck Carmen. Whatever if Ashley is over me, I can get over her. Whatever.
"Oh, well incoming." Sounds like Kyla's favorite word of the evening.
I turned around, "Oh shit," Damn I was just supposed to think that.
"What babe?" Carmen was still attached to my waist as she held onto me from behind. I quickly turned around and tried to explain the incoming situation.
"Okay, so don't be mad. I invited her to the house warming party. So just remember, don't be mad." I cringed as I said those words, I knew if she wasn't mad now, I'd get it later from her.
"At what?" Her mouth dropped as she saw Ashley walked up towards us.
"Hey." Ashley said.
"Ashley?" Carmen let go of holding me, to standing beside me.
"Carmen?" Ashley's face turned to disgust once she saw her beside me.
"Don't be mad." I gritted through my teeth towards Carmen as I squeezed her hand. She slide her fingers through my hand and gave me a smile I could see right through.
"Oh no, it's cool. So, Ash, who's your friend?" Carmen asked as she draped her arm around my waist, showing me off to Ashley. Oh boy, do I need another drink, might as well make it a shot of something. Anything.
"This is my girlfriend, Natalie." Ashley smiled as she gave the girl a smile, which wasn't her real smile that I used to see when we were together, trust me. That smile wasn't as happy as I once saw it.
"Oh, well nice to meet you." Carmen was being more than nice, I know I am going to get it from her later. So much for having sex.
I saw the way Ashley was looking at me and it was killing me. She hated that I was with Carmen and I hated that Carmen was all over me. "Hey, I'm going to get a shot or two----anyone else want anything? Okay, great." I didn't bother waiting for anyone's response I just kind of ducked out of that awkward situation and headed to the massive amounts of alcohol sitting in my kitchen. Ah, heaven.
It wasn't before long, Ashley showed up in the kitchen with me. "Hey, did you want a drink?" I held up a bottle and offered.
"No, what I want to know is why the fuck is Carmen here? You're with her now?" Ashley slammed her hands on the table, almost knocking all the bottles onto the floor.
"Whoa, you have a girlfriend too. I don't see the big deal. And yeah so what, I am kind of with her now." Ouch, that was slightly harsh. I'm letting the alcohol get to me. But it didn't stop me from throwing another sip down.
"You don't fucking get it!"
"Get what? You tell me what to fucking get. You walked out on me! You left me, remember? You said some really horrible things to me, and then you vanished! I called and called and I still call, but you don't answer, EVER. Until yesterday, and now you're here, why? To show off your new girlfriend to me? To yell at me for dating someone else, since you walked out of my life? Tell me what to fucking get. Because I am all ears," I slammed the bottle down onto the counter.
Ashley shook her head and wiped the few tears that managed to escape her eyes. I started to feel bad, once she didn't say another word, "I'm sorry Ash, but do you know how hard it is to wake up everyday and have you not be by my side? Wake up knowing that I won't talk to you, kiss you, hold you, and look into your eyes. I wake up everyday having less hope that we will ever be---again. I'm sorry for yelling, just tell me what I don't get." I walked around the table and held both of her arms. I smiled, slightly, feeling the touch of her again in between my hands.
"I love you too much to watch you ruin your life with Carmen. You broke my heart when I saw you two together, when you cheated on her with me. I just need some time to get over it. So you fucking have a great life with her, because I can't be your friend with her in your life. I can't, I won't. Like I said, maybe with time, we will be like we were, before our lives got crazy." Ashley sighed and pushed me off her.
"Fine, you know not one day you called me---how bad that hurt? You never once asked me, how I have been or doing. I've been going to my therapist full time now, talking about my problems about my father. I'm trying to get over how you told me I was exactly like my father, which by the way you have never taken back. But you know, I'm still willing to take you back. I'd drop Carmen in a heartbeat to have you in my arms again." Fuck this, this isn't getting anywhere, "Whatever."
"Spence, I can't do this. I thought I could be your friend, but not when your with---her. I still need more time to get over what you did to me. I --- just am leaving." Ashley was extremely flustered.
"Go ahead, walk away from us again. I'm used to it by now." I watched her look back at me hurt, but what more can I say? I wasn't changing her mind tonight, she needs time and I need time to change her mind. So I can't settle everything in one day. What do they say---Rome wasn't built in a day? Ugh, whatever. Time to down another drink, get all these people out of my house, and go have some sex with Carmen to get all of this off my mind.
The party came to a close and Carmen and I were sitting on my bed. I was half past drunk and she was still talking to me. "Babe, you're not going to regret this. It's going to be, me and you ruling the world together. We have this great place together, you have a good future ahead of you. I'm so lucky to have you back in my life." Carmen knelt next to me and placed a kiss on my lips, "Promise me you'll never leave me."
"What?" She must be insecure since Ashley had come over for the evening and I was upset the rest of the night after she had left.
"Just promise me."
"Okay, I promise. I won't leave you," You know until Ashley comes around and I can be with her again someday.
We laid in each other's arms and not a moment passed by that night, when I wasn't picturing Ashley in my arms instead.
You know life doesn't always turn out the way we plan or hope it will, and I'm proof in that. I can keep wishing, that's all I can do. Is wish and hope. But I am not even close to giving up, when it comes to getting Ashley back into my life. I guess we all run away from the ones we love sometimes. We hide from the truth. We settle for less, all in all, that's life, right? Remember at the beginning of our journey together, when I told you that my life wasn't all rainbows and hugs? Well, I bet you believe me now. This is my life, one horrible story after another.
We were made for each other, and in the end, it's going to be me and her. But until that ending comes, my story ends here. If Ashley wants to runaway, I can runaway for awhile too.
A/n: All right everyone, that's it. The end. Hope you're not disappointed at how it all turned out. I do have a sequel in mind for this one, but it all depends if you all would be interested in me writing one. Thanks to everyone who was a loyal reviewer or reader, writing wouldn't exist if it wasn't for all of you who read my work. But I really am idea-less now, that I have finished this story, so unfortunately I may go into like hibernation for awhile. Sad, I know. But seriously, I hope everyone enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. And I look forward to all your final reviews, criticisms, or whatever you have to say to me, I can't wait to read what you guys have to write. Oh, and all the title names to my chapters are thanks to Something Corporate I used their song titles. Thanks Andrew McMahon for that, have to give him credit. So you're probably sick of my long ramble...peace. Much Love.