Our Parting Is Such Sweet Apathy

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She was desperately unappreciated, and she knew it. It was like a constant, nagging reminder of her humanity. He had been attentive at first, had been the good mate she had thought he would be, and then it was if one day he had realized she was human, that she was weak. That she was a miko, and that in itself was taboo.

A miko and a demon, how laughable.

She should have known better, than to trust in him. He was, after all, the hated half brother of her best friend for a reason.

She focused on her reflection on the window; the woman staring back at her was not one she recognized. Her face was hidden under make-up.

The blue eyes that stared back at her were not her own. They were dull, devoid of the love of life they had once held. He had broken her, like only the one you loved could.

And there was nothing she could do about it. She was tied to him forever, required to wear the thick makeup as Lady of the West, hiding the face she had come to love, as it had not been Kikyo's. No matter how similar. And now it was hidden from her, and her hair was up in a tight bun that tugged uncomfortably on her head, giving her a slight headache. Until the day he died, and even after death they would be tied, fated to meet in their reincarnations.

How romantic.

At least, it should have been. The thought made her chest ache in her heart's place, because she no longer possessed that. He had stolen it from her, and never gave it back. A trinket for him to keep, as he entertained his whores.

When the door was pushed open, she turned away from the window, distracted for the moment from the pitter-patter of rain against it.

In the doorway stood her mate in question, the ever impressive Sesshomaru, Lord of the Western lands. The demoness with him made her frown even more, she had long learned that it didn't matter if she showed his displeasure at his whores; he ignored her anyway.

They were backing into the room in a hurry, and he pushed her down on the bed, hands running down her shapely figure with need.

The same need he had needed her with, once upon a time.

She stood up quickly, the expensive kimono he provided her with were only for show; it was disgraceful that he had made a mistake of mating a woman he did not love, so he had to keep up false pretenses of loving her, rustling quietly in her haste to get away from her mate.

They ignored her, too caught up in the other to notice.

She closed the door quietly, and quickly made her way down the hall, her eyes dry.

She had stopped crying years ago, though the hurt never disappeared. The hurt of a woman unloved. It was all she asked, and that was the only thing he denied her. She did not need fancy kimonos, servants to wait on her hand and foot, indoor hot springs to bathe in during the winter.

All she needed was his love, and that was something she would never have. She had never had it in the first place, though he had convinced her that he had. If you loved somebody, you did not ignore them. They did not become a trophy; they did not become someone to show around to your friends, gloating about how you had caught her.

And caught her he had, he had caught her by the heart, and then kept her by the bonds of mating.

It was not every day you caught a legendary, powerful miko to control. Caught and caged like a bird, she longed only to be free. Free from this cage, free from this life.

And she suddenly realized this was how Kagura must have felt.

She found herself in front of the room she had claimed for herself when Sesshomaru had begun to bring whores to bed with him, ignoring the woman he'd convinced to be there in the first place. She opened the doors easily; she had quickly become accustomed to its weight.

Once inside, she sat at her vanity, once again staring at the stranger in the mirror.

She grimaced, taking a sleeve of her rather expensive kimono – Sesshomaru would replace it anyway – and wiped the makeup away, and a sad smile formed on her lips as she stared at the young woman that stared back.

She hated makeup; it hid her from even herself.

"Oh! My lady, you've messed up your makeup again!" One of her servants wailed dramatically, moving forward from where she had entered merely moments ago after her lady. Kagome frowned once more, glancing at her gentle mouse youkai servant.

She was faithful to a fault, not to Sesshomaru, but to her. She shook her head, pushing the persistent youkai's hands away calmly.

"No, Yuki, I do not wish to wear my makeup today."

"But, My lady, if the lord sees-!" She squeaked, eyes wide with worry. Her lord was very strict, her makeup must be worn at all times to hide his shame. Loving mates held their mate's symbol on their foreheads, Kagome's was depressingly absent. Sesshomaru did not love her, and she knew.

"Let him see, Yuki. I do not plan on leaving my room this night." She brought the sleeve back up, wiping more of it off, and felt relieved when she saw herself in the mirror once more.

She had not aged a day since her mating with Sesshomaru, looking just like the 19 year old she had been over 100 years ago, she had stopped counting. Just like the 19 year old she had been, when she had defeated Naraku.

Just like the 19 year old Sesshomaru had seduced into his bed, because she alone could give him the pups he desired. Being the shikon miko had its perks, or curses, whichever way you wanted to take it.

She could bear him powerful full youkai heirs, with immunity to holy magic. She had born him but one son, and that was when she had been discarded. Thrown away like yesterday's trash, and sent her son off to train the second he had become old enough to wean off her teat.

She missed her son terribly, but she knew she would never have the relationship most mothers got to have with their children.

No, Sesshomaru had made sure of it. Her son was just as emotionally detached as his father, and only listened to his father. He did not give her – his mother – the time of day. When he had come back after 50 years, he was powerful enough to not be killed by his father, and from then on had taken over his training.

But he was beautiful, just like his father, only he resembled her more strongly than him. He had silky black hair, with a strange, but beautiful mix of blue and gold eyes. The crescent moon of the Western Lands heir adorned his forehead, though it was noticeably different. In the middle, lay her symbol, the symbol of the shikon no tama.

Though he was nothing like her brother, the slight resemblance was there, and she missed her family terribly every time she saw him, and from then on had made a point to avoid her son.

She had not seen her family for over a hundred years, and she knew her mother must have been sick with worry, unless her future, future self had contacted her. She had roughly 300 years to wait until she would know, and she wasn't sure she would make it until then.

She stood from her vanity, shedding her kimono carelessly, unashamed of her nude form. Her servant definitely wasn't a lesbian, so she had no reason to worry. Yuki hurried to her wardrobe, opening it and took out a light yukata, reading her Lady's mind. She would want a bath, and then she would want to retire to her bedroom to sleep.

--

She stared at her ceiling, the massive bed cold and empty save for herself. This was not how she imagined her life with Sesshomaru. If she had known, she would have fled as soon as she possible could.

Too bad he had been smooth, sexy, and had taken advantage of her raging teenage hormones.

She turned from the sight of the white ceiling, settling for staring into the night. She almost shrieked, but held herself back. Hope began to pound in her chest, and she sat up quickly.

Inuyasha!

Inuyasha was creeping to her window, his expression hard. Sesshomaru had banished him from the Western Lands when Kagome had confided in him that she had not been happy. Inuyasha had attempted to steal her away to the well, where she would be safe, if only for a little while.

She jumped out of her bed, sheets shoved back roughly in her excitement. She didn't even take the time to adjust to the cold floors, and padded lightly to the balcony and opened the doors quietly. A wide smile lighting up her face, watching as Inuyasha's face began to smile as well.

It had been too long, far, far too long.

She rushed towards him, and dove into his arms when he opened them wide for her.

"Inuyasha!" She whispered, slipping her arms around his neck. "What are you doing here? I'm glad to see you, but you know what Sesshomaru will do if he finds you!" She whispered urgently, pulling back to search his features.

"Come on, Kagome. I've come to retrieve you. Do you have anything you want to bring? We have to hurry; Sesshomaru is busy with one of his toys, we'll need to leave before he's finished." He whispered back just as urgently, looking into the dark of her lonely room, and then the shadows of the night.

He was nervous, he had waited all week for him to take one of the pretty demonesses to his bed, the only time he would have let his senses lower enough to not notice the hanyou.

Kagome's eyes widened in excitement, "No! I don't want anything from this place." She clung tightly as he wrapped his arms around her tighter, turning and jumping off the balcony in one swift motion. The garden below was dark and silent, the only sound were crickets and the sound of the guards talking quietly amongst themselves near the entrance. But Inuyasha didn't need to go that way, his legs bent beneath him, muscles tensing in preparation before launching himself up and over the large wall meant to keep people like himself out.

But they had failed this time, and Inuyasha was making a clean break for the well.

But it was not meant to be. Not now, and probably not ever.

Her son stood in front of them, hand poised over the sword Sesshomaru had given him.

"Set Mother down, half-breed." He spoke coldly, his face the same emotionless mask his father wore. Kagome's heart clenched, he was not attempting to save her. The mother was not any form of endearment; it was only a fact to him. She had brought him into the world and nothing more.

"Surely you would not miss me, Toga." She said softly, ignoring the growling of the hanyou who held her.

His eyes fluttered to meet hers briefly, "It is not a matter of whether I would miss you or not, though I can assure you I wouldn't, it would bring shame to Father if you were to go missing."

"It is shameful that he does not love his mate, I do not see you attempting to do anything about that," She pointed out to him swiftly, her bare feet touching the floor gingerly as Inuyasha set her down.

"It is shameful that he takes a new woman to his bed every week, it is shameful that your father is not an honorable man." She informed him coldly, the years had jaded her, and she could feel no love for her son.

He was a son of her body, but not of her heart.

He did not move, but he did not respond, obviously beaten in a battle of wits for the moment.

She looked to the ground, frowning. "Go, Inuyasha. I will be alright. It was foolish to think I could run." He looked at her sharply, his ears flattening against his head.

Kagome was no longer salvageable, her spirit was gone. He put his hand on her shoulder, ignoring the snarl it elicited from her son, before turning and jumping away into the trees, back to Kaede's village.

Too bad Sango and Miroku were gone, they would have not let her resign herself to this fate. But he, alone, could not save her from what she believed she could not escape.

When Inuyasha was out of range, Toga turned from his mother, "Come, Father must be informed."

When his mother did not respond, nor did he hear her footsteps behind him, he stopped and turned, glaring at the insolent woman his father had mated.

She stared after where Inuyasha had vanished, ignoring her son. "Mother."

Still, she did not turn.

"Mother." He snarled, fists clenching. He had never been ignored so obviously before, and he did not like it.

"Mother!" He finally barked, rage building in his veins. She turned her head slowly; her dull gaze was enough to calm the rage.

"Come, Mother. We must go back to the castle." This time he did not turn, watching for what his mother would do.

She smiled sadly, "No, Toga. I will not be coming with you."

He was quickly losing patience, his hands clenching so hard that blood began to drip down his fingers. "Why the hell not?" He snarled out, taking a threatening step forward.

Too bad it was lost on her.

"I will not explain myself to a tool." She said simply, and turned to walk in an entirely different direction.

East.

A tool?

"Excuse me?"

"I would explain myself to my son, but you are not him. Go back to your sire; I will have nothing to do with you or him."

His mind reeled as if he had been slapped. His inner beast howled in his head, his mother had just denied him! While he himself held no love for her, his inner beast regarded her with respect.

A human giving birth to a full youkai? Unthinkable. His mother was indeed powerful. More powerful than their father, if only his more humanistic self could see it.

He could only watch as she walked away into the night, his inner beast making sure that he could not move or speak. He could give her this, at least. He could not give her the love she deserved as his mother, but he could give her the freedom she was not allowed, if only for this night.

Sesshomaru would track her down come morning.

--

Where was she?

She had disappeared, and he couldn't find her. His beast howled in outrage, their mate had been driven away because of their foolishness!

Sesshomaru sniffed the air angrily, why had she left? He had given her everything he could to keep her at least remotely happy. Beautiful kimonos, servants, youkai pets (think kirara), among many other things. How could anyone be unhappy with that?

It had been weeks since her departure, and she was nowhere to be found. He had searched the entire western lands in one week, the south in the next, and the north in the remaining two weeks. That left only the East, and he was not allowed onto those soils. The eastern lord held a nasty grudge for taking 'his kagome' away, and he knew that if she was still on the continent, that's where she was.

But he couldn't get to her.

And if she was, how had she gotten there so quickly? Their mating had given her enhanced speed, stamina, scent and hearing, but not enough to get her very far and it definitely did not explain why there was absolutely no scent of her anywhere.

He ran farther, hoping to catch her scent on the breeze.

And then, finally, he had it. Her scent as not far, now. She was barely a mile off, stopped at a lake for whatever reason. He wasted no time, putting all his energy into the dead run to where his mate was.

When he got there, he knew he was too late.

Not too late to find her, but too late to bring her back. She lay on the shore, staring up into the morning sun.

But she was gone. There was no Kagome left; she was but a shell of her former self.

He could see it, clearly, now. The bags under her eyes had not been from her experience out here, no, they were deep and spoke of sleepless nights over the course of a lifetime. Her eyes did not sparkle in the light; instead they were glazed over with nothingness.

Her breathing was shallow, and even from the distance he could smell the disease that festered in her body. She was sweating, and her body was burning with fever. She turned her head weakly to him, a sad smile forming on her lips; the first smile she'd given him since the birth of their son.

A large slash in her torso left her bleeding into the sands, unable to move.

"Why did you run?" He asked quietly.

She continued to smile, but turned from him and continued her cloud gazing.

"All I wanted was love, Sesshomaru. I wanted to look back on my life in my last moments, and I wanted to remember the years I spent with a loved one. I wanted kids, a family. What did I get?" She paused, but it was obvious to even him that he was not supposed to answer.

"I got a mate who ignored me. A son who turned from me. A lifetime wasted, Sesshomaru. Humans do not live long for a reason. We simply cannot handle it." Her voice was a mere whisper by then, her panting increasing as the moments passed.

"I woke last night, from a strange and eerie dream. It was dark, and I was near a swollen stream." She continued to whisper, eyes continuing to dull as the moments passed. She was wasting her strength with her useless babble.

"I saw myself, Sesshomaru. I saw the woman I had become. I was unwilling to continue life like that."

She brought her hand up, and he saw the glint of the dagger she had fatally wounded herself with. She grinned at his snarl, "Yes, Sesshomaru. I will be gone from the world, and not even your precious sword can save me."

He had attempted to move forward, when he hit her barrier.

Her body began to shake, and blood welled up past her lips. "Goodbye, Sesshomaru. Here's to hoping we do not meet again in our next life…"

And she was gone. Her body went limp, but the barrier did not drop. It was not feeding off her energy; sutras were placed on every tree near the shore.

He would not be able to get to her quick enough.

But he did not mourn her; he did not love her like she had him. But he had respected her, in his own way.

He frowned, "Goodbye, Kagome." He whispered.

And he would wait to retrieve her body, and burn her body to ashes, and spread them into the wind. She wanted to be free, and he would give her this one last thing. Perhaps he could love her in their next life, or selfless enough to let her go.

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Uh. I really have no explanation for this. It just kinda came out. Ideas tend to come to me quickly when I'm Art blocking. xD Oh well. Review if you want to.