Chapter Six: Struggling Through Reality

It didn't last long in the least, his energy.

His fingers were numb as they pushed the wheels to his chair forward and his nose was glowing red, definitely an eye sore. His eyes went cross eyed as he gazed at it. The weather outside wasn't exactly fitting for a sick teenager with thin hospital clothes. And the citizens leered in his direction. All he needed to do was suck up his nerves and call the Titans. Only then can he rest and come back at full force.

If that was even an option any longer.

The rain paused, only cold drizzle pierced at his fevered skin. Clouds covered the moon and neon lights from the shops were his only means of direction. Currently, he was paused in front of a small restaurant. His face looked stoically inside the window at the occupants enjoying a late meal with their friends or family. There was a small family consisting of a husband, wife, and a small little boy. They didn't have a care in the world, not until they stepped back out on the streets of Gotham for another defenseless night. They shouldn't be out at night. They should never put each other in danger like that. Who knows what monsters lurked the streets, waiting to claim their next vulnerable victim.

But they were also enjoying life to the fullest. That much was obvious with the little boy's red face as he laughed off his father's tickle to the sides.

A car pulled up behind him but Richard remained facing forward. He watched the reflection of the window as a man exited the slick car and soundlessly walked behind him. Somehow he knew the man would be here first. "Took you long enough." Richard whispered softly, soaking up the sight of the mother smoothing back the child's dark hair in a loving caress.

"You did not need to leave the hospital. I was picking you up first thing tomorrow morning, didn't you get my letter?" Richard squeezed the bars to his chair softly, but then his fingers remained limp. Almost in defeat. No, he didn't get the letter. Slade never gave it to him.

"Does it matter? I couldn't stand the hospital food any longer." He hid behind his mask… behind his words. It was far too difficult to act how he wished to around Bruce at the moment. He had no energy. The family inside the restaurant stood up and started to put on their coats. The woman didn't have luxury furs but a tattered brown trench coat that looked as if it could've been her husband's old one. It was obvious they were poor but that didn't stop them from buying enough warm layers for their son. The little boy was bundled up to his eyes and his fingers were covered with heavy gloves.

Even if they didn't have any money, they would still be targeted by villains, by criminals. "Lets get you home, Dick." Richard held his heavy tongue before he made a fool of himself for claiming it wasn't his home.

"Let's go home; I will make you a cup of hot chocolate." The mother took her son's hand and led him down the streets- her husband at her heels.

"Will you bring me back to the Titans tower if I desire it?" There was a pause from the man behind him. His tired eyes rose in the window to study the large frame. Bruce didn't show any slouch or weakness or vulnerability. He was the same man Richard remembered.

"For now, no." Bruce reached out a hand and curled it around the handles of the wheelchair. "I want to give you time to adapt to… your illness." Richard's lips twitched. It was such a small pause, barely noticeable, but he knew it was there.

He allowed himself to be steered toward the car. As he turned, he saw Alfred opening the trunk. "Hello Master Dick. It's good to see you again." His eyes didn't hold the pity Richard had thought him to hold; instead true sincerity swirled in those depths.

"Same to you, Alfred." His lids started to droop and Bruce lifted him out of his chair. Weariness ate at him as he was placed in the warm car.

A lone eye watched them from the top of the restaurant, a dark chuckle following their wake.

"I wanted to talk to you about my decision." Bruce started awkwardly. Although it would be amusing to try to hear Bruce scrape for words of apologies… Richard didn't want to hear it in the least.

"You made a mistake." Richard announced tiredly. He could always forgive but he could never forget. "Forget it, Bruce. I'm too tired to have this conversation." Before he knew it, he blacked out.

--PA--

His eyes snapped open and he groaned. The surroundings were familiar to him but the feeling of complete helplessness wasn't something he wanted to deal with. Ever. He couldn't get up with the sheets tucked so tightly around his body and he couldn't shut the blinds across the room that let in the blinding sun. Grimacing, his shoulders rotated in hopes of loosening the sheets. His body was still weak.

"Ah, you're awake." A man came into the room and Richard's blue eyes pierced in his direction. His heart rate rose at the stranger. "I am Robert Broke, a physician dealing with newly paralyzed victims. I've been hired by Mr. Wayne to help you through this time of need." He sounded like a damn physiatrist rather than a physician.

Richard's lips deepened into a frown. "I don't need anyone to help me."

"Ah, the first step is getting over your denial of the situation." The man had a tendency to say 'ah' with every sentence. His pale eyes were drilling back into Richard's own stare. "You can never walk again," Richard couldn't breathe. Whether it from the sheets or the ridiculous man. "Say it."

"You want me to say what, exactly?" He couldn't believe Bruce hired someone like this for him. Where was Alfred? Was this to be his new life? He closed his eyes and tried to picture his future. All he saw was the back of his eyelids.

"You can not walk. Say it and come to terms with it." The tone was soothing and calm.

Richard wondered how the man would be reacting if they traded places. He had a hunch that tone of voice would not be calm but hysterical. People tended to claim they knew how to sympathize with others in situations like this, but if the situation hadn't happened to them, they wouldn't know anything. Not a damn thing. The man was standing on two feet, he could walk to go to the bathroom, and he could walk to shut the damn blinds.

"I can't walk to the blinds and shut them." Richard hinted tiredly.

"Ah, good start, Richard, very good." He paused, not understanding Richard's underlying hint. "It's time for your meds, my boy." Cringing, Richard opened his eyes- blue narrowing into slits.

"You're drugging me." That was why he was so tired.

"Of course not. I'm simply giving you the necessary antibiotics and a few more drugs to help you." Coming closer, the man took the bottle from the bedside table and popped it open. His pale fingers gripped the water glass and came closer to the prone body in the bed. "Open up." The smile sent Richard's stomach to grumble unhappily. Nonetheless, he figured oblivion would be a better place then reality. Only in his dreams could he feel the sensation of his legs… of running, of living.

In a state of death, Richard laid in his bed, watching the sun rise in the sky.

--PA--

"I've arranged for the Titans to arrive here later on in the day. They've been worried about you." Bruce spoke up, breaking the silence at breakfast. It had been a week since Richard arrived at Wayne manor and nothing had changed. There was still the tense air between Bruce and him, the argument at the hospital never settled. The man was hardly home, for both Bruce Wayne and Batman were busy. There had been a robbery at the Wayne Enterprises; a few chemicals were stolen- but not enough to find out what the aim was for acquiring those substances.

Robert Broke had been Richard's shadow every minute of his waking. The man wasn't exactly what Richard expected him to be like. Ever since the first day they'd met, Robert hadn't done any physical therapy- he had simply just pampered Richard and tried to get him to open up about his feelings. Whenever Richard wanted to go to the bathroom, he was carried. When he was to shower, Robert would be right outside the curtain- waiting, pampering.

Over time, Richard had gotten used to this and took advantage of the man's presence. The only downside to this was the drugs he seemed to get every afternoon. The drugs didn't necessarily put him to sleep; it just placed him in a blank slate.

"Is Mr. Broke working with you?" Bruce asked, studying Richard's unemotional face. The boy reached for the orange juice but realized it was too far. He gave a pointed look toward Bruce who hesitated and then helped pour some into Richard's cup. Alfred was watching the two silently, frowning.

"Yes." He reached shakily to the cup but then placed his hand back on his lap. The food upon his plate was hardly touched. Not that it wasn't good, Alfred was a terrific chief. Mouth watering bacon still steamed from the pan, scramble eggs were fluffy and perfectly seasoned, and the pancakes were plump with delicious filling. Richard just wasn't hungry. He was never hungry. The coffee he usually devoured lay motionless, still full to the brim.

Why would he need coffee any longer? He didn't need the extra boost.

"I was looking at a school for you. They specialize in paralysis students and contain the necessities for the handicapped. They are rated at the top for their scholarship programs. Perhaps you can get into the criminal field; I know you would do wonderfully there." Bruce shoveled a piece of sausage in his mouth and avoided Richard's gaze.

"Where is this handicapped school?" Richard asked bitterly.

"Washington D.C." The man raised his chin to Richard's expression. "It would be a great opportunity for you, Dick."

"So I'm not allowed to go back to my team? You have no authority over that-,"

"And what will you do there? You can do nothing." The statement hit Richard hard and he looked back down at the dark coffee, the black liquid matching his mood. Bruce heaved a sigh, particularly because of Alfred's admonition stare. "I'm sorry, Dick, I didn't mean it like that."

But he was right. He couldn't do anything without the ability to walk. His team wouldn't rely on him like they used to and they certainly weren't at fault for that. "No, you're right. The school sounds fine." The two lapsed into another silence.

"Master Dick, are you not finding the food to your liking?" Alfred questioned. The old butler always asked the same question, every breakfast.

And every day, Richard was forced to say, "No Alfred, I'm just not hungry today."

"The team is in good hands with Tim." Richard tensed and his eyes slowly crawled up to Bruce's face.

"Tim? Who's Tim?"

He watched Bruce stiffen and place his cup of coffee back on the table. "I was meaning to tell you that during your absence, I took in another protégé." Richard felt hot pricks behind his eyes but his face remained stoic.

"Another Robin? And you held that information to yourself? Don't you think I have the right to know if there was another Robin out there?"

Bruce shook his head, the intractable light starting to form in his eyes. "You were away, Dick. Tim came to me and asked for help. He's a great student and a fast learner I didn't make a mistake by taking him under my wing." Richard cracked his jaw and his eyes went back to his cold breakfast. There was another Robin. Rather perfect, in fact, considering the boy could take his place now in the superhero world. He could be the only Robin; he would not need to compete any longer.

His weak arms pushed his chair backwards and wheeled toward the living room.

No matter how hard he tried to confront his emotions, they seemed to scurry beneath a solid wall and hide from his grasp.

He was numb as he stared out the window.

--PA--

Robert had helped him change and now left him by the window in his chair. He was awaiting the Titans arrival. He couldn't muster the feelings of anticipation at their arrival, instead, he was finding himself regretting that he allowed Bruce to set up this meeting. The issue with the Titans causing his paralysis was still an issue. Did he forgive them? Could he forgive them like he had Bruce, but not forget?

No, he couldn't do it. Because he did blame them for his fall, for disobeying his orders.

His head felt heavy and he laid it against the window. He found himself favoring windows over the past few days. It was easy to leave his troubles behind and just study the outside world. Even if it seemed dull to many other people, he found it fascinating to slip away from his conscious mind. "Robin?" His lids opened up and turned his attention toward the group who had just entered the room.

Unlike him, they didn't change in the least. Even Starfire had that happy glow in her eyes as she looked upon him. Bruce must've informed them of what happened, for they didn't seem appalled at the wheelchair he was sitting upon. Although Beast Boy was rather obvious as he stared at it. "We brought you a few video games, dude. You could use some fun in this dull room." Beast Boy handed him a plastic bag with a few games inside it.

His feeble hands shook pathetically as he reached out to take them. He ignored Raven's stare as he hurriedly set the bag on the ground before he could make a fool out of himself for dropping it all over. "Thanks." It seemed like ages since he'd last seen his team. They appeared like strangers in his eyes. But they shouldn't be, it was his team.

"I also baked you a delicious cake, friend Robin." Starfire gave him an unconvincing smile as she set down a rather lumpy cake on his lap. "When will you be coming back?" She blurted out, not in the least affected by her team's accused stares. "We all miss you."

Richard, not used to being called Robin, gazed down at the cake. They hadn't said anything about his true identity and they hadn't even touched the subject of his accident. "I won't be coming back, Star, I won't be useful."

Her mouth started to tremble. "But why?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. Starfire had an unusual nativity around her. "Because I can never walk again." There, he said it and his voice never wavered. "I have trained you all in the best way I could, but it is time I leave you. I appoint Cyborg as the new leader." They all knew Cyborg was second but perhaps they never thought it would come to play.

Cyborg fidgeted his gaze looking at Raven. "That's great, Robin, but I think… we all agree that, well, that the new Robin should take the new position. He's a great leader, almost as good as you-," Cyborg went on but Richard shut him out as his gaze slid back out the window. His fingers played with the button on his chair and then he pressed it.

Robert came in the room. "Is everything alright, Richard?"

Cyborg paused, his gaze sliding over to the man who had interrupted him. "I think its time for my meds, Robert." Richard stated coldly, the cake on his lap felt odd sitting there. He couldn't feel it. He loathed it. "I apologize for cutting our visit short, you guys, but I'm not feelings well at the moment."

They nodded, looking uncomfortable. Starfire moved first, her green eyes full of tears. "Goodbye Robin." She bent down to place a kiss to his temple.

"I will see you all again." Richard spoke up, "Have no doubt about it." He ended quietly.

Receiving pats on the back from Cyborg and Beast Boy, they followed after Starfire. Raven and Robert only remained in the room with a blank Richard. "I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice coming out unusually soft. "If there is anything I could do-,"

"Just leave." Richard answered her plea. He avoided her eyes and favored the window. She didn't leave though, she stood there.

"Where is the Robin I know?" Raven spoke up, stepping closer. "Look at you; you're not the same anymore. That spark you had for life is no longer there, you've given up totally."

Whirling around to face the girl, he shook his head with a smile upon his face. "What do you expect me to do, Raven? Everything I held dear to me is gone; it was taken away from me. I can't walk any longer I can't do anything I used to do. Sorry if I make you uncomfortable with the lack of zeal I hold for life." He dismissed her by shutting her out.

She made her way out the door but her parting words hovered in the room. "The Robin I knew wouldn't let that stop him."

Richard took the meds Robert gave him and allowed the man to place him in bed without raising a finger himself. Blank eyes watched his shadow leave the room. "But I am no longer Robin."

--PA--

"It's all there." The cold blue eye narrowed as the man flipped through the money. "You have already wasted my time counting it once." The figure in the shadows stopped counting the cash in mid number and positioned it back in the case. He had no desire to antagonize the man in front of him.

"Alright." He nodded his head in approval, ready to leave the eerie building.

Before he could exit, a strong hand curled itself around his bicep and roughly slammed him against the wall. "You understand what is expected of you?"

"Yes, yes, I've followed your orders this far, I will not fail you. Please." He begged like a starved animal and took a relieved breath as the mercenary let him go.