Unspoken
"Go away… I'm fed up. Get out of my life, I don't want to see you anymore." Her voice was surprisingly calm. Smooth, tempered, sweet. Just a whisper. She wasn't aggressive, not even upset.
They were there, just the two of them, in front of her building, as every night. It was dark, it was cold. The street was calm and quiet. A night like any other one.
She looked down, her eyes glued on her feet and he hated seeing her like this. Her hair protected her, he couldn't see her face.
Look at me.
He wanted to hear her shout and cry and tell him he was military nut, or anything else. He could hear everything but that. As he didn't move, she spoke a little louder.
"I don't need a bodyguard, and if really someone has to look after me, Wraith can do it. You don't have any reason to stay."
His blood became cold. The words were harsh, cruel and they hurt him much deeper than any other punch he received in his soldier life.
She couldn't be serious.
"Chidori…" Look at me.
He came a little closer, not sure what he should do. He never felt this empty before. He wasn't able to breath freely, his throat was lumped and his heart beat frantically.
She stayed there, eyes fixed on the floor. He saw her shiver a little, her shoulders shrugged a bit.
Why ?
Look at me, tell me…
He was lost, overwhelmed with the ridiculous situation, unable to leave her, even if she asked him to. Wraith wouldn't know how to protect her, he wasn't attentive enough.
And he didn't want to go. He liked his life, this school, those ridings home every night, their dinners together after hours of studying for a test. Every moment he spent with her.
He liked being with her. He liked her.
It was there for a long time, but now, it was obvious. He couldn't go away because he didn't want to. He wanted to stay with her. Not only as a bodyguard, but as a normal teenager, a comrade, a friend, a… something. Anything. He didn't find the right word. He didn't know the right word.
He wasn't like Shinji or Onodera. He was closer to her. He wanted to be closer.
He stayed here, in front of her, quiet and uneasy.
Kaname sighed and looked up. Even in the dark, he could see her eyes shined a bit too much and her face was too red, but with the cold air, it wasn't surprising.
"Go home, Sousuke."
He looked at her numbly, waiting for the next sentence, an explanation, something. For her to come back on her decision.
"Go home, that's all." Her voice stayed smooth, but he felt the thread behind her words.
He sighed and looked down.
"I can't…"
She began to laugh, but a laugh cold, without joy.
"But of course, you can. You've done it before. You go home, you pick up your bag and you run back to your friends somewhere in the deep end of the Pacific." Her voice vanished in the silence of the street. He stayed here, waiting, without a word, mortified.
Yes, he'd done it before. He'd left, without even warning her or saying goodbye. Only to obey orders. And he'd hated this. He'd hated this feeling of desertion, of betrayal. This cold running through his veins. This loneliness. This emptiness. The same one he'd felt when Gauln had said she was dead. The same he felt now.
Once again, he repeated the same words, but looking at her in the eye.
"I can not."
Her will waved. What if… No, she shouldn't hope. He couldn't because of his duty.
"Don't worry for your superiors, I tell them. You won't have any trouble."
"No." Simple. Definitive. Steady.
If they were in a movie, it would be the time he'd kiss her. He'd show her all he felt by his actions, putting in his kiss all he couldn't say with words. He was a man of ground, a man of action, not a negotiator or a diplomat.
He didn't know the right way to explain those things.
All he could do right now was to take her in his arms, to stick his body against hers, to discover her lips, to taste her skin, to melt in her sent and maybe, to be sure to convince her, to stroke her, to learn all her curves, to make her feel the fire she created in his body and his soul.
Even here, in the street, he didn't bother danger, peepers or the cold air. It was dark, the street wasn't really lit, it was quiet. He could take her right here and right now without caring about anything else. Because once he would have begun touching her, he couldn't stop.
He has been waiting far too much.
His lips on hers, his tongue on her ear, on her neck.
His hands on her hips, on her back, in her hair.
His legs against hers, between hers.
Undoing her coat, sliding under her uniform, going up her skirt.
Kissing her again.
Showing her he couldn't leave, go away and abandon her once again.
Discovering her body with his fingertips, in this cold night.
Unhooking his belt, opening his pants.
Losing himself in her.
He didn't even have to bother the consequences because, in the movies, those kind of stories always have happy endings.
He could make love to her just like that, just him and her, him inside her, without limit, without interdiction.
Just her being his, like he was hers.
Making her understand she was more important than anything.
Listening her breath go faster.
Short breath, without releasing her, going deeper.
Hearing her moan or scream. Harder.
And for once, being able to say it was a good thing.
It was thanks to him.
But they weren't in a movie and he couldn't do anything.
He only looked at her, reddening at his thoughts, the eyes maybe a little more open than before.
Curiously, she reddened too. As if she could have seen in his eyes all his dreams.
She opened the mouth, believing she could say something, but no sound escaped.
Time was suspended. In silence, they recovered from what they hadn't done.
Then, something rang and Sousuke got his phone.
He behaved on automatism, picking up et listening his orders without attention. He was still focus on Kaname, his eyes never leaving hers.
Then he put back his phone in his pocket and only said : "I have to go."
She nodded, showing she understood, but she didn't move neither.
"I'll be back soon…" His voice not sure, as he asked for permission.
She blinked a few times and seemed to come back in the real life.
"Ok, take care."
"No problem." And with a brief nod, he disappeared in the night.
So here I come with this little fic, I'll try to fix some mistakes, but please remerber that English isn't my natural language and that I don't study it for quite a long time...
Anyways, Review always make my day !