BIRTHDAYS

On Dean's first birthday, Mary decorated most of the house. She invited their friends and their neighbours and threw a full scale birthday party, complete with balloons and cake. John teased her and whispered to his son that he'd better remember this because his Mommy had worked so hard and his Daddy would never again dress up as a clown.

On Sam's first birthday, Dean held him tight against his chest. They sat on a stained and lumpy motel bed and watched Thundercats quietly while John cleaned his guns and wrote in his journal.

Dean's second birthday was spent opening what must have been at least 20 presents. John held the video camera and laughed as Mary attempted to coax Dean into playing with the expensive toys instead of the cardboard boxes they came in.

Sam's second birthday was spent in the back of the Impala. John drove them through miles of backcountry, Dean insisting on playing eye-spy, in spite of the fact that all there was to be seen were miles upon miles of fields. They stopped at a greasy diner where John interrupted the waitress's cooing over Sam to ask about the dismembered bodies being found out by the highway.

When Dean turned 3, Mary despaired of him ever coming down from the sugar high his birthday cake had caused. A massive chocolate affair big enough to feed 6 Dean's, John hadn't been able to resist buying it because it had G.I. Joe on it. He and Dean argued for at least an hour over who would win in a fight – Joe or his Daddy.

When Sam turned 3, John was out hunting. Dean kept the motel room door locked and tried to keep Sam from crying too hard because he wasn't allowed outside to play. John turned up late in the evening smelling of smoke and whiskey, his only allusion as to the occasion, a gruff kiss on his sleeping son's forehead.

Dean spent his fourth birthday at the park. John took him to play baseball to spend some quality time with his Daddy before his little brother or sister came along. A heavily pregnant Mary spent the afternoon preparing all his favourite foods and in the evening listened to her son's questions about how long it would be before he and Daddy would be able to play baseball with the new baby.

Sam spent his fourth birthday in the parking lot of the motel they were staying in that week. Dean had woken him up that morning with a slightly stale piece of cake in one hand and a soccer ball in the other. John was away on a hunt and despite his orders not to leave the room, Dean promised Sam an hour's soccer in the parking lot, so long as he spent an hour on sparring.

On Deans fifth birthday he clutched his 9-month-old brother against him in the back of the car. His Daddy had been to see the nice lady in the big house again, the one who had told Daddy what had happened to his Mommy 3 months ago, and now they were making their way out of Lawrence. Dean shushed the gurgling baby in his arms and stared out the window at the passing buildings and wished his Mommy was there to kiss him on the cheek and wish him happy birthday with her happy smile. Daddy didn't say happy birthday.

The End