Akatsuki Crack Theatre

A/N: Some of you may have read Of Fish Sticks and Popsicles or The Other Side of the Coin (if you haven't, you might as well ignore the entire author's note). Well, this story, for about the first twenty chapters or so, will be that. However, after that time, I'll be writing new material, and this time, it'll be with all the Akatsuki. However, there are a few members I don't know anything at all about—Zetsu, the Akatsuki leader, and anyone besides: Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, and Tobi (bit iffy on him, though). Any information on the others would be appreciated—hell, information might inspire me a little.

And even though the chapters are prewritten (for about the first twenty or so chapters), I'll wait a few days to upload each chapter, so I have a chance to respond to reviews (and so, hopefully, people will review).

Thanks for the support, and I hope you enjoy the first installment of –trumpets blare- Akatsuki Crack Theatre!

Kisame had a dirty little secret. In fact, no one would respect him anymore if they knew. Kisame had to hide it, away in the freezer, so that no one would know that the great Mist nin of the Akatsuki, the one who based himself off of a shark, had a penchant for fish sticks.

He hid his dirty little secrets in a empty box of flash-frozen hamburger patties. Sasori had liked the disgusting meat, and once Sasori had left, Kisame could start hiding his fish sticks in the (now) empty box that once held Sasori's hamburger patties. No one ever thought to throw them out, and so Kisame wasn't ever found out.

That is, until, Itachi needed a place to store his secret—popsicles. He hadn't had popsicles in quite a while, as he had been off in Konoha and Suna recently; his box, unlike Kisame's fish sticks, had been finished before he left, so that he wouldn't have to fear someone finding or throwing out his treats.

And so, being completely and utterly disgusted with the idea of hiding his popsicles in a place where flash-frozen hamburger patties had once been, he found an empty box of fish sticks and put his beloved popsicles inside of it.

Late one night, Kisame traveled into the kitchen, searching for his fish sticks. He opened the freezer, and went into shock when he saw a huge box of fish sticks. Who, in the Akatsuki, had the nerve to eat fish sticks? As if to make sure that they were in there, or rather, to see how many were in there, he opened the box. And, lo and behold, he found popsicles!

"Okay, whose popsicles?" Kisame asked, a smirk on his face. Fish sticks were one thing—something sweet like popsicles was another. He wouldn't be questioned, he was sure.

"Mine," Itachi stated clearly and calmly from behind him, certain no one else was around after having used his Mangekyo.

"Oh, brave, aren't we?" Kisame felt he had blackmail.

"About as brave as a shark-man hiding fish sticks in an empty hamburger patty box," Itachi commented, glancing over at the cardboard box as if to prove a point.

"Touché," Kisame muttered. He ran a hand through his hair. "Fish sticks?"

"Do we have ketchup?"

"Ew."

"What do you mean, 'ew?'"

"Eating them with mustard is so much better."

"Disgusting. Popsicle?"

"Before eating fish sticks? Man, you are weird."