Author's note: I haven't read any of the books so all information is either from the TV show or my own imagination, I'm not sure how long this story will be, it depends on reviews and it's mainly Chuck/Blair and Blair/Serena friendship with a bit of everything else. It's my first story so bare with me!
Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters unfortunately.
She was supposed to be studying, the homework was spread before her but when she looked at the text, it seemed to swim in front of her so she gave up with a self pitying sigh.
"Darling what are you doing?"
Her mother was like a heat seeking missile, the one break she had had from hours of exam preparation and her mother confidently rounded the corner into her bedroom.
"Darling what are you doing?" Actually meant "You're not writing or reading anything, why not? I don't pay extortionate school fees to see you slack off at the most crucial time of the academic year." So Blair replied.
"I'm taking a minute to un-cross my eyes is that alright?"
Eleanor sighed, the same type Blair had inherited.
"Of course, I don't want you collapsing from exhaustion but remember work isn't supposed to be fun or everyone would have PhDs."
Blair laughed silently at her mother's self-satisfied smile at such a pearl of wisdom.
"Of course mother, anything else?"
"Just remember I'm having my dinner party tomorrow night which I expect you to attend."
Blair nodded, she was going to spend the night reading one of her english books but she couldn't stand her mother's disappointment if she bailed.
Eleanor gave her a kiss on the top of her hair before leaving her. Blair immediately picked up her cell phone to call her best friend.
"Hey B what's up?"
"Nothing remotely eventful, you?"
"Advanced algebra and a few Shakespeare sonnets."
"The things we do for entry to the ivy league."
"No kidding, more likely for family expectations."
"True, sometimes I just want to shave my head and go do charitable things in Nepal. Okay not the shaving the head thing that's too Britney Spears but you get the drift."
Serena laughed.
"You always have the noblest intentions but Nepal? You couldn't stand the food or the lack of Egyptian cotton sheets."
"Like you could!"
"Well my fantasy rebellion doesn't involve distant countries!"
"What's yours then?"
"I'd dye my hair black and join a band somewhere like San Francisco and elope with the drummer."
Blair smiled.
"At least that's romantic but you promised me when we were ten I'd get to be maid of honour at any or all of your future weddings."
"True."
"And I don't want to be maid of honour at some tacky Las Vegas quickie ceremony."
"You want me to give up my fantasy rebellion so you can be appeased?"
Blair laughed.
"I'd give up Nepal and head shaving for you."
"Wow such a sacrifice."
As they were giggling Eleanor re-entered.
"Blair didn't I say no phone calls before dinner while you had work to do?"
Blair pouted.
"But mum Serena called to ask me about a maths problem and we were told by Mr. Peterson that the best way to revise is to teach it to someone else."
Eleanor rolled her eyes.
"Sounds like your teacher is getting you to do his job for him but if you insist, don't be long."
Blair nodded and smiled, waiting until her mum had left.
"Oh my god I may actually bludgeon her to death with my chemistry manual."
Serena laughed.
"Only a few weeks and it's all over."
"I know and Chuck is throwing one of his usual end of torture parties afterwards which is not wholly unwelcome. I just hate the sluts that always end up around him and Nate but by then I'll probably be too drunk to care."
"Good philosophy."
"So what you up to tomorrow night? Mother is having a work dinner thing with middle aged designers and I thought we could maybe steal the champagne and get drunk on the balcony like last time."
"I'd love to but I'm having dinner at Dan's tomorrow."
Blair felt a pang of unreasonable jealously, she didn't really like Dan, she knew he was cynical about their lifestyles and didn't think he was good enough for her friend. Serena always had time for her before Dan arrived.
"That's okay I'll just invite my second best friend instead."
Serena laughed.
"I'll make it up to you I promise."
"Deal. I got to go or mum will come in with her 'Cs don't get degrees' speeches."
"Okay, good luck and don't be afraid to drunk dial me instead if you feel yourself going to Nate's number."
"Thanks. Bye."
The concentration she had had on study the last few weeks was mainly to distract herself from her disastrous break-up with long time boyfriend and once-future-husband Nate Archibald.
"Whose Cherry Nate?"
"She's a friend." "Oh really? One of Chuck's friends?" "What does that matter?" "Answer the question." "What's with the interrogation?" "I'll take that as a yes." "Nothing happened we've just hung out a few times and text each other." "Then why didn't you tell me about her? Why did I have to find out about her by reading one of her texts that said 'me too baby'." "She's like that with everyone, she's a bit of a flirt but she knows I have a girlfriend and I didn't want you to meet her because you'd get jealous just like this!" "I'm not jealous of that, I'm jealous that you'll hang out with randoms at one of Chuck's things but when I want to spend some quality time together you have something better to do." "That's not true."
She laughed at the absurdity of such a question but when he didn't immediately reply with the 'of course' she had expected she was silent.
"You know it is. Do you even love me?"
Nate looked at the floor and Blair felt herself tearing up, she had always known she had loved Nate better than he loved her but it never crossed her mind that he didn't love her at all. "Blair I care about you a lot but -" "Do you want to break up?" Nate was silent.
"Well?"
"I can handle it Nate, I'd rather have the truth than go on believing we are the perfect couple."
"The truth is I care about you so much but we've always been together, I don't know anything different or how things are supposed to feel but these days I'm tired of playing the boyfriend role when I feel suffocated and that's not your fault. I think it's just with our families and situation I feel trapped into a life I don't want anymore." Blair began to cry and Nate hugged her, she hugged him back hoping he'd take it all back but and excuse it as merely exhaustion but when he didn't she shrugged him off. She made it a statement even though she was desperate to ask it as a question but her pride swallowed up any questioning tone.
"So it's over then."
"I'm sorry Blair, I don't want to lose you but I don't want to hurt you in the long run. I still want you in my life."
"Well I don't want you in mine."
Serena had consoled her for days with chocolates, chick flicks and no mention of her own blossoming relationship with Dan. The only problem was her and Nate had the same circle of friends and were continually running into each other at one social event or another where one of them was usually drunk (most of the time Blair) and so there a heated argument on balconies or in coat rooms with Blair always left crying into cocktail glass.
Nate had apologised, gave back all her stuff at his, apologised again, got all his stuff from hers, apologised again and it was finally, definitely, decisively over.
For now.
Blair held those two words in her mind like a drug. For now. She'd be alone in her fog of adolescent rejection and remember it wasn't necessarily permanent, that it was only for now and it would be like heroin was shot through her veins. She'd feel more relaxed, even hopeful.
Nate would come back to her, he had to, she simply couldn't imagine a life in a context without him in it.
Her cell phone began to ring interrupting her pining and she quickly picked it up so her mother wouldn't hear.
"Hello?"
There was silence on the other end.
"Nate?"
She tried not to sound too hopeful.
"Uh no it's me."
"Chuck?"
"Yeah, sorry I wasn't sure if the connection was working."
"What can I do for you? Is it something about Nate?"
"Why would I be calling about Nate? I'm not your messenger boy."
"Duly noted, so what is it then?"
"I wanted to see how you were."
Blair laughed at the sincerity in his voice, so unusually absurd of him to actually care.
"I'm fine just studying."
"Of course you are, always the good girl."
"What are you doing? Taking a break from sharpening your horns?"
Chuck laughed cockily.
"What a stinging remark, maybe you should channel some of that anger towards those who deserve it."
"You mean Nate?"
"I don't name names I'm just saying that you're wound up pretty tight and obviously need some sort of relief."
The way he huskily uttered the word relief sent shivers up her spine.
"Get a life Bass."
"Hey I'm not the one studying on a Friday night."
"So why did you really call? It wasn't to enquire after my mental health."
There was an uncertain pause.
"I wanted Selene's number."
The way he rushed out the sentence made her believe he was lying but she didn't bother to enquire why, his schemes were his own.
"Didn't you already sleep with her? What going back for seconds? That's not like you."
"Oh yeah never mind, all those blonde long-legged freshman look the same to me."
"I really don't want to know."
"So you're not going to fling yourself out of the window or anything?"
"What?"
"Well I've just been hearing from people you were pretty down and didn't want you to kick the bucket before coming to my party, who knows you might get laid and realise there is more to life than crying into your blazer about Archibald."
The mixture of veiled concern and arrogance made her smile slightly, Chuck might have been an ass but he wasn't deceptive about that at least. He didn't care if people liked him or not, he just was. He may have repulsed her at times but at least he wasn't two faced about being a great guy.
"Nate is a jerk."
She didn't realise she had said it out loud, it was sort of an afterthought, a comparison between the two guys in her life that lead to a clarifying conclusion that she couldn't bring herself to see until now. Nate had hurt her, she was angry and she was sure Nate didn't deserved her tears anymore.
"All guys are jerks you've just finally come out of your idealistic romantic bubble."
"Not sure how true that is considering I always thought you were a jerk."
"Whatever as long as you've seen the light, now you might actually start playing the field."
"Why do you care?"
"It's always entertaining."
"With that disturbing notion I'm going to hang up and get my beauty sleep."
"Sweet dreams."
Chuck was an enigma, or he was annoyingly confusing she wasn't sure which. She realised he was the opposite of Nate, he hid all his good qualities or anything remotely human and played up all the things he hated about his father. Womanising, arrogance, conceit were only some of the most obvious aspects of Chuck's personality. He only had a few genuine friends who didn't just fraternise with him for his money and status (although it started that way) which was Nate and Blair. Everyone else tolerated him or he tolerated everyone else. Serena both liked and hated him equally so they tended to argue as much as they bonded, she remembered Kati mentioning once that their sex life (if S ever had a lobotomy) would be amazing but the thought made Blair nauseas.
Chuck still had some of the little boy in him that she first knew, he was never shy but he could sometimes be considerate, loyal and even genuinely himself without the ego or need to impress. Nate was always the golden boy and so Chuck had to find a different niche and it was usually titled either bad boy or pervert, the latter for reasons she never wanted to enquire.
When Chuck and Blair were little and Nate was off sick, one of the older guys called Neil tried to pull Blair's skirt down and act in a way that would garner him a sexual harassment charge if it was a decade later. She remembered crying and telling him to stop but the playground monitor was busy attending another girl with a nosebleed. Chuck had defended her honour and tried to punch out the villain of the piece. Chuck however was no rocky and ended up with the shit kicked out of him instead but Neil never bothered with her again after getting scolded for making Chuck bleed.
Chuck must have taken it as a cautionary tale as he never defended her honour again (she had had Nate to do that anyway) but she would always remember the time he did.
Blair got into her pyjamas and fell into bed smiling at the memory, she had forgotten Chuck when he was younger, so strikingly different and outgoing his adult self was.
The sun beat down overhead as Blair tried to smooth out her white and insanely thin and short cotton dress that was flying up in the dry wind. She began walking through the old market place with no shoes on and the warm air flowing delightfully through her shameless excuse for clothing. Several women in the market place with only half their teeth and way too much clothing for what the weather required were praising her and trying to kiss her hand in another language. It was odd, normally she'd cringe at weird women with terrible dental and no sense of personal presentation trying to touch her but she was totally at ease with the present scenario. She was smiling modestly and making her way purposefully to the clinic on the edge of the square.
"Quickly I need a hand."
Suddenly Chuck came down one of the lanes with a little Indian girl passed out in his arms and a few other children at his heels before a helper escorted the girl inside the clinic. He was wearing a doctors coat and looked amazingly handsome. He looked up, saw her and gave her a dazzling smile.
"Are you coming in?"
Blair nodded as she entered the cool hospital feeling unusually attracted to Chuck-the-doctor.
"Okay she needs an IV line."
Chuck was ordering around ugly nurses who were looking at him like their own personal messiah while using a stethoscope to check the girl's heartbeat.
"Can I help?"
Chuck was looking at her like one of the heroes in the classic movies, a look of pure devotion.
"You're here with me, that's all I need."
Blair went and sat in an empty ward where she found a guidebook for Nepal. Inside the guidebook was Serena pictured with some orphans looking washed out and unhappy but the eating guide on the other page was full of suspiciously similar food to the top New York restaurants. Blair began planning which place to go to for dinner when Chuck entered and put his arms around her.
"I've missed you."
His voice, his hands, the way his breath tickled her neck were all working in delightful unison to seriously turn her on, in fact she couldn't remember a time she had been this worked up about a guy, not even Nate. She leaned back into his embrace.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Before she knew what was happening Chuck was lying her back on the rickety cot in the ward and peeling off her dress with superhuman speed. She lay completely naked and exposed underneath him, sticky with the heat of the day and breathing heavily. The way he looked at her, it was usual Chuck look, lack of judgement and barely concealed attraction but right now it was the most endearing and appropriate look she had ever seen. She felt comfortable.
His hands were all over her, his mouth was licking her neck or combating her own and occasionally dipped so his tongue could circle her breasts while she had her hands in his hair.
He took off everything but kept on his doctor's coat and she spread her legs automatically in anticipation, she stroked him encouragingly and he moaned into her neck. He whispered that he loved her again and Blair was blissful, she felt safe, adored and more importantly was climbing in pleasure.
His hand was stroking her in a way and in a place that was reducing her into a writhing, impatient mess and he was about to enter her when she reluctantly awoke.
"Blair it's almost eight!"
Blair shot up in confusion and frustration.
"So what mother? If I'm late that's my problem!"
Eleanor saw that her daughter had obviously woke up on the wrong side of the bed and said nothing more but threw her her dressing gown.
"So what are you wearing for your mum's dinner tonight?"
"Huh?"
"What's up with you today? Is it exam stress?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been on a different planet since we arrived."
"Sorry it's nothing, I'm just tired."
Blair had been in a daze all day after waking from her dream feeling disturbingly more favourable to Chuck than she ever had before. She did not want see him, terrified he'd see through her and figure out her secret shame. He knew her better than anyone, he was keenly observant as well as intelligent but unlike others he wasn't afraid to tell her what she didn't want to hear which meant he could often be an unwanted mirror in her life.
"At least it's lunch now."
"Yeah the sooner the day is over the better."
Before she could avoid him Chuck had seen them coming and was sitting with Kati and Isabel. Serena went and sat on Kati's side which meant Blair was obliged to sit next to Chuck who was flirting with Isabel.
"Good afternoon princess."
Blair tried to sigh in nonchalance but there was a traitorous shy smile creeping across her face before she knew it. She loved Nate, who cared if she lusted after Chuck a little? Chuck was staring intently at her, she could see the cogs turning over in his brain trying to figure her out.
"What?"
"Nothing you're just, you're glowing."
His expression was a mixture of curiosity and smugness which she hated.
"So?"
"Nothing but if I didn't know you better I would have guessed someone had relieved all that unnecessary tension of yours."
Blair almost choked on her soda at the suggestion which was half true. Chuck the dream doctor had certainly relieved some tension but the whole scenario had added a new kind.
"Can you sit for like five minutes and not make a repulsive remark?"
"Fine but I'll have to sit in silence."
"Never mind just eat your bagel."
Chuck did as he was told but his eyes never left her, probably still trying to figure her out but she was determined to ignore it by focussing on her pasta.
Isabel leaned into Chuck.
"So I was thinking of having a career as a model what do you think?"
"I think careers are overrated."
Isabel laughed.
"What you never had a dream job?"
"I wanted to be a doctor once."
Blair began choking on a piece of pasta so loudly that everyone was looking at her ungraceful attempt of consuming food and Chuck began patting her back while laughing at her.
"Did your mother never teach you how to chew?"
"Shut up."
"So a doctor?"
Isabel was again trying to claim Chuck's attentions.
"Yeah gynaecology had a real appeal."
All the girls made appropriately disgusted noises and Blair threw a bit of pasta at him but couldn't wipe the silly grin of her face.
She felt so stupid, like in the beginning of her relationship with Nate when she was all clumsy in love. Yet this was Chuck. Blair always liked to compare love with a cute puppy, when young it's enthusiastic but unlearned, always wanting attention and unsure on it's own. It takes training and discipline to tame the puppy and teach it what is and isn't appropriate, it gets used to itself and it's routine and although it's just as lovely as before it's manageable and familiar. She wasn't in love with Chuck, just a bit hormonally giddy she was sure.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Have you had a stroke?"
Chuck was smirking at her in confusion. Serena laughed.
"You were staring at him."
Blair felt it best to feign innocence rather than attempt an explanation.
"Was I? I was just thinking."
"About what pray tell?"
Chuck was leaning towards her in the familiar way he always did but now her personal space felt invaded, it was too intimate. She stood bolt upright so fast that Chuck almost had his head knocked off trying to whisper something in her ear.
"Okay seriously are you bi-polar?"
"I have to go."
Chuck stood up to.
"Where exactly?"
"What are you my keeper? Shouldn't you go find Nate and talk about how you use girls and are generally selfish bastards?
Everyone was silent and even Chuck paused hesitantly.
"I'm not saying I don't deserve that but -"
She was gone before he could finish.
"B where you at?"
Blair was on her cell phone while trying to browse through a rack of overpriced tops.
"I skipped the rest of the afternoon in favour of shopping."
Serena paused.
"Well I would have gone with you, the way you left I was kind of worried especially with Nate -"
"This isn't to do with Nate and I kind of needed a solo excursion but thanks for checking up on me."
"Anytime, I'll get notes for you, it's kind of an important last week."
Blair tried to laugh.
"No shit Sherlock, can I get you anything in the sales?"
"Nah just deal with whatever is in your head so I can have my best friend back tomorrow okay?"
"Okay will do, Ciao."
In Blair's opinion, shopping was the best medicine for anything actual medicine couldn't cure and even some it could. Headaches had been known to ease off once Blair was in purchasing mode and any emotional (usually Nate-related) issues were reduced and meditated over in a good department store or boutique. Right now she was sick with desire.
How could she want Chuck? The idea of it made her feel guilty, knowing all his past indiscretions how could she possibly want to travel that well-worn road? She decided after buying some expensive black gloves that she was simply on the rebound. She had made a promise to herself she'd never let another idiotic guy hurt her again if she could help it, she would guard her heart but that didn't mean she couldn't satisfy certain urges with a friend did it? She mentally slapped herself for even imagining such a scenario even though that's all she'd been able to do all day. At least if she slept with Chuck she could get over whatever this was and go back to normal, he was her friend and was definitely a fan of stringless sex so maybe it was perfect!
Plus she really really really wanted to sleep with Chuck. She repeated it to herself again to make sure she wasn't dreaming and decided she was fed up of playing by the rules. She wanted to break them and Chuck was the man to do it with.
Blair quickly brought a hot strapless purple dress and feeling better about her decision every minute, got a taxi home to change into her new outfit. She felt predatory, sexy and in control like she never had before but she knew it would shrink from her when she got near him, heard his commanding voice and she'd be under his spell. Maybe that's what she wanted. She downed a lot of scotch before she left the apartment and was reasonably tipsy when she dialled his number.
"Shit! Hello?"
"It's me."
"I'm in class. Aren't you supposed to be?"
"Since when did you care about making a scene?"
"Fair point, so are you still pissed at me for being male?"
"Quite the opposite actually."
"I'm intrigued, hang on I'll ditch class so I can hear you better."
There was a murmur in the background and noise of packing up but all Blair could heard was how he said intrigued in the way that made her melt. She wanted to touch herself and imagine it was him touching her but she knew she'd have the real thing soon enough, her patience would be duly rewarded.
"So you have my full attention. What does the princess want?
"It's a surprise."
"And it isn't even my birthday."
"Consider this your birthday present then."
"You may have to be more specific or my dirty mind it going to conjure up all kinds of stimulating scenarios."
"Go ahead just be at your suite in half an hour or you'll miss out."
Chuck had never been so curious in his whole life. He knew it wasn't what he wanted it to be but any alone time with Blair Waldorf in his suite was good enough for Chuck. Blair knew he wanted her more than anyone, mainly because she was the only girl he couldn't have and she knew that too, which was mainly why they had never hooked up. Or because of Nate. He chose to ignore the latter reason, he didn't want to resent his best friend.
Love never crossed Chuck's mind. He had seen so little genuine love in his life that he probably wouldn't know it if it came and slapped him across the face. His father treated women like objects to use or trophies to parade around, he hadn't loved Chuck's mother and he had just as a dysfunctional relationship with his son who he treated like one of the junior executives in his company. Chuck avoided love because it denoted weakness, women like Blair who he admired for her strength and sass individually were the clichéd subservient girlfriend in relationships, just like his mother and he despised it. So Chuck had fled from love like a burning building hoping a little conscious effort was all it took to stay unattached.
Blair was sitting in Chuck's suite, it was immaculate thanks to room service but it wasn't a home. It didn't feel lived in or warm, it made Chuck seem lost if you were to judge him on his surroundings. Blair bit the edge of her fingernail impatiently. Martin let her have the room key, he knew her as one of Chuck's friends and had done it several times by Chuck's request for all of his 'conquests'.
"Wow."
Finally Chuck unlocked the door was standing before her, slightly out of breath.
"Why are you gasping for air?"
She wanted to stall for some reason.
"Because you take my breath away?
Blair blushed.
"No really why?"
"The lift wasn't working. Something to do with maintenance."
"So you climbed the stairs?"
Chuck looked annoyed.
'Well I didn't want you to fly into a rage if I was late, it's not a big deal."
Blair laughed silently that Chuck climbed eleven floors to get to her, her knight in shining armour. Wow she was drunk.
"You're here that's all that matters."
"So what's the surprise?"
She sauntered over to him until she could smell his expensive cologne, he was staring attentively at her.
"I am."
"You are what?"
Was he really that thick? She was getting annoyed that her seductive routine wasn't working or maybe he just wanted her to say it out loud.
"I am your surprise idiotic."
She unzipped her dress and let it drop to the floor, she was in sexy lingerie she had brought for the first time her and Nate made love.
Chuck was speechless so she wrapped her arms around his neck, their lips were inches apart. Chuck leaned around to whisper into her ear.
"I can smell the alcohol on your breath."
"So?"
"I may lack the very basic moral standards most of the time but as painful as it is to admit I'm not going to take advantage of you."
Blair both loved and hated him for being benevolent. She sat on the bed as the room began to spin.
"Why not?"
Her child-like, petulant reply made Chuck laugh so he sat down next to her and put an arm around her.
"Because you'd never speak to me again once you are sober. Besides when I finally and inevitably have my way with you Waldorf I want you to remember everything about it."
"Sorry."
"Don't be, you made my week, now I can picture you in sexy underwear from now on."
Blair giggled and lay down.
"I'm just going to rest my eyes for a minute."
"Take your time."
There Blair Waldorf slept in Chuck room still in her heels with Chuck sitting next to her both congratulating himself in knowing Blair wanted him (even if drunk) and in partial regret of not enjoying that which he prized most.
To be continued.