AN: This is the one that's based on 'Zoo Out There.' 83

I'm really, REALLY happy with the beginning. The ending I'm still not too crazy about. But Cassie said it was good, so it must be good. :3

Enjoy!

Seems to have no effect, doctor.
Well – get me another one. Get me ANOTHER ANIMAL!!
(look Professor, they dance up and down, just like Elvis!)
Fine, if you could just put him…
Strap him down, if he moves! Medicate him!
MEDICATE HIM!
~Robin Williams, 'Batty Rap'

If I was the one who was loving you, baby
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy
~Ruff Endz, 'If I Was the One'

She was in the break room. Sign number one that something was wrong. She typically didn't stay here this late – on any typical day, she'd be gone by now.

But this hadn't been a typical day.

No, there was a reason she was still here at this hour. She only lingered on the station if something was nagging at her mind.

If something was bothering her.

He peered around the corner into the room, just watching her for a moment. Every move she made was so graceful, so effortless – she made everything look easy, he could have just stood there and watched her forever.

But he desperately wanted to talk to her.

Because he'd noticed she was getting a drink from the new coffeemaker at the end of the room. He knew for a fact she didn't like the coffee here. She preferred that fancy… whatever it was called… Star-something they had back on Capital Planet. There was only one reason she'd be drinking this coffee.

If she was truly, genuinely upset.

He himself wasn't feeling any better than she looked at the moment. The day's events kept playing over and over in his mind, burned into his thoughts.

It'd honestly been the most painful thing he'd ever had to witness. His beloved Mira strapped to a table, unable to move, unable to escape… It must've been especially torturous for her, knowing that under normal circumstances she would easily have been able to get away. He'd never seen her look that way before, never, not once, the way she'd looked then. The proud defiance he knew so well in her had been gone, completely, and she'd stared around her in subdued silence, eyes wide and worried and fearful… So scared… He'd never seen her look so scared before…

He scowled deeply. The Clorm scientists… If he ever saw them again…

He stared up at her a moment longer, taking in the simple sight of her, just walking around, finally free. She seemed somehow more beautiful tonight, more precious, just knowing… knowing how close he'd come to…

No. No, he couldn't bring himself even to finish the thought.

He couldn't be alone with his thoughts any more.

He moved forward and knocked timidly on the side of the door frame, wincing when she jumped and whirled around frantically at the sound. Just who did they think they were, exactly, where did they come off treating her like that…

Her expression relaxed and she sighed heavily when she saw who it was, her hand going to her chest. He eased into the doorway. "Mira? You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine, XR," she muttered, entirely unconvincingly. She didn't invite him to join her, but she didn't ask him to leave, either – and when she crossed the room to slump into a chair at the small round table and buried her face in her hands, he wheeled slowly into the room, making his way towards her.

Her voice… she sounded just as she had all those hours ago – it seemed like a different day entirely – when the Chlorms had her, trapped, when they'd turned the applicator on her… He'd never heard her sound so hopeless – there hadn't been a shred of fight left in her and that had scared him, truly frightened him. The defeat in her voice had been actually, physically painful to hear – it had made him want to rush forward and tell her, tell her that he had a confession, too, that he had something he needed to say to her, before it was too late, before he never got the chance again…

But he hadn't. He hadn't rushed forward, hadn't spilled forth his greatest secret, hadn't done ANYTHING… He'd just stood there, silent and still, and watched as she'd nearly been…

"Mira," he whimpered, his voice thick with tears. He was at her side now and he wanted, more than anything, just to reach out and hold her, convince himself that she really was here and safe and fine, reassure himself that he wasn't going to lose her. "Mira, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

She lowered her hands slightly, glancing down at him. "Why are you sorry?" she said dully. "You didn't do anything."

He shuddered. Didn't do anything… Boy, wasn't that the truth. Guilt threatened to overwhelm him as he remembered, yet again… He'd been to cowardly to speak up, to stop them, to do anything, anything at all, to protect her, to stop her from being…

"But – but I could've… I dunno, done something, I… I mean, golly, Mira, y-you… you could've been-!" He stopped sharply. Saying the words was no easier than thinking them and he choked back a fresh wave of tears.

He regretted his outburst instantly. A pained look crossed her features, her shoulders tightened, her whole body went rigid – she turned away from him and bit her lower lip, which had started to tremble.

Mentally he kicked himself. What had he been thinking, making her relive that, reminding her how close she'd come to… to… to dying…

He wanted to… needed to apologize to her. He clambered up into the seat next to hers, stretching his hands out over the table. His mouth opened but no words came out… What could he say, what could he possibly say that wouldn't upset her further…

Before he could think of anything, she took a long, deep breath, then turned to him and gave him a very, very sorry attempt at a smile. "Don't worry about it. It all worked out, I… n-nothing, nothing happened, and I… I'm fine, really."

She didn't sound fine. Not at all. "Mira, I'm really sorry, really…"

"Don't be," she said, the smallest amount of authority coming back into her voice, and he snapped his mouth shut, almost automatically. Her eyes were wet and she looked away from him again, putting more attention than was strictly necessary into stirring her coffee. He bit his lip, thinking hard, trying to come up with some wonderfully sensitive phrase to take all this away, make her happy again, see her smile… he missed her smile…

"I mean, I understand. You didn't have a choice," she said suddenly.

His head snapped up in surprise and he stared, wide-eyed and confused. "I-I… I don't…" he stammered weakly.

"That belt," she said with a half-shrug, half-nod. "I know you wanted to help us. And you did, in the end, you… you really came through for us." Her voice sounded oddly hollow; something even she seemed to register, because she sighed heavily and straightened in her chair, and when she spoke again her voice was just a bit stronger, a bit clearer. "I understand, really. You couldn't help what you were doing. What they were making you do."

This really wasn't making him feel any less guilty. For all he'd known, she was about to be… well… and he had done nothing – nothing! – to stop it. True, if he had tried anything, anything at all, he'd have been shocked… tortured… but that was no reason, no reason to stand there like an idiot… He still retained his own thought processes, after all, retained the ability to act of his own accord… painful as it might have been… He should've done something, COULD have done something; after all, it hadn't been like the time…

He shivered. But that was a different story entirely. He wouldn't make this about himself and his problems, this was about her, and all she'd been through today…

He shook his head. "That's no excuse," he moaned.

"Actually, it kind of is," she muttered, staring into her coffee. "None of use could really help what we were doing."

He blinked up at her. He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and confusion distracted him from his guilt. "Wh… what d'you…?"

"The photon whips," she said softly. Her hand stopped stirring and her eyes closed tight against the memory. "I didn't have a choice… I had no control over what I was doing. I had to do what they told me, I couldn't… It was just so… It made me feel so…"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," he mumbled. She didn't need to explain, he knew all too well how it felt not to be able to control his own actions. It was frustrating, unnerving… confining, infuriating, terrifying.

She looked up at him then, and her eyes were full of sympathy. "It's not your fault. It really isn't, I know how annoying that belt must've gotten, it… it couldn't have been easy for you to disobey."

It took him a moment to realize what she was talking about. "Oh… oh, I… I actually wasn't thinking about that," he said with a weak, nervous half-laugh.

She blinked at him, and now she was the one who looked confused (well, it was better than seeing her hurt), tilting her head slightly. "What were you thinking about?"

He hesitated, wringing his hands. He didn't want to talk about this, didn't even want to be thinking about it, it was too painful… And yet… well – it seemed to be distracting her from her own worries. He wanted nothing more than to take this all away, make it no more than a bad dream… And if making her forget her troubles meant talking about his… It was the only idea he had.

"I was just, thinking…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "About… well, about… about NOS-4-A2…"

Her eyes widened and he realized with a start that he'd never actually discussed his… encounter with the energy vampire with any of his teammates.

He shifted awkwardly in his seat, wringing his hands. Oh man… how to put this, where to start?

"He… he did something, when he… when he bit me, he…" He shivered at the memory but forced himself to keep going. "He took something out of me, he…" he swallowed hard, "…drained me… but he also… he… put something into me, some kind of…" Virus? Malware? Even he didn't know exactly what it had been. And he wasn't entirely sure it was gone, either, he'd never stopped having nightmares about that… that thing… He still saw it, in his dreams, clear as if it had been yesterday… "It told me… He told me… told me what to do… And I couldn't… couldn't even think about it, it… it was like… like I wasn't myself any…"

He whimpered suddenly and squeezed his eyes shut. "It was like… like I wasn't even me anymore. Like I was… like I was outside of myself, watching everything I was doing, and I couldn't… couldn't stop myself, couldn't even think…" His voice trailed off and he bit his quivering lip, squeezing his hands together.

So caught up was he in the awful memories that he forgot for a moment he wasn't alone, and he gasped when there was suddenly a hand on his, soft and warm and gentle.

He looked up sharply. Mira stared back at him, and her eyes were warm and bright and held a level of emotion he'd never seen in them before.

"XR, I… I had no idea it was like that," she said softly, and her voice was full of concern.

He nodded, glancing down at the table. "It was horrible…" he sniffled.

She was silent for a moment, then she said quietly, gently, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He looked up at her. Her gaze was full of compassion… She looked truly sorry for what he'd been through…

What he'd been through… But this was supposed to be about her, what she'd been put through… He straightened up in his seat. "Oh… oh, I'm sorry too, about what you… what you…"

She gave a small nod, and for a moment seemed to look past him, to see things he couldn't see. "Well… at least it's over now," she finally said, and her expression cleared a bit. "We don't have to worry any more, do we?"

XR considered this. It had always been difficult for him to believe NOS-4-A2 was truly gone, even after watching him explode… He'd always seemed to find a way to come back…

But it was easier to believe when Mira said it. It had been months since the explosion and NOS still hadn't returned… Maybe this time he really was gone, for good…

And if Mira could be strong and forget, truly move past all that had happened to her… He could do it too, couldn't he?

"Yeah… yeah, it's all over now…" he murmured.

And it was easier not to be afraid, he found, easier to think of it all as nothing more than a bad dream, when she here, when she was holding his hand like this and offering him all sorts of comforting words…

His stomach flipped. He'd come in here intending to make her feel better and instead had ended up whining about his own troubles, and getting the consoling he'd been meaning to give her.

His engine began to heat up and he shifted in his seat, his hands twitching under hers. "So… so, do you feel… are you gonna be…?" he stammered uncertainly.

She closed her eyes and nodded slightly and to his astonishment and delight, on her face appeared the first real smile he'd seen all day.

"Yeah, XR. I'll be fine." Her eyes opened and they were warm and bright and her smile, her smile was so beautiful…

He straightened up slightly in his seat, unable to keep from smiling back. He loved that smile, absolutely loved it. And her eyes… her eyes really were bright, so bright… bright as stars…

His smile faded. Bright eyes… Wasn't that the name the Chlorm had given her? Oh… mother of Venus… had they ruined that for him, forever?

"Well, I guess I'll get going," she said suddenly, making him jump. She stood and moved to his side of the table. She placed her hand on his shoulder and her hand was so warm, so warm… "But… listen, XR – thanks for… for coming to talk to me." Oh, that smile. He'd missed that smile. Missed it so much.

And it was back because of him, because he'd actually been able to make her happy. He'd helped her out, done something good, for her.

He beamed back at her. "Anytime."

She gave him one last smile and squeezed his shoulder gently, then turned to leave. He swiveled around in his chair, craning around the side of it to watch her go, knowing that things would be better in the morning. That she'd be better, knowing somehow that he'd see the confidence and strength he'd missed from her today.

He sat back in his seat, grinning broadly, hardly able to believe the exchange that had just taken place. Who would have guessed a day that had been so terrible could end so well.

And it was then that he noticed it. She'd left her coffee behind, she'd – he sat up slightly, peering into the Star Command mug – she hadn't even touched it…

He slumped back in the chair, smiling to himself. No, nothing had been ruined. Nothing at all.