A/N LAST CHAPTER! I own nothing. Hope you enjoyed it!

You may say Mello is OOC. I may say nooo he's just actually sentimental on the inside…You may say the ending is lame/cheesy. I may say sorrysorrysorry I suppose I just got less creative..

It's not very satisfying to punch a pillow, I've found. I'd much rather be punching myself, but…I just don't want to do that. I had to content myself by burrowing my face in the cushions and scrunching up my face.

This is a big part of why I hate this goddamn holidays. They make you come to terms with how you really feel and what you really want and all that shit. Jeez, who needs that in their lives?!

It had only been a few minutes, but I already missed the peace of our dinner. Something about being with Matt honestly made me forget the giant black hole that is my life. And now I feel like I'm drowning in it, being pushed and pulled and torn apart by looming unknown futures, faceless murderers, and the part of me that knows how to make the pain go away but will never accept it…

I groaned and rolled over onto my chest. It should have been quiet inside the darkened bedroom. The chilly Thanksgiving night had a different idea, though. Tiny flurries of snow thrashed themselves against the window while the wind screamed at me, keeping me awake with its howling taunts, not letting me sleep.

Not that I could have anyways, probably. My mind was the definition of chaos, swirling with questions and images and the one answer that I knew I had to arrive at sooner or later.

Somehow, though, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And that made me hate myself more than ever, since it meant I was too weak to even be honest with my own goddamn feelings. I HATE being weak. Of course, just when this thought swam to the top of my consciousness, another fucking tear swam down my face.

I hate this so much. Everything I'm thinking just proves the point that I need him to stay sane. I clearly can't manage that on my own. But I can't, I just can't bring myself to –

The door creaked opened timidly.

"You awake?"

I froze. Oh well this was just perfect. My mind entered full-blown hyperdrive, as well as my heart which seemed to be beating itself literally out of my chest. What was he doing here? Despite the fact that we shared this bedroom, of course.

"Yeah!" Fuck. My voice needed to learn that there was a difference between a normal tone and a gay oh-my-god-totally one.

He didn't turn on the light. I think he knew that I had been…you know….the c word. The one that ends with rying? Ugh. I guess it was kind of good that he figured it out, since it allowed me to wipe my eyes on the pretext of pulling up the blanket. I felt his silhouette sit on my bed.

"You okay?" He asked now. I would have laughed out loud, since I was basically the opposite of "okay," but it really wasn't that funny at the moment.

"Yeah," I responded, quietly this time. He turned to face me, and I cursed the fact that it wasn't dark enough in the room to obliterate his piercing eyes completely. They saw right through me, I could tell. There was a long pause with his hand on my blanket-covered (and still leather-covered…I hadn't bothered to pull on sweats or anything) knee.

"It's okay, you know." Matt's voice was low and rough, but I could tell he was forcing himself what he was saying. "You don't owe me anything." Like an idiot, I just kept quiet and stared at his figure, his lips moving ever so slightly as he talked. "So I just came in here to say, that no matter how you feel…I really am thankful to have you in my life, Mello. I don't know what I'd have without you. Honestly," he chuckled, "life with you may be short, but I know I'll enjoy every poisoned second of it."

Those last few sentences yanked me to my breaking point.

I gave in and let the words tumble out of my mouth while letting my hands tangle themselves in his hair and his collar.

"Holy fuck, Matt…I hope you know that if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be in a goddamn mental institution by now…" Another tear slid down my cheek in – desperation? relief? but I didn't have to wipe it away, I felt thin and steady fingers wipe it for me. "I know I don't say it enough, or ever at all, but you can't imagine how much I actually appreciate you. You're the only person who cared to make me realize exactly why I hate the holidays so much…and change my opinion about them." I took a deep breath. "You're the only person who gave me something to give thanks for."

Wow. I really hope I wasn't blushing. Then again, I really didn't care. Matt's face was grinning at me from what couldn't be more than a few inches away, and that's all that mattered.

"And you know that if you tell anyone what I just said, I'll shoot you in the foot, right?" I added. Just like I knew only he would, Matt let out a laugh and leaned his forehead on mine.

"Happy Thanksgiving," he whispered.

"Happy Thanksgiving." And with his eyes smiling at mine and his hands pressing into the small of my back…I knew that for the first time in my life, I really meant it. His warm breath ghosted over my tearstained face, sending spices left over from the pie into my senses.

I can't wait for Christmas.

END

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!