Lady Marmalade

~* Jo-chan

Disclaimers: Standard RK disclaimers apply. The song Lady Marmalade is not mine, if I'm correct it belongs to Sony music and the soundtrack of the movie Moulin Rouge. I'm basing my characters on the following singers, Missy Elliot, Lil Kim, Christina Aguilera, Pink and Mya because of my sincere admiration for these five women. Please don't sue, I'm a good kid. I'm not getting any money off this okay?

*******

Scene shifts rapidly, highlighting the faces of four women.

Kaoru arrives at the Kanmiya Dojo, sweaty and tired, her shinai resting against her shoulder. She's wearing her yellow gi, obviously back from a training lesson. Her face drops in dismay the minute she walks inside the dojo. Total chaos and everything Yahiko and Sano clearly marked the devastation of her house. Kenshin greets her with a usual "Okanerasai Kaoru-dono" making her mood even worse. Yahiko starts calling her busu and Kenshin merely smiles his good-natured close-eyed smile at the 'sister-brother' thing he calls the relationship between Kaoru and Yahiko. Well at least she and Yahiko had an acknowledged relationship, not like her and Kenshin.

"Oro?" asks Kenshin and Yahiko merely shrugs his shoulders. "Darn busu..." mutters Yahiko when all of a sudden, two complimentary tickets are handed by kawaii brown-haired girl (re: Jo-chan) who zaps out of the picture just as fast. Yahiko looks in bewilderment at the tickets. "Aw, the heck?!" he exclaims making plans of dragging Kenshin to the free show.

Misao looks up, rubbing her neck muscles wearily. "Okashira, okashira!" gasped a male voice and Misao barely suppressed a groan when Shiro arrived at the scene sweaty. "What happened Shiro?" asked Misao in a level voice. "Gomen, gomen. I-- I misplaced the documents regarding the Matsuo case!" apologized Shiro looking dejected. Misao opened her mouth to speak when Okina arrived, a little drunk and sporting a lot of bruises. Okon followed Okina, wearing an apologetic face as she held Okina's other arm. "Sumen Misao but Okina had another one of his hentai attacks!" complained Okon as she dumped the prone Okina on the floor of Misao's office. The open door revealed Aoshi who peered curiously inside the okashira's office. "Aoshi-sama!" called out Misao feeling happy at Aoshi's apparent concern. Aoshi gave her a gothic look before walking away. Piles of paperwork were dumped on her desk and more concerns were called to her attention.

"I've had enough!" yelled Misao before jumping out of her window and running away. A dozen complimentary tickets rained on Jiya's chest courtesy of a kawaii brown haired girl. The rest of the Oniwabanshuu shrugged as they decided to attend the free theater show.

Megumi rubbed her back tiredly as she looked up from a patient she has just finished working on. More hopeful patients look at her with dewy eyes, some of them men who were wearing lecherous grins. "Megumi-sensei..." started the most ardent one before Megumi cut him off with one of her famous sharp looks.

"I'm taking a holiday," she said calmly before handing him a couple of complimentary tickets. She whirled away in a flash leaving the man dumbfounded.

Tae looked in desolation as Sano sauntered out of the Akebeko. "Not another tab!" exclaimed Tae as she hurried back to the counter. It was a tough time with Tsubame on a sick leave. "Oh no!" muttered Tae as more bills and orders piled up. Loud complaints began to echo in the restaurant.

"Yamero!" shouted Tae as she threw down her tray. She flung tickets all over and stalked out of the restaurant.

*****

"Oi Kenshin, isn't that Aoshi and Sano over there?" asked Yahiko as he tugged at the western formal dinner jacket he was wearing down self-consciously. "Hai de gozaru yo Yahiko," agreed Kenshin as he held the hands of Ayame and Suzume who were wriggling excitedly in his gentle grip. "Hai, hai!" chirped Ayame and Suzume.

"Konbawa Himura," said Saitou as he blew a cigarette ring out. Chief Uramura coughed as he waved away the smoke from Saitou's cigarette. A beautiful raven-haired woman clutched Saitou's hand as she smiled serenely at Kenshin. Yumi and Shishio materialized out of the darkness, complete with fires and pyrotechnic effects. "Konbawa minna-san!" said Yumi with a fiendish laugh. Soujiro appeared in a flash and scratched his head. "Ano... what is going on here?" he asked still holding a ticket.

"Baka deshi, fancy meeting you here in a cultural event such as this..." drawled Hiko Seijuro as he swaggered over to Kenshin who turned terribly pale amidst the shrieks of Omasu and Okon. Angry yells and Jiya's mad cackling echoed through the night. "Hello Kenshin!" greeted Yutarou who was with a couple of Black Knights. Misanagi jumped down from the tree. "I received tickets, what is going on?" she asked in a deadly voice. "Sister?" asked Enishi appearing out of the blue, his glasses disturbingly rose-colored.

The angry voices rose to such a level that Kenshin who is as calm as a monk at times, yelled suddenly. "Yamero!" he yelled. Aoshi looked at Kenshin with new found respect but merely quirked an eyebrow at him. Sano clapped and whistled.

"Why don't we just watch the show?" asked Kenshin in exasperation, his face as red as his hair.

To his surprise, everybody nodded in agreement as they filled inside the new theater.

"What could this be?" asked Aoshi softly as they entered the darkness of theater.

*******

Lights dim and all attention are focused on the stage. A red velvet curtain hides the stage. Kamatari walks out, wearing a dark, leather-studded suit like Missy Elliot. He looks surprisingly masculine and with aplomb, starts the real show...

Kamatari: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Moulin Rouge...

Yahiko: What's a Moulin Rouge?

Spotlight reveals Tae reclining against the couch snapping her fingers to the beat.

Tae: (dressed up like Lil Kim) Where's all my soul sistas,

Tae, Megumi, Misao, Kaoru: Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista

The curtain opens revealing one side of the stage. The stage is divided into five parts, the first part wall-papered in red. The spotlight centers on a young woman who was wearing a very skimpy red piece. A red feather coyly brushes across her cheek and she holds a riding crop. Think really hard of Mya's gestures and movements not to mention her outfit.

Kenshin's jaw drops and he turns red... then white.... then blue... and then green

He rasps out one name, "Kaoru-dono!"

Kaoru: (strutting) He met Marmalade down in ol' Moulin Rouge

Girls: Gitchie, gitchie ya ya, da da

Kaoru: (hey, hey, hey)

Girls: Gitchie gitchie, ya ya here

Kaoru: (here, here)

Girls: Mocha chocolata ya ya

Kaoru: (ooh yeah)

Kaoru: (snapping the crop and shaking her bootie) Creole Lady Marmalade

All: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir (oh, oh-oh)

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ( yeah yeah yeah yeah)

Saitou: (leans over and whispers) Who the heck is Joe?

Kenshin: (battousai eyes) Something dead...

Spotlight changes and Kaoru's part darkens. Kenshin breathes a sigh of relief but still remains tense. Yahiko's shoulders were shaking with laughter and Sano kept patting Kenshin's shoulders. Okina was clapping and whistling, calling for an encore. Megumi is next on the spotlight, sitting seductively in a pink-colored bedroom. She was wearing a pink wig that matched her dark eyes as she wears a skimpy-two piece suit. Sano rises out of his seat in surprise and yells, "Damned kitsune!"

Megumi: (Playing with a chair and black satin sheets)

Girls: Gitchie, gitchie ya ya da da

Megumi: (da da da)

Girls: Gitchie gitchie ya ya here

Megumi: (oh oh yeah yea)

Girls: Mocha chocolata ya ya

Megumi: (ya-a-a, yeah yeah)

Megumi: Creole Lady Marmalade, ah

All: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)

Voulez vous coucher avec moi (ooh)

Spotlight dims on last scene of Megumi standing on her bed, holding on to the bedpost. Sano sits on the edge of his seat, cursing and swearing at the audacity of Megumi. Kenshin breathes easier while Okina hoots in approval of Megumi. Yumi tries to twist Shishio's head to face her. Tae appears wearing a red-wig and white lingerie ala Lil Kim. Akebeko patrons shout in surprise while Tsubame covers her eyes. Tae looked hot.

Tae: (waves money while reclining on a couch)

He come through with the money and garter bags

Let him know we 'bout cake straight out of the gate, uh

We independent women, some mistake us for whores

I'm saying why spend mine when I can spend yours

Disagree, well that's you and I'm sorry

I'ma keep playing these cats like Atari

Wear high heeled shoes, get love from the dudes

Four bad ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge

Hey sista, soul sistas, better get that dough sistas

We drink wine with diamonds in the glass by the case

The meaning of expensive taste

( Tae starts moving forward and onto the darkened part of the stage in the middle )

Mocha chocolata, what

Creole Lady Marmalade

One more time c'mon

The spotlight dims and the stage is covered by darkness. A new female voice is heard. Aoshi pales considerably at the voice and the Oniwabanshuu quiet at the sound of their young okashira's voice.

All: Marmalade

Misao: (ooh, oh)

All: Lady Marmalade

Misao: (ooh, yeah, yeah)

All: Marmalade

Misao: (no-o-o-o) Hey, hey, hey

Spotlight sputters to life and focuses on the fourth part of the five divisions. Misao who was wearing the red and black ensemble Christina Aguilera wore was slowly peeling off her gloves as she danced.

Misao: Touch of her skin is silky smooth, hey

Color of cafe au lait, alright

Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried

More, more, more, no-o-o

Now he's back home from 9-5 (9-5)

Sleeping the gray flannel life

But he turns off to sleep, memories keep

More, more, more (more-ore-ore)

Lights burst off revealing the rest of the girls in the center of the stage on a crafted staircase with a heart-shaped doorway that had 'Nihon Lady Marmalade' emblazoned.

Misao joins the rest, dancing and shaking her bootie to the beat of the music.

All: (everybody shaking their thing) Gitchie, gitchie ya ya, da da

Gitchie, gitchie ya ya here

Mocha chocolata ya ya

Creole Lady Marmalade

Aoshi's eyes widen as he translates the next few parts. He turns red as his lips translate the French words. Yahiko notices Aoshi and tries to ask him but Sano's huge hand clamps on his mouth before he can say anything. Yahiko turns to look at Kenshin who was wearing a 'no mercy' look. His eyes turn back to the stage as he watched Misao and Kaoru perform a really seductive shake and twist.

All: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir

Misao: (ce soir)

All: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi

Kaoru: (All my sistas, yeah)

All: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi

Megumi: (ce soir)

All: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi

Tae: (ohh) C'mon uh

Aoshi's face by the time he translates is ash-gray. Concerned, Kenshin and Sano lean closer trying to squeeze the translation out of Aoshi's close-lipped face. Sano raises a fist and Kenshin lays a hand on the hilt of his sakabatou. "Well?" growled Kenshin threateningly. With dazed and scared eyes, Aoshi faces Kenshin and manages to gasp out, "It means, 'I want to spend the night with you!"

General face-fault and sweat-drops ensue.

Spotlight would feature each girl separately as Kamatari introduces them.

Kamatari: (appears at the bottom of the staircase, rapping)Misao...

Misao: Oh, laaaaaaayyyy, ohhhh

Kamatari: Megumi...

Megumi: La-a-a-dy Marmalade...

Kamatari: Tae

Tae: Hey, hey, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

Kamatari: Kaoru...

Kaoru: Oh, oh, ohh-ohh, oh

Kamatari: Rottweiler, baby

Moulin Rouge

Misao: (ooh-ooh)

Kaoru: (da-da, da-da)

Kamatari: Misdeamenor here

All: Nihon Lady Marmalade, ooooh, yes-ah!

Last scene is that each girl is perched on a different step on various poses. In full light, the audience was at first too mesmerized and wary of the reaction they feared would offend two very unhappy slashers and one yakuza. Unable to help their enthusiasm, when one man started whistling and clapping for an encore, pandemonium erupted. The clapping and whistling shifted to a standing ovation and stomping feet. A few ardent admirers began charging at the stage where Kaoru, Misao, Megumi and Tae were still posing and bowing much to the delight of those who sat in the front seat.

With a wide smile on her face, Misao turned to face Kaoru who was clutching a huge bouquet of red roses. "Oi, Kaoru-chan, do you think our plan worked?" With a sly smile, she turned her head towards where Sano was kissing Megumi. Out of the corner her eye, Kaoru saw Kenshin and Aoshi standing not even five feet away from them, wearing an intense expression on their faces.

"Oh you'll see Misao-chan. You'll see," said Kaoru smugly.

~* OWARI *~

Author's Notes:

Wai minna! Hope you liked my songfic! It's my first songfic actually and I really hope you'd r&r! Ja matta ne! Comments and suggestions are much appreciated and you can forward private emails at [email protected]