Obsessions
Rating: T for Hidan's mouth and general dark themes
Pairing: None. Hidan's musings about obsessions.
Disclaimer: I don't own either of these two lovely gents.
Timeline: Before Part II
AN: My first Hidan related fic. I really wanted to get inside this guy's head. I wanted to elaborate on his character in a little more detail than the manga gave the readers, and so I tried to delve deep into the mind of a Jashinist….and this was my result.
In my own opinion, this is one of the best I've ever written, but I'd rather let the adoring Hidan fans decide. Ashford out.
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Obsessions
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Joining Akatsuki was like clutching the devil's claws in your hands and pledging allegiance to him with your body and soul. Once you were within the group's rules and regulations, then they owned you, they owned everything about you, and it was all theirs to do with as they pleased. Things like identity and individuality were the Leader's to control and not yours.
Hidan had decided long ago, that joining Akatsuki…was like dying.
It wasn't that he could even know what dying felt like, and he'd only heard rumours before of what the experience of it was, but he could never truly know what it was to die. Thus he came to the conclusion that he was already dead. Dead but still alive.
For a man whose entire life revolved around death, Hidan was the one person alive on the entire planet who knew the least thing about it. He'd often questioned it before, what it was like to die, how it felt, what was seen, etc, but he never really could understand it in a way he'd have liked. There was a period in his life where he even killed his victims slowly so he could ask them about it. As they lay dying he'd kneel beside them and ask them the questions he felt were necessary.
Some answers were genuine, others were not, he suspected, and so he became obsessed with death and dying. Eventually he even started wanting to die himself. At the beginning of each battle, he'd pray. He'd pray to Jashin that the filthy heathen who had attacked him would actually be strong enough to kill him.
They never were.
As they lay dying before him, Hidan would kneel and would stare. Some thrashed about, some cursed him with every last dying breath, and some would stare back. Those were the ones that unnerved him the most. The ones that allowed you to see the light dying in their eyes as life flickered away. It made the Priest wonder if his eyes looked like that when he performed his rituals. Maybe he'd ask someone to observe it one day. Maybe not. He'd have to decide upon a later date.
This was the best part of his Priesthood.
For ten long years he obsessed with death. Some who knew him called it a morbid fascination, others who didn't called him insane, and all but Hidan could see the blinding obvious…it was unnatural to want it as much as he.
When he sat down and thought really hard, he remembered a time when an old and ancient Priest of Jashin had spoken to him in the five days following his initiation into Priesthood. The 'Priest' so to speak had been worshipping Jashin for over three hundred years. Three hundred and yet he did not look a day over twenty. His eyes mirrored Hidan's in every way, and Hidan fancied it as him staring at what he would look like should he continue to serve the Lord.
What he had to say to the young apprentice was a word of warning.
"Jashin grants us the life to do His work." His voice reminded Hidan of flowing water – so far away and yet it filled his ears and ensnared his senses, "Our 'immortality' is proof of His love for His children. We do His work at His command and we thank Him for His love by way of ritual and prayer. However, I must caution you, Hidan. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Sometimes He sends demons to tempt you away from His path. Sometimes He tests your faith to Him. If He should do this you must always remember His gift to you. Immortality and eternal life. Should you forget this, and should He see you as unworthy, then He will cast your gift away and you will see, Hidan…you will see how vengeful He can be."
Of course, when Hidan began the obsession with death, those words rang in his head like the ceremonial bells at dawn, but he just could not stop. He'd always been faithful. He'd said his prayers, and done his deeds, and washed his hands in the blood of many, so what was there to worry?
Hidan figured he was only thinking of those words to keep leading himself back onto the right path when he strayed from it. The other question that had found its way into Hidan's brain was thus: How exactly did one know when one had strayed?
Then he did it…
Ten years of serving the Lord…and then Hidan died…
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He wasn't even aware it had happened until he thought about it, but then he had confirmed it, that he had died the minute he had agreed to join the Akatsuki. The minute that God-awful heathen had asked him for his name and profession and status in society, and the minute Hidan had answered, he had given his soul to the devil himself.
It became so that 'Hidan' was just a word on the breeze and not a name at all. It was a way for people to put a 'reputation' to the word, and not a face at all. It became so that those hypnotic pink eyes and that star-kissed silver hair were a rumour that kept children from doing bad things, or people from wandering the country late at night, wherever he went, and the face to go with those features was forgotten.
Akatsuki were the dead wandering the earth.
It was only then that Hidan started fearing what the Ancient One had said. So he prayed three times as much, got into more fights so as to make up for the times that he had killed only when someone fought him; he provoked death upon himself.
His obsession started to consume him.
Because the Akatsuki's main goals were death and dying, then Hidan tried to think about it as close to his religion, and tried to think about death as something that was irrelevant, but being around it so much led to him only yearning to question it further.
Just at the time when he was starting to break, just at the time his sanity was beginning to slip, and just when he even considered, just for that little second, forsaking his God…he met Kakuzu.
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First impressions were anything but sweet.
Kakuzu annoyed Hidan to no extent and Hidan annoyed Kakuzu even more so.
Hidan saw Kakuzu as a silent, no-good, money grabbing, self-centred, violent-tempered, and ill-mannered heathen…and he was right about it all. Kakuzu had no time for Hidan's preaching and when Hidan would pause for his rituals, Kakuzu would see it as a waste of time and leave him there. Bleeding and 'dying' for his God.
All that mattered to the Waterfall-Nin was time. Time and Money. After all, they went so well together. Time meant money, and to waste it would be to waste his money, and thus Kakuzu never wasted either. Even when they were supposed to be resting, that damn Kakuzu would be up all night reading those damn papers over and over just to annoy the Jashin Priest, and lack of sleep made Hidan cranky. Kakuzu pawed over facts and figures even when the mind was supposed to be at rest. Hidan fancied that he could work out the monetary value of anything, no matter how relevant, in seconds.
"Get up…you're wasting time, Hidan."
"Hidan, time is money...move it…now!"
"If I had a coin for every time you spouted that bull crap, I'd be rich by now…but I don't…so shut…the fuck…up!"
These words were repeated more times than Hidan could count for. All he ever heard was time and money, money and time, and it would drive him crazy every single…single…well…TIME!
Eventually, Hidan forgot all about his obsession with death, and became obsessed with another thing…getting annoyed by Kakuzu…who in turn got annoyed by getting Hidan annoyed at him.
New partner, new obsession, and after a while, Hidan didn't even feel the slightest tingle of sin upon his shoulders. Kakuzu's anal ways of handling money and time took Hidan's mind off sinning and made him actually start to concentrate on better things…like praying twice as hard to spite that bastard.
In Jashin's eyes, after meeting Kakuzu, Hidan became practically a saint when it came to his teachings and ways…even if it was out of spite.
Hidan hated people who killed for things like money and Kakuzu was one of those people. Kakuzu told Hidan nothing of his past, his present, or his plans for the future. To Hidan's knowledge, Kakuzu liked money. He didn't express any particular dislikes (aside from wasting his time or his money), not did he seem to possess any abilities that were noticeable. His manner was cold, so his personality was described as 'money-grabbing' by default, and he never ate at all, nor seemed to sleep like a normal person.
Kakuzu remained an enigma to Hidan, and probably preferred that way.
Truth be told, he did prefer it that way. If a partner got to know him, he would become too attached and would have to mourn for a while until the weight of his partner's death was off his shoulders – after all, Kakuzu did have a small temper problem.
Every single inch of his body was covered in cloth or cloak. Hidan only found out what two features of Kakuzu's body looked like, due to the fact that these were the only visible things. So, from what he had been told and what he had seen, Hidan knew this much:
Kakuzu was tanned
Kakuzu had glittering, pupil-less, green eyes that seemed to glow in his sockets as the whites of his eyes were actually pure black
Kakuzu painted his nails like all the rest of the Akatsuki
Kakuzu liked money, liked time, and hated either of them being wasted
Kakuzu collected bounties for money
Kakuzu had a short temper
And that…was all.
This irritated Hidan. It irritated him because it seemed that Kakuzu knew everything about him, whether he spoke to him or not. He knew Hidan's likes, he knew Hidan's dislikes, and knew who Hidan was and where he had come from. He ran off the list of names of all five original Jashin Priests, and named their apprentices also. His knowledge of Hidan's homeland was so incredible that Hidan even swore, for every second he listened to him, that Kakuzu was actually from his village and not the Waterfall at all!
Kakuzu knew where the best view from Hidan's old village was, and how to get there without a map. He spoke of fields and rocks and passages that Hidan could only dream of, and then, in great detail, quoted, from front to back cover, the entire Jashinist teachings. Although he did not know the rituals, and did not know the prayers, he knew everything else inside and out, like the Bingo Book or the location of places on a map.
All this information being spilled out like it was being directly read from a textbook…and so little known about the man reading it. Hidan listened, Hidan questioned, and then Hidan was given his answer.
"How the fuck do you know me so well?" Hidan needed to know. Like he had done with those that died, Hidan's obsessions led him over a road of questions, "How the fuck can you know me so well?"
The answer was always the same, and it just wasn't enough.
"I know your sort of people."
That was it.
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After all that Kakuzu had said, after all the hours spent preaching to Hidan in that calm, deep, gravel-laden voice, telling the Priest so much about himself, that was all he had to say on the matter. He knew Hidan, because he knew people, and that was his entire discussion in a nut shell.
After all that…Hidan became obsessed with something else…
Hidan became obsessed with Kakuzu.
He needed to know things, he needed to know everything, and yet Kakuzu could only tell him so much. Like previous obsessions, a lot of things went unanswered. In previous obsessions, like Jashin, or death, or annoying Kakuzu, Hidan always felt that Kakuzu never fully explained anything. Of course, immediately, Hidan assumed that this was because Kakuzu did not want to tell him everything rather than that he simply did not know.
So he asked more questions…and Kakuzu lost his temper more and more…
Eventually Kakuzu started to slice and dice Hidan every time the preacher dared even open his mouth. They argued. They fought. Hidan didn't fight to his full potential obviously, because he would have killed Kakuzu in doing so. So he let the other male do whatever he damn well wanted to his immortal body.
And Kakuzu often did.
In the most creative of ways sometimes too.
When in a rage, Kakuzu impaled Hidan. When in a temper, Kakuzu cut Hidan over and over with kunai. When in a mood, Kakuzu smacked Hidan with his metal briefcase or his bare fist. It was a routine that Hidan endured up until the night when he discovered everything he ever needed to know.
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It was the same. It was always the same. Hidan would open his mouth and start preaching to Kakuzu in that same, monotonous, religious drabble, and Kakuzu would get angry and smack him around for it. It was either religious drabble, or more questions that Kakuzu did not feel like answering at that time.
That night it had been questions again.
"Hey…Kakuzu…"
The bounty hunter heard him, but made no move to answer, nor had any intention at first. It was late. He was tired from a hard week of walking seemingly aimless across the Wind country, and wanted to recheck his monetary forms before setting off again. It was dark and Kakuzu was writing by the tiny light of a candle lit inside the dark cave that they had taken refuge in for the night.
Hidan was lay a few feet away from him, but he was not asleep. Kakuzu could see those pink eyes glittering in the light of the flickering flame, and those eyes were staring straight at him. The bounty hunter had flinched a little when Hidan had spoke, not because Hidan's voice was jarring in any way, but because Hidan's breath had caused a flicker to dance for a few seconds in the lamp light, and Kakuzu feared the candle would go out and he would have to waste more time getting it lit again. Now he was on edge, and a vein had started to throb in his forehead at the very sound of Hidan's light and feathery tone.
"Kakuzu."
This time he was forced to answer. If not to shut him up before the candle went out, then to at least make him aware of the situation.
"Hidan…if you breathe across that candle one more time…" His voice had lowered to a growl through clenched teeth and the Priest immediately turned his back.
"You're fuckin' grouchy as usual." When Hidan was offended, Kakuzu had learnt, he swore, "I only wanted to ask you a fuckin' question!"
The Waterfall-Nin rolled his eyes and then shook his head, "You want to ask a question? Fine. Just don't breathe across the candle when you do it."
Hidan shifted and then turned around to face his partner again, "Okay, okay, fine. I won't then. Jus' hear me out for a second, will ya?"
"I have wasted many seconds listening to you Hidan. I don't wish to waste any more." Kakuzu's replies were abrupt and simple, and hid nothing of his dislike for his team mate.
Being denied one too many times made Hidan angry.
"You are such a fucker, Kakuzu!" Pink eyes ablaze, Hidan was on his feet in seconds, even whilst Kakuzu simply sat there reading his forms, "You're a cold, heartless bastard! What the hell is your problem??"
"People asking stupid questions all the time, what do you think?" Again it was so abrupt, and Hidan's temper was not calmed in the least. Kakuzu, for once, hadn't even started with his temper.
"You know something, Kakuzu?? You're a fucking Godless heathen!!! Why don't you just fucking die????" It had been immature of Hidan to swing his scythe towards Kakuzu, very immature, and very dangerous. Only dangerous because neither Nin had expected anything to come out of it and the results following it was disastrous.
Kakuzu, much to his credit, hadn't actually known that Hidan was going to do that – otherwise he would have ducked accordingly – and as it so happened, the bounty hunter soon found with a sick crunching sound that the three bladed scythe was now dug deeply under his ribs and lungs and refused to move from his heart. Green eyes flickered for a moment and then closed as the massive frame slumped forwards onto the ground, and the Priest could have sworn his heart out.
"Oh fuck! Shit! Kakuzu! I thought you would have…oh fuck!! FUCK!!!" He was panicked. Not because of what the repercussions were on doing this to another Akatsuki member, but rather because he had done what Jashinists were all cursed to do – he had destroyed an object of value to him.
As angry and as antisocial as he was, Kakuzu was Hidan's obsession.
From Jashinists, to Death, to Kakuzu, Hidan always tended to destroy what he sought to hold. Of course, he didn't ever get the chance to mourn properly because there were thick black threads winding their way all over his body and threatening to tear him limb from limb.
A chilling grating voice that sounded like the voice of the long dead sounded in his ears, "Be careful Hidan…or you'll die."
And then Hidan knew nothing other than the pain of his body being sliced into pieces.
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It was some time too, before Hidan came to, and when he did, he was surprised as ever to find Kakuzu sat there staring at him with those same blank eyes that seemed to calculate everything about their victims. The bounty hunter seemed fine. A little pissed off, yes, but other than that, completely fine. Hidan also noted with some bitterness that he had taken longer to wake up because his organs and body had shifted somewhat and he must have needed to regenerate a lot more than flesh this time.
"You took my heart and lungs?"
Kakuzu nodded with some kind of sick amusement dancing in his eyes and then that was it. The cloak was off, and Hidan could have sworn to have many Gods as he saw fit at the sight that sat before him.
That was the night Hidan learnt everything there was to know about the object of his obsession…
Kakuzu was from the waterfall village – although according to the tanned one, it had been called the Town of Cascading Water back then – and had more than his fair share of stories to tell. He was as old as the hills and wiser than any creature alive. He had lived more than ten of Hidan's lifetimes and even more so, and claimed that he had seen the Jashin religion being formed, from the first priest to the great slaughter of the Jashin sect.
The reason he knew people, names, places and faces, was because he had seen it all before. No matter how many generations passed, Kakuzu knew one thing – people did not change. He was another immortal, by different methods and graces yes, but an immortal nonetheless.
His tall muscled body was covered in scars and thick black stitches and he had been alive so long he had mastered even the five elemental arts and held each element within each of his…hearts? As far as they went…Kakuzu had five. He could replace any organ as he saw fit, and could store five hearts – all but his main ones hidden behind masked beasts.
Kakuzu defied death.
He spoke of having had his hearts die on him so many times that death was a very pleasant feeling when it came down to it. This had jarred the Priest, his audience, into reverting back to his old obsession. Kakuzu was accounted for. He knew everything he needed to know now, and even more so, and was determined to see what this wise and ancient being could teach him.
"How…how does dying feel?" Hidan's voice trembled, so eager, so soft, and Kakuzu replied with an answer that suited both their needs – that was, Hidan's need for knowledge and Kakuzu's need to not reveal too much to the younger generation.
"All beings exist the moment they are born. They fail to exist when they die. That is all I have ever known. I will never die, but I will feel the pain of doing so every time a heart dies. Therefore, I will not be able to see your…God…but I can experience death. It is cold…it is painful…and there is a point where one feels as though one has lost everything that made them…them! Names, time, money, people, places, dates…they all become irrelevant once you die…and there is that feeling of simple blissful acceptance before I realise that my hearts have been replaced and I am awake once more. That is all."
Hidan stared in awe at this Ancient Creature and nodded his head. It was exactly the answer he had been looking for all his life and he had Kakuzu to thank for it. If Hidan lived for as long as Kakuzu, then it would become clear again and again; the answers to the questions he dared to ask.
Jashin had granted Hidan immortality and the ability to defy death.
In return, Hidan had created several obsessions in an effort to try and rush his learning and understanding of how things worked. Kakuzu showed him that with age came knowledge.
Kakuzu had an infinite number of lifetimes to learn and to teach and so he kept himself busy by collecting. Collecting money and knowing that no second should be wasted on something that could be done in the near future, or even the far future.
Kakuzu had money for an eternity.
Hidan…
Hidan had Jashin.
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The day Hidan met Kakuzu was the day the questions stopped.
The day Kakuzu spoke the words of a wise man was the day that Hidan no longer had any obsession but his faith.
Of course, Hidan had made his own conclusions about his topics, before leaving them behind completely.
As long as Hidan had faith – he had a reason to live.
As long as Kakuzu lived – Hidan would be there to annoy him.
As long as there was death – there was the sensations behind it.
And as long as both Hidan and Kakuzu were in Akatsuki…they were dead.
After all…
Joining Akatsuki was like dying, Hidan had decided…
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Ashford2ashford: And for once, it contains no yaoi! Shock shock! Well….my first Hidan and Kakuzu related story. In my opinion, these two were not given enough comic time to truly develop their characters so here is the final product of all my musing over the 'Zombie Brothers'! I hope it was pleasing to your eyes!