The Decepticons' Day Off

Chapter Six: Optimus Prime's Time to Shine

Daylight crept through the gaps in the blinds, shining upon the dozy seeker and forcing his optics open.

The flare of the light caused Starscream to moan as a searing pain shot through his head. He grumbled, closed his optics and rolled over as a few glimmers of the events of the previous night began to filter back into his memory banks from whatever deep dungeon they had been buried in.

Urgh.

Fleshlings. Fleshlings everywhere. And they were dancing and snogging and… Ew, Starscream had actually consumed that filthy human high-grade alcohol stuff! He felt so contaminated. Maybe he'd go and rip his tank open and flush the contents down the toilet later.

Some relaxing holiday this was turning out to be. Stupid Megatron. Stupid humans. Stupid London.

Something moved next to Starscream and, despite his extremely painful headache, the seeker opened his optics to see what it was.

"Oh… Oh frag… frag… fragging… frag!" he whispered.

Megatron.

He was sleeping in the same bed as Megatron! How the frag did that happen? He didn't remember-

Oh… Oh yes… He did remember that, actually…

Oh frag…

Oh frag…

Oh… FRAG!

He was going to die. He was actually going to die. This wouldn't be one of Megatron's ordinary death threats, oh no. The commander would actually kill him this time.

Starscream began to pray to Primus, but then remembered that that would probably only land him in more trouble when the time came. To put it lightly, Primus would not be particularly fond of Starscream's continuous murderous rampages.

As quickly as he dared, Starscream scrambled his way out of the tangled bed sheets, cursing humans for needing the infernal things, and made to roll off the bed and crawl back into his room.

His foot got caught in the sheets and the seeker found himself being unceremoniously dumped onto the ground, his cheek mashing into the disgusting beige carpet as he pulled the sheets down with him.

Along with the sheets came Megatron, howling with rage as he was disturbed from the beauty sleep that he so desperately needed.

The warlord plummeted from the bed, thumped down on top of Starscream and proceeded to glare at the seeker rather groggily.

Starscream smiled and laughed nervously.

"H-hi, sir. Good morning," he said, his voice even more high-pitched than usual.

"There'd better be a good explanation for this, Screamer," Megatron growled.

"Uh… Well… All I remember is that stupid party Skywarp made us go to. So technically, this is his fault! Right?" Starscream squeaked.

"Hngh," Megatron rumbled. His optics flickered, their violent red dimming slightly.

Starscream cleared his throat, shaking Megatron from his state of near-recharge.

"What is it?" Megatron snapped.

"Uh, can I get up sir?" Starscream asked. Normally he would have just shoved the silver mech off him, attempted to stab him in the back and then run, but he was utterly terrified of getting blasted to slag, so he thought it best to ask nicely, as much as it disgusted him.

"Hngh," Megatron replied. He rolled off the seeker, taking the mass of bed sheets with him.

Now free and extremely happy about it, Starscream, scrambled to his feet and darted from Megatron's room and back to his, Thundercracker's and Skywarp's before the warlord could remember the events of the previous night.

Thundercracker was smirking when Starscream walked into their room. He didn't like it.

"What?" he snapped, glaring.

"Did you have fun last night?" Thundercracker asked, his smirk broadening slightly.

"I don't know what you mean," Starscream said indignantly. But his cheeks suddenly burned.

"Oh, don't you? I'd have thought you'd remember. I'd have thought your throat would be pretty sore after all the screaming and the howling."

"Uh…"

"So, I guess I was right. Megatron likes it rough, huh?" the blue seeker chuckled.

Starscream felt his cheeks flush red. To be honest, he didn't remember if he and Megatron had… but he had been very, very drunk, and what he could recollect certainly suggested that… And he had woken up in his bed…

"We did nothing of the sort!" Starscream screeched, determined to keep at list a sliver of what little pride he had left.

"Sure."

"We didn't!"

"Sure."

"Frag you."

"Cheating on Megatron already?"

"SHUT UP!"

"I was just kidding, Starscream. You didn't fuck Megatron last night. Or rather, Megatron didn't fuck you last night. Because you would so be on the bottom," said Thundercracker.

"I would not!" Starscream argued, completely forgetting about the first part of the sentence due to his injured ego.

Thundercracker burst into fits of laughter and Starscream decided to ignore him. Turning towards the television, he spotted Banana curled up on top of it and picked her up. She snaked her way up to his wing and wrapped around it, quite content to stay there.

When Thundercracker's laughter had stopped, the seeker turned around to face him again, still glaring.

"Where's 'Warp?" he asked.

"Oh, he stayed over at Mary-Shitface's last night. Primus knows what they got up to," the blue seeker replied.

Starscream's features twisted into an extremely confused expression as his mind attempted to comprehend whether that vile flesh creature would ever be able to bond with Skywarp. In the end, he decided that it would be a rather painful experience for both of them, and also decided that, this being the case, it might actually be a good idea. It would be amusing to watch, at any rate. And perhaps he could make himself a small fortune by selling data disks of it on the black market.

The red seeker felt a shudder rip through his circuits at the thought of that disgusting flesh creature without her outer layers of cloth covering her filthy body. Urgh. He couldn't possibly imagine how horrific it would be to see something like that. Personally, he'd rather allow Megatron to tear his optics out.

A soft nuzzling from Banana wrenched Starscream from his terror-filled daydream.

He decided to go for a walk to clear his mind. And perhaps he could massacre some children along the way. Maybe Banana would like to see that. The yellow python was certainly a better companion than any of the other Decepticons, that was for sure.

Soon, Starscream found himself strolling through a park, the sun shining down upon the green grass and the sound of humans' screams of terror as he walked past singing a sweet melody to his audio sensors.

It was good to be a Decepticon on a day like today.

The seeker let out a satisfied sigh and allowed Banana to bite into the neck of a squirrel as he sat underneath a tree. A little of the furry earth creature's blood splattered across his wings, and the seeker sighed. He wiped it off with a growl. The last thing he needed was a disgusting furry flesh creature's innards ruining his paintjob.

Several hours of sulking later, Starscream returned to the Decepticons' shared hotel room to find a giggling Skywarp, now returned from that vile Mary-Sue's place, and Thundercracker. He ignored the two idiot seekers, instead placing Banana back on her perch atop the TV and turning the human entertainment device on. He lay back on his bed and sighed.

Shit.

Utter shit; that was all that was on. The humans sure had some weird shows. And they were all really ugly to boot.

Soundwave and his ensemble of strangely formed creatures appeared to be out, and Shockwave wasn't there either. Not that he cared.

Suddenly, Starscream's keen audio sensors picked up on a voice just outside the door to the hotel room. He sat up and looked to the door, cocking an optic ridge in curiosity as he distinctly heard someone very familiar say;

"No, Bumblebee, stop trying to do stuff."

"What was that?" he asked Skywarp and Thundercracker. The two seekers shrugged.

Just then, a loud, earth-splitting cry of;

"MEGATROOOOOOON!" slammed into Starscream's audio sensors. At exactly the same moment, something smacked into the door to the hotel room with such great force that it flew from its hinges, splintering into several pieces which scattered across the room. Starscream ducked, narrowly avoiding being hit on the head by a flying door handle, though 'Warp and TC weren't so lucky. The two seekers found themselves pinned down to the bed they'd been sitting on by a large chunk of door.

Starscream grumbled and peeked up, already knowing who he was going to see standing in the doorway.

Human-sized, somehow, just like the Decepticons, his colour scheme still the same bright blue and red except he had attempted to disguise himself as a human by pulling on what looked like it was probably a pink woman's tank top, was-

"PRIIIIIIIIME!" Megatron's voice howled from the next room. The Decepticon leader threw the interconnecting door open, his face contorted in what the humans would probably describe as "manly rage" as his optics locked with the Autobot leader's.

"YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE US, MEGATRON?" Prime yelled unnecessarily loudly and heroically considering that no one really cared.

"Um, Optimus, there are some humans screaming and running away in terror down the hall," a quiet voiced piped up.

"SILENCE, BUMBLEBEE!" Prime called to the little yellow nuisance behind him. "THIS IS THE END FOR YOU, MEGATRON!"

"NO, IT IS THE END FOR YOU, PRIME!"

Starscream slowly felt his hand edge towards his face, evolving into what the basement-dweller humans called a "facepalm". This holiday had just gotten a million times worse. But at least this might make Megatron forget about last night and this morning.