The Decepticon's Day Off

Chapter One: Megatron's Polite Note

"Megatron sir, requesting permission to order a frappucino," Soundwave said in his monotone voice.

"Request approved," the leader of the Decepticons grunted, turning the page of his newspaper. He looked around the coffee shop Soundwave had brought him to. "Starbucks" it was called, a most popular destination for humans it seemed. There were about twenty of the pathetic creatures gazing wide-eyed at him and Soundwave.

Twenty sets of ogling eyes followed the Communications Officer as he stomped to the counter.

"One tall caramel frappucino please," he said. The man behind the counter was too busy gawping at the robot to realise that it had just spoken.

Megatron couldn't see why the humans were staring. He thought his disguises had been quite good considering his lack of knowledge in this field. First of all, he had managed to shrink a group of roughly 40-foot robots to the average human height. Secondly, the moustaches, suits and hats had been a stroke of genius. And, to add even more effect, a pair of bright lime green sunglasses were perched on Megatron's "nose".

Putting aside the fact that the Decepticons looked like human-sized robots wearing stolen human clothing (which they were), Megatron's disguises were absolutely spectacular. He deserved a medal of some kind (For "failing more than anyone has ever failed before", as Starscream had put it).

"J-just take them all!" the man behind the counter wailed, pushing eleven chocolate muffins towards Soundwave before fleeing the building. The robot took them gingerly in his mighty robotic arms.

"Starscream is late sir," he said as he seated himself next to his leader, tipping muffins onto the circular wooden table. He removed his face plate to enable the consumption of his chocolatey treats.

"He shall be punished," Megatron stated, putting down his newspaper. A small human (Megatron had heard them being called "children") walked past their table, gawping as he went. He paused when Soundwave began to drink his frappucino and looked from the robot to the pile of muffins and back again.

"How do you eat?" he asked dumbly, gazing at the robot. Soundwave didn't reply, but merely handed the boy a muffin. "Thanks!" he chirped, skipping away.

"These humans are quite stupid aren't they?" said Megatron, watching a woman, probably the child's mother, pry the treat out of the boy's hands and throw it in a bin. She walked past the shop window and glared at Soundwave and Megatron as she past them.

Soundwave had finished his Frappucino and was in the process of eating his pile of muffins, with the paper holders, when Starscream entered the coffee shop. This seemed to be the final straw for the customers, who all ran away from the building as fast as their fleshy human legs would carry them.

"I apologise for my lateness sir," the newcomer said. He was wearing a pair of green and white Hawaiian shorts and a shirt of the same pattern, only orange and purple in colour. The Decepticons, while brilliantly evil, were not the most fashion-conscious of robots.

"No muffins for you Starscream, you have failed me for the last time!" Megatron said scornfully. Starscream gave the Decepticon Lord a sarcastic look. "…Again," Megatron concluded, stealing a muffin from Soundwave, who looked at the cake sadly as Megatron chomped on it.

Starscream looked at the glass container housing Starbucks' wide variety of food inside it.

"How can you two consume this filth?" the jet spat.

"I like it," Soundwave replied, finishing the last of his muffins.

"You can't even taste it! It'll probably just clog up your processor!" Starscream retorted. "And don't think I'm going to fix you when it does!"

The Decepticons were silenced when a woman screamed outside the shop. She pointed wildly to the trio of robots before being hurried away by a man. After that the street was empty.

Soundwave replaced his mask as Megatron gawped at the spot where the woman had been. Starscream shook his head in disbelief.

"So sir, is it just us visiting the zoo?" Starscream inquired.

"It seems so," Megatron replied, looking at his Air Commander. "Thundercracker and Skywarp are Pit-bent on going to the London Dungeons and Shockwave is scared of furry things. All the others have gone to Madam Tussauds.

"The Cassetticons are coming too," Soundwave pointed out.

"Yes but… no one cares," Starscream and Megatron snapped in perfect unison. That made one thing they agreed on so far that day. A new record.

"Anyway, try not to draw attention to yourselves today. The Autobots don't actually know we've left our base," Megatron said, rolling up his newspaper and making to leave.

If robots could raise an inquisitive eyebrow, it seemed that Soundwave was doing so.

"I left them a note," Megatron said hurriedly.

"Ah yes, I remember!" Starscream exclaimed. "Dear Auto-bastards. We're on holiday. What the slag are you doing in our base anyway?" Starscream quoted, exploding into fits of giggles.

"I was drunk at the time," Megatron attempted to defend himself.

"Megatron, the great Decepticon Lord, cannot handle his high-grade Energon!" Starscream cackled, resting on the small circular Starbucks table for support as he tried to calm his laughter.

"Shut up Starscream," was the only reply the embarrassed Megatron could think of. At least the others hadn't been here for that. Thundercracker and Skywarp would never of let him live it down.

While the two had been bickering (as per usual), Soundwave had slipped over to the glass food container and tipped its contents into his large picnic basket. It was, after all, going to be a very long day off.