I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

Disclaim-me-do: You know, I've never trusted strange installations.

Chapter 13

Gendo Ikari was not a man of leisure. In fact, he had little time for anything that wasn't related to the Human Instrumentality Project. Because of this, he was dismissive of the letter from Rei Ayanami's school that complained about her antisocial behaviour.

'I do not have time for this,' he decided as he held the communiqué over the bin. 'Still, if nothing is done, then they will start snooping around. Perhaps Rei could conduct some self-study about this?'

"I see," Rei said as she hung up the phone. Her facial expression did not change despite the additional task that she had been given. 'I do not know how where such information could be located. This may take some time.'

Opening op the laptop that had been given to her by the NERV Commander, the blue-haired girl logged onto the internet, intent on finding out what the best way to greet people was.

Several hours later, Rei realised that it was bedtime and shut the laptop down.

"This is most interesting, yet it is puzzling at the same time," the pale-skinned girl thought as she prepared herself for bed. 'I can understand why people do not sexually assault each other as a greeting as it does seem to go against sexual harassment laws.'

As Rei finished undressing, she walked to her bathroom and brushed her teeth. 'But why would those people on the internet insist that it was a traditional method of saying hello? I do not know of anyone who…'

The pilot paused as she remembered what had happened when Shinji Ikari had tried to give her her new NERV ID.

Spitting out the residue from her toothpaste, Rei looked at the mirror. "Ikari-kun does seem to be polite, so perhaps he was trying to greet me in the traditional manner? Yes, I should invite him here and welcome him in the appropriate fashion."

Rinsing her mouth, the blue haired girl considered her course of action. 'I need to research the best method of welcoming him to the apartment tomorrow; I do not want him to think badly of me.'

The following morning as Shinji left the apartment, he noticed that two of his classmates had decided to walk to school with him.

"Hey, Shinji!" Touji greeted enthusiastically.

Kensuke also smiled warmly. "Morning, Shinji."

"Hi," the pilot smiled in response.

There was an unexpected, but not entirely uncomfortable, silence for a few minutes as the trio walked towards school.

"You know, Shinji," Touji said as they waited for the crossing signal, "I was wondering when you might see Rokku Haado again?"

"I... I don't know," Shinji replied honestly. "He's very busy and he had to leave Tokyo-3 in a hurry last time."

"But you will introduce me to him, right?"

"Of course!"

Kensuke felt a moment of smugness when he recalled his brief ride in the Party Van. "He's a nice guy."

"Rub it in, why don't you?" the tallest of the three growled. "Man, I bet that the Party Van's seen some action…"

"I'll say," the pilot nodded as the chirping that signalled for the pedestrians to cross the road. "It was used in Jizzaster Relief."

"Jizzaster Relief?" Touji repeated in confusion.

"It was a gonzo-style video that was themed along the lines of a disaster relief effort, only the 'disaster' was college students being sexually frustrated. It wasn't a particularly popular title, so they shelved the idea of making more of them."

At NERV headquarters, Kozo Fuyutsuki had just called in Ritsuko to his office.

"Dr. Akagi, is there anything to report on the task I gave you?"

"What task would that be?" the bottle blonde asked.

"The one where I told you to prevent immoral actions between Pilot Ikari and Captain Katsuragi.

"Immoral actions?" Ritsuko repeated nervously. She thought back to the threesomes she'd had with Misato and Rokku Haado and the challenge she'd issued to Shinji the previous day. "Well…"

"We both know that Captain Katsuragi has suffered from massive psychological trauma, but who could have foreseen that it would have manifested itself in the way she's forcing Pilot Ikari to parade around with no clothes on. Especially since he was raised by filth-mongers!"

"I don't think that Shinji has too much to worry about Misato's advances," Ritsuko replied. 'Though I would totally bang him every night I could.' "That said, I agree with you that we need to keep Shinji safe, since he's our only available pilot. I will continue to keep a close watch on the two of them."

"Thank you, Dr. Akagi."

Misato was savouring her cup of coffee when Ritsuko walked into her office.

"Ah, Misato, I've got some bad news for you."

"What's that?"

"Fuyutsuki has decided that I need to keep up the watch on you and Shinji to prevent 'immoral activities'."

"Prevent? That's a laugh, Ritsuko!" Misato shook her head. "You're the one who's leering at the poor boy."

"He's no boy, Misato. He's a hero, the man who's saving the world. Albeit one who doesn't need to shave yet."

The Captain rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You've been practising that, haven't you? Does telling yourself that really help you sleep at night?"

"Not on its own, no," Ritsuko admitted.

Misato sighed despondently. "What did I do to deserve this life?"

"You're implying that life is fair, Misato. We both know it's not, otherwise we wouldn't have the Angels trying to destroy humanity," the faux-blonde replied to the rhetorical question. "Besides, it's not like it's all bad. I mean, you did get to meet Shinji's friend, Rocco…"

"That was a plus, yes," Misato reluctantly agreed. "But never mind that, we don't have the time to waste thinking about how life could be better if we were spending it with people we like to sleep with, we've got work to do!"

Over the course of the school day, Rei had cast several speculative glances at Shinji. She pondered why he had occupied a large number of her thoughts recently. The young man was not unattractive, though outwardly he did lack what some would call "manliness".

The blue haired girl reasoned that it was because Shinji did not have an athletic build.

She also noted that Shinji had not expressed an aptitude for academic endeavours. He wasn't stupid or disinterested in learning, like their classmate, Touji Suzuhara, but Shinji wasn't pushing his mental capacities to the limit.

But Rei had also considered the reason for such things: Shinji Ikari was the only combat ready pilot for the Evangelions and as such, mental fatigue would reduce his piloting ability.

'Perhaps Shinji Ikari's desire to keep something in reserve for emergencies was the kind of pragmatism that reminded Rei of Shinji's father?'

Given what she had heard with regards to his former guardian, Rei pondered what it would be like to have Shinji with a more dominant character.

'Yes, I believe that sexual encounters could be as pleasurable as my research indicates.'

When the chimes that signalled the end of the day sounded, Rei rose to her feet and walked to where Shinji was gathering his things.

Touji and Kensuke were surprised to see that Rei of all people had approached someone.

"Ikari-kun, I am ready to go to my apartment."

"Wait, what? You want to take Shinji with you to your apartment?" Touji asked. "What the hell is it with you, Shinji?"

"It's not what you think," the male pilot insisted. "I'm just helping Ayanami-san clean her apartment."

Kensuke narrowed his eyes. "Really?"

"Yes!" Shinji insisted.

"Wait, does that mean that Misato-san is going to be home alone?" the bespectacled boy asked, several dirty thoughts entering his head.

"No, she'll be with Ritsuko-san."

"Ritsuko?" Touji repeated.

"Dr. Ritsuko Akagi works at NERV," Rei explained. "She is also currently staying with Ikari-kun and Captain Katsuragi."

"Wait, that's the hot blonde?" the muscular boy asked. He cast a knowing look towards his friend.

"Shinji, I know you've got a prior engagement, so Touji and I will help look after your roommates tonight," Kensuke smiled.

"Misato-san's on a late shift tonight, so she won't be back until nearly 9."

"We can wait," Touji smirked.

"We will be done by then," Rei said, her expression was as neutral as ever, but the two lecherous young men felt somewhat intimidated by her words.

"Maybe some other time?" Kensuke said.

"Perhaps," Rei said as she led Shinji towards the exit.

When the two pilots arrived at Rei's apartment building, Shinji took a deep breath to prepare himself for the mess and to see what the best course of action would be.

Rei did not notice the change in Shinji's expression. She was thinking about the mechanics of her plan. 'If our positions were reversed, it would be easier to correctly greet Ikari-kun. Would it be better if I was to pin him to the wall and put my tongue in his mouth or should I surprise him and tie his naked body to my bed?'

The blue-haired girl looked up when she heard the chirping sound from the crossing. Shinji had started ahead of her and she found her piercing red eyes drawn to his slender form.

'I believe I have the strength required to subdue Ikari-kun, so tying him to my bed would enable me more time to correctly greet him,' Rei decided. She quickly caught up with the young man and directed him to the quickest route to her apartment.

Five minutes later, Rei and Shinji entered apartment 402, with the young Ikari frowning at the state of the interior.

"Please go in first, Ikari-kun."

"Do you want me to help you tidy up, Ayanami-san?" Shinji asked as he stepped inside. While he removed his shoes, Rei silently locked the door behind her.

"Is something the matter, Ayanami-san?"

"It is time to greet you properly, Ikari-kun," the pale-skinned girl said as she approached the stunned Shinji.

"What do you mean, Ayanami-san? I thought we'd been properly introduced, remember the time I tried to give you your ID…" the young Ikari trailed off, an unpleasant sensation forming to his stomach. "Y-you're angry about me falling on you, aren't you? I told you it was reflex that caused me to squeeze your breast like that."

"No," Rei corrected. "While it is true that we have been introduced, it would appear that I was ill-mannered when I failed to greet properly you during your original visit."

"You don't have to go through any trouble for me, Ayanami-san," Shinji replied nervously.

"I do not have much experience with interpersonal interactions, so I must insist, Ikari-kun. It was a direct order from the Commander himself."

The Third Child was conflicted. On the one hand, he disliked being a bother to others and it was clear that Rei was not in a position to host the tea ceremony, but on the other hand, this was a direct order from his father, the man who controlled NERV.

"I…"

Taking Shinji's hesitancy as a positive answer, the blue-haired girl made her move. She quickly closed the gap between her and the indecisive youth, her arms grabbing his shoulders and pushing him to the floor.

"A-" Shinji's protests were cut off by Rei forcing her tongue into his mouth.

After a few moments, the First Child found her clumsy kiss being returned in a much more experienced fashion. She broke the kiss, surprised at the heat she was feeling in both her cheeks and her loins.

"I… I'm sorry, Ayanami-san, I didn't mean to kiss you like that. It was just reflex. And, I already have a girlfriend," the young man said, feeling guilty about his actions.

"Reflex?" Rei repeated, her brow furrowing slightly. That seemed strange to the blue-haired pilot. To her a reflex action was something like the dilation or constriction of the pupil during a rapid change in light conditions, not the erotic manipulation of a breast or to kiss back. It would appear that Shinji Ikari had been subjected to some strange conditions during his upbringing.

Not that it mattered to Rei, she would progress with her plan regardless of any reflex action. She climbed off Shinji and started to drag him to the bed.

"Hey, wait a minute, what's going on?"

Rei continued to drag Shinji towards her bed. "I am going to tie your naked body to my bed so that I can properly greet you, Ikari-kun."

"B-b-but… why?" Shinji asked, still clearly confused by the whole situation. "And why like this?"

"According to my research, the correct answer to 'why like this' is 'because I can'," Rei explained calmly. "Please do not worry, Ikari-kun, this should not take long."

"B-b-but why me?" the young man asked as he was unceremoniously hoisted onto the cheap, metal framed bed. "Why would you want to do this with me?"

The blue-haired girl paused her tying of Shinji's restraints. "It is because you seem to be the only person who is versed with the traditional method of introduction, Ikari-kun."

"You don't introduce yourself to people by tying them to your bed!" Shinji insisted.

"That is true. However, unlike you, I was not schooled in traditional etiquette. Now, is it proper to gag the person you are introducing yourself to? When you were first here, you did not, but you were not expecting me to walk out of the shower when I did and you may have been unprepared," Rei said as she continued to restrain the panicking youth to her bed.

Turning back to face Shinji after she had tied his feet to the other end of the bed frame, the First Child noticed that Shinji was still struggling against his bonds. "Since you are clearly in distress, perhaps it would be wise not to risk restricting your airways?"

The young man was unsure of what exactly was going on. "…"

"In the cases of these traditional greetings, who is it normally the one being greeted who should be naked first?" Rei asked, her red eyes making Shinji increasingly nervous. "I see you are concerned about something, Ikari-kun. Perhaps I should undress first to put you at ease?"

"…" Shinji blinked as the blue-haired girl started to open her school blouse, the white fabric falling away to reveal her pale skin.

Rei climbed off the bed and let the rest of her uniform fall to the floor. As she stood there in a plain white bra and panties, the First Child cast an appraising eye over her guest.

"If your clothes are causing you any discomfort, Ikari-kun, do not worry, it is time for you to get naked. Or at least, as naked as possible, given your current restraints."

Pulling down Shinji's black school trousers and boxer shorts, Rei noticed the penis that they'd been concealing. It was much larger than she had expected, given the frame of the young Ikari. The blue-haired pilot studied the appendage intently, her red eyes unblinking as she looked over every contour.

"It is much larger than the diagrams suggested," she noted. She let out a breath she had involuntarily held, the exhalation tickling Shinji's shaft. Rei noticed the way this reaction had caused Shinji to moved under her. She looked up and saw the apologetic look on his face. 'Cute…' she thought.

"Please, Ayanami-san, let me go," Shinji implored. "I have a girlfriend."

It usually took a lot for Rei to become curious about something, a consequence of her upbringing and association with Gendo Ikari, and so most of the rumours surrounding Shinji Ikari were outright ignored. Ordinarily, indifference was the default reaction.

Ordinarily.

There had been a unique confluence of circumstances in recent weeks that was changing Rei Ayanami's stance on getting involved. Yes, there was the fact that Shinji was a fellow Evangelion pilot, and the military wisdom was that combat efficiency would be improved with a closer interaction. But there was more about this, from Shinji's public nudity at school, to the rumours that he had associations with smut peddlers and perverts. There had been the "reflex" action of his squeezing her breast, a sensation that she had not been able to recreate on her own. Add in the admission that Shinji had a girlfriend, and there was something about him that caused certain physiological, and emotional, reactions within the normally stoic pilot.

If she was to be questioned about what happened next, Rei would not quite be able to answer why she reached out to touch Shinji's penis. Part of it was curiosity, part of it was a desire to properly greet the young man, as per the internet's advice, but there another part of it, a part that Rei was unfamiliar with in this context: Need.

Oh, Rei was familiar with the concept of need. She knew about things like thirst, hunger and other biological necessities. But this new kind of need was almost alien to her. Rei knew about pleasure, though she had nothing that could be described as a vice. No drugs, alcohol or unhealthy foods. No violent or destructive urges. No desire to be immersed into a story.

Until now. Now Rei Ayanami, the girl everyone in her class thought of as an ice queen, was experiencing a desire to be naked with Shinji Ikari.

'No,' Rei told herself as she noted the soft skin of Shinji's semi, 'We will need more than for us to be undressed.'

With a discipline that came from an austere lifestyle, the quiet girl released Shinji and climbed off the bed. Forty-five seconds later, she was completely naked. Rei's petite body was not lacking in curves, but she did not compare to Misato, Ritsuko or Kodama.

Shinji quickly looked away, trying his best to not betray his girlfriend, but the image of the delicate, doll-like girl was burned into his memory, making the young Ikari feel a pang of regret for being such a good student of his uncle Ivor.

Despite taking only a brief look, Shinji could recall many of the details of Rei's naked form. The pale skin that reminded him of porcelain, the curves of her delicate breasts, the slender thighs, the fact that she had natural blue hair.

"Does my appearance displease or upset you, Ikari-kun?"

"N-no," Shinji replied, his head still turned away.

"Then why are you not looking at me?"

"Because I'm trying to be true to Kodama-san. I… I'm worried that I'm getting a reputation…"

"Kodama is your girlfriend, yes?"

"Yes."

"Have you seen other girls naked?"

"Yes," Shinji replied. "Please let me go…"

While he could understand that desire to give up control to another person, Shinji had never been a fan of being tied up. Too often women had approached him uttering "ara-ara" as their hands wandered over his young body. Shinji thanked his lucky stars that Kei and Yuri weren't there to discover him in this situation. If they had, they'd ride him until they collapsed from exhaustion!

"I will if you will indulge me. I will be as discrete as you are about this evening," Rei offered her proposal.

The young Ikari sighed, his uncles' training seemingly almost as much of a curse as a blessing at times like this. He knew that he didn't have the strength to break free from his bonds without causing himself an injury. Even if he did, he'd have to leave immediately, and that could require using violence against Ayanami-san.

Despite the occasional rough sex video shoot, Uncle Rocco had always insisted that Shinji treat women with respect, telling him that "There's a world of difference between rough sex and violence, Hot Stuff. Never forget that." Treating people with respect and kindness was something that came naturally to Shinji Ikari; it was one of the things that made him appeal to certain women.

"I…" the male pilot took a deep breath before turning to face his classmate. "What do you want from me?"

"Sex."

"Untie my hands and I'll do it."

"But then it won't be rape. And rape is like saying hello here in Japan," Rei replied, a look of confusion on her face.

"What? No! That's… That's the internet being the internet," the restrained pilot replied. He let out a sigh. "If this is your first time, you aren't ready to just have sex with someone. You need proper preparation."

Rei tilted her head in confusion. "But I am feeling aroused from looking at your penis. That should be sufficient, should it not?"

Shinji sighed again. "Look, if you really want this, then you have to untie my hands. It'll make things better, I promise."

"Very well."

Two hours later, the two pilots were resting after their exertions. Rei was using Shinji's chest as a pillow, enjoying his scent.

"I… I believe that you were correct, Ikari-kun."

"About what?"

"About allowing you to use your hands," Rei clarified as she moved her fellow pilot's hand up to her face for a closer examination. "Is it possible to teach me your techniques?"

"I… I'm not sure that Kodama would approve."

"I see." The blue-haired pilot, however, was already formulating a plan to get Kodama's assent for such lessons.

"I… I don't mean to be rude, but can we clean up your apartment now? It is why I came over."

Rei shifted to look at Shinji's face. There was something appealing about his earnest nature, like he was trying to be a responsible person. Also, she hadn't planned for their sexual encounter to last two hours.

"Yes. I will prepare some buckets and cleaning solution," the naked young woman said as she climbed off her conquest.

Shinji smiled as he moved to untie his ankles. He realised that he'd have to stretch soon, or he'd get cramp.

An hour later, Shinji and Rei had made the apartment less of an immediate health hazard. The pilots took a step back from the efforts of their labour and gave each other an approving nod.

"Thank you, Ikari-kun. You have helped me a great deal today."

"Y-you're welcome, Ayanami-san. But… about earlier… I… Please don't tell anyone about that. I'm ashamed of what I did."

"Why? I do not have any experience when it comes to intimate pleasure, but your performance was beyond reproach. It was exactly what I my research implied it could be," the blue-haired pilot stated.

"I… It wasn't that," Shinji replied. "It's because I'm supposed to be a good boyfriend. And a good boyfriend doesn't cheat on his girlfriend."

Rei looked thoughtful for a moment. She could understand why Shinji would feel that way, but this new world of experiences that he had opened up to her… Could anyone else make her feel that way? Even the time when he briefly touched her breast had been so different to her own caress.

Although Rei had only recently began to start exploring her body, she had doubts that she could easily replicate the pleasures that Shinji had given her on her own. She would need a partner.

"I will not tell anyone about our encounter today, Ikari-kun."

"Thank you, Ayanami-san." Shinji looked at a clock and winced. "I should go. I left Misato-san and Ritsuko-san some food to reheat, but I'll still have to clean up after them. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Ayanami-san."

"Rei."

"Pardon?"

"Please call me 'Rei'," Rei said, a small, gentle smile forming on her lips.

"Until tomorrow, Rei-san," Shinji bowed politely.

The journey back home was a quiet one for Shinji. He sat on the train, deep in thought, the events of the late afternoon and early evening playing through his mind.

It had started out as an innocent attempt to help improve the living conditions of a classmate and fellow pilot, but had soon degenerated into a sordid, two hour sexual episode. And, like most of the intimate encounters Shinji had, it had been initiated by the female party.

Shinji didn't like that. Not that he thought that it wasn't his duty to pleasure his partner, but more because it was like he as just a pawn in their game. Rokku Haado would never allow himself to be preyed upon like that.

Of course, Rokku Haado was a physically fit man, who stood just under two metres tall, whereas Shinji Ikari was a 155cm tall weakling who risked being carried away by a strong breeze.

"I should be more like Uncle Rocco," the pilot whispered. After a moment, he realised that being more like his uncle would probably make things worse. "Well, maybe just confident enough to tell people 'no' more often."

Leaning back in his seat, Shinji cast a glance out at the darkening skies of Tokyo-3. "What should I tell Kodama-san?"

Kodama had been understanding when it came to proving his skills with Misato and Ritsuko, but that was a different matter to what had just happened with Rei Ayanami: A heat of the moment challenge compared to what could be seen as an illicit tryst with a classmate/co-worker.

Shinji didn't like telling lies or keeping secrets, but equally, he didn't want to hurt Kodama. What would hurt her more: Keeping his encounter with Rei a secret or telling her?

She might not ever find out if he kept it a secret, but what if he slipped up and mentioned it? What if she saw his admission that he'd been unfaithful as the thin end of the wedge and that he was always going to cheat on her?

The train passed a billboard for a local church, the advertisement telling the people of Tokyo-3 to "fight truth decay" with a toothbrush and stream of water making a cruciform image.

"I guess that's a sign."

Kodama Horaki looked at her phone and smiled. "Hi, Shinji-kun. What's up?"

"¬Kodama-san, I… I'm sorry.¬"

"Sorry for what?"

"¬Give me that phone!¬"

"¬No, I can't! I need this phone!¬"

"Shinji? Shinji!" Kodama screamed into her phone.

The phone call was cut off by the sounds of a struggle.

To be continued…

What?

I never said that this one was dead.

Yeah, it's been a while since you read new content for this one, but that's just how this crazy world we live in goes. Until the laterer comes, though that gap should be slightly less than this time.