A/N: This one came to me a few weeks back actually, and I've been contemplating on whether or not to post it. But after showing it to my friend, Inu-chan, I decided to go ahead and post it.
I hope you all like it.
I know I should put up a warning, but I'm afraid if I do, it'll give away the secret.
So, I'll only say this: If you get offended easily, this probably isn't for you.
Kagome Higurashi. 16 years old, tall, short brown hair and a quirky smile that could make even the most fowl person grin. Her eyes though, had to be the most spectacular thing about her. They could either make you feel warm inside, or lower than dirt for even talking to her, depending on her mood. Kagome didn't have a single malicious bone in her body, yet for some reason, people avoided her like the plague. It could be because they didn't know how to handle her.
Inuyasha knew how complicated Kagome could be, having experienced it first hand. They would be talking about something...say...a new movie they'd gone out to see together, and then before he knew it, she would jump to a completely different subject, sometimes leaving him wondering just exactly how her mind worked, in order for her to go from talking about the gory details in SAW, to how hot dogs were made.
Yet instead of driving him away, like she had other people, he found himself conversing with her more and more, finding her views and quirks to be interesting, rather than odd or disturbing. Besides, normal people were boring anyway.
Her eyes, were a unique shade of brown. Kagome hated her eyes, having stated on more than one occasion that having both brown hair AND eyes was BORING, and she HATED boring. Yet, he thought they suited her. Those eyes changed so much...
It was kind of a challenge, talking to her, but if one were to just gaze at her eyes, then they'd be able to tell if she was joking or being serious, because Kagome was always very open about how she felt and how she perceived things. Very open...
They got along so great, that for a while, they even tried dating each other. But they quickly called off their relationship, deciding that they were better off as friends, not lovers. Thankfully, things hadn't been that tense when they'd made that decision. Even though he'd never admit it, he'd have been crushed if their friendship would have died.
So, that's why he was so surprised...when he found out, that Kagome...was gay. Or...a lesbian, to be exact.
They were walking up to the store to get something to eat, just goofing around, like they always did, when they had come across to guys, who were holding hands, looking VERY intimate. And he had snickered, before shouting, "Oi, FAGS, GET A ROOM!"
He let out a loud laugh, and nudged Kagome, expecting her to come up with a witty joke as always, yet was very surprised, when she looked at him, falling silent. The walk up to the store had been a very uncomfortable one, and by the time they were half way back to Kagome's house, Inuyasha'd had enough.
"WHAT?"
Kagome stopped, and he remembered how she had looked at them with those EYES of hers...
"I didn't find it funny." Obviously she was referring to the comment he'd made at the fags. He rolled his eyes, giving her an annoyed look. "What are you, a fag?"
Dead silence. Kagome had stared at him, as if contemplating something, before saying, "No."
They walked a little more, before she stopped, a look of grim determination on her face.
"A faggot is a homosexual who is unhappy with their lifestyle. I'm very happy, therefore, I am very much not a fag, as you ever so tactfully put it."
Inuyasha had stopped, eyes wide, as his world slowly started to crumble around him. He recalled how he slowly started backing away from her, and how her eyes, instead of being their normal warm and open brown, were now closed and dull. "You...y...what?"
Suddenly she had lunged at him, and he had jumped back, a weak scream escaping his lips. She'd then glanced up at the sky, shook her head and then walked off. He saw his best friend, and in some ways, his twin, drifting farther away from him, as he gasped out, "Kagome! It's just a joke, right? You can't really be a...a..."
Kagome'd turned back to look at him, and had given him one of the most painful smiles he'd ever seen. It was full of disappointment.
"Good-bye, Inuyasha."
So there he was, sitting on his bed, staring at the blank walls of his room, his mind racing ninety miles to nothing. She had told him Good-bye. Kagome never used that phrase, ever. She detested it, saying that 'Good-bye' meant forever, and forever was a hellova long time, and that one should use 'See ya later' instead.
Briefly, he recalled the last person Kagome had ever said the words, 'Good-Bye' to...and only came up with one name. Naraku. Inuyasha didn't care too much for the guy, having seen for the slime he was. But Kagome had given him a chance. One that she hadn't given again.
He had been waiting in Kagome's room, surfing the web on her computer, when she had come storming in, with Naraku quickly following after her. As if realizing that he was right behind her, she turned around, growling.
"GET OUT."
"JEEZE Kagome, it was an accident! My temper just got the best of me, you know how it is! You have one yoursel--"
SMACK!
Naraku had fallen like a ton of bricks, as Kagome decided to introduce him to her fist.
"Never, and I mean NEVER will I EVER lay my hands on a woman. That is unforgivable."
Then she grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him out of her room, slamming the door.
"Good-Bye, Naraku."
Til this DAY, they STILL weren't talking to each other. Oh Naraku would try, but Kagome never glanced his way, never smiled or so much as talked ABOUT him. For all purposes, he was dead to her. Not that Inuyasha was surprised. After all, anybody that knew anything about Kagome knew that she had a lot of honor and pride, and would NOT hesitate to punch someone out, should they dare raise a hand to a girl in her presence. She was almost like a man in that aspect.
Upon questioning her about it, she had tersely replied that her father was an ass hole to her mother before he'd finally left, and she'd be damned if she was ever going to make a woman feel the way he'd made her mother feel.
Which was why...he just didn't get it. Kagome was honorable, smart, sweet, funny and good looking. So why was she a fag?! It didn't make any sense! Fags were doomed to burn in hell for all eternity! Kagome was so smart...why would she choose to go down a path that would lead her to nothing but pain and misery?
Briefly, he entertained the idea of talking to her about it, thinking that maybe he could just get her to listen to reason, and make her see that her path was...
'A faggot is a homosexual who is unhappy with their lifestyle. I am very happy, and therefore, very much not a fag, as you ever so tactfully put it.'
A sigh. One couldn't force people to change, they had to want to change, in order for it to work. He knew that, better than anyone. So talking to her about anything, was out of the question.
'So...' He bit his lips in contemplation. 'I guess the only thing to do is...to just...'
"Stop hanging out with her."
He couldn't even begin to describe the pain he felt in his chest.
It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. He had other friends besides Kagome, so he wasn't bored, and he was able to socialize with people he hadn't hung out with in quite some time. Except...it was different...
Because they didn't get the little one liners he'd come up with during certain situations, and they didn't understand it when he would suddenly change the subject, much like Kagome used to do, and was puzzled when they found it to be rude instead.
He wasn't bored...he just...felt out of place with these people...who obviously didn't have a sense of humor...at all...
So that's why, when he was hanging out with his 'friends', and spotted Kagome sitting at a bench, reading a book, he was very tempted to go over there and strike up an interesting conversation, desperate to talk about something, anything so long as it was interesting.
Inuyasha almost didn't feel his legs starting to move in her direction. He was so close...just a couple more feet and...
A large noise jolted her from the book, and she looked around the area to get another grip on her surroundings. Her eyes landed on him for a nanosecond before moving on to something else. He bristled. She was doing the same thing to him that she had done to that slime ball! How could she do that so...easily? They were closer than she and Lance had been. They had laughed at the same jokes, liked the same movies, the same games...they were one and the same, which was why they'd started calling themselves siblings.
Hell, when they'd introduce each other to new people, they would say, "This is my brother/sister..."
Yet she was able to throw that away...just like that?
Full of anger and hurt, he turned around and marched back over to his 'friends', and tried to laugh at the joke they were telling...even though he didn't find it the least bit funny. Every time he would be tempted to go over to Kagome and just say 'hi', he would remind himself how she'd just dismissed him like that.
Yet he couldn't quite stifle the little voice in the back of his mind, that asked,
"But isn't that what you did to her?"
It was Saturday night, and he was bored out of his mind. His buddies had decided to go see the newest horror movie, and had invited him along. And normally, he loved gory movies. Except...there was no Kagome there beside him, to laugh along when someone's head would get severed, or when someone would start screaming.
Now, when he laughed, he received strange looks, instead of the fellow chuckles he was used to. But he couldn't help it, the movie was so predictable. But seeing how they didn't appreciate his sense of humor, he had to cool it. So he had to pay attention to other stuff besides the movie. After playing ten minutes of tetris and getting bored, he decided to go for refills for everyone, hoping that maybe if he stalled long enough, the movie would be over, and they could go do something else.
Never expecting to see Kagome at the snack counter, getting popcorn. No drink though, because dark colored drinks made her sick and she didn't like the fizzy taste the light colored ones had. Just like she knew how he absolutely detested popcorn due to its salty taste.
He sighed. It was depressing that they knew that much about each other, yet his other friends didn't even know what his favorite color was. Maybe after a while he'd find someone else like Kagome. Someone else who made everything okay, simply because she was there to listen.
Yet as he watched Kagome get her snack, which took a total of about fifteen minutes, he noticed that no one stood next to her, and that she only had one ticket, telling him that she'd come alone.
Inuyasha recalled how she'd been alone last week at the park, and yesterday, when he'd seen her in an ice cream parlor while walking through the mall.
Didn't she have any other friends?
No, Inuyasha realized in startling revelation. Kagome, despite being possibly the most interesting person on the face of the planet, had a knack for driving people away. In fact, if he remembered correctly, HE was the one to address HER, when they'd first met, about two years ago.
And while she hadn't been rude, she most certainly wasn't welcoming. In fact, he felt foolish for even bothering her in the first place. For the first two hours, he had done nothing but talk while she read her book, seemingly ignoring him, but grunting every once in a while to let him know she was still listening.
Either his determination had paid off, or she had simply came to a boring part in her story, but for whatever the reason, she chose to listen at this point during his ramblings.
"And then he was all, 'Oh yeah? Well I know Japanese! And then he said 'Doo-mow aligayto'! I just called you an ass hole in Japanese!'. And then I got pissed and--"
"Doumo arigatou."
A pause. "Whatchu call me?"
And that was when her shoulders had started to shake, telling him that she did in fact have a sense of humor. "N-n-no, he-he meant Dou-doumo a-ar-arigatou." More shaking. "It...it means 'Thank you ve-very much'."
It started as a snicker, which blew into full belly shaking laughter as he doubled over, his eyes tearing as he gasped for breath. "W-what a dumbass!"
And from then on out, they'd been friends. And now, as he looked back on all the times they'd go out to the park or to the movies, or to...anywhere...he'd always been the one to invite other people along. And Kagome would converse with them, but not like how she would with him. Kind of like a, 'I don't like you but I'll be nice because you're Inuyasha's friend' type of thing.
Never, in the two years that they'd known each other had Kagome ever mentioned any other 'friend' of hers. Inuyasha wondered briefly why he'd never noticed before, deciding that there had never been an opportunity to, because they were always hanging out, always doing something interesting...they were, for the most part, together.
Until now.
He didn't get a wink of sleep that night, nor the night after that, or the night after that...for about a week or so, as he fought with his own conscious, before finally passing out due to exhaustion. It would have been so easy to just forget about everything and walk over to her and say, "I'm sorry". Maybe they would have made up and everything would have gone back to normal.
Except, he wasn't sorry. And Kagome would know that, the moment she looked him in the eye. He just couldn't accept it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't wrap his mind around it. And if he couldn't accept the fact that Kagome was a homosexual, there was no way she'd even glance his way, much less TALK to him.
So, for now, he decided, as he popped open the almost empty bottle of sleeping pills, he would simply have to make due without her. Because she wasn't going to change, and neither was he.
He just couldn't accept it.
Still, as he was falling asleep, the little voice that he'd thought he'd long since shut up, spoke up, it's voice ringing inside his mind, even after he woke up.
"Do you really have a choice?"
After about three weeks of separation, Inuyasha was ready to pull his hair out. He had other friends, other people to converse with! So WHY was it, every time he ran across Kagome, he was instantly bombarded with feelings of guilt and depression?
HE wasn't the wrong one dammit! So WHY was HE the only one who seemed to be suffering? Every time he saw Kagome, she was submersed in a book. Everyday she had a newer, thicker book in her hands, and everyday he tried to think of all the things he hated about Kagome, in an attempt to make his guilt go away.
Only to come up empty and frustrated.
And depressed. Kagome seemed to be doing just fine without him, yet he couldn't seem to do anything without her. He was on the verge of insanity, as he sat just out of her view, half hidden behind a tree. And what was she doing? Was she on the verge of collapsing due to lack of sleep? Was she feeling frustrated like he was?
No.
She was humming.
And tapping her foot.
Why was that?
As if to answer him, her cell phone rang. And even though the park was louder than normal, if he strained, he was just able to work out what she was saying.
"So he doesn't want me to come?" Inuyasha watched as the emotions raced in her eyes, going from sadness to anger and finally, acceptance, as she gave a curt "I see. Tell him...I said hello."
Then she hang up and stared at the sky for a few moments, swallowing several times. Inuyasha blinked before realizing she was fighting back tears. So, it seemed she was able of showing emotion after all. Then she sighed, picked up her book, turned to her place and started reading again.
As he watched her face smooth out, and her body relax, Inuyasha realized something.
Kagome was just as miserable as he was, she was just better at hiding it. The reason she was constantly reading was so she could distract herself. It was easy to forget about your problems when you were battling alongside pirates or trying to outrun wolves.
It was easy to forget you were lonely, when your mind was elsewhere.
And she was lonely, he noticed, because every once in a while, she'd look up and see some people hanging out together, some friends goofing off, and her eyes would get this sad look to them, before she would turn back to her book.
Even though he was miserable and hadn't slept a wink in days (he was out of pills), Inuyasha found himself smiling slightly.
It was kind of nice...
Being missed.
It was raining when he decided that even though he was nice and comfortable inside his dry room, that being on the brink of insanity was worse than getting wet, and maybe just maybe Kagome would be at the park, sitting on the bench, even though it was raining.
Especially because it was raining.
She loved the rain, Inuyasha knew this, having watched her play in it several times while he stood under neath the porch. Yes, play. Rain was the only thing he could think of that would change the witty sarcastic person he knew to be his friend (ex-friend?) into a giggling three year old.
And he hoped that she would still be there.
As he came upon the park, he could just barely make out her figure as it slouched on the bench. Except, something stopped him from approaching her. He didn't know what it was at first, but after staring at her for a few minutes, it finally hit him.
She was crying.
The rain made it hard to tell, but if one looked hard enough, they could see how her shoulders shook slightly, and how every once and a while a sob would escape.
Kagome, ever the smiling, energetic person ...
Was crying.
He knew that he should leave her alone. That this was a very vulnerable moment for her, and that his appearance would only make it worse, because try as he might he just wasn't able to except it. And if he couldn't accept it, then there was no way in hell they could remain friends.
Tried hard not to think about all the times she'd been there for him, never judging...
Him sitting in his bedroom with the needles scattered all around him, as his world became one of colors and dips and spins, concentrating on only the high, knowing that soon it would be over, but at least he was able to shut out reality for a little while. Looking up as Kagome walked in on him. How he had started trembling, as she sat down in front of him, pulled up her pants legs, showing all the scars that marked the pale skin, and asked if he wanted to talk. Looking into her eyes and just wanting her to go away.
"I know--"
"What do you know?!" He had spat. "You don't know anything!"
And how she had fell silent, staring at him with a sad smile on her face.
Silence, until she had spoken.
"You're right, Inuyasha. I don't know what you're feeling right now, or what you're going through. And I probably never will."
How she had taken his hand, and gently glided the needle out of his arm, her voice never wavering.
"But I know that you're hurting. And I want to help."
Knowing what she was asking of him, and not being sure if he was ready to face reality yet. Because the world was a cruel cold place and he was tired of being its victim.
But had looked into her eyes and saw that she knew that...and decided that if she could face the world, then so could he.
Finding out that yes the world was cruel, and even more so without the drugs to take it all away...
But also finding out, that when he wasn't in a fog, he was able to notice the good things, and how the good things had a way of making the bad things fade away. Not completely, but enough...to make it worthwhile.
His heart heavy, Inuyasha slowly turned his back on his ex-friend, forcing himself to tune out her sobs as he walked back home in the rain, failing to realize that those drops of moisture trailing down his cheeks were tears, not rain.
It was five days after Christmas.
Kagome's birthday, to be exact.
And there he was, sitting in the living room of his house, staring at the box that was Kagome's gift. The second he had seen it in the mall, he had purchased it, the money having left his hands before even realizing what he'd done. All he could think about was how much Kagome would love it.
Very tempted to return it, only to find out that the store didn't give refunds. Figures.
So there he sat, staring at the gift in contemplation. Should he give it to her? Sure, she'd love it, but she'd probably slam the door in his face if he were to give it to her in person. Should he just mail it then? No...he didn't even know if the town HAD a post office...besides, it was stupid for him to waist money to mail the gift when her house was just around the corner.
Idly, he drummed his fingers on the table, trying to figure out a strategy. There was always Souta, Kagome's little brother. He could ask him to give it to her. Then again, knowing the little brat, he'd probably just open it and keep it for himself.
Arg. All this headache over a stupid present. Then again...he supposed he could just throw it away.
The doorbell rang, but he was feeling lazy at that moment, so he let his brother get it, choosing to ignore the dark look he sent his way. Sesshoumaru would get over it. His mind landed back on the problem at hand. What to do what to do...
A shadow landed over him and he looked up, groaning as he saw his brother's figure. "Jeeze Sesshoumaru I'll get it next time, aight?"
He smacked him across the head. "Kagome told me to give you this."
Oh, he hadn't even noticed the large box he had...wait...
"Kagome?" He stared at the box in amazement. Wow. He hadn't even thought about the possibility of her getting him a present. That hadn't even crossed his mind, for some reason. After all, why should she get him a gift? They weren't speaking to each other...
Even his brother knew that. "I thought you said you two weren't friends anymore."
He felt his throat tighten painfully, as he answered, "Yeah...Kagome said she'd found my gift about two months ago...when we were still...friends...and uh..." He cleared his throat. "I uh...I guess she decided to send it anyway..."
His brother shrugged. "That was nice of her." He left him alone, staring at the large box that sat in front of him, trying so hard to stop the tears from falling. He succeeded. Mostly.
"That was nice of her."
Inuyasha felt his fist tighten. Stupid Kagome. Why did she have to be so nice? Why couldn't she just hate him? Because at least then, he'd feel a little less guilty about hating her. It just didn't make sense. When someone hates you, you hate them back. That's how it's supposed to go.
You're not supposed to send someone who hates you a present.
Well...seeing how she had gone through all the trouble of delivering it...
Inuyasha shredded the plain paper the gift was wrapped in, then started to get to work on the lid of the box that was taped shut. Damned if Kagome didn't love tape. It took him what seemed like forever to open the lid, not knowing if it was okay to take a knife to it, seeing how she wasn't hear to tell him anything about it's contents.
Finally, he got the lid open, and he felt his jaw drop as he moved the tissue paper aside to get a glimpse of his gift.
It
was
Beautiful.
An exact replica of the gun blade Squall Leonheart used in Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts. And it was made with metal, not any cheap knock off plastic. It was perfect. She must have been saving up for this baby forever, because a thing like THAT did NOT come cheap.
Man he had to call up Kagome an--
He let out a frustrated growl as reality settled in, shoving the lid back on the box. Damn her. Damn her for making everything so difficult. She just didn't get it. One didn't buy gifts like THIS for their ENEMIES. It just wasn't how things worked.
Of course, that little annoying voice of his decided to pipe up,
"If you hate her so much...why'd you get her a present?"
He rang the doorbell, instantly wishing he hadn't, because now there was no way he could change his mind and leave, like he had done for the past two hours. Maybe he should just ditch the gift and leave. Yeah, that would work.
Only to realize he had wasted too much time, and was now staring at Souta, who was looking at him with a peeved look on his face.
"Yeah?"
Brat.
"Hey. I'm uh..."
Brown eyes rolled. "I know who you are dufus."
Of course, how could he not? He had slept over Kagome's place numerous times, enough for Souta to know who he was. Well he supposed that was a good thing, seeing how he couldn't exactly remember his own name at that moment...
"Some time this WEEK, would be nice! It's freezing and in CASE ya haven't noticed, I aint wearin a shirt." But evidently he hadn't slept over enough times, in order for him to remember just what a little asshole that fucker could be.
"Right...well...uh..." He cleared his throat, resisting the urge to strangle Souta. Did he HAVE to make things so difficult? His mind reminded him that along with being annoying as hell, Souta was also NOSY. And he probably had very good reason to hate his guts right now.
Right.
"How is...uh...yer uh...sister doin?"
Souta's eyes narrowed. "Oh, so now you don't know her name?"
Growling, he shoved his gift at the little brat. He had better things to do than be interrogated by some snot-nosed boy who wouldn't know reality if it walked up and introduced itself. Souta didn't know nothing about anything, so he was best just keeping out of things.
"Look just give this to her, will ya?"
He made to walk away, only to stop as Souta shoved it right back at him. "Nope."
Inuyasha froze. No? What kind of answer was that? People didn't say NO, they said stuff like 'sure', 'okay', 'whatever' or even 'meh'. But never, had he ever heard someone say, 'nope'. Seemed like Kagome wasn't the only oddball.
Souta grinned at his dumbfounded expression, which caused said expression to quickly form into a scowl, as he continued, "You're obviously using me as an attempt to avoid Kagome. Well, I don't like ya. I really don't like ya even more now. So why should I help ya?"
An annoyed sigh. "LOOK, I just...I don't...I just can't...it's not RIGHT, man. It's just...it's not."
He snickered. "Dude, ya act as if Kagome just all of a sudden jumped up and shouted, 'I'M GAY!'."
Why was he talking to Souta again? The boy had the sensitivity of a doorknob, and the brains of one too. (he's one to talk...)
"Well excuse me, but she kinda DID."
He gave Inuyashaa knowing look. "You mean to tell me that there weren't even a FEW signs ya just MIGHTA missed?"
A blank look was Souta's only answer. He looked down at Inuyashalike he was the stupidest person alive.
"Dude, seriously. The short hair, always dressed in jeans and t-shirts, loves sports, how Mom never freaks out when you stay over...why do you think no guy's asked her out? It sure as hell ain't because she's ugly!" He paused, shaking his head, saying, "MAN yer stupid!" Before slamming the door in his face.
Numbly, he turned around and walked back to his house, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. He was supposed to ring the doorbell, throw her the present, then walk away. Five minutes tops. That's what he was supposed to do.
Instead, he rang the door bell, had his present thrown right back at him, got yelled at, and...he checked his watch...he was going to miss his favorite show.
Lovely.
Still...
"Dude, seriously. The short hair, always dressed in jeans and t-shirts, loves sports, how Mom never freaks out when you stay over...why do you think no guy's asked her out? It sure as hell ain't because she's ugly!"
Man...
He WAS stupid...
How could he have NOT noticed?
Or maybe he HAD noticed, and just hadn't wanted to realize it.
Inuyasha shook his head, as he entered his warm house and began shedding layers of clothing.
Signs or not, it didn't matter. Kagome was still a lesbian, and he was still unable to accept that.
Yet as he dragged his heavy present up the stairs and to his room...
As he tried to figure out which wall to put it on...
He couldn't help but think how much more fun it would have been if Kagome was there to give her opinion. She always did have the best ideas.
Sighing, he collapsed on his bed, already too depressed to do anything. It was an awesome gift, one that kind of tied into the gift he'd planning to give to Kagome, showing that once again, they thought alike. And showing that once again, he just couldn't keep his mind off her.
Another sigh, this time one of annoyance as he grabbed for the sleeping bottle, only to find it missing. His brother must have taken them again, worried he was becoming to dependent on them. Looked like he was in for yet another sleepless night.
It was three hours later when sleep finally chose to claim him, one last thought surfacing before darkness settled in.
I miss her.
Inuyasha coughed for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day, trying hard to ignore the throbbing of his throat. He looked at his watch, forcing his eyes to focus on the little green digital numbers. It would be another two hours before he could take anymore medicine.
Damn it.
Pneumonia.
He had caught pneumonia, and now he was laying on his bed, surrounded by tissues, cough medicine and ice tea drinks. Every once in a while he would get up to change the DVD that was playing, but for the most part, he sat in bed, staring at the TV, trying to ignore both the pain in his body, and the nagging of his mind.
Two weeks had passed since Kagome's birthday, both his and her gift laying underneath his bed. Guilt stopped him from putting his present on his walls, and pride stopped him from delivering her present. And he knew it would be a while before he could deliver said gift, only this time it wasn't because he was stalling or anything like that. So, his guilt was pretty minimum for now.
But that wasn't what was causing the nagging.
What was causing the nagging, was the fact that he'd almost died. If he had waited one more day before telling finally telling his brother how miserable he felt...one more day before being rushed to the hospital...his lungs would have filled up completely, and he would have suffocated to death.
Died.
He had almost died.
And despite being miserable the last two and a half months, he found himself being relieved over the fact that he had made it. Because he didn't want to die miserable. He wanted his last moments to be filled with happiness and joy.
He didn't want to die with Kagome hating him.
That was the only thing he could think about as he laid there in the hospital, hooked up to machines that beeped and made him feel even more cold, if that were possible.
Kagome
Did she even know about his sickness? Was she worried? Did she even care?
No. Probably not.
And that tore him up. Because a few months ago, if he'd been rushed to the hospital, she would have been the first one to visit him, and she probably would have stayed by his side, making sure he had everything he asked for. She would have kept him distracted from how much his throat hurt, or his body ached.
Except this wasn't two months ago, this was now. And she hadn't even phoned to see if he was okay.
Maybe it was the medicine, but after staying in the hospital for a few hours, and not hearing from Kagome he had broken down, shedding the tears of frustration that had finally built until they were too much to hold back.
Not knowing what hurt more.
The fact that he was alone? Because his dad sure as hell didn't care, and his brother wasn't going to stay up in a stuffy, uncomfortable hospital just for him, even if he had almost died.
Or...
The fact that he had no one to blame but himself?
--Ring ring--
"Shuddup, lemme sleep."
--Ring ring--
"Lemme sleep."
--Ring ring--
"mmmmmmmmm...fine..." He decided it was wise to answer his phone before his headache worsened. Because if it worsened, he was going to kill himself. He supposed he always could take a pain reliever, but he was flying higher than a kite as it was already, and his brother had hidden all the other medicine in the house after he had used up all the medication the doctors had given him.
Dick.
Yawning, he clanged down at the time on his cell phone before answering it.
"It's three fuckingAM in the morning, if this isn't important you deserve anything I do to you."
Needless to say, he liked to swallow his tongue when he heard Kagome voice.
I guess I should hang up then...
"WAIT, Kagome!"
He yelled out, falling back on his bed as his headache reminded him that it was still there. "Ow."
Waiting.
Inuyasha struggled with his words for a few seconds, before blurting out, "Hey, you wanna uh...come over and just...like...watch some movies or something?"
Dead silence, and for a minute he wondered if she'd hung up on him, but then she coughed and he relaxed, even though his mind was racing. What was he doing? Was he out of his mind? She was GAY, a lesbian! She was...
The only real friend he had, Inuyasha realized.
And he was tired of being alone.
I don't...
'I don't think so.' is what she was getting at.
He frantically thought of something to keep her on the line a little bit longer.
"I just...I uh...I never managed to give you the gift I bought you...so...I...just..."
You...you bought me something?
His throat which had been threatening to tighten, started to loosen up, as he whispered, "Yeah."
Heard the amazement in her voice, and instantly felt guilty.
I...I thought you'd just forgotten about it...my birthday, I mean...
Inuyasha cleared his throat. He wasn't going to cry damn it. "No...I didn't forget."
Inuyasha...why? Why do you even care?
No tears, no tears. "I almost died, you know." No tears, no tears.
Yeah, I know. She whispered, telling him that she'd been just as scared as he had. His heart lifted just a bit at hearing that, as he continued,
"Yeah well...none of my other friends came to visit me."
He paused, waiting to for her to say something, only for the silence to remain. Maybe this was a lost cause after all...
I stopped by...when you were asleep...I asked them if you were okay...they said you would be...and I just...kind of figured you wouldn't want me to be there when you woke up...so I just...left...
No tears, no tears, no tears... "You wanna know what I kept thinking?"
A pause. I should have worn a coat that day?
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, he felt himself laugh slightly. But only a little, because anymore would cause him to start coughing, and his throat was only just starting to recover.
"I kept thinking...that I didn't want to die...with my best friend hating me..."
Dead silence.
No tears, no tears, no tears, no tears, no tears...
Best friend?
Felt his body sag in relief, as he answered, "Like there was anybody else?"
A slight laugh. Yeah well, it better be a damn good present Inuyasha, because if you make me get up and walk to your house in freezing ass weather at THREE AM in the morning for something stupid like a yo-yo, I'm gonna be pissed.
No tears, no tears...
"It'll blow your mind."
It better. See ya there in about fifteen minutes or so.
"I'll make us something to eat."
Psh, only so when yer present sucks ass I'll be too slow and sluggish to chase you down.
No tears, no tears, no tears...
"Now would I do that?"
We'll see, Inuyasha, we'll see.
He hung up and sobbed in relief.
END
For all those who didn't abandon upon finding out what Kagome's secret was... I hope ya liked it.