A sort of 'harem-series' idea I had after reading through some RP emails a female friend and I do for fun, "The Last Man on Earth" is just a funny idea mixed with Eva fanficition's usual craziness with MAJOR fan-service for male otaku. I don't own the rights to any names, places, or characters here, they all belong to Anno and GAINAX. There, happy?
I once asked Asuka if she wanted to go to the movies with me, but she declined.
"Hahahahahahaha! Are you stupid?! Bwahahahaha!" she cackled with teary eyes of laughter. "YOU, Shinji the Inept, are asking ME on a DATE? That's…That's…Ahahahahaha!" she continued to laugh away, slumping to the floor and cradling her stomach. Apparently this serious attempt on my part that required mustering more courage than I though possible seemed like nothing at all to Asuka.
"Nevermind…" I sighed as I went to my room, cranking my SDAT to full volume to drown out the redheaded witch's snorting. She could have just said 'No' with a normal tone and expression. Why's she always have to be like that?
It's because I'm Shinji Ikari, that's why. I'm just a quiet middle schooler who just so happens to be one of the three people in the world that can prevent humanity's extinction, and yet no matter how many Angels I kill…I'm still nervous around girls…
That's my life: lonely. Touji and Kensuke are great friends, but when you get to this age, you want more than just friends. You want someone to hold hands with and talk to…and plan a future with…right?
"Dork-face!" Asuka slammed open my door, making me jump in shock as I yanked out my headphones. Her face was malevolent at best, and her eyes seemed like they'd pierce me with lasers at any moment like the 3rd Angel's did.
"Y-Yeah…?" I gulped.
"I'm going to say this once, and once only. If you make it so I have to repeat myself, I'll just sock you in the gut or groin, depending on my mood."
Isn't she just a sweetheart?
"I am WAY out of your league. Got that, Shinji?" she grinned in a superior fashion. "If I wanted to spend my free time, let alone my life, with someone as childish as you, I'd adopt a whiney brat. But, I don't and never will. You, idiot-boy, are nothing but a little boy who can't take responsibility for himself that suffers from a SEVERE case of the Poor-Me's. You're thin, you're stupid, you're a raging pervert, and you stink of boy-sweat. I bet you don't even have hair down there, and to be honest, I don't think your balls have even dropped or ever will drop. You, Shinji Ikari, are a little squabbling boy that I just happen to live with and have to fight Angels with. Give me one, just one reason why I should even go on one date with you. Hmm?" she glowered over me in a way that reminded me of my father. Great. There's two of them now….
"Um…Well-" I tried to come up with just any reason.
"You can't! It's because I'm a woman, and you're just little piglet. If you want to go do childish lovey-doviness, go ask that doll Ayanami. Maybe she can wipe you nose and clean your diapers for you! Ha!" And with a triumphant huff, the red devil left me with a self esteem lower than the Dead Sea. Yes, that was the same girl I was trying to ask out; don't ask me why I even thought of sharing a bag of popcorn with something so hazardous to my health.
"Concentrate, Shinji," Ritsuko ordered as the three of us pilots did our synch tests. It was just another day of tests, tests, tests, and tests to test us for tests. Did I mention we were also doing tests? I often wonder if I'm really worth anything at all to these people besides a tool for combat. Asuka's recent wailing on my character left me in a deeper slump of depression than usual, and my synch tests were showing it.
"Shinji, you're not even trying are you?" Misato barked. "We need you to get your ratio up, or else we'll have no reason to have you here."
Great, Misato doesn't even care about me outside of my plugsuit.
"Sorry…" I sighed as I tried to clear my mind a bit more. A nagging voice that sounded like Asuka's just kept singing loudly. 'Shut up…' I thought back as I tried to get this strange, annoying tune out of my head.
'It's men like you, that make the people suffer!
It's men like you, that make our lives tougher!
Be gone, foul beast, and do not come back here!
Leave us alone, your presence makes us sneer!
Be gone! Be gone! Be GONE!'
"SHUT UP!" I yelled in rage. My voice echoed throughout my plug and I could even hear it bounce about Asuka and Rei's plugs too. Misato and the others at the terminals simply stared, eyes wide and mouths agape. Even Asuka and Rei were staring at me in confusion through the monitor screens.
"Um…" Misato gulped. "Shinji, why don't you take the night off…You seem a bit too stressed to do anything here tonight. Uh…Right, Ritsu?" she turned to the equally confounded doctor.
"Um, yes, Shinji, we've gained enough useful data on you tonight. Go ahead and head on home. Today clearly isn't the best day for you. Take a bath and just relax for the evening."
I felt my insides turn to cold oatmeal as I drained my plug and exited. I changed and headed out of Nerv without even being fully conscious of it all. Here I was, depressed more than usual, useless at the only thing I'm needed for, and now I was hearing voices!
"Fucking shit…!" I cursed under my breath. Misato was probably going to send me to a loony-bin, Asuka was no doubt going to laugh at me for being a crazy freak, Rei probably lost any liking she had to me… "WHY ME?!" I screamed to the dusk-bathed sky. I didn't even care that some people were looking at me. Fuck them. I didn't care. I decided I'd just take a train and leave Tokyo-3. Maybe I'm better off not being here if this place is only worsening my life.
But I never did that night.
When I got home, I fed Penpen like usual, made some instant food, and then took a long bath.
"Fucking shit…" I cursed as I dunked my head under the water, letting the warm liquid ease some of my tensions. When I surfaced, I saw Asuka on the other side of the bath, smiling serenely as she gave a giggle.
"WAAAAHHH!?" I flopped out of the tub with the grace of a walrus on cannabis. I fumbled with my towel as my mind tried to think of what to do in this situation. I must have looked incredibly stupid right then, wrapping the towel around my face instead of my waist.
"You're doing it all wrong, silly!" Asuka laughed….But it wasn't a laugh I usually heard from her from teasing me. It was a girlish giggle, like I was just making an honest mistake. It was then that I covered my proper region and looked the other way.
"A-A-Asuka! Wh-What are you doing here???" I stuttered, my voice cracking at the worst possible time.
"Oh, I'm not Asuka," she said plainly.
"Huh?" I turned to suddenly see Rei in the tub instead.
"Rei?!" I freaked again as I looked away.
"What?" she asked as she exited the tub from behind me. I tried to open the door, but…It was locked from the outside? How was that even possible?! "Isn't this a more comforting form?" I felt a shiver up my spine as I turned around to see a very…very…unclothed Misato looking at me pleasantly. I could feel thermal expansion taking effect right away. "Or perhaps," she said in her adult voice. "This form is better for your eyes, Shin-chan?"
"Um…Who…What are you?" I fell to the floor in shock.
"Who, little ol' me?" she asked as she cocked her head to the side, then grinned. "I'm just a fae."
"Fay?" I tried to make sense of the situation, but most of my blood wasn't in my head at the time…
"Fae, Fairy, Imp, you know, a Sprite!" the Misato look-alike bounced (oh, what a bounce!). "I'm just a little Fairy that saw your predicament, and thought I'd help."
"Help?" I scowled. "You made everyone at Nerv think I'm crazy! How's that helping?!"
"Shinji-boy," the fake Misato cooed as she enveloped me in a warm embrace, our lips grazing one another. "They already thought you were loco."
"Wha-…" I sniffled. My life was over now. Where could I go?
"How about to another world, sweety?" she sat back and smiled excitedly, reading my mind.
"Another world?" I blinked, not even caring about the telepathy-thing.
"How about a world where everyone will appreciate you, instead of just because you're a pilot?"
I was dead silent then, my heart stopping for several seconds.
"R-Really?" I gulped. "Away from all the shit I have to deal with here?"
"Mm-hm," she nodded. "A world where Asuka would love to go to the movies with you, or on more dates. And Rei too," she winked.
Surely…This must have been a dream. Yeah! I must have dozed off in the bath and this was just another one of 'those' dreams. Well, might as well enjoy it while I'm dreaming it!
"Fine, send me away, fairy-girl," I shrugged as I prepared for another nocturnal emission.
"Sure thing…." Her voice faded as I felt the ground beneath me grow warm and rough. I looked around and saw that I was now in the middle of Tokyo-3…and I was still only wearing a towel…
"What? No clothes?!" I yelled to the air, my voice echoing. I looked around to see if anyone was looking at me…only to find that the city was…empty? Was there an Angel-attack warning? I didn't hear gunfire or explosions, not even the thuds of giant footsteps. I noticed that a door for a clothing store was open, so I made my way there. I figured I could let Misato pay the store for me borrowing a pair of clothing with my Nerv income, so I looked around. Nearly all of the clothing was female-oriented, and the male clothing seemed girlish too. Odd…
"Well, as long as I don't need to wear panties…" I blushed as I looked around, not seeing any surveillance cameras or people and changed. I put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that hugged my torso a little bit more than preferred, then exited only to hear a distant rumbling around the city. I was able to look up and see JSDF hovercraft taking off and attacking something in the distance. There before me was a tall shape I remembered all too well. Its body was ribbed and spiked with bony structures and its face was like a disk with a single tusk at the chin.
The 3rd Angel!
I tried to follow the street signs as I made my way towards Nerv. What I saw in place seemed normal enough, so I figured they could let me. But I realized I didn't have my card then, screwing me over more.
"Let me in! This is the Third Child, Shinji Ikari! I'm the Commander's son! I'm supposed to be transferred here!" I yelled as I banged on the security doors, but to no avail. I could hear the fighting in the distance, and as I looked away I was encompassed in a bright blinding light. Being sightless for that time being scared the crap out of me as the shockwave knocked me on my butt. After my eyes readjusted from the far off N2 mine, I continued my hollering as I tried to get inside. Where was Misato right now? Was she supposed to pick me up again? I heard footsteps head in my direction as I turned to see SWAT Section 2 personnel surround me with their submachine guns all aimed at me.
"Why aren't you evacuated?" one of them, a woman, asked curtly.
"B-Because I'm the new pilot," I gulped. Having a dozen fully-loaded guns aimed at you can be quite intimidating.
"Nice try, kid," she snorted. "There wasn't a request for a new pilot. Hands in the air slowly, girl, behind your head."
"Girl?!" I gawked as I felt my cheeks grow warm with blood. "I…I'm a guy…"
The soldiers all exchanged sounds of confusion, the leader woman walking straight up to me and then
"Urf!" I coughed as her hand patted my crotch hard. It felt like my equipment was gonna be crushed with the way she was man-handling me!
"No…Fucking…WAY!" she gasped. "He's right!"
"What?" the many soldiers, all women it seemed, all awed.
(Sergeant, come in,) I heard Misato's voice over the radio on the lead woman's shoulder. (What's the situation of the civilian?)
"Captain…" she gulped as she reported. "You aren't going to believe this…But it's a MALE." The way she said that certainly made me want so let my jaw drop to the floor.
"Am I the only man in the world?" I asked in a weak voice. Not weak as in fear, just weak as in too shocked to know how to react.
"Where the fuck have you been, boy?" one of the soldiers asked. "Second Impact wiped out mankind, leaving only us women."
I came to a startling realization of my situation: I was the only man left, and that meant I had no competition for being someone's boyfriend. Not to mention I'd no doubt be used to repopulate the world! I blushed at a stray thought of being in an orgy, all the hot women in my little fantasy moaning 'We have to save humanity from extinction, Shinji!'
(WHAT?!) Misato screamed in total shock. (Bring him inside and have Doctor Akagi look at him. Make sure it's not some poser girl!)
"You heard the Captain, ladies!" the sergeant ordered as I was cuffed and hoisted inside. I didn't like being restrained, but being carried by a bunch of women wasn't too bad. After my wrist shackles were removed, I was thrown into an off-white room where the soldier-women all tore off my clothing, then all but one of them left as Ritsuko entered. Since I technically didn't exist in this world, I didn't address her as I normally would.
"Um…" I blushed as I covered my groin region. "I take it you're Dr. Akagi?" I gulped.
"My my," she smiled as she grabbed my wrists and hoisted my arms up, revealing my more…private region. "Pubescent, but they're real," she awed as she used her free hand to 'examine' me. I flinched at her touching me, and it didn't take long for um…well… "And quite responsive too!" she laughed.
"Ri-…Dr. Akagi…!" I squeaked as my face went bright scarlet.
"So, your name is Shinji Ikari, right?" she asked as she let go of my arms and pulled out a syringe. I gulped at what she was about to do.
"Y-Yes…"
"And you say you're the commander's son, right?" the blonde doctor asked as she took an alcohol swab and rubbed my arm clean. "Hold still, and we can see if you're telling the truth."
And then I was stuck by the needle. I gave a hiss of pain as I looked away, the sight of blood always made me queasy. In a short moment, I was bandaged and needle-free as Ritsuko opened the door to the room and left for a moment. I was left there, naked, confused, and scared for minutes on end, wondering how my life would be now in this world.
In time, the Section 2 women returned with the clothes I stole, handing them to me and telling me to change. I dressed, and was led at gunpoint through the base to the Eva cages. Then it hit me: I was going to be used as a pilot then!
When I finally entered the room where Unit 01 was in cryo-stasis, I had a flashback from the time I first came to Tokyo-3, but things didn't happen the way they did that time. I didn't see Father because he wasn't alive anymore; in fact, I didn't see the commander or even a sub-commander in the cages. Instead, Ritsuko stood beside me as I was reintroduced to Misato. Her hair seemed a bit short compared to the Misato of my world, and she seemed more serious than I had remembered her on that day.
"So, you're the little lost male, huh?" the captain eyed me from her standing position. "I'll admit, I'm a bit shocked, but in our current situation, we don't have time to feel excited by finding a long-extinct creature." I didn't like the 'creature' comment, but I decided to ignore it.
"So, what did the commander say?" Ritsuko asked.
"He'll pilot Unit 01, and if he can't, we'll just send Rei instead," my former guardian sighed. I remembered how Rei was injured at this time when I first arrived.
"Well, let's hope we don't have to resort to THAT plan…" Ritsuko groaned. "Well then, Shinji," she began as I turned to face the doctor. "You will pilot Evangelion Unit 01."
Time stood still for me. Here I was, in the situation I showed cowardice to before. I knew the situation Rei was in, and that not doing this could very well annihilate mankind…erm…womankind and one male. Everyone at Nerv saw me as a whiner and a coward because of that day. But, I knew what was going to happen. I would win this fight and be praised. I knew when the next several Angels would come and what to expect. I knew that this time I wouldn't be a coward. Even if this was a world where I was only valued as a pilot AND the last male, I knew that this was my chance to go the extra mile.
All this went through my head in an instant after Ritsuko ordered me. I faced Misato, my face as determined as hers currently was, and nodded.
"I'll pilot Evangelion Unit 01."
I secretly wanted an applause for this outward sign of strength I finally acquired, but I was thankful to merely get a smile from the purple-haired captain. "Well, you've got guts, kid. Let's hope you have the strength to back it up."
"I won't let you or anyone down," I smiled back. The moment was short-lived as I was given the A-10 neural connectors and situated into my plug. Once the LCL settled in and my Eva was activated, I felt…a presence. For a moment, I saw a fleeting image of a man. His face lacked the facial hair I remembered him by, and he looked too young to be the man I remembered. Even more strange was his expression: a warm smile. But there was no mistaking it.
"Father…?" I felt my heart skip a beat. As soon as the image came into my mind, it vanished and I was contacted by the bridge.
(Shinji,) Misato commanded as the restraints were being lifted away. (You have the future of humankind doubly resting on this fight. If you fail, all of humankind will be obliterated by the Angels. If you defeat the Angel but die in the process, womankind loses the last male in the world. Don't disappoint us, boy.)
Not the same comforting Misato I knew, but I understood her rationale.
"Understood. I'm not going to lose," I took a deep breath as Unit 01 was positioned to the catapult.
(Launch Eva!) she commanded sternly as I braced for the G-force that led me to the surface. It was still late afternoon when I arrived, the 3rd Angel making its way to my position, looking me dead in the eye.
"This time I'm going to be in control…" I whispered to my enemy. I wasn't going to pass out this time, and I sure as hell wasn't going to go crazy and forget what I did. No mistakes. Everything will be as it should have been.
(Shinji,) Ritsuko said calmly. (Try to focus on walking for now.)
"Walking…" I gave a sigh as I trudged forward slowly.
(Amazing, he's walking!) the doctor cheered. I continued to move forward, my pace increasing. (He's moving faster? But…How?)
Before she could say anything else, I was running at top speed at the monster, its arms drawn out to fire its lance. But I was ready this time!
(Shinji! Dodge-!) Misato commanded but was too late as the pink positron shaft headed my way, only to miss me by a few dozen meters. I ducked into a roll and sprang up to the beast, it's expressionless face no doubt wanting to show how shocked it was. With a mighty swing, I hooked my left fist to it's core, the glass-like ringing echoing throughout the city as the Angel backed away in a jump. I was too quick for it, though, and managed to grab it's arm. Basic training at Nerv taught me how to grapple in an amateurish way, and thus I went behind Sachiel and brought its limb into a tight position.
With an inhuman screech, its body flinched as I showed no mercy to its hulking form, ripping the arm from its socket as I kicked the monstrosity to the street-floor. Azure blood splattered to the side as it tried to regain its footing, but I was ready once again as I activated the progressive knife.
(How the hell did he do that?!) Misato sputtered from the com-link.
"DIE!" I roared as I kicked the Angel unto its back and stabbed the red abdominal sphere with more might than I did to its successor three weeks later. Blinding aurora sparks sang loudly as they arched outwards from the slowly waxing wound. As the beast struggled, it's arm raised to javelin my face, the blade sunk to the hilt and all froze into silence.
I sat in my seat, sweat mixing with the LCL as I gazed at the lifeless Angel before me, I could see a now solidified inert rod only a few centimeters from my left eye unit as a monument to Sachiel's final attempt to save itself.
I could hear my heart as it pounded like a blacksmith's hammer in my throat. I withdrew from my kill and gave a deep breath.
(Well done, boy,) a cold yet thankful female voice came onto my communication link. (Have all units mobilize to retrieve Unit 01 and the pilot. Bring him to my office, immediately.) And then the mystery woman's voice disappeared.
(Shinji, well done,) Misato appeared on my screen with a smug grin. (Looks like you're a man of your word. Just don't get cocky in the future.)
"Rest assured," I beamed. "I won't." Victory never felt so great for me. Unit 01 was brought back to the cages for testing, and even though I was still being led at gun-point, I felt confident for once in my short life as I was sent to the office of the woman I heard earlier. I gulped at its dark ambiance, as I entered.
The office was immensely large, the glass windows to the Geofront gave the room a surreal horizontal feel. Above and below me were two patterns of some tree or something, all in English letters but in a language that wasn't English. There at the end of the room were two people at a desk. One was an older woman probably in her fifties, her brown hair showing a faded grey tone underneath. Her face seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it.
The second woman sat at the desk in a position I was all too familiar with. The gloves, the glasses, the uniform…she was just like Father looked on the command bridge.
"Naoko, leave," the seated woman commanded to the older one. With a nod, she left the room and I was all alone with the woman who was apparently the commander. "Do you know what this is, Shinji?" she asked as she stood up and held a sheet of paper with some graphs and displays on it.
"Um…No…" I gulped.
"It's the results of the maternity test I had Dr. Ritsuko Akagi do with your and my blood. Do you know what the results were?" she asked as she approached me. I was too panicked to respond. This woman gave the same aura Father gave off: dark and unwavering. As she stood less than a meter in front of me, she showed the paper to my face.
Male DNA sample shows 50 percent match with Female's DNA pattern.
Female is Male's mother.
"M-Mother…?" I mouthed the word in shock. Before I realized it, I was enveloped in a warm embrace of the commander, her gloved hand gently stroking my head. I heard a sniffling from her, a soft crying as she held me tight.
"Shinji…" she said with tears dripping onto my head. "Welcome back…!"
"Wait, Mother?" I looked up, only to see her solemn and mean expression had melted to joyful smile with saline-bleeding eyes. "I thought…I thought…" I couldn't say it. I just couldn't. I didn't' want to ruin this moment.
"Oh Shinji!" she held me tight once more sobbing onto my head. "I've missed you so much!" I…I couldn't believe this, someone actually cared about me…and it was the woman that had given me life. I felt my eyes water as I clung to my mother desperately.
"Mother!" was all I could say.
"It's okay, baby!" she petted my shaking form. "Momma's here. Momma's not going anywhere…" Our reunion, sadly, was cut short by a cacophonous rapping at the steel door to the room.
"Mom! Mom! Is he in there?" I heard an oddly familiar voice ask with excitement.
"Not now!" Mother barked, making me flinch at her tone.
"Aw! C'mon! I wanna see him too!" the girl's voice whined. Where had I heard that voice from???
"I'm ORDERING you to head back to the bridge with Captain Katsuragi! You can see him later!" Mother sighed as she turned to me. "I swear that girl has the worst manners in the world, despite all I've done to teach her otherwise…" she grumbled.
"Huh?" I blinked, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"A-ha! Found my card!" the anxious girl's voice chirped as I heard a card swipe the security barrier and the door hissed open. I…I couldn't believe the sight before me. The hair, the eyes, the pale skin, and the plugsuit I knew all too well…..!
"Rei!" Mother let go of me and walked sternly to the albino girl, pinching her arm tightly. "I gave you an order! The least you can do is obey your own mother!"
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" she winched at the pinch, but managed to break free. Our eyes met and I was rewarded with the smile I had only seen once on this face.
"Um…Hi…I'm Shinji," I extended my hand to shake. Rather than take it, Rei pounced me and knocked me to the floor, hugging me tightly. I then remembered what Mother had said as she scolded Rei…No, Rei couldn't be…
"Shinji," Mother gave an exhausted sigh. "Meet your sister, Rei."
"Can I call you nii-chan?" my blue-haired sister asked me with an impish smile of excitement. This was turning out to be one hell of a weird dream...
To be continued…
Author's Notes:
Well, I hope this got enough of you interested. Yes, technically Rei is Shinji's sister. Well, half-sister, really. If you haven't seen all of Evangelion, Death and Rebirth, and EOE, don't bother reading the long-explanation below
Rei is a clone of Yui with Lilith's DNA in the mix, remember? That makes her Yui's daughter in a sense. Contrary to popular belief, clones are not 100 percent genetic copies of things. The cloning process involves taking a mature nucleus from a donor's body-cell and putting it in place of an unfertilized egg cell's nucleus, and then electrifying it in some special type of process that makes the cell divide and develop into a fetus. Well, in actuality, the clone-embryo shares about 99 percent the DNA of the donor's body, and 1 percent of the egg-donor's body. And, since Rei is half-Angel, that means half of her DNA comes from Lilith and half from Yui, genetically making her Shinji's half-sister. Yes, I was a Biology major. If you can come up with substantial proof I'm wrong, please, by all means present me with some sources.