Disclaimer: No, it's not mine. None of it's mine. Except the part where I make everyone angst.
Notes: This is probably going to be one of the last things I post for a while. ffn seems to be dead, and I don't want to post things if no one is reading/submitting anymore. Anyway, this is something that was influenced by many other fics, especially the one on Stayka's site about Seiya marrying Shaina, and Saori angsting over it. I hope, however, that this fic of mine will be seen in a different light than the Seiya/Shaina/Saori one. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm copying it, because I did use its premise. So please try to think of this one differently.
This is a fic set in the future of Saint Seiya, when they're all in their early twenties, about ten years from the show.
Also, I want to know how people interpret my last line (it might have been better, or it might have been worse), so if you feel the inclination, please leave a note for me. Thanks.
The Meaning of Goodbye
Miho stared rather listlessly at her lap, which was covered in light violet silk. She shifted her hands again and moved her gaze to the window. Streets and streets passed her by, and that was all she remembered seeing.
How had he said it?
"I'm going to be married, Miho-chan."
She had not asked who he chose. After all, it really didn't matter to her. He seemed to be happy with his choice, and that should have been enough for her.
But it wasn't. When she embraced him, as if in congratulation, something told her she should never ever let go. Something wanted her to sob into his arms that she loved him more than anything in the world and that his marriage would simply break her.
And yet, she hadn't. Because she knew it would have hurt him to know he was hurting her. So she had hollowed herself, and wished him everything good, and sent him away with a wide smile.
Why hadn't she told him before?
The question circled around her head incessantly, but she already knew the answer. Because she couldn't. Because it would have changed things, and she was not sure if it would have been for the better. Because she was afraid he would tell her what he told her anyway.
Miho shook her head to clear the thoughts away. She descended the taxi carefully, handed a few bills to the taxi driver, and stood on the sidewalk as the car drove away. Her borrowed formal dress seemed so heavy—so uncharacteristic of herself. She didn't belong in this dress, in this place. Why was she here anyway?
To make him happy. Of course. It was the only answer. He had asked her to be here, and she had come, though she wanted to be elsewhere. She would have done much more for him if she could.
After some hesitation, she sat down in one of the back pews in the little church where the ceremony was to occur. There she would be close enough to show him she had come, but far enough that he would not see her face. She wasn't sure if she could keep smiling for that long.
Nothing was different about this ceremony from most, Miho decided coolly. It felt like she was a spirit watching this invisibly. Was that what she wanted or not?
She never answered the question for herself. Even as she mused, he had appeared. There, he stood there, waiting for the one he loved, and it was not her.
Miho still did not know who he had chosen, even when she walked past, for Miho was still watching him. Or perhaps…she was trying to look through him. She was not sure either.
And then it was finished. People shouted and cheered and threw things and danced and smiled and laughed. Miho stood up in her empty pew and indifferently watched them celebrate. What meaning was there? Why wasn't it raining?
He caught her even as she was trying to duck away unnoticed. The last thing she wanted was to face him, now, of all times, and here, of all places. She had tried to leave before he could try to talk to her again, because she knew she would not pretend much longer that she was ecstatic. Maybe it was selfish to let out her frustrations, but it would have been relieving. And he had found her, at the end of it, like she had known he would.
"How are you?"
As if you didn't just see me yesterday. "I'm well. After all, this is your happy day."
He smiled. "Yes. Thank you for coming."
Try as she might, she could not hate him, or that blissful smile, or the beautiful woman in the white gown beside him.
"Thank you for inviting me."
"Well, we've been friends for so long."
Friends? Yes, that's what we are. "Yes. It's been…almost twenty years."
He smiled again. "Are you enjoying the party?" He waved a hand at the lush refreshment tables on the grass outside of the church.
"Oh, it's lovely," she replied quickly. "But I really should be going. I only have a couple hours of leave." Seiya nodded seriously.
"Well, then. I wouldn't want to keep you."
"Good luck with…everything. See you around sometime. Perhaps."
"Goodbye, Miho-chan."
"Goodbye…Seiya-chan." She turned away. She walked away. She looked away.
He stared after her for a long time before he returned to the celebrations, which suddenly felt empty and unfamiliar to him.
In the two goodbyes, Miho knew the finality of the last time she would see him as he was now, as he had been back then. She knew that goodbye marked the end of their relationship as it had existed, and the next time they met, it would be as if they hadn't known each other since the age of four or five.
In those same two goodbyes, Seiya suddenly understood—he would never see her again, not the Miho he knew now. She would turn into a stranger, even if he visited her again that very afternoon. He knew she was leaving him, because he had left her.
But both knew that some choices cannot be changed. Not without bringing even more pain, even more horror to their lives, and the lives of those around them.
Miho smiled as she returned to the orphanage. She should be perfectly content, because he was perfectly content. She would not ruin the most wonderful day of his life by crying. As she removed the dress and repackaged it to be returned to the rental, she felt as if she were going back to who she really was—a girl who was not strong, but who could be brave every once in a while, and who wanted to be happy with a broken heart.
She would never forget this day, or anything that came before it. That much she knew. But her pride, and more importantly, her desire to smile for him disregarding her own sadness, would not allow her to look back.
In a way, she was lucky not to have looked back.
In a way, he was glad she had not looked back.
Had she turned back that one last time, she would have seen the turmoil in his dark eyes.
And the meaning of those two goodbyes might have become something completely different.
Ok, just one note. I originally intended the last line to suggest that, had she turned around, she would have known that he loved her too, and because that could never go anywhere without resulting in something terrible, their goodbye would have been even more painful, and completely permanent. However, I noticed that it could also be taken as the goodbye might have been a happier affair, had they both realized what was going on. So it's up to you. I am rather curious how people do interpret it, so if you want, leave me a message about it!