Author's Note:

This is an Alternate Universe story of Alexander and Hephaestion. Some of it is similar to my previous story 'Hephaestion's Journal' for the simple reason I need it to be - you'll see why as the story goes along. Also I don't think it is plagarism if you use your own writing!!

The story is told from both their points of view.

Usual Disclaimers Apply

Feedback will be appreciated

The Best and the Beautiful

Prologue – Panemos, 23rd Regnal Year of Philippos II, King of Macedon

Hephaestion

Five days since the King's death. Five days since Alexander was chosen King by the Council and the army. Five days since Pausanias was speared to death by Leonnatus and his body crucified to show the world what happens to a regicide. Five days since I, Hephaestion Amyntoros, may have lost my life or the only reason I had to live it, which amounts to the same thing.

Standing on a balcony of the palace I looked out on a night full of thunder and lightening, the sky in turmoil as powerful as my own emotional one. So much to think on, so much to decide – as his mother had already pointed out to me; my place at Alexander's side could no longer be what it was. How can it be, she asked? Much against my will I had, in the end, to agree with her.

Alexander is no longer the boy I fell in love with despite his rank the companion with whom I have shared my dreams, my fears, my hopes and my body. He is my King now and I merely a servant; courtier, a friend amongst many, low down on the ranking of advisors. He belongs to all now; the fantasy I held these past years of him being solely mine and I his has faded and been washed away by Philip's spilt blood. I now stand in the way to power for many – his mother, the Generals, his other friends who were willing enough to leave me be whilst he was prince and, even to the last, not necessarily Philip's chosen successor.

But now he is king. Now he must take his place at the head of the army and show Greece that a king has died but there is another as formidable to take his place. Now he must listen to wiser heads that have served Macedon for decades. Now he must marry and beget an heir.

Oh, yes, it was this that Olympias accused me of hindering this night. That I have held him from his duty of choosing a wife because of his passion for me and mine for him. I deny it as a conscious thing but I must be truthful with myself and acknowledge the fear I have of losing him to his wife – women we have both had and they have not caused any diminution in our feelings for each other, but a wife is different. Particularly for a king. Do I stand in the way of Macedon getting an heir? Have I manipulated him, unknowingly, to such a degree, as she accused me of, that he will not consider marrying? Has my love blinded me to the needs of both my country and my lover? If so, then she is right, I am a menace.

All I wanted, ever, was to be by his side, protect him from his inner demons that can rage as thunderously as the night is about me – I can calm him at these times where no one else can; I have no fault to answer there. And I love him for himself; if he was to abdicate tomorrow I would follow him wherever he chose to go. But he will not. Though I believe with all my heart he never sought Philip's death yet now he is king he will not shirk. The very opposite in fact – it is his path to glory; as we have discussed many times the Asian campaign, even with Philip leading it, would have been our chance to show the world and our peers what we could do, what we are destined to be. Alexander will rival Achilles in his glory and actions and I always believed I would be at his side, his Patroclus, until death.

But Achilles was no king nor had he the responsibility for a kingdom; that fell to Agamemnon and he knew when to be merciful and when to be cruel. For a king has to know how to be both these things and cannot always follow the precepts of his heart or put those he loves first. And it is very likely that I will be the first thing he has to let go of. Not as a friend, we will always be that and I will ensure I stay at his side in battle if nowhere else. But as lovers it may very well be over.

"Amyntoros!"

Cassander. An appropriate companion for my black mood. I did not answer him, merely turned slightly from where I was leaning against the wall to keep him in sight as one would a snake.

"You were missed at dinner – not by many it is true, but Alex – the King – noted your absence."

"And you were so full of concern for him that you felt it your duty to come and find me?"

His laugh was soft, like a hiss, with no more humour in it than was in my own sarcastic comment.

"Hardly. I wanted to see how you fare and whether you understand the situation more than he evidently does."

"What situation is that, Antipatoros?"

"That you can no longer share his bed – ah, you do know it! Oh, don't turn those steely blues on me, they have no effect. I'm not afraid of you, never have been and soon you will be in no position to be feared by anyone."

"You've said your piece now leave."

"Not yet. Alexander for all his abilities as a soldier has a soft heart for his 'pets'. When his hunting dog can no longer run he won't slit its throat but keeps it by him until it dies a natural death of old age – useless. That's you, Amyntoros – the pet that he will not cast away."

"Go to Hades, Cassander."

"When it is my time no doubt. But what can you expect now Hephaestion? Your 'relationship' has lasted far longer than anyone expected it to or what it should have; I'll admit with your beauty few of us question why Alexander is still so enamoured. But he's king now…"

"Really, I hadn't noticed that."

"…and you are in the way. He can be a great king, far greater than Philip who after all was a pig of a man; Alexander is better educated and more cultured yet with the fighting spirit of a true Macedonian. I can see that much as I loathe admitting it. And I can also see his weakness – you."

"I am Alexander's friend, Cassander, in word, deed and heart. I follow wherever he leads as whatever he needs me to be for his benefit."

"I don't doubt your loyalty or your ability to be his yes man at every opportunity and genuinely believe in him. But in that you make a laughing stock of 'your Alexander' – his love for you will make him appear weak in the eyes of our enemies – your relationship is already the talk of Athens as I am sure you are aware from your relations there."

That much was certainly true. My father had already been advised of the talk in the agora, put about by Demosthenes himself by all accounts, of Alexander's lover and how he controlled the Prince, and now the King. Untrue but they didn't care about the truth. To have Cassander confirm it to me meant that Antipater was also aware of the sneering gossip. With Alexander needing to show he was a king to be reckoned with by the Athenians and Thebans this sort of 'story' would not help; the riotous exaggerations of Theopompas of what went on here at the Macedonian court would only be given confirmation – to the shock of Athens; they discouraged or more likely ignored relationships between co-evals, designating the only correct form of love to be between an older man who would teach the younger the ways of war and politics. Alexander and I were of an age so we had never fitted that example and had never cared what others thought. But now everything was different…

"You understand me, don't you? You know you can never be the friend in the background because he will never allow that; where he loves and it is returned, he never gives that person up. You will have to do it for him."

"What can you know of love, Cassander? You're nothing but ice inside – cold, ruthless ambition rules your heart. What I feel for Alexander is so far above your understanding."

"No it's not! I understand it only too well. I also know that you agree with me! This can't go on. There's only one thing you can do for your king now. The question is, have you the courage to do it?"

I watched him walk away from me, his words like a pain in my heart that would not go away. Turning myself I headed towards my own room and once there closed the door behind me grateful that Alexander had given me one of my own away from the rest, close to his own. Right then I needed a drink and saw the flagon set beside a platter of food. I smiled, knowing who had had this sent for me. Amongst all his other concerns he made time to ensure an errant friend did not go hungry. Ignoring the food I started on the wine, unwatered, drinking three deep cups one after the other before I stripped off my chiton and crawled into bed and waited for Hypnos to take me.

I was woken by the sense of a familiar scent and hands caressing my body. Opening my eyes I met the glittering ones of Alexander, caught by the lamp he had placed beside the bed, looking down into mine, his lips hovering above my own until they met in a deep kiss. I relaxed under him letting him know I wanted him for this night more than I could ever say by deepening the kiss, tongues meeting together, hands caressing, clawing and kneading; his clothing went quickly then we were two naked bodies wrapped up in each other until we became one as he entered me, making us whole once more. Our moans and cries seemed a chorus of song to my ears as my body was taken over by sensation and pleasure that made my breath come in short pants and my head spin. I finally came coating our sweating bodies whilst he filled me with his own seed before collapsing on top of me.

"Are you putting on weight?" I asked ruefully once I could breathe again.

"What's wrong? You weren't at dinner and I notice you still haven't eaten anything – that's not like you unless you're worried about something."

Wriggling out from under him so we could lay facing each other I took in that face I knew better than my own; the heavy brow and hair falling from its peak in a tawny bronze mane that framed high cheekbones, largish nose, full lipped mouth and eyes so lovely that they melted you at a glance or turned you to stone, depending on his mood. Now they were soft, deep lidded and looking into mine with concern. Brushing away a random lock of hair from his face I smiled at him, hopefully not giving away my true feelings at that moment.

"You sound like my mother, sire. Ouch!"

"I'm serious."

"I've had a lot to think about Xander, as have you. I needed to be alone for a while, that's all. Nothing to be concerned about."

"But I am. I missed you."

"You've been in council all day – I couldn't be there…"

"You will be from now on…"

"Alexander!"

"I mean it. I need your honesty; I can't trust them to tell me the truth only what they think I want to hear."

I nodded understanding, recognising this need and knowing I was probably the only one who could give it to him and who he would accept it from. But Cassander's words still haunted me.

"Antipater and Parmenion served your father loyally as they will you; they are the men you should listen to."

"As king, yes. But as Alexander – for that I need you, Phai."

"Of course." He smiled at my response and then snuggled down beside me to sleep. Taking him in my arms I would protect him that night against all cares, demons and his own destiny. Tomorrow it would be the responsibility of someone else…

Alexander

I couldn't understand what was worrying him; he had become so distant those past days, not only physically but emotionally too.

My father's murder had thrown me into a dark place and I needed Hephaestion more than ever. Yet my mother and the Companions kept him away from me; they told me he could no longer be more than a friend to me, one of many. That he had to prove his abilities the same as everyone else (as if we didn't know that and he hadn't already done that at Chaeronea) by earning his rank on merit. I knew what they thought – that I would place him high at court because we are lovers. And so I will, but not for that reason. Hephaestion is my rock, my sanity but he is also intelligent and will be a capable officer with other talents than just killing; he's a born engineer and architect and so well organised he would run the army far better than some of my father's logistics officers have done. These things an army needs to survive in a shape and morale that will give them victories. Not all Macedonians are at their most useful on a battlefield, as Antipater daily proved; and my Phai would fulfil that role perfectly in time.

I'm not such a fool as to place him above the rest immediately – they would only pull him down as a wolf pack does its prey. I need to allow him to show them what he's capable of on his own. But it was so hard to stand aside whilst he was insulted, ignored or despised; I had no help from him either as he is a proud man and his pride is brittle at best – he pushed himself beyond the required limits of an officer because he was my lover and felt he had to be twice as brave, twice as capable as any other so they would never, openly, accuse him of getting his rank through my bed. Yet they still believed that no matter what he did because they were small men; jealous men who did not understand that we were and always will be one. I cannot function properly, effectively without him and neither can he. So why does he listen to them? Why did he pull away from me when I needed him the most?

Mother had spoken to me about my love for him and said it was time it evolved into something else or, better yet, ended altogether; that I must now take a wife and beget an heir for the kingdom before I left on the Asian campaign and no one must stand between me and that goal. As if he would ever do that. We had discussed my marriage and the reasons for it on many occasions and I had his full support in it – when I decided to marry. And not before.

Wives and children would mean precious little if I lost control of the kingdom and Greece; a new king was always the signal for the northern tribes to revolt and Thebes and Athens would soon start to pull away from Macedonian control and tell others that the kingdom is now weak and ripe to be attacked. War must come first, mother, or I would have an heir to nothing.

The envoys who stayed for the funeral were already quietly plotting, I could see it in their eyes – all they saw was a young man not yet twenty who had to prove himself to his father's army and ensure that it would follow him as assuredly as it did the late king. Which cannot be denied. But they had forgotten I had already led these men against their own precious cities at Chaeronea; served in sieges with them and taken them to Thrace when barely sixteen. These things my men remembered even as Athens conveniently forgot the oath she took barely a year before my father's murder when I had taken the Athenian dead back to their city. Democracy has a very short memory.

But before I could even consider what the League would do I had decisions to make of a more personal nature. It was never made clear by Philip that I was to be his successor, especially after the Carian debacle – and there I should have listened to Hephaestion – when he never really trusted me again. He married my half sister Cynna to my cousin Amyntas, the nephew that had been deposed as a child because the army needed an adult king, but now an adult, a soldier, pure Macedonian in blood and the 'true' king. He had never liked me and those last few months of my father's life he had made it particularly clear what his feelings were; I ignored him but Phai drew my attention to the man's attitude and I saw the naked hunger for power where before he was a broken man. Now he was one with hope, hope given him by my father.

Then there was Eurydike and her child to consider, another threat to my throne; her uncle Attalus would surely back her against me and he was in a safe place in Asia with his own forces. I had already been told by Hephaestion and his father that their Athenian relatives had proof Attalus was writing to Demosthenes – once again the house of Amyntor watched where I could not; my shield as always. Why mother is so blind to this is beyond me.

Perhaps it is jealousy. She loved my father passionately but could never bear to share him with others and so decided I was to be wholly hers, none of his. And Hephaestion became her next target as soon as our relationship became clear to her that we were lovers and he had become, in her mind, a new rival.

Oh, mother, could you not see that I loved you but your never ending plotting and seeing threats that were not there actually made them come true, self-fulfilling prophesies. She pushed me away from the king when I should have been at his side and ensuring I would be his chosen successor by himself, the Companions and the army.

But hindsight is so useful as I've realised these last few days; Hephaestion never believed, until recently, that Amyntas would ever supplant me as Philip's chosen heir. Though he never blamed mother to me I could see in his eyes what he felt and thought; those eyes as clear as a cloudless sky, a window to his soul – that is why he will always stand apart, eyes lowered, if we are ever in council so that they cannot read his thoughts in those depths: only I can do that when he turns them on me. However he has learnt to mask his feelings well even from me – and that worried me for he had never done so before. We had always been entirely honest with each other, brutally so at times. I tell him everything and he used to be the same. Now he has withdrawn from me. It started a few days after my father's murder. For safety's sake I have had him watched since we became lovers. My mother, I was told, had called him to her rooms. What did she tell him, I wondered? And then he argued with Cassander on a balcony. Why couldn't they all leave him alone, he was no threat to any of them. He did not appear at supper that evening so I sent some food and wine to his room and when I could get away from the generals I joined him there.

It was late and he was asleep. Setting down the lamp I gazed at his sleeping face for a long time taking in the perfect features struggling with some dream or other, not relaxed as they usually were. I caressed his face, moving to a naked shoulder and arm tracking the scar left there from a boar hunt we had been on four years ago when he had saved Nearchus from being gored, testament to his courage.

It woke him and he smiled up at me lips slightly parted which I took in a kiss, gentle at first but becoming more demanding as the cover fell from him to reveal his body to me, golden in the light of the lamp. He is so beautiful, my Phai; graceful and sleek, and just as dangerous, as a mountain lion but also protective as a wolf with her cubs when it came to me or anyone else he loves. He relaxed pulling at my clothing until I lay between his long legs, naked and aroused. Our love making was slow at first, enjoying everything about the other's body, finding the places with a kiss, a caress, even a bite that gave the most pleasure until neither of us could wait any longer and I entered him, joining with myself, bonding our souls together once more.

Our talk after did not wholly remove my concerns especially at the sight of dried tears on his face in the morning light. Why did he cry? I did not ask him as he awoke then and shooed me out before the rest of the palace was awake – sometimes he truly forgets who I am! Which is why I love him so much; he sees me as Alexander, not as 'prince' or King – at least when we are alone. In public he is always correctly deferential.

On the day of the funeral I watched him, standing to the side with Leonnatus – whom I demoted from the Bodyguard to quash any rumours he was implicated in the plot because he killed Pausanias before he could be questioned. I had no doubts to his loyalty and understood it had been his anger that had cost me valuable information – whether it would have been information I really wanted was another matter. Discipline required me to take some action against the men who were detailed to guard the King and demotion was the most I would go to. After all Philip himself had told them to stay outside as he did not want the Greek envoys to think he needed guards wherever he went. Ironic.

"Perhaps its for the best, Xander." Phai had said quietly to me the day of the murder. "Now there is only rumour not hard facts to prove any involvement."

Yes – no proof that my mother had organised, or at least condoned, the slaughter of her own husband. But we both knew the truth of that anyway, what need was there for any information Pausanias could have given?

Black suits Hephaestion. The reddish hair and smooth, tanned skin shown to great affect by the darkness of the chalmys and chiton – made from the best cloth, chosen by myself for him. I like to see him finely dressed though it always makes him squirm. There is no vanity there.

"Can you at least wait until you have a wife and a harem – those you can dress up all you like!"

The memory of that brought a smile to my lips, which I suppressed but not quickly enough to avoid the hawk eyes of Antipater's son, Cassander. Hades – that would fuel more gossip that I may have wanted my father's death. I catch Phai staring at me and saw the almost imperceptible shake of his lovely head in admonition. That was more the old Phai! I hoped that whatever had been worrying him had been resolved.

I made the sacrifices then strode forward and lit my father's pyre. I shed no tears. I did not love him at the end and I would not lie even there. But I never sought his death. Wished for it a few times as any heir might do but never did anything, in thought or deed, to hurry the day. If I had wanted to do so I would have chosen a far better time and place than my sister's wedding celebrations and Aegae. We were due to go on campaign – surely a better time would have been then when the army had gotten used to me and an 'accident' could have been arranged? No one thinks of these things.

The pyre burnt well, the omens were acceptable and so I said farewell to my father and returned to the palace; the ashes would be sent to Vergina and interred in the superb tomb I was planning for him. After all he had made Macedon what it was – a power to be reckoned with. And he had given me the best army in the world. I broke my fast with Antipater and Cleitus, Leonnatus and Polyperchon but Hephaestion had disappeared again, after I had specifically requested him to attend. It was unlike him to ignore a direct command especially when he had agreed to come before witnesses. The food turned heavy in my gut and bile filled my mouth.

No it was not like him at all so something was stopping him attending. Quietly I signed to Cleitus to accompany me as I made mumbled excuses and left heading for Hephaestion's rooms at a fast walk, sweating with fear of what I would find there.