Fandom: FMA
Title: A Second Chance

Pairings: Elricest, OC/Al

Rating: NC 17
Warnings: Incest, angst, violence, yaoi, lemon

Author's Notes: AU, OC

Word Count: 21, 554
Status: Incomplete

Disclaimer: Not mine, too bad. Not mine, so sad.

Summary: When Al smiled the same smile he used to give him, when he reached out to Sam the way he used to reach out to him, when his lips met the other man's, Ed felt a shock of jealousy that gave way to nausea.

A Second Chance

Chapter 1

Ed sat listlessly at his desk. He wondered why everything he did always went awry. He thought he needed time away from Al, to sort things out. Thought that what he'd allowed his brother to start with him was wrong, had kept them from the things, the people they might have done and been with if they hadn't started sleeping together. And even now, he was convinced that he was right.

But things hadn't worked out the way he'd planned. His ill-conceived plan of separation from Al hadn't helped his brother. Instead, it had hurt Al immeasurably. Even now, months since he talked to Al, explained things to him, and Al had hung up on him, it bothered him. He should have sat his brother down when he realized that what they'd started wasn't what he wanted. Instead, he'd lied to Al, abandoned him. Left him to weep tears of blood.

And for what? Not a damn thing. Somehow, being without him had left a shadow on Ed's life. The missions, instead of being something to drive towards, something to accomplish, left him feeling unsatisfied. He kept turning to a brother that wasn't there anymore, with... 'Can you believe this?' or… "What do you think?' Only to find himself alone, because he'd shrugged his brother off like a piece of unwanted garbage.

He thought he wanted to fall in love, he thought he wanted to wake up with that special someone beside him. He thought he wanted to make love, instead of the dirty little shameful sex he'd had with Al. And he'd looked, and looked. And found no one he wanted to be with like that. So, he lowered his standards. Took a lover. Tried both sexes. Nothing. What should have been breath taking and beautiful had quickly become a sordid little chore. And the partners he'd always chosen turned out to be more in love with his reputation and the reflected glory it brought them, than with the man himself. It was depressing.

He'd done what he'd done to his brother to find himself, to find the life he'd always wanted. And it was nothing. He'd broken his brother's heart and self esteem for nothing. From the bottom of his heart, he wished he'd handled it differently. He would have escaped Al's unwanted attentions, but at least he could have still had a brother. Now he had no one. Oh, Mustang had tried to warn him, tried to tell him not to run away, to face it head on and clean up the mess he'd allowed to happen. Hell, clean up the mess he'd caused. It was his disastrous choices that had forced the two of them into such intimate and intense proximity. For the first time Ed looked at how he had bonded his brother to his side for so long, made sure his brother had no one else to turn to, made sure his brother had no one else to look up to. No wonder Al had fallen in love with him. And once the fruit of his questionable labors had ripened, he'd ripped it off the vine, stomped it under his boots, and walked away without a second thought.

He sighed. It was time to go home. Time to see his wronged brother and see what could be salvaged from the mess he'd once again made of both their lives. He picked up the phone and called Mustang. And in a few days, had been reassigned to Central. Mustang was waiting for him at the station, and the two of them walked to the car. On the ride back to HQ, Ed finally mustered up the courage to ask his superior about his brother.

"I don't know, Fullmetal," he said slowly, watching the boy. "He stayed holed up in the house for a few more months after you talked to him on the phone, then just walked away. Didn't take anything but a backpack. No one's seen or heard from him since."

"What??" Ed screeched. "How could you let that happen!! What if he's hurt or… or… dead?? Why didn't you take care of him?"

Mustang gave him a cool look. "He's your brother, Fullmetal. You made the decision to walk away from him without a word. You chose to leave him hurt and alone. What was I supposed to do, arrest him? Lock him up?" Then he looked out the window, feeling hurt and angry.

Ed said nothing, knowing the truth of Mustang's words. He should apologize. "Look, Mustang…"

"It's all right, Fullmetal. Forget it." Mustang was silent a moment. "So, have you figured out what you want? You did find yourself, didn't you?" At Ed's red face, he sighed softly. "Was this… self exploration worth what you did to your brother?"

"I never meant for any of this!" En snarled furiously.

"No, I'm sure you didn't." Mustang tried to keep his voice gentle, but it was time for the boy to grow up and start taking responsibilities for his actions. 'I didn't mean' was for children, not men. "I'm sure you didn't mean to destroy both your lives with your willful forbidden transmutation… against your brother's wishes. I'm sure you didn't mean to condemn Al to four years in a suit of armor. I'm sure you didn't mean to make sure the only person your brother could depend on was you. I'm sure you didn't mean to make sure he had no one else in his life to love. I'm sure you didn't mean to make sure he had no one else in his life after he was restored. I'm sure you didn't mean to walk away from him with lies and abandon him for your own purposes. But you did."

Ed had grown more pale with every word from Mustang's mouth, and shrank back into the seat. His lower lip trembled so he bit it hard enough to taste blood. His eyes shifted away from the man beside him and his hurtful but true words. "What do I do now?" He whispered forlornly.

"I don't know, Ed," Mustang went on gently. He felt relief. Obviously the boy had already thought about some of the things he'd done, began to take some of the blame for what he caused to happen between him and his brother. Otherwise he would be being treated to a full fledged Edward Elric tantrum. "I know you never meant for things to turn out the way they have, but the fact remains that through your actions, you created this situation. Over and over again. I can't even imagine what Alphonse must have felt when he finally realized what you'd done. I only know the pain in his voice when he called me. That's why I told you to call him. At least let him know you were still alive and gave a damn about him, even if you didn't at the time."

"I always gave a damn about him," Ed retorted hotly.

"No, Ed. If you had, you wouldn't have lied to him, and ran away. All you wanted at the time was to get him to stop being your lover, without having to deal with the situation. Even as stubborn as you are, even you had to know that simply walking away with a pack of lies wouldn't do anything but destroy the brother you always professed to love so much, the brother you made sure could see and love only you. I'm sorry to be so harsh, and feel free to hate me if you must. But what you did to Al was wrong. And now he's gone, and I don't even know if it would be a good idea for you to find him. He's been gone for over eight months, and surely he's found some measure of peace by now."

"Eight months…" Ed said faintly, feeling sick. Where was Al? Was he hurt? Was he even still alive? What… what if he'd killed himself… But Ed shied away from that painful thought. After everything he'd done to bring back his brother's body, everything they'd gone through to achieve their goals… What a waste. And Mustang was right, as much as he loathed that. He'd done this to Al, every single bit of it. It had been his pride and selfishness, his need for glory that had made his brother fall in love with him. And then he turned around, spit in his brother's face, and left him alone, for a year.

Mustang took mercy on him, and said no more. Once at HQ, Ed requisitioned a car and drove to their house. He'd bought it for them just after restoring Al's body, meaning for it to be a haven for them. Instead, he'd turned it into a living nightmare, both before he abandoned his brother, and afterwards.

Inside, it was dusty. A faint stench from the refrigerator warned him to definitely not open it. Al really had walked away with nothing. Standing in the room they'd shared, the bed was still unmade, and if he looked closely, he could still see faint tearstains on the pillow he'd used before he'd abandoned everything he worked for, and everything he caused. And there, on the bed, looking a little worse for wear, was the little stuffed calico cat he'd bought for his brother the very first day after Al had got his body back. They boy had been transfixed by it, and had prized it over all other possessions, because Ed had given it to him. And when Al himself finally walked away, he'd left everything behind that could possibly tie him to his brother. Listlessly, he wandered the house, and then finally noticed the yellowed envelope on the table. He'd missed it on first pass. With trembling fingers, he opened it.

'I'm sorry, Ed. I never meant to drive you away. I hope that wherever you are, that you are happy. Goodbye. Al.'

Ed sat at the table and cried miserably for a very long time.