"Well, the power is out," Miss Ellie noted as the women of Southfork gathered into the living room. The room was dark and empty, hollow and gloomy, so unlike the evenings when the Ewing family would gather together after dinner and have an evening drink. Normally, the room was filled with excitement as the family gathered to talk about the day's events. Jock would regale the family with tales of his wildcatting days as JR and Bobby took a well-deserved break from the office at Ewing Oil. But tonight was very different. Bobby was in Washington for a conference, Jock had a business deal in Austin and no one knew where JR was that night. Sue Ellen had a feeling, a very painful feeling about his whereabouts, but she didn't dare say anything aloud.

"Sue Ellen," Miss Ellie's gentle but firm voice startled the Texas beauty.

"Yes, Miss Ellie?"

"Are you alright?" The elderly woman loved her two daughters-in-law very much. They were both so different. Sue Ellen was so poised and graceful, a true lady if there ever was one. She was always so polished and put together; no one knew the fears that plagued her each night. No, Sue Ellen was a brilliant actress, she knew how to wear a mask very well and she was never perceived as anything but fabulous. But deep down, Miss Ellie knew of her struggles. Her loneliness. Her drinking. Her desire to be loved by a man that only saw her as a possession, an ornament.

"I'm just fine, Miss Ellie. I suppose I was just thinking about the blackout." Sue Ellen turned to Miss Pamela Ewing, the newest woman of Southfork. Pam had been a resident for over two years, but she still felt out of place among the powerful Ewing clan.

Yes, Pam had problems of her own, but she had more trouble hiding them then Sue Ellen. Pam never felt happy on the big, sprawling Texas ranch. She felt intimidated and unwelcome by JR, Sue Ellen's often-absent husband. He had done everything he could to split Bobby and her up, but he never succeeded. Bobby Ewing loved his wife very much and Pam knew this. But lately, the marriage was hitting more and more rough spots.

Pam said goodbye to Digger Barnes, the man that loved her, even though she was never truly his daughter. Pam didn't know her real father or mother, Rebecca Wentworth. She had left Cliff and Pam right after Pam was born. But the strongest blow had been the second miscarriage. Pam desperately wanted to give Bobby a baby, she didn't care whether it was a boy or not, any child would do. Pam did the very best she could to be happy for Sue Ellen when she became pregnant with John Ross. Sue Ellen knew the pain of not being able to have a child, and she had no intention of making Sue Ellen feel guilty for providing another Ewing when she couldn't. But then the oddest thing happened: Sue Ellen ignored her firstborn son. For the longest time, John Ross was her child. Sue Ellen never paid him any attention, shipping him off on the nurse. But lately, Sue Ellen became maternal, and while Pam was happy that her sister-in-law could finally love her son, she was unhappy and felt bereft, like she had lost another child.

Pam was biting more than she could chew, and it was now starting to show. Pam couldn't escape her problems, and Southfork wasn't helping. Lately Bobby had been spending more time away, working with his brother and father at the office. Pam would

never deny Bobby the family company, Ewing Oil, but her marriage was starting to take a backseat to work, something that Bobby promised would never happen. But Pam couldn't blame him, she wasn't very much of a wife lately, and Bobby needed an escape. Better the company then women. Pam knew her husband would never cheat on her. That much she knew.

"I've got some candles," young Lucy Ewing called out from behind the kitchen door. She flounced in with her carefree charm. Lucy seemed like she didn't have a care in the world. She never was one to take on responsibility. College wasn't important to her; she was breezing through her freshman year at SMU. Lucy always seemed to lack direction, yet out of all the Southfork women, she seemed the happiest.

The women quickly set to work, placing the candles throughout the room. It was the only source of light the women had. Teresa and Raul were off for the night, so it was just them. The room seemed to be filled with fairies, little spots of light that shone in the room and highlighted the faces of the inhabitants.

"You know we haven't all sat down and talked in a very long time," Miss Ellie mused as she grabbed a seat in her chair. Lucy was sprawled on the floor, starting up the fireplace. Sue Ellen primly looked out the window, searching for something that she knew she wouldn't find. What she wanted was a drink. It wasn't the taste that attracted her the most. No, it was the sense of power that she felt with each sip; it became her comfort and her solace, something she could turn to when she couldn't talk to anyone. On some days, it was the only thing that saved her from ending it all.

But Sue Ellen vowed that she would never drink again. She had a son to think about, and she was determined to be the best mother in all of Texas. Good mothers are sober, and John Ross has been through enough in his life and needs stability.

But it was more than John Ross. JR wanted her to drink, he wanted her to fail. To see her fall on her face and disgrace herself. It would be the perfect excuse to once again send her to a sanitarium. It was a hellish place, and almost cost her life as well as John Ross'. No Sue Ellen would find happiness somewhere else: with her son.

Pam sat on the piano bench, running her fingers over the smooth, pure keys. They were exquisite, unaltered, and uniform. Pam was too sullen to notice the contrast between her own life and the black and white object.

"Pam, how are things at the Store?" Miss Ellie was the first to break the silence.

"Wonderful, Miss Ellie." Pam didn't bother to look up from the piano. It hurt her to lie to Miss Ellie; she was the first member of the Ewing clan to welcome her after Bobby impulsively married her. The truth was too painful, even for her: Pam was spending more time away from the Store, and when she was there, her heart and mind were elsewhere. She didn't have the drive and purpose to work the way she once did. The shop had lost so much of its meaning over the past several months. Pam just didn't care anymore.

"SMU is having a formal and I would love to come by the shop and check out dresses," Lucy smiled. She loved the thought of another college party, even if it was a formal event.

"But you have so many Lucy," Miss Ellie remarked with a laugh.

"Well I have to represent the Ewing name," Lucy joked. "We Ewings need to look our best, don't we Sue Ellen?" The pair of blue eyes glanced into Sue Ellen's hazel ones.

"Of course," Sue Ellen let out a gentle smile at her niece. Lucy had blossomed from her high school pettiness into a young lady. Sue Ellen remembered how difficult Lucy had been for the family, though she had every right to be given her upbringing. Her parents left her when she was young, and she was raised by Ellie and Jock, forced to live with the man who stopped at nothing to destroy her father: her 'loving husband' JR. Just recently, Gary and Valene were married in a small ceremony, and since then, Lucy seemed to have changed from her bratty ways.

"Stop by next week." Pam finally spoke after minutes of silence. "Liz and I will fix you up."

The candles in the room provided an intimacy that was often sacrificed when the entire family gathered. Sue Ellen prayed that the blackout would end. Her eyes moved down to her wedding ring, which flicked in the candlelight. The scene could be described as romantic, but to Sue Ellen it was depressing. Her thoughts drifted towards her husband.

Did he love her? In the beginning, Sue Ellen thought he did. Their courtship was the best time of her life. Why JR chose her, Sue Ellen could never figure out. She came from a poor family, just her mother and Kristin, and had nothing to offer a man except her brilliant looks. Sue Ellen was the proclaimed beauty queen at Texas University, loved by all. When JR showed interest in her, Sue Ellen felt like she was living the life of a fairytale: the dashing prince picking up the ordinary girl and whisking her away to his castle. Yes, JR was the most attractive man Sue Ellen met, a fact that was still true today. His eyes were what Sue Ellen first fell in love with, always full of secrets and thoughts that no one knew. Women everywhere coveted him, but he still wound up choosing her. During the courtship, he was attentive, caring, compassionate, and generous. He loved spoiling her, and she loved being spoiled by him.

Yet those very memories haunted her on the nights when JR was away, most likely with another woman. JR had a list of mistresses a mile long, and he made no secret about it. It was as though he didn't care for her feelings anymore. Sue Ellen was his wife, but she was not the love of his life.

The woman thought of leaving him dozens of times. But when it came down to it, she didn't believe she was strong enough to leave him; Sue Ellen had never lived alone before. She went straight from her home to the sorority house to Southfork without looking back. Could she make it without a man in her life?

And what about John Ross? He was her son, the only thing holding her together. She could never win custody of him in court; JR showed her that right away. He would paint her as a drunken woman, an unfit mother, and Sue Ellen would lose the one person she cared about the most. No, John Ross was worth staying with her husband. No matter how abusively cruel he was to her, he could never take away the love she felt for her son.

Sue Ellen looked up from her diamond wedding ring. Miss Ellie was talking to Lucy about the latest fashions, something that Sue Ellen was usually interested in, but not tonight.

"Sue Ellen?" Miss Ellie's voice broke Sue Ellen's thoughts.

"Yes, Miss Ellie?"

"Are you ready for the DOA meeting next week?"

The very mention of the Daughters of the Alamo made Mrs. Ewing smile. Sue Ellen loved those meetings. She was the current president and came back to her title with a vengeance after a rocky past several months. While she was pregnant with John Ross, Sue Ellen was at the peak of her of her drinking and was asked to temporarily step down as president. Now she was ready to take on her role and do it well. Sue Ellen loved being the center of the group, adored by all the members, and now Sue Ellen had to prove herself worthy, but she didn't mind. She would show everyone what a wonderful and poised woman she could be.

"I'm glad to be back as president, Miss Ellie."

"So am I, Sue Ellen. I'm sure you'll do very well."

"I intend to. I disappointed a lot of people in the past several months."

"That's all it is, Sue Ellen, in the past. You need to move forward with your leadership and be ready for the new challenges."

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be Miss Ellie." Sue Ellen was confident that she could make up for lost time. After all, when Sue Ellen was at her very best, she sparkled and shined for everyone. It was what her mother had raised her to do: please people and relish in the spotlight, to be the perfect wife for the lucky man that she would call husband. Her mother said that he would love her unconditionally. She was wrong.

"Would you like to join us Pamela? Everyone is dying to meet you, and it would be a wonderful way to be introduced into Dallas society."

Sue Ellen glanced at her sister-in-law and saw what she believed was unhappiness. The two women apparently had more in common than just the Ewing name. Come to think of it, they had plenty in common. They both came from poor families and were outsiders in the world of the Ewings. 'Ewing by marriage' was how Sue Ellen saw it, and how JR saw it, always reminding her that she was not a 'true Ewing' and could be easily disposed of at a moments notice. Both women knew the trials of being married to Ewing men. Even perfect Bobby proved to make a poor husband, Sue Ellen mused. She wrote it off as the 'Ewing disease': the Ewing men were horrible with relationships, and the women in them were doomed to suffer. Somehow, it made Sue Ellen feel better, knowing that Bobby was not husband material. Now she felt she could truly blame the Ewing brothers and not herself for her shame of a marriage.

If Sue Ellen and Pam had so much in common, then why did Sue Ellen hate Pam the way she did. Hate was all that Sue Ellen could feel for the innocent beauty as she moved onto the ranch with Bobby. Maybe it was the fact that she may deliver a Ewing heir before she did. Oh how unhappy Sue Ellen was before John Ross. She felt so much pressure from everyone around her to have a baby. Adoption was out of the question, Sue Ellen tried using the black market, but she was foiled by JR, who told her that the child had to be 'theirs and no one else's'. Yes, Sue Ellen was depressed and unhappy. She knew the reason that there was no child was because of her husband's lack of interest in her. Sue Ellen did whatever she could to make herself available, but JR rejected her and lashed out at her.

One day, Sue Ellen became pregnant, only to discover that she had no idea who the father was. Her recent affair with JR's enemy, and Pam's brother, Cliff Barnes, had come to haunt her. The pregnancy marked her dark period, the drinking, the yelling, the doubts, the threats, the hitting. JR struck her when she told him that she had been just as faithful to their marriage as he had been. He had never hit her before, and never again since then, but Sue Ellen would never forget that moment. All she wanted to do was get back at him, so she told him the child might not be his when he began to doubt her loyalty to him. Their relationship was at its lowest. Sue Ellen was sinking, and JR didn't give a damn. As long as he got his child, that was all that mattered.

After everything that happened, Sue Ellen felt compassion for her sister-in-law; she knew exactly how the young bride was feeling. No words needed to be shared. The two had a special bond that Sue Ellen never bothered to notice until recently. She could have an ally in the family if she only accepted her. The years of hate seemed pointless now. Sue Ellen had been surrounded by so much of it from her husband; it seemed that she was unable to love anyone, even her own son.

The first few months with John Ross were a nightmare. She knew that he was JR's from the moment she saw him, it was in the eyes. But JR refused to believe that John Ross was his child. He wouldn't touch him. Sue Ellen was afraid to love John Ross; she had been burned by love so many times. And that was how John Ross grew up without the love of his parents. After the paternity test, JR was thrilled to discover that John Ross was his son. After that, their relationship changed. JR couldn't get enough of his little boy, he loved him very much. It hurt Sue Ellen to see JR bestow such love on their child when he had none for her. Finally, Sue Ellen herself was able to love her son, after months of sessions with her psychiatrist Dr. Simon Elby, who she was still seeing. Now John Ross had two parents that loved him, but held contempt for each other.

Sue Ellen saw how hurt Pam was when Sue Ellen came to her son for the first time. It was as though Pam was losing a child. John Ross truly had been hers in the beginning, and now he had been taken away, and Pam had nothing to replace him with. This sparked love in Sue Ellen, who knew that what Pam needed was love. The love of a child, the love of parents that she never knew, the love of her husband, who truly did love her, but she was unwilling to accept it.

"Pamela, you really should come. There will be a speaker from Fort Worth talking about the Home for Lost Children." The Home for Lost Children was an orphanage, which drew Sue Ellen's attention. She wanted to become involved in any way she could, she loved the cause, and knew what it was like to see children grow up without a home; her son had been an early victim.

Pam looked at the older Mrs. Ewing. "Thank-you but no, Sue Ellen."

Sue Ellen knew that something was troubling Pam, and if the two were alone, then she would ask about it, but not with Lucy and Miss Ellie in the room.

"Do you know what I just realized?" Miss Ellie proclaimed.

"What, Grandma?" Lucy questioned as she twiddled with her long, blonde hair.

"Sue Ellen, your tenth anniversary is this month."

Sue Ellen looked up with a start. She had been so preoccupied over the past few months that she had completely forgotten that she and JR would be husband and wife for ten years this month.

"So it is," Sue Ellen mused, sneaking one more peek at her ring.

Lucy grimaced at the thought of Uncle JR. He always seemed to be the topic of conversation, even when he wasn't around. She hated him more than any other man alive. He caused her parents pain, her pain, Bobby pain, Grandma and Granddaddy pain, Pam pain, and especially Sue Ellen pain. Lucy saw the life Sue Ellen lived and for the longest time, could not respect her for staying with him. She believed that Sue Ellen was shallow and stayed on to be 'Mrs. JR Ewing', and have all of the fine things that went with that illustrious title. But recently, Lucy noticed Sue Ellen's maternal side, when she started caring for John Ross, Lucy saw that Sue Ellen had a heart, and was not just a pretty face, but a mother making the ultimate sacrifice.

"It doesn't seem like ten years." Some days, it felt longer. Sue Ellen met JR when she was twenty years old, at the Miss Texas beauty pageant. She was among thirty women, vying for the title, and he was one of three judges.

"Well I am very excited for both of you," Miss Ellie smiled. "I remember when Jock and I celebrated our tenth anniversary."

"I bet it was wonderful," Lucy said.

"I felt like a young bride again. Your Granddaddy knew how to make me feel special, like I was the only one that mattered. He told me I was the love of his life."

Sue Ellen felt like she was ready to cry. JR had never been that loving towards her during their marriage. After the wedding, he seemed to have drifted away, focusing more on work then her. Sue Ellen was convinced that she had done something unspeakable to offend him. The worst part was when she discovered the other women.

"Bobby said that very same thing to me the day we were married." Pam showed the hint of a smile – the first all day – and wistfully remembered her quickie marriage to Bobby by a Justice of the Peace in New Orleans. They were both so young, so in love. It didn't matter that their families were sworn enemies. As far as Bobby and Pam were concerned, that was not their problem.

Sue Ellen thought of Pam and her marriage to Bobby. On the surface, it seemed like the most unromantic event in the world, but deep down, her wedding to Bobby was one hundred times more precious than hers to JR. The wedding seemed wonderful on the outside – all of Texas came to see John Ross Ewing II get married – but on the inside, the passion and fire was no longer there.

"You know Sue Ellen," Lucy began, "I have never heard the story of how you and JR met."

"Neither have I." Pam perked up and looked at Sue Ellen. "All I know is that you were a contestant in a beauty pageant that JR was judging."

"Did your eyes meet across the platform? Was it love at first sight?"

The last thing Sue Ellen wanted was to rehash the night that she met JR. Right now, she felt as though she would have been better off if they had never met.

"Do tell us the story." Pam urged.

"We don't have anything else to do tonight," Miss Ellie noted.

Sue Ellen didn't know whether it was the room full of candles, or the thought of her pending tenth wedding anniversary, but Sue Ellen slowly relented.

"It will be a long story," Sue Ellen warned.

"I love long stories."

"I'm bored and I need something to keep me occupied," Lucy stated dully, waiting impatiently for another distraction.

"It's unanimous, Sue Ellen, you have no choice," Miss Ellie grinned, gesturing for her to begin her tale.

"Well, if I am going to do this, then I am going to do this properly, and that means starting months before the pageant." Sue Ellen closed her eyes as the memories, both the good and the bad, flooded back to her.

Sue Ellen Ewing ran to embrace her younger sister Kristin. It had been nearly a month since Sue Ellen had seen her rambunctious little shadow. School always provided a convenient excuse to stay away from her domineering mother, Patricia Shepard. It wasn't that the 20 year old didn't love her mother, but she proved to be very hard to take. College quickly became her sanctuary, she found herself fitting in perfectly with her sorority and had recently been crowned Homecoming Queen, much to her mother's delight, but Sue Ellen was happy as well. She needed to feel the approval of those around her, just the thought of knowing that she was making someone happy made her feel good inside. It was what she grew to depend on.

"Sue Ellen, come here and let me take a look at you." Sue Ellen obediently turned to face her mother, finding herself in a somewhat forced embrace. "Have you been eating at school?"

"Mother!"

"I just want to make sure that my oldest daughter is healthy. I have wonderful news."

"I can't wait to hear it," Sue Ellen said quietly, trying to mask her frustration towards the woman who constantly tried to control her life.

The two women sat in the living room while Kristin went to play in her room. "You'll never believe who I met today."

"Who?" Sue Ellen dully asked, searching for more energy.

"I was eating lunch today and I ran into a wonderful young man…"

"Mamma, we talked about you setting me up with men, I don't appreciate it."

"Darling, I'm not talking about a college romance. I'm talking about a professional. I met Scott Young, a pageant consultant…"

"Mamma!" Sue Ellen felt flustered, knowing exactly where the conversation was going, another beauty pageant for Sue Ellen. She had been in several of them over the years, each one worse than the next. Sue Ellen, with her natural beauty always came out a winner, which pushed her mother to enter her in more pageants.

"Young lady, don't interrupt me."

"Sorry," Sue Ellen said quickly.

"He was thinking about representing you. All I did was show him a picture. When we do this, we'll have to act quickly, to prepare you. You'll need a proper dress, swimsuit, talent…"

"Mamma, I never said I wanted to enter."

"Sue Ellen, give it time; the idea will grow on you. I am your mother and I know what's best for you. Besides you always do so well at them, and wouldn't you love to be Miss Texas?"

"So that was how it happened" Lucy shuddered at the thought of being forced in a beauty contest.

"As usual I said nothing," Sue Ellen said softly. "I never could argue with my mother. She was a formidable woman."

"So you won Miss Dallas and then moved on to Miss Texas," Miss Ellie noted. "I must say I feel terrible for you, being forced into something like that year after year."

Pam said nothing as Sue Ellen continued her tale.

Sue Ellen found herself amid thirty Texas beauties all locked in the same room as they scurried to get dressed for the final pageant. This was it. There would be a year's worth of touring and promotion for the future Miss Texas. But Sue Ellen couldn't concentrate. Her mind was spinning with different thoughts. She felt so out of place among the other women. Sue Ellen never saw herself as being truly beautiful, though people told her that she was every day. Sue Ellen had no idea what any of them saw in her. She didn't belong here, among these princesses and prima donnas. She was Sue Ellen Shepard, plain and simple.

She would rather have been with her boyfriend Clint Ogden. Things were becoming more and more difficult for the two lovers. Her mother did whatever she could to keep the two college kids apart. 'He isn't good enough for you' Patricia would tell Sue Ellen. 'Hold out for someone better, someone worthy of you.' Patricia Shepard believed she had found that someone in Billy Frampton. Sue Ellen went with him on a few occasions, but she didn't feel the sparks that she felt when she was with Clint. But Sue Ellen could never be with Clint, her mother would do whatever she could to see that. He was her very first college boyfriend and he would hold a part of her that no one else could have.

But Sue Ellen had to grow up, be realistic, she couldn't marry Clint, she couldn't see a future with him beyond college. Sue Ellen didn't want to seem materialistic or shallow, she saw herself as an adult, making a sacrifice, a sacrifice of the heart. She knew this each time she snuck away from class to see him. You couldn't live on love and passion alone, marriage needed a foundation, and there were too many things working against them. There would be other men, wonderful men. Patricia believed that Sue Ellen's perfect match was Billy: his father had oil, coal, uranium, and diamonds. She was already planning the wedding. How nice it would be to have a daughter married into such an accomplished family. To have her daughter have the life that she, herself always wanted, but never found. It was too late for her – she was getting older and life was beginning to pass her by – but not for Sue Ellen and Kristin.

"She wanted to choose your husband?" Lucy stammered, shocked that a mother would do such a thing.

"If my mom had had her way," Sue Ellen began, "I never would have married JR." Sue Ellen began to wonder if that was such a bad idea. "No disrespect to you, Miss Ellie."

The elderly woman laughed. "I knew how Patricia felt about JR and the Ewing family from the moment I met her."

"She believed that I would be better suited with someone else."

Miss Ellie relit a dying candle. "Your mother had her reasons."

"I never could understand them. I know in my heart that she always loved me, but she has the oddest way of showing it. She wanted what she thought was best for me."

"I think you turned out just fine." Miss Ellie smiled as she touched Sue Ellen's hand. "And I wouldn't change one thing about you."

"Thank-you, Miss Ellie."

"We can't spend all of our lives thinking about the past and how we would change it." Pam finally spoke. Three pairs of eyes turned to her. "What kind of a life would everyone lead, always focusing on ghosts of the past?"

"Wise words from a wise woman," Miss Ellie said, nodding her head. "I believe that everything happens for a reason."

"What about the bad things?" Lucy asked. "Do death and pain happen for a reason?"

"It is when we live through the painful times that we grow to become strong. Life is pain, life is never perfect. This is why we need to focus on the good things that life brings us."

"And try to live with the bad," Sue Ellen finished. Sue Ellen thought of her husband. Was he a mistake? He certainly caused her enough pain to last her a lifetime. Sue Ellen let out a sigh.

"Sue Ellen!" Lucy jumped up, "You didn't finish the story. Tell us about the pageant night."

"Alright," Sue Ellen relented, a tiny bit of Lucy's excitement beginning to rub off on her.

It was Sue Ellen's turn to step out in front of the thousands of people in the audience for the first time. Sue Ellen didn't care about winning, but she was nervous as anything. All of those eyes locked on her. What she really wanted was to go back to school and be with Clint, forgetting Billy Frampton and her mother and everyone else in Texas.

Sue Ellen took her first step out on the stage. The lights were so bright that Sue Ellen couldn't see a single thing. 'Just smile' Sue Ellen mused, as she kept her head proudly forward, moving from spot to spot.

She didn't notice the judge on the left that couldn't take his eyes off of her. He followed her every move until she went behind the curtain, he had to see her again.

"JR simply couldn't stop thinking about you," Miss Ellie remembered as she added more logs to the fire. "The first thing he said when he came back that night was that he had met the most beautiful woman in Texas."

Lucy cringed at the thought of Uncle JR being romantic towards anyone. My, how times have changed.

Sue Ellen tucked her head down, tears welling in her eyes. She hadn't thought about that night in years. My, how times have changed. Here it was, almost ten years, and she was trapped in a loveless marriage, with a man who only treated her with contempt. A tear fell down her cheek.

"Sue Ellen." Miss Ellie reached out to touch Sue Ellen. "Maybe we should all go to sleep."

"It's alright, Miss Ellie." Sue Ellen straightened up. "These memories… I haven't thought about them in so long." Sue Ellen looked at her extended family. "But they weren't bad memories. I loved the night that I met JR; I had won the pageant and my mother's approval."

"And my son's heart."

Too bad it didn't last, Sue Ellen thought to herself, playing with a candleholder. "Where was I?"

The swimsuit competition was next. This could make or break a contestant. Dressed in a black suit, Sue Ellen took one more deep breath before stepping out, front and center. This time she wasn't as nervous as before. With every ounce of confident she could muster, she smiled and waved at the onlookers. This time her eyes stumbled upon one of the judges. He had dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Sue Ellen knew she had seen his face in the papers before, but she could not remember his name. As Sue Ellen turned to go behind the curtain, their eyes locked together.

JR saw her again. She was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was worlds apart from the other contestants, she owned the room.

The three women were stunned by Sue Ellen's retelling. The wind blew from the outside as the candles flickered on the faces of the four women.

Each Ewing woman was different from the next. Miss Ellie was the oldest, the undisputed matriarch of the Ewing clan. Her hair had begun to turn grey and her eyes had begun to fade. Her face told stories of wisdom and knowledge, each wrinkle was another truth that was yet to be told. Miss Ellie was strong and capable; she had to be, to keep Southfork with her family for so long. Surviving her brother Garrison, and claiming the land as her own, Miss Ellie was a survivor.

Then there was Sue Ellen. So much could be said about Sue Ellen Ewing. She was the beautiful one, sometimes it was a blessing, but most days, it felt like a curse. Sue Ellen was vulnerable and needy, searching for love and never finding it. Not with her father, who left her after Kristin was born. Not with her mother, who tried to control her daughter's livelihood. Not with Cliff Barnes, who put his career before his affection for her. Not with her husband, who never touched her, and openly disregarded her feelings. These experiences made Sue Ellen wise beyond her years. Over time, she was forced to learn to rely on herself, because other people let her down.

Pamela Jean Barnes Ewing was the newest Ewing member and the naïve member among the women. She retained so much of her innocence – she had only been married to Bobby for a little over two years – and she kept her hopeful nature. This was what was crippling her. Pam didn't know the struggles of living at Southfork, and was grossly unprepared to fight amidst the family. This was what sunk her into depression, her lack of knowledge and inability to deal with her new surroundings.

Lucy was the next generation of Ewings. She was full of potential and promise, giving hope for a bright future. Yet Lucy still acted like a child, not wanting the family responsibility and obligations. At times, she deeply regretted being a Ewing. What would life be like without the expectations, and the rules, and the money, and the power? What would it be like to be normal? Lucy knew all too well of the corruption associated with the Ewing name, and like Sue Ellen, she had been forced to discover harsh realities too soon.

"I thought we could use a snack." Lucy reentered the room, laden with ice cream. "We may as well eat it now, since it will melt without power."

"Always thinking ahead Lucy," Miss Ellie joked, grabbing a spoon.

"None for me Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen said softly. Pam said nothing as she continued to look out the window.

"I'm sure that Bobby is thinking of you too Pam." Miss Ellie knew all too well of the loneliness a wife goes through when her husband is away on a trip, dealing with the pain first hand when Jock went to Europe to fight in World War II. "He'll be home very soon."

"Oh, Miss Ellie," Pam whispered. "I miss him."

"You know he loves you," Sue Ellen reassured. Sue Ellen considered her sister-in-law very lucky to have the love of her husband, and she knew that part of her past resentment towards her was the fact that she did have a husband who loved her very much, the one thing that Sue Ellen wanted more than anything in the world. Pam had unconditional love from a wonderful, honest man. Sue Ellen always knew she had married the wrong Ewing brother, and seeing Bobby interact with Pam broke her heart.

"He's been away more often."

"When he finishes working out his deal, he'll have more time for you," Miss Ellie said. "This is a busy time for the men."

"That's why my husband won't be an oil man," Lucy said confidently.

"Lucy, no matter what your future husband does, work will always be his first priority," Sue Ellen said bitterly.

"Do you really believe that, Sue Ellen?" A hint of anger appeared in the blonde's voice.

"Lucy…"

"Because if you do, then why get married at all? It seems like we'd only be setting ourselves up for heartbreak."

"Lucy that wasn't what I meant."

"Not all marriages are unhappy." Lucy immediately regretted what she said. She had no right to rub Sue Ellen's nose in her poor marriage. "I'm sorry Sue Ellen."

Mrs. J.R. Ewing looked down at the ground. She's very wise for a nineteen year-old. Maybe she will learn from my mistakes. "It's quite alright Lucy."

"I believe that there is good in every marriage." Miss Ellie interrupted the silence.

"What about your marriage to Jock?" Sue Ellen countered. "You told me that was a marriage of convenience, to save Southfork."

"I never knew that Miss Ellie," Pam said.

"Well it started out that way," Miss Ellie began, "but it became something so much more than a marriage of convenience. I was deeply in love with Digger," Miss Ellie looked at Pam, "your daddy."

"I remember him talking about you. He loved you very much Miss Ellie."

"But I found him unreliable, not good husband material. I simply could not live my life married to a man that I could not count on. Jock was different. He was dependable and true. Therefore, I offered to marry him, to save Southfork and keep it in my family's name. The Great Depression brought so much turmoil to the ranch; people were out of work, the crops were not producing well, everyone was unhappy. The banks were ready to foreclose on Southfork, but Jock came through." Miss Ellie closed her eyes, remembering her early years as a Ewing wife. "The first few years of our marriage were not easy, Jock was very rough around the edges. But I do not regret marrying him. And I stand by my notion that every marriage has the potential to be a good one."

If only that were true for me, mused Sue Ellen.

"Sue Ellen, will you keep telling your story?" Lucy asked.

"And the winner of the Miss Texas 1967 is…" The emcee droned on as JR looked straight at the tall brunette in the middle. Her name was Sue Ellen Ewing, and he was determined to find out everything he could about her. He would have Dan Marsh – a favorite private detective of his – start finding out information the next day. She had to be the most breathtaking woman that he had ever met.

Sue Ellen wanted desperately to leave the stage and never come back. She didn't belong here with all of the other women. She wanted out.

"Sue Ellen Ewing!" The crowds rose in thunderous applause as the former Miss Texas 1966 placed a delicate sterling silver crown on Sue Ellen's auburn hair.

"It must have been a wonderful feeling to win," Miss Ellie said.

"You would think so, but it didn't matter to me one way or the other," Sue Ellen laughed. "I was so bored with pageants. Though I have to admit that I was rather disappointed when I wasn't crowned Miss America."

Miss Ellie and Lucy laughed at Sue Ellen as Pam continued her staring out the window.

"So how did you and JR officially meet?" questioned Lucy.

"Sue Ellen! Sue Ellen!" Little Kristin Shepard ran through hoards of people to find her big sister. She wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Kristin Shepard!" The distinct voice of Ms. Patricia Shepard brought Sue Ellen down to earth. "We mustn't ruin Miss Texas' dress." She pulled her daughter away.

"When I grow up, I'm going to be Miss Texas, just like Sue Ellen."

"With proper training you will." The mention of 'proper training' frightened Sue Ellen. Kristin was going to be caught in the same trap that she was.

"Congratulations, Miss Shepard."

Sue Ellen turned around and found herself face to face with the man from the newspaper, the judge.

"Thank-you Mr…" Sue Ellen was at a loss for words in front of the dark haired stranger.

"Ewing, John Ross Ewing Jr." He tipped the rim of his Stetson at her. "But everyone calls me JR."

"Thank-you Mr. Ewing." Sue Ellen smiled at him, her eyes meeting his.

"Sue Ellen, there are reporters waiting," Patricia broke the silence.

"I'm sorry Mr. Ewing, but I'm afraid that there are people waiting for me."

"That's alright Miss Shepard." He smiled and took her right hand, bringing it to his lips. "I have a feeling we will meet again."

"Maybe we will." Sue Ellen was instantly attracted to his confidence. He seemed like the kind of man that always got what he wanted.

Their eyes met and neither one wanted to walk away. "Come along, Sue Ellen," Patricia pulled her daughter outside, into the swarm of cameras.

"That was a wonderful story, Sue Ellen" Miss Ellie noted.

"One of the most romantic that I have ever heard," Lucy admitted, stunned by the fact that her Uncle JR could be so sweet towards a woman.

Sue Ellen took in a deep breath as the power slowly came back to Southfork, illuminating the room. She lowered her eyes, hoping to hide the tears that were forming. Just thinking about JR and the old days made her heart break. He was so perfect, we could have been so happy. Sue Ellen struggled to keep her composure; the last thing she wanted was Miss Ellie worrying about her.

"I think that's God's way of telling me that it's time for bed," Miss Ellie joked as she rose. "Goodnight girls."

"Goodnight Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen said, rising from her chair.

"Goodnight Grandma." Lucy stretched as she arose from the floor. "I really did enjoy the story." Lucy wasn't lying; knowing about Sue Ellen and JR's relationship in the beginning helped her to understand them now.

Pam remained seated. Sue Ellen was filled with compassion for the young Mrs. Ewing.

"Pamela," Sue Ellen began, "I know what you're going through."

"I know you do," Pam smiled. "And I don't know how you do it, night after night."

"It takes practice."

"I don't want to get used to it. Bobby promised me that things would be different."

"I'm sure they will be, but my concern is that Bobby isn't the only problem."

"Sue Ellen… don't."

"I can't say that I know what it feels like to have a miscarriage and lose a baby, but I am here for you, if you ever need me."

"I appreciate your concern Sue Ellen, but I've already come to terms with it. I have experience in the area you know, this is my second one." Pam got up without looking at Sue Ellen and went upstairs.

Denying the problem only makes it worse, Sue Ellen thought. And she should know, she denied having issues with JR for years, only to have them come and attack her now.

Sue Ellen entered their bedroom, right next to John Ross' and slowly changed into her nightgown, preparing for another night alone. Her eyes glazed over to a photograph of her and JR on their wedding day.

Sue Ellen picked up the picture and slowly traced JR's face. He looked so happy, so proud. But it was all a façade. Sue Ellen wasn't the only one who could put on an act. They did it every night at dinner with the family as he pulled out Sue Ellen's chair. They did it at social functions, when the two portrayed the 'loving couple' that everyone assumed them to be. They did it when they entered the bedroom they shared. That was becoming the most painful. JR slept on one side, her on the other, and they never spoke. It was a sham of a marriage.

Sue Ellen started to weep. If only I could say that I didn't love him. If only I could be as callous and cold as he is. But Sue Ellen couldn't deny her feelings for her husband. There was so much she loved about him. His compassion for his daddy, momma, brother Bobby, and especially his son John Ross. Yes, JR loved his family very much. He had a wonderful, strong ambition that made him a legend in Dallas and around the world. He was overflowing with charisma; people – especially women – couldn't help being intrigued by him. JR Ewing had some wonderful qualities.

Damn you JR Ewing! Damn you for contacting me after the pageant, for pursuing me for two years, for the years of neglect and abuse, the affairs. AND DAMN YOU FOR EVER PROPOSING TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Sue Ellen made no effort to hide her tears any longer. She couldn't. These were tears that had been concealed for years, hidden to keep up her image of the happily married wife. But when she was alone, she could let the tears flow freely, and no one would judge her, or pity her, or condemn her.

If JR had no redeeming qualities, it would have been much easier to leave him. But Sue Ellen could never deny her attraction or her love to her husband. How many times had she made an effort to fix the relationship? JR didn't care.

It was the eyes; she first fell in love with his eyes. The blue eyes that met hers backstage at the Miss Texas pageant. They were so mysterious; they held so many deep secrets, secrets that Sue Ellen was dying to discover for herself. And she believed she could. She believed that she could make JR happy, be the perfect wife. It was exactly how her mother raised her. To be the perfect 'Mrs. Somebody'. But one of the things her mother never told her, was what would happen if her husband didn't want her.