Something Somebody Somewhere
Big D is nice
she thinks, tugging on a strand of black straight hair,
slick as the rainwater running rivers through it
Dudley is Big D and Big D is everything a girl could want
He smells like cologne and cigarettes and cheap weed
He kisses like he's hungry
She wants to be appetizing
She wants to be loved
Devoured like something somebody somewhere can't survive without
He kisses her and he knows her name
It's a plus
The Whale is stupid
he decides, rolling his eyes and massaging the fatal birthmark on his forehead
between messy bangs and furrowed eyebrows
Dudley is The Whale and The Whale is everything a cousin wouldn't want
He belittles everything with his elephantine presence and he's a pest
The Whale laughs like a sickness
He wants to have a normal family member
He wants The Whale to leave him alone
Sit in silence like something somebody somewhere can't suffer without
The Whale's forgotten to tease him and stopped smirking?
It's a plus
Dudders is adorable
she knows this, tugging the water out of one of his jerseys
then carefully placing it on an iron hanger above the sink
Dudley is Dudders and Dudders is everything a mother could want
He smiles like gold and he's always so polite for Vernon's company
He sighs like he's distressed
She wants to help him
She wants him to let her
Used up like something somebody somewhere can't function without
He says he loves her and he does his homework
It's a plus
Dudley is cool
he sighs, tugging on his shirts that always ride up his slender hips
stupid faggy figure only making life harder
Dudley is just Dudley and he's everything a bloke could want
He broods like an adult and cusses and licks the cream out of snack cakes
He kicks the shit out of Mark Evans like he means it
And he wants to be Dudley's Number One
He wants Dudley to love him
Held close like something somebody somewhere can't sleep without
Dudley says they're best mates and he has big biceps?
It's a plus
D is scary
he thinks, caressing a bruised shoulder, ripe purple blackeye broad and wide
and his legs burn from running, folded underneath him by the swing set
Dudley is D and D's everything a kid doesn't want
He smokes! And he's huge. He'll kill you if you call him fat
He looks at you with a hatred
So he wants to report him
He wants to be safe from harm
Skip rope like something somebody somewhere can do without
D's on vacation and his gang's been slacking?
It's a plus
Dudley Dursley is a shit
every day, she wishes she could find the words again to call his mother
but the memory of that screeching voice holds her back and so he holds the power
Dudley is Dudley Dursley and Dudley Dursley is everything a teacher wishes she'll never meet
He's selfish, spoiled and cruel. He never completes his homework and talks like an idiot and yet there's something sort of shrewd about the ties and the bribes, like he plans all of it
She wants to give him a failing grade
She wants to catch him doing something wrong
Tear up his term paper like something somebody somewhere has nightmares about
He's been out with a flu and Piers Polkiss came down with the same thing?
It's a plus
(He is nothing)
in the mirror, there's a person. At school someone's talking. At home, the telly's on. And I am not listening to me or you.
I am Big D, and D, and Dudders, and a Whale and Dudley Dursley and I'm everything I always wanted and didn't want
(He is everything)
I do things like roll cigs and spit, like throw rocks and punch kids, like think about tits and eat bacon sandwiches and say things Mum and Dad want to hear
I walk like I'm tough
And I don't think it through
I don't want to think too hard because it feels good
(Lost outside or inside like something somebody somewhere loved and hated so much that he wasn't anything)
I've been ignoring everyone and they've been ignoring me
I've been eating everything and not throwing up
I've been lifting weights and losing weight
I've been snogging her and she lets me touch her arse
I've been passing English and winning matches
I've been (all of this) happy and (none of this) confused
Sometimes
it's a plus