No Mr. Ketchum, You Can't Have Babies.

Disclaimer: If I owned Pokemon, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about my own enterprise. It would be animated or turned into one of those doujinshi type things at the very least.

Author's Note: Okay, the idea is loosely based off a palletshipping thread on bulbagarden .net. When I say 'loosely' I mean, almost barely.

I shall dedicate it to AnimeDutchess and anime affictionada and everyone else who posts in that thread. If you want to, think of this as a little appetizer for my really big project. I'm still working on it, but the first three chapters should be up in a few days.

Pairings: Palletshipping and (surprise!) Appealshipping. If you don't know what Appealshipping is, boy will YOU be surprised...

No Mr. Ketchum, you can't have babies.

A woman looked up from her notes to examine her current patients. One was a short man with boyish features. Nothing about him seemed remarkable except for some strange markings on his face that she assumed were freckles. He had messy black hair and brown eyes. His choice of clothing was, without a doubt, sloppy. The woman hoped her own son would never come to this man for fashion advice.

Standing next to the freckled man was, well, another man. He was considerably taller than the other, with brown hair and dark blue eyes. He was dressed much more appropriately for an appointment, but something about his body language irritated her. The man seemed to believe he was too good for her little office on the 37th floor.

The woman, Ms. Parker, considered for a moment that these two might actually be brothers.

Correction, Ms. Parker hoped these two were brothers.

Very distant brothers.

Very distant adopted brothers. ...From different countries.

Ms. Parker put down her notebook and leaned back in her office chair. Her arms were folded on her lap.

"Yes...?" she drawled out.

The freckled boy stepped toward her and held out his hand.

"Hey, my name's Ash Ketchum and this is my boyfriend Gary. Do you think you can answer a few questions for us?" He had such a warm, inviting smile on his face; Ms. Parker had to resist the urge to punch him.

'Does he honestly expect me to shake his hand after that introduction?!' she thought bitterly. After a few seconds, Mr. Ketchum returned his hand to his side and took his seat beside Gary.

Ms. Parker sighed deeply. She did not want to deal with this right now...

"Did you set up an appointment, Mr. Ketchum?" she asked slowly and deliberately. The brunet, Gary, leaned forward in his seat.

"We wouldn't be here if he didn't." he said in the same manner as she.

'Great...' she thought as she resisted the urge to roll her eyes, 'the fags have learned to defend themselves...'

Ms. Parker rose from her seat and walked in front of her clients.

"Mr. Ketchum, what would you like to know? I'm not sure if we can help you."

Mr. Ketchum sat up a little straighter in his seat. He stared at the woman for a moment, his eyes boring holes into hers. Ms. Parker was distinctly uncomfortable. She hated men staring at her. It was something that was imbedded into her as a small girl.

"Ms. Parker...me and my boyfriend-..."

'...-My boyfriend and I...' she corrected mentally.

"-...well...Ms. Parker, I want a baby."

... ... ... "Excuse me?"

Mr. Ketchum looked surprised but then he broke into another of those bright smiles.

"I want a baby."

Ms. Parker looked to Gary.

"Is he serious?" she asked him.

Gary nodded. "He's been talking about it for ages."

Ms. Parker looked back at Mr. Ketchum.

"You're serious."

Mr. Ketchum nodded.

Ms. Parker took a deep breath and sat on the edge of her desk. She looked towards her clock. It was too early for her to walk out and too late to use lunch as an excuse.

She walked back to her chair and propped her elbows on her desk, her head resting on her laced fingers.

"Mr. Ketchum, you can't have babies."

"Huh? Why not?" he looked like a sad puppy. That only made Ms. Parker want to punch him harder.

She took another deep, calming, breath.

"Mr. Ketchum," she sneered, "it is biologically impossible for you to bear children."

"That's what I told him," Gary said, "but he wanted to talk to a professional."

Ms. Parker clicked her tongue. Of course, Mr. Ketchum's partner would be smart enough to bring his lover to a marriage counselor for baby advice, because that just made so much sense.

"But, I want a baby!" Mr. Ketchum cried.

"Do you know how babies are born, Mr. Ketchum?"

"Well, duh! What do you think I am, 10 years old? Two people go into a bedroom-..."

"-Or a kitchen." interrupted his boyfriend.

Mr. Ketchum and Ms. Parker both turned a healthy shade of red. Gary smirked and continued. "Or a bathtub, or a sofa, or a table or a-..."

"Please continue Mr. Ketchum!" Ms. Parker yelled as soon as she regained her voice. She could have sworn Gary continued to list...inappropriate enjoyment areas...just to agitate her. Well, she would not rise to the bait!

Mr. Ketchum shook his head. His face was still red.

"Well, anyway, two people go into a bedroom-," he shot a dirty look at Gary, "and the next day, when they come out, one of them is pregnant."

Ms. Parker nodded her head. She wasn't going correct him if he really didn't know how it all happened. "Okay Mr. Ketchum, can you tell me which one of the two people is usually pregnant?"

Mr. Ketchum actually took while to respond.

'Is he actually considering the question?' she tilted her head slightly, as if that would help her understand the situation.

"Well, the girl gets pregnant."

Ms. Parker nodded again. "Right. And are you a girl, Mr. Ketchum?"

This time, he didn't even pause to think.

"Of course not!"

"Then you can't have a baby Mr. Ketchum."

Mr. Ketchum stared at her. "Wait a minute...I can't have a baby because I'm a boy?"

She nodded.

"But that's not fair!"

Ms. Parker glared at Mr. Ketchum.

"You cannot go through nine months of pregnancy Mr. Ketchum. You are a boy. You do not have to right equipment to hold a child inside of you."

Mr. Ketchum stared at her as if she had grown a second head. Ms. Parker slammed her fist onto her desk.

"Mr. Ketchum!" She snapped, "What part of that is not clear? You!" she pointed at him, "Cannot! Bear! A! Child!"

Mr. Ketchum looked like a Magikarp on dry land.

"What are you talking about?"

Ms. Parker wanted to scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time. It was weird.

...She needed a vacation.

"If I can't have the baby, can Gary have the baby?"

Ms. Parker chuckled. "No, Mr. Ketchum. He can't have it either. Neither of you can have a baby. And you know why? It's because you're both boys. And boys can't have babies."

Mr. Ketchum settled back into his seat, as if he were deep in thought. Gary was staring out the window, as if he expected the conversation to end up like this.

"Do you understand Mr. Ketchum?" she said, trying to sound gentle this time. Mr. Ketchum looked really hurt. "You just can't have a baby."

Mr. Ketchum fidgeted in his seat. "But Zoey and Dawn got to have a baby..."

"Exactly Mr. Ketchum, they can have a child because Dawn is a girl and-..."

"..-So is Zoey..."

Ms. Parker stared at Gary.

"You're kidding, right?"

Gary shook his head.

"You're – You're just trying to make this harder than it really is, aren't you." She asked.

Again, Gary shook his head.

She turned her attention back to Mr. Ketchum.

"Mr. Ketchum...how? How did Dawn become pregnant?"

Mr. Ketchum gave her another smile.

'There he goes again with that stupid smile!' Ms. Parker thought.

"Well, she went to a hospital and she told me that she and Zoey went into a room and when she came out she was pregnant."

Ms. Parker twitched. 'Couldn't he say that a bit more...eloquently?!'

Ms. Parker looked to the clock in her room. Only fifteen minutes had passed since these two came into her room. 'I think I'll take my break now...'

Ms. Parker walked to one of her file cabinets and pulled out a large manila folder. She took out a form and handed it to Gary.

"Just fill out this form and hand it to my secretary." She said. She put the manila folder away and reached for her jacket.

"Huh? What's that for?" Mr. Ketchum asked.

She ignored Ash's outburst and continued to speak to Gary.

"They are adoption papers. It's much easier than explaining to you're thickheaded boyfriend that he just can't get pregnant."

At this comment, Ash spun around in his seat and glared at Ms. Parker.

"What! I'm not getting pregnant, Gary is!"

Author's note: Okay, I'm not too good with comedy and I kinda just wanted to get the idea out of my head. Peace out peeps.

Flames are accepted. Those should be interesting to read.