Summary: Angelina looks through an old photo album for the first time since his death. Oneshot. DH spoilers.
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Another barrage of tears streaked down my face as I watched his mischievous smile on replay from the small square I held in my shaking hands.
It's been so long.
It's been too long.
I, Angelina Johnson, the star chaser of Gryffindor back in the day... Now? Not so much. I've done a lot in my life. I suppose that I can confidently say that I have been an overall success. I've drowned myself in work, which has led to many promotions, but has never prevailed with distracting me—I wish it could for once. However, the memory of him always swells back to the surface when a long day is done.
Now I'm sitting in the bedroom of my flat, propped up miserably against the wall. I'm well aware of the mascara that is smeared across my face, but I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. Only him.
The albums I'm sifting through seem to taunt me. The photos they hold are so real, so familiar. Sometimes I swear that I can hear the laugh his mouth is mimicking coming out of the pictures, but I know I'm only imagining things. Such deep pain makes one delusional.
It's been so long since I've gotten out these albums. I guess I never wanted to face the harsh reality. I'm still not ready, but I feel the need to do it.
I turn another page, bracing myself for the impending wave of salty tears.
The Yule Ball.
I remember the day he asked me to go with him... It was so casual. I was just talking to Alicia, and he just kind of asked me from across the room. It wasn't terribly romantic, but then again, neither was Fred—at least not in public. Either way, it had meant the world to me.
The day of the Yule Ball was one of the best days of my life, though I didn't realize it at the time. It was the first time I danced with him, and the first time I met his lips with my own. I am at least thankful that this wasn't the last time we kissed... We had many more times. After all, it was after that night I officially became his girlfriend.
It was then that he belonged to me and not to the cruel intentions of whoever ripped him away.
I turned the page.
Images of Quidditch met my eyes...
The first was of Alicia nearly getting hit by a bludger. It was given to me by someone in Gryffindor, though I couldn't tell you who... That's how I got the majority of these pictures. Nameless people giving me priceless memories etched into the thin paper. Anyhow, the look of terror then relief on Alicia's face replayed over and over as the bludger kept coming.
The next was of Fred and George doing a little jig after a big win. It must have been the Slytherin match judging by the enthusiasm, though I can't quite tell which year. A small smile briefly played across my lips before another surge of saltwater. I looked to the next photo.
Harry's infamous catch of the snitch in his first year. This picture was one that I think everybody had. This one was pretty much famous nowadays. I went on.
I couldn't help but laugh. Lee was getting swatted over the head by McGonagall. No doubt he had said something inappropriate, as he often did. Lee was older now, of course, but he was still so much the same. He still had a mischievous smirk, just like the twins.
The next one was one of my favorite pictures in my collection. I suppose it gave me a feeling of hope, even if it shouldn't. It was of Alicia and George. They were muddy and laughing after landing back on the pitch after a practice, only to have George take her by surprise with a kiss... Her eyes widened briefly, followed by a small silence. Then she attacked his lips with her own with a deep kiss, taking him by surprise this time. That was the day they became a couple... A couple which was holding strong even today.
It gave me a familiar feeling. That's probably because George is Fred's twin, so it makes it easy to imagine him as Fred, and Alicia as myself.
On the other hand, it made me alive with jealousy. Alicia still had her twin. I didn't. I know that, had he survived, we would be married right now. He always harped on and on about our children and our future life, I thought it was adorable. I wanted that kind of life with him.
However, there would be no Angelina Weasley. There would never be a ring on my left hand, and I would never have any kids.
Really, if I wanted, I could get married and have kids with somebody else. I could go out, meet a great guy, and have everything fall into place. I was still young, it would be very possible. However, losing Fred and living without him made me realize that I couldn't love anyone else as much as I loved him. I didn't have it in me.
He was my one.
He was my only.
I turned a few more pages, not seeing any particularly meaningful photos.
Near the end, I saw a picture of us. We were kissing tenderly, not even caring that our photo was being taken. Every now and then we parted and stared into each others eyes and whispered I love you's, reveling in being together. We didn't care about anything. We didn't need anything. Only each other.
I still felt that way to this day. I needed him to hug me, to whisper comforting phrases in my ear. I needed him to lift up my chin and kiss me. I needed him. Him.
More black streaks flowed down my cheeks, splashing as they hit my jeans. I flipped to the back of the book, where I kept my old letters and notes from him. I read down through the one on top... It wasn't personal in the least. I honestly don't think I could have handled a personal one. It was just a short note that read:
Angelina,
I just thought I'd let you know that I'll be popping in sometime around 3. Be at your flat, okay? If I don't see you today, I'll go insane.
With more love than you could imagine,
Fred
I read it a million times over.
I wished this note was from today. That he would be coming over. I loved him so much, his death killed me. I am no longer the women I used to be.
I knew he loved me, he told me so nearly every day. I had always sincerely returned the phrase to him, as well. I never regretted falling in love with him. I never regretted letting him get so close.
The only thing I regret is that I didn't die with him. I would never consider suicide, but I just think I'd be a lot happier with him—alive or not.
I need him so bad.
But he's not here.
He'll never be here.
I'm not really sure where this came from, but it all just kind of flowed out of me. I hope you liked it.
Reviews are VERY welcome.