Chapter 1: The Great Renaming

A/N: This is a story inspired by the many (wonderful) stories about Bella being torn between Edward and Jacob, as well as some others. Please remember that this is listed as humor/romance, and everything is meant in good fun!

This story takes place as an alternate course of events at the end of New Moon, and completely ignoring Eclipse. The characters might be a bit OOC, but since it's an alternate universe, so please allow me a bit of poetic license.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. I just like having fun with the characters and world the wonderful Stephenie Meyer created.

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I'm home from Italy, and life is settling into a pattern:

• Edward is trying to make up for all the torment I went through when he was gone.

• Jacob is tormented by how happy I am that Edward is back.

• I am tormented by being forced to choose between them.

Being caught between them isn't any fun. After what I went through while Edward was gone, I deserve some fun.

Edward had to go hunt for a couple days, but I had Emmett to "keep me company", aka "keep me out of trouble." But maybe he will help me have some fun! Emmett is great for that!

I woke up later than usual on Saturday and found a note on the breakfast table:

"Bella,

I got called in to work, but didn't want to wake you. You got a message from Jacob - he wants you to call him once you're awake. Edward's brother Emmett called too, and invited you to come over once you woke up. I'll see you tonight.

Love, Dad"

I'm going to try not to read anything into the order of these messages. I pick up the phone to call Jake. "Hi Billy, is Jake there?"

"Bella! It's great to hear your voice! Jake's been waiting for you, he's right here."

"Thanks, Billy!"

"Hey, Bells! You finally wake up?" His voice even sounds warm.

"Yeah. I just needed a day to sleep in." I smile into the phone. He's such a good friend.

"So, now that the bloodsuckers are back for god, are you going to ignore me?"

I grimaced. "Of course I'm not going to ignore you, it's just complicated. The Cullens are my friends. If you want to stay friends with me, you'll need to call them by name."

"Uhhhhh..." Jake hesitates for what seems like a long moment. "How about mosquitoes? Would that work?"

I burst into laughter. "I meant their given names, but I can settle for that."

Jake's laughter joins mine, and his smile travels through the phone line. "OK, mosquitoes it is! I'm just glad you're home safe. I'd do anything to keep you happy and safe, Bella."

"I know, Jake. I know. You took such good care of me while they were gone, I could never repay that debt! I know I was out of it, I'm so glad I have you for a friend."

"I want to see you today, Bella." His voice sounds husky.

"I have plans with a mosquito this morning. Maybe you and Billy could come to dinner? I don't want to throw you a bone, but ..." I giggled. "You're much more appreciative of my cooking than they are!"

I got a belly laugh out of Jake. "OK, dinner it is. I'll see you around six."

I felt more settled after talking to Jake. I made a quick list of what I need to make a big mexican casserole, as Jake eats enough for 4 people, plus the regular fridge fillers that are somehow always missing. I'll go by the grocery store after I go see one of my favorite mosquitos.

Right as I was ready to go see Emmett, I hear a loud knock on the door. When I don't get to the door quickly enough for his tastes, I hear "Bellaaaa!" Emmett bellows, in true Streetcar Named Desire fashion. I get a huge hug after he almost knocks me down when I open the door.

"Can't. Breathe. Emmett!" I managed to choke out.

Emmett let me go, but only long enough to throw me over his shoulder as he "walked" to his Jeep. Once I was securely buckled, he turned to me. "What do you want to do?"

"Ummmmm, gosh Emmett, I have no idea. What do you want to do? I'm game for whatever you are ." I couldn't think of anything that would be fun for both of us on a chilly, (thankfully) cloudy Saturday in early April.

"Really? You'll do that?" Emmett's eyes were shining. I couldn't tell if that was mischief or happiness ...

"Well, as long as I don't end up broken!" I laughed.

"Dang, Bella! That means I have to cross off almost everything on my list of ideas!" I giggled, but Emmett was frustrated for a minute, then looked like he had an epiphany. "I know! Let's go to the animal shelter!"

My mind boggled. I had no idea why Emmett wanted to go to the animal shelter. It didn't sound like a great idea for someone who liked to drink the blood of animals. But whatever he wanted was fine with me. "Uh, OK. Is that something you do a lot?"

Emmett shook his head. "Nope, they don't usually let me go."

We pulled up outside the local shelter, and Emmett bounced out. I scrambled to keep up with him, but he held the glass door open for me like a gentleman. Right as I was thinking that, he tripped me with his foot as I walked past him. Thank goodness for vampire speed! Emmett caught me before I crashed through the second set of glass doors!

"Oops. Sorry! I didn't mean to trip you that much."

"Since you caught me, I think we're even." We grinned at each other.

"Good morning!" greeted the young woman at the reception desk. "Did you want to take a look at the cats or the dogs?"

"The dogs, please." Emmett replied, a smirk creeping into his face.

"Right this way!" We were led to the dog kennels, and walked in. There was a cacophony of noise - barking, whining, howling - as soon as we entered. Once the door shut behind us, Emmett looked at the dogs, and they all grew quiet.

"Hey, how do you do that?" I asked, startled.

He shrugged, "I dunno. I guess it's part of the whole dazzling thing. It makes it a lot easier to be here, doesn't it?"

"Oh, yeah! That's a skill I want to have!" We walked through the kennels, and each dog would come towards us, sniffing at us. I had never had a dog - taking care of myself and Renée had always been enough work! - but I was fascinated with the different types of dogs.

At the far end of the kennels was a gorgeous dog. She was medium-sized, and barrel-chested. Her fur was a mix of white, tan, and grey-black that looked like a grey-blue in the light. Her ears stood straight up, turning towards the sound of my footsteps. When I stood in front of her kennel, she put her nose to the mesh, trying to sniff me. I held out my hand, and she licked it!

"Awwww!" came from Emmett. "You really have a way with dogs!"

I goggled at him for a moment, then we both started laughing, hard. I thought the pretty blue dog would get upset at the sudden sound, and several others started barking, but she just looked at us, and tried to lick my fingers again.

"Emmett, I need to take her for a walk!" I pleaded. He shook his head, but turned to go get one of the shelter volunteers. I looked at the notes on the cage for the first time:

Mystic Blue

Australian Cattle Dog/Blue Heeler

1 year old, female, spayed. Housebroken.

Well, I thought. Hmmmm... Charlie had never forbidden me from owning a pet. It had just never come up - I had always been too busy with Edward or too busy with Jake to think about it.

Emmett came back, and we chatted with the volunteer as I put Mystic on a leash.

"These dogs are very sturdy," the worker said. "They rarely show pain, are long-lived, and are great at herding anything from cattle to kids!" She looked us over, and then said, "We don't recommend them for houses with babies, though."

Emmett straightened himself up. "No ma'am! I think you misunderstand - this is my little sister! We don't have any little ones at our house, and there aren't any plans for any, either."

The woman blushed. "I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. We do get a lot of young couples looking for dogs."

"May we take her for a walk around the block?" I asked.

The woman looked doubtful, but Emmett dazzled her, and said, "I'll leave you the keys to my Jeep - then you know we'll come back with her!"

"That will be fine ... " the woman said, and then drifted off as another couple walked through the kennel door.

Emmett and I walked Mystic around the block. As we were walking, I told him about my conversation with Jacob. At first he growled, but then he laughed at the nickname "mosquitoes". "They couldn't pierce our skin!" And we're much bigger and badder than a mosquito!"

"I know, that's why it's so funny! We need to come up with a better name to call the werewolves, too. After meeting this pup, dog seems inappropriate."

"You have a point." agreed Emmett. We both kept walking, thinking. And then he burst out laughing. "I've got it! I've got it!"

His laughter was infectious, so I was already giggling. "Tell me, tell me!"

"Chihuahuas!" howled Emmett. "Chihuahuas!"

"Yes, yes! Chihuahuas!" I agreed, now laughing hysterically.

After a few minutes, Mystic barked - just one, short bark. She didn't like being ignored while we howled with laughter.

I tried to catch my breath, and we turned around to walk back to the shelter.