A Million Tears, a pokémon fanfic

A Million Tears

Disclaimer: Song featured is If Only Tears Could Bring You Back from the Pokemon: The First Movie Soundtrack.

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How will I start,
Tomorrow without you here
Whose heart will guide me?
When all the answers disappear
Is it too late?
Are you too far gone to stay?
Best friends forever
Should never have to go away
What will I do?
You know I'm only half without you
How will I make it through?

It's a tempestuous autumn day. Harsh winds bite at your face and hands as you sit solemnly under an old oak tree. Bright orange and brown leaves litter the ground as if trying to cover up the lush green grass below, and gray clouds roll overhead, promising you a downpour. You can't see the bright leaves, the green grass or even the pastel pink of the tiny daisy that is growing by your feet; to you the whole world is gray and everything you see is a blur.

You would never have pictured yourself here on a fresh autumn morning, but then again, you could never have predicted the events of that night.

Thunder rumbles overhead but you take no notice of what's happening around you. Your emotionless eyes are fixed to the grey stone that protrudes so unnaturally from the earth before you.

He would have hated its artificial look; its dull, miserable form, and the way it stood out so noticeably from everything around it.

But you suppose that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing really matters.

If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do
What I would give if you
Returned to me someday
Somehow someway
If my tears could bring you back to me

You stare at the tombstone, allowing the words that are so carefully engraved upon it to sink into your mind.

Deep down you still haven't accepted the fact that he has left you. You expect him to be there when you turn around. You see him out of the corner of your eye and hear his voice in your head, but every time you take a second to think you lose him all over again.

You feel a sudden change in the air and before you know it the heavens have opened and rain is pouring down around you. You welcome the cool liquid on your face and allow it to seep into your skin, not making any effort to shelter yourself from the downpour.

Before you, the tiny daisy is pelted mercilessly by the rain. Without even thinking you pluck it from the earth.

I'd cry you an ocean
If you'd sail on home again
Waves of emotion
Will carry you and all they can
Just let love guide you
And your heart will chart the course
Soon you'll be drifting
Into the arms of your true north
Look in my eyes, you'll see
A million tears have gone by
And still they're not dry

You feel tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, but you refuse to let them go. You're not afraid to cry for him, but afraid that if you start crying, you'll never be able to stop.

Above you, brilliant flashes of lightning illuminate the sky. You forget your emotionless state for a second and look up at the spectacular lightshow. You think of the way he used to sit out in the rain with you to watch the storms roll in. He always loved the rain.

A cool wind picks up, ruffling your hair and clothes and making you shiver slightly. The branches of the great oak tree sway madly in the breeze, their crazed dance complementing your hopeless mood perfectly.

Through the unrelenting rain you look down at the tiny flower in your hand; each perfect petal being harassed by the downpour. You hold one hand high above the small daisy so that rain cascades over your skin, but leaves the little flower untouched. Looking down at the petite petals evokes a powerful sense of déjà vu and you get the daunting feeling that you've held the life of something so precious in your hands before.

And then you can hold on no more.

All at once the tears gather in your eyes until they overflow and begin to cascade down your already wet cheeks. They fall to the ground, mixing with the rain so that the two are indistinguishable.

It seems like the world is crying with you as you sit there in the rain. You have become so void of sensation that you can no longer feel the cold water dripping down your neck.

You think of all the things you never got to say, and all the things you wish you never said.

I'd hold you close
And shout the words
I'd only whispered before
For one more chance
For one last dance
There's not a thing
I would not endure

"Please…" you cry to the heavens as your whole body begins to shake. You let your emotions run rampant, not bothering to hide your distress any longer. You'd do anything to bring him back, even trade your own life for his.

A million questions run through your mind, but "Why?" is the only thing you can mutter as you move forward towards the grey stone. You reach out slowly, your numb fingers brushing against the cool rock.

You bow your head as the tears continue falling down your cheeks. Around you the heavens are still crying.

You drop the crumpled flower upon his grave and walk out of the cemetery without looking back.

All the tears in the world can't help you now.