Challenge—Without You

Chapter Fourteen

Remus returned with a bang of the door, stepping out of his bedroom, and threw his coat to the ground before starting to walk towards the room he generally referred to as "Sirius's Room," although only his portrait occupied it. He stepped in, not looking at the painting before seating himself in a chair.

"How was lunch?" questioned Sirius, admiring his nail polish as he spoke, not mentioning the fact that the lunch in question had been three days previous.

"Fine," replied Remus. He knew that Sirius could identify his tone, and it was one that screamed "back off."

"Only fine?" Sirius tried again, knowing full well that he was treading on dangerous grounds. "Normally you come back from lunch with Draco and Harry with stories, and jokes," he paused, observing Remus's face. "And a smile."

"I don't feel like it this time, Padfoot. It was a fine meal, there was fine conversation, and now I've gotten so fed up with everything and you're only making it worse, so for once in you buggering life, will you just shut the fuck up?" Remus was screeching, tears in his eyes, and back on his feet.

"Fine. Talk to you're bloody own self then." Sirius half-pouted, and then became interested in his nails again, but Remus could tell this time his mind was elsewhere. He opened a bottle of nail polish, looked at it, then closed it again.

Life goes on but I'm gone

"Look, I'm sorry, all right?" Remus, sighed. Sirius made no move to respond. "I said I'm sorry, all right? I just can't stand it anymore!" He turned away, headed towards the closet and grabbing a suitcase. He started milling around stuffing clothing and other random items into his suitcase.

Sirius was watching him with intrest, but couldn't ask him what he was doing without first accepting his apology. He weighed them in his mind for a long moment. Remus walked in front of him, grabbing some books, before walking away and coming back again. Sirius sighed.

"Fine, I forgive you. What are you doing?" he asked, glad to get it out.

"Packing," responded Remus. "What does it look like? I was pretty sure it looked like packing myself." He grinned, though it was pained.

"No one likes a smart ass." Sirius responded with a cheeky grin.

"Well I always knew you were a nobody," Remus retorted, returning the grin, and chuckling lightly.

" So, are you leaving again, Remus?" the portrait of Sirius questioned, as Remus turned towards the large wooden door, aware of the harsh creaking of the floorboards as he paused, rocking on his heel. The room suddenly didn't seem quiet as it had in past visits. He could hear the noise of some creature they hadn't managed to exterminate, and made a mental note to do something about that. He knew he was distracting himself, yet it found it hard to truly care. "You've just come back."

"Yes," Remus replied after a moment. "I have to leave. Er—mission," he finally managed, even though he could tell that Sirius knew he was lying, He took a deep breath and prepared himself to move, but his feet stayed planted. He could have sworn he heard a whisper, crying out "don't!" over and over to him.

"You're not coming back this time, are you?" He didn't need to turn to recognize the expression that Sirius—no his portrait—wore. He has been found out.

"Why the fuck do I have to explain myself to you, eh? You're a painting. You're not real. You are nothing, not real, not really here, and yet you are still breaking my bloody heart!" Remus was crying, he knew it. He knew he must look like a fool, screaming and crying at a portrait who sat staring resignedly at it's nails.

"Then you aren't coming back. Ever." The words seemed wrong in Sirius's mouth. They were supposed to be together forever. Remus wasn't supposed to leave forever. That's not how the story goes, he almost screamed. It wasn't.

"No, I'm not." Remus found himself turning to face the disapproving look painted on the painted canvas. "I can't," a tremor ran through Remus's voice, he heard it and flinched closing his mouth in a rush. He had to be strong. If he lost his resolve now, he could sit forever in front of this painting and be blissfully, wonderfully almost happy. It was an almost he could deal with, one he wanted. But he wouldn't be like prior fools who wasted their lives away in front of the Mirror Of Erised.

"I expected more from you." The boom of Sirius's voice shook him from his mind and brought him to the present. He saw the glare in Sirius's eyes and turned away, ashamed. "God, Remus, I expected the world from you. Was I wrong?"

"Well, I expected you to wait for me!" Remus cried, flinging himself at the painting, and smashing his lips against Sirius's. He could smell the paint strongly, and taste the bitter taste of it, but his eyes were open and he saw the portrait imitating his actions. He shut it his eyes tightly, but tears leaked out. With his eyes closed, though, he could almost imagine that Sirius was really there. The harsh smell of paint rushed back to him and he pulled away quickly.

His hand still stayed planted on the painting as he gasped to catch his breath. He looked and saw Sirius's hand mirroring his and he met Sirius's eyes. He stood mere centimeters from something resembling the man he had loved, yet he had never felt so alone in his life. He knew at that moment that even in a crowd he was alone. Alone. The word burned his mind. Alone . . . alone . . . alone . . .

"I understand, Remy. Really, I do. I just wish . . . " Sirius's voice was choked and small. Small and alone . . . all alone . . . and small . . .

"If wishes were fishes," Remus whispered, his voice also tight with emotion. "I'm sorry," he cried, and threw himself at the door, pushing it open and rushing out, slamming the door, running into the street. The screech of tires filled the air. Behind him, Number 12, Grimmauld Place was silent and still.

Severus Snape sighed, burying his head farther into his arm, still sitting on the dais. His eyes were gazing towards the ghostly veil. He let a small smile grace his lips. He could feel the presence of people around him and he felt a tear roll down his face.

"Good morning, Sirius. Good morning, Remus."

Cause I die without you.