Forever and Always, Max

By

Krrimarte

I couldn't believe that this had happened to us. One day I'm fine, better then fine, and now... Now I'm loosing my mind. Granted, it's not the first time that I've thought that, but this time I've got a duck in a lab-coat to confirm it. I had Alzheimer's.

There were times, where I just want to break down and give up. I knew the reality of this disease. The day after I was diagnosed I went to a local retirement home to get a little glimpse on what my future was going to look like. It wasn't pretty.

The doctor's and nurses were so condescending, they treated them like children. It made me angry, furious, then I realized that it was necessary. I introduced myself to a woman named Mary. She was about my age, a little older perhaps. I was informed by the nurse that she was in stage two. From the outside, everything looked normal.

"What's your name, dear?"

"Max." I said.

"Oh." Then three minutes of silence. "Wow, when did you get there? You scared me half to death. What's your name,dear?"

"Max."

This repeated itself. It wasn't just the forgetfulness, that I was expecting, but within a half hour of meeting her, I smelt something disgusting in the air. Mary just sat there, staring of into space. Ten minutes passed and one of the orderlies came to bring her to her room. When she stood up, we discovered that she had defecated herself.

I left the retirement home with a shudder. When I got home, Fang was in the kitchen reading. As soon as he saw me, he pushed the book off of the counter and into a drawer. I can only assume it was to prevent me from seeing what it was.

"Fang?" I asked him knowingly.

He looked at me with a combination of guilt and sadness.

"It's okay. Show me what you were reading." I said and leaned against the counter. He pulled the book out and awkwardly set it down in front of me. "The Guide to Early Onset Alzheimer's." I closed my eyes. I just wanted to make this whole thing go away, as if the day hadn't happened.

"I... I wanted to prepare myself. I wanted to know what to expect." He said awkwardly. He almost sounded like he was apologizing to me.

"It's okay." I said with a sigh. "I just wish that this wasn't happening at all." I whispered.

Fang came over and gave me a hug. "Max, there's all sorts of treatment nowadays. I'm sure that they'll find something to help you." He said into my hair.

It seemed like yesterday that we were teenagers taking on ITEX. Now, here we are, old fart's, and me with another mental issue. I looked into his face, he'd changed so much since he was a teenager. His once stoic features were softer with age and good life and his eyes held more compassion and wisdom then ever before. Every time I looked at him, I fell in love again.

"Come on, let's go look through the albums." I said softly. I wanted to look at them now, while I could still remember the faces. We started from the beginning. The first album contained our ITEX mugshots, some pics that Jeb had taken at the Colorado house. They were small memories, but ones that made me smile. Fang tying Angel's shoe. Iggy tripping over Gazzy. Nudge talking to me as I rolled my 12-year-old eyes.

As the pages turned we grew older, were on the run. Newspaper and Magazine clippings dominated the pages. Pictures of Me and Fang at rallies, Iggy and Gazzy building explosives. Nudge and Angel sticking their tongues out at the press.

The next page was one less publicized, a fact that I'm still shocked about. Me and Fang slowly falling in love. The photo's were mostly taken by Nudge. Then there were the pictures of our wedding, me in a lacy top and jeans, him in his normal black ensemble.

Then the pictures of the kids... our kids. First came Ethan then Marja. Our beautiful, strange children. Pictures of them usually were stapled to insurence claims, but we loved them anyway. Eventually they moved out, Ethan married Iggy's daughter, Kim. Marja went to Germany.

The house was quiet after that, but no less filled with love. We had three grandchildren, and we spoiled them rotten. Let's call it parental revenge, shall we?

By the end of the night we were laughing hysterically at the memories. I think that was the last time I ever saw him truly laugh.

After that, I knew I was getting worse so I let Fang make all of the decisions for me. Just because I'm a control freak, doesn't mean I want the senile lady in the lead. Fang, I knew, would make the best decisions for me. That's what 25 years of marriage will do to a person.

I didn't mind the fact that he took away my wallet. I knew that I shouldn't fly anymore. I missed the freedom and independence, but I understood.

Days passed, and one day Fang came home... and I couldn't remember his name. My husband of 25 years, and I can't remember his name. I felt this pull on my stomach and started sobbing.

"It's okay, I don't know my real name either. Call me anything you like, as long as you still love me." He said holding me. That made me cry even more. Sure, it was incredibly sweet, but it scared me too. What if I did eventually forget that I loved him?

We had a routine, one that I manipulated to stay as on top of my game as I could. It wasn't that bad, really. At least not for me. Some nights I'd get up and try to remember what I forgot to do that day. I became paranoid about making sure the burners on the stove were off.

Days passed and then one day I went to read my library book and I opened the page. Where once, letters and words had formed the story, now only a haze of squiggles lay. I panicked and turned to a different page. Noting. I ran to the living room and ran through everything that I knew had writing on it. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Fang finally asked what I was doing and I turned to him sadly. "I think that I've forgotten how to read, Fnick."

He looked at me wide eyed and grabbed the book out of my hands. "Okay, we'll see the doctor tomorrow. How about we just watch a movie or something?"

Loosing your ability to read really makes you think. The last book that I ever actually read was "Harry Potter and the blahdidy blah blah" Looking back on it, I wish it had been something worth reading. You know, something great, like War and Peace, or The Bible. Instead I was reading some kid's book from when I was teenager. I really shouldn't have taken my abilities for granted.

I'm not going to go on with all of the things that I lost, because the list is endless. But the things that I gained, although few, were precious. I learned just how much I loved my family, and my life. You know that saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover?", well I started to actually appreciate the covers of the books. That's how I came to discover "The Notebook."

Fang had taken up reading to me, and together we 'read' that book. At the end, I was sobbing. I could see Fang doing something like that for me. Waisting away his years, just trying to get me to remember him. I tried to make him promise not to do something like that...but he only grabbed my hands and said "You won't forget me, and even if you did, you wouldn't be able to stop me."

A week later, I was walking in the living room when my leg just stopped moving. I felt a pain shoot through my arm. Fang was there in an instant, and off we went in the ambulance. The nurses treated me like I was a child, a fact that I hated. But soon it didn't matter because I was under the mercy of strokes. Soon I was in a coma.

When you're in a coma that you're never going to come out of, the lord does something merciful, he pulls you out early. So basically, I was having a very long out of body experience.

I watched as Fang stayed by my side and held my hand, pleading to me to wake up. I realized that I wasn't crazy anymore. I remembered his name and could read the chart on the end of my bed. I was healed... and essentially dead.

Finally the doctor pulled Fang out into the hall. Fang made the decision I wanted him to make. They pulled the plug.

I listened in on our last moments together.

"Max, you were my friend, my wife and my life. You have to know that this is killing me as much as it's killing you, but I know it's what you would want. I promised never to leave you, never again. But, maybe I should have gotten a promise from you. I've loved you for practically forever. I think I'll continue to love you forever. I hope wherever you're going, I wind up there one day, and you remember who I am. I love you, Max." He said stroking my hair. The funny thing was, I could still feel it. And I certainly felt it when my body stopped breathing. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but I didn't collapse or anything. I just felt it, like how in a dream you feel flying, or falling.

What terrified me more then the pain in my last moments of life was the look of complete despair in his eyes. He sobbed, still holding my hand. After a lot of paper signing, he finally called a cab and went home.

I guess you could say that I followed him. Wherever he went, I went. I later figured out that it's all part of the 'soul-mate' thing. Weird. Then he found my letter.

"You never let me down, Max. Not once." He whispered as he lay back down on the bed.

As he fell asleep I ran my hand along his face and kissed his cheek. Then he did something unexpected, he grabbed my hand and pulled it around him, just like when I was alive. We lay there, me holding him, listening to his heartbeat.

"Baby, until I see you again." I whispered into his ear in the morning.

"...Max..." He said in his sleep.

I started to cry and whispered into his ear. "Forever and Always, I love you."

It was a long time till that day came. Fang had never remarried, never got in another relationship. Again, it's part of that whole "Soul-mates" thing. When we did meet on the day he died, peacefully in his sleep. He awoke in my arms. "I knew I'd see you again."