Dedicated to all the regular reviewers and to those who wanted her to beg, I hope this meets your expectations.

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At first she thought it was going to be simple; she would just walk up to him and he would listen and he would forgive her, like they both wanted him to, and everything would… work out. But she had been so very wrong

Instead of the forgiving and the loving and the passionate embrace she had been vainly hoping for, she was receiving, from James, a cold shoulder so big she felt like she had been encased in ice.

She had been trying to talk to him for the last five days and every time she even came close he would just walk away. He wouldn't look at her, or talk to her, he wouldn't even walk down the same corridor she was in, or sit in the common room while she was there.

It was heartbreaking.

It was fair to say he had effectively stopped acknowledging that she even existed, which was a massive shock to her system because for many years now she had been the centre of his world, even if they had both tried very hard to fight the fact.

However it was not all bad Lily thought to herself sarcastically; after all the rest of the Marauder's occasionally took the time to give her a dirty look which she supposed was a step up from the total disregard she was receiving from their fearless leader.

And Emily had now finally deigned to forgive her, and they were now back to normal. Well as long as they didn't talk about the Potter fiasco, or Potter himself, or the Marauders or anything even remotely related to the last few months. It was almost impossible but Lily persevered knowing that right now she needed a good friend. No matter how angry said friend was.

And to top it all off she was late.

She was pretty sure that there was a rule somewhere that said that the Head Girl was not allowed to be late to her own meeting. Yet despite her lack of punctuality she still found herself dragging her feet.

The thing was that she really wasn't sure if she was ready for this. She was healed and she felt fine physically, she just wasn't sure of James' reaction. This would be the first time where he would be forced to communicate with her. This meeting was going to be the first opportunity since that day where he was going to have no choice but to stay in the same room as her. It was going to be the first time that he would have to be where she was, and she had sworn to herself no matter how difficult it was going to be, that once she had him pinned down, she was going to force him to talk to her. She was determined to sort this out once and for all.

When she finally reached the prefects room, she had the fleeting thought that it was kind of fitting that the confrontation was going to happen there, before she cautiously opened the door.

--

They were packing up after the prefects meeting and were the last ones in the room when Lily finally tried to approach him but he held up a hand halting her progress before she'd even managed two steps, "You've made your choice, you know where I stand. There's really nothing else for either of us to say." he said in a steely voice before shoving the last of his belongings into his bag flinging it over his shoulder and stomping towards the exit.

"Wait!" she shouted desperate to stop him from leaving her, "You were right – I had to choose and I should have chosen you right then and there!" she blurted.

His back stiffened for a moment before he turned his cold eyes on her. "No, you don't get it! You can't do this. It's over. You made your decision. You made it when you pushed me away. It doesn't matter what you do or say now, you had your chance and you blew it. Now act like an adult and deal with the consequences of your actions."

"James," she tried again taking a tentative step towards where his was standing "please listen to me; I know I should have chosen to be with you. Trust me there has never even really been a contest when it comes to you. I didn't want to end it. It's been you since the moment you first kissed me, as corny as that sounds, and – I'm so sorry for everything. I know that's not really adequate, that it doesn't erase all the awful, awful things that have happened between us but its all I can really say." she finish taking yet another tentative step.

He watched her take the small step almost abstractly before he said with a slightly hysterical edge to his voice, "Stop it!" making her freeze in her hesitant steps halfway across the room "I don't want you near me, I can't have you near me. Just leave me the fuck alone! As I've already said you made your decision. Now learn to live with it and get away from me."

"No,"

"What!?" He choked.

"I said no." she replied as calmly as she could, but still managing to sound rather strangled "I'm not going anywhere. This time I'm going to be the one to beg, barter, coax and bribe until I wear you down and you give in just like I know you want too."

"I don't fucking well want too! What I want is for you to get away from me."

She just shook her head, "You can shout and swear you can even hit me if you like. But I am staying right here until you give in, or at least until you really start to listen to what I have to say."

"Fine I'll leave." He said giving her a dirty look and pushing past her, "I have no problem with that as long as I get as far away from you as possible."

"I'm just going to follow you," she said in what in any other situation would be considered a teasing voice "so you may as well just give in."

"Follow me?" he laughed derisively spinning around to face her again "You do realise who I am right?" He asked looking at her pityingly "A Marauder, as in I know this school better than any other student. As in I know every classroom, broom closet, hallway, secret passage, exit and piece of furniture in this place….and I know it with my eyes closed."

"Yes, that's very true and very impressive." she said nodding seriously "But you're missing the point; I'm dedicated and it is very difficult, nigh impossible, getting me to change my mind once it's made up about something. You should know that better than anyone else, after all you have been on the receiving end of my stubbornness for years."

He stared hard at her for a few moments "Fine. What is it that you want to say?" He said waiving his hands about in a mock polite gesture for her to continue "Go ahead… alleviate your conscience!" he stopped his theatrics abruptly saying "Just whatever it is, spit it out so I don't have to look at you any more."

That comment stung but Lily had always been able to give just as good as she got, it was probably one of the things that first drew James attention, "Why don't you want to look at me James?" she asked ruthlessly "Is it because you really hate me or is it because it hurts too much?"

"Now who's arrogant Evans? That comment was 'Potter' worthy." he drawled with a raised eyebrow.

"Come on James," she coaxed stepping towards him again "just give in you know you're going too eventually."

"No I'm not. I don't want this any more." he said slowly and deliberately staring hard at her "I just can't have you near me right now because everything is still too fresh."

"James who do you think you're fooling?" she said taking another step, "You still want this. That's why you're finding it so difficult to ignore, why you can't bare to be in a room with me."

"Just back the fuck off!" He groaned running his hands though his hair.

But she didn't listen she simply took the final step towards him so that she ended up less than a centimetre away

He looked down into her eyes and Lily held her breath for a moment seeing his resolve waiver slightly before he pushed her away with some difficulty, "Fuck! I hate the power that you have over me – you're take advantage of how I feel about you and it's not right. Would you please, please just leave me alone? How am I supposed to get over you if you are always everywhere I am?" he said annoyance both at his traitorous body and at her, lacing his voice.

"Well that was a stupid thing to tell me, because I don't want you to get over me. So now I'm definitely not going to go anywhere!"

"Well tough, it not always about you and there is nothing I want more than to get over you. So are you done now? Are you satisfied that you have had your way again? Am I finally dismissed from your noxious presence?" he said regaining his composure and his anger.

"What?" she whispered disorientated by the switch in his emotion. She had been so sure she had been wearing him down.

"Can I go?" He rephrase as though he was talking to an idiot.

She was momentarily knocked off course by this new cruel demeanour but after a moment she composed herself and said in exactly the same tone he had used with her "No."

In response to her answer, his shoulders sagged the smallest amount. It was so small that if Lily had not been watching him so closely she would not have noticed.

"Fine. You're really going to make me go thought this again… like you haven't done enough already." he scoffed, "Well then, lets at least do it properly. That way you might actually leave me alone this time."

"Yes." she said desperately, her hand twitching wanting to reach out to him but knowing that she shouldn't "That's all I want, I want for us to talk about this properly. Even if you're never going to forgive me I still want to know I did everything in my power to try and fix this."

He rolled his eyes at her before he took and deep breath and finally lowered his guard completely giving her a look so full of pain and anger that Lily thought she had stopped breathing for a moment, "Listen to me carefully because I want you to have a full understanding the damage you've done." He said slowly his voice trembling only slightly.

He paced a moment and she watched him "I gave up everything for something that you deemed unworthy over and over again. Over something that I should have known was never going to last." he said mirthlessly "I risked damaging my relationship with Sirius and the rest of the Marauders by lying to them, I ignored Kim to the extent that she cheated on me. I got into a fight, I snuck around after curfew. I abused my authority by misusing the privileges that have been given to us, all of which jeopardised my Head Boy badge and my Captaincy. I risked my reputation, my sanity and my heart… I risked everything just to sneak around with you. And now you want to talk, now that you have decided you're ready, that you have finally discovered that you want this. Well it's too late, I can't—" he paused momentarily to take a deep breath trying to find composure again "I can't take anymore, and I don't want to either."

She stared at him, tears brimming in her eyes but steadfastly refusing to let them fall. She could hear his pain loud and clear, it was ringing in her ears, and it made her hate herself more than she ever thought possible.

"For once I'm actually going to be the one to walk away from you." he finished quietly.

"No, please, just hang on –"

"NO!" he shouted "Go play your games with someone else Evans!" he said before spinning around to glare at her only to find her a hairs breadth away from him.

"I'm not playing games." she said still on the verge of tears which she continued to stubbornly hold at bay, "and—and I'm so sorry that—that I don't even know what to say! I don't even have the words I don't think there are enough words in the world, to apologise properly. Other than to tell you that I was naive and stubborn and that at first I didn't want this to be real. When this first starting happening I was shocked and then scared and then so confused because it was so wrong what we were doing. It went against everything I have ever known or said about you, but it felt so good and it was so…. addictive I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't help myself even though I knew it was going to end badly."

"And I'm so sorry for saying that it was just physical, but we both had other people and just… I didn't know how to react… everything about this has been totally out of character for me. I'm not a cheater, I'm not prone to emotional outburst, well other than angry ones and even then seemingly only when you are in the vicinity. I'm not normally cruel or thoughtless and I would never intentionally hurt other people. I didn't know how to handle this, to handle you, handle my feelings for you. You know exactly how to push me into saying and thinking about everything I don't want to acknowledge and it makes me defensive."

"And as for in the hospital wing….I have no defence for my actions other that to repeat that I'm sorry for pushing you away and to tell you that I thought you were still with Kim and I just couldn't bare to keep up the sick little cycle we had created."

All through her speech he had remained still watching her and after a pause where he still said nothing she stared into his eyes and said quietly and earnestly "You're loyal, brave, caring and intelligent, stubborn, temperamental and so passionate and – and I love you for all those reasons and so many more and I didn't want to push you away, I wanted to be with you more than anything. I still do want that. Please forgive me."

After that admission she looked away quickly unable to stare into his unresponsive eyes anymore before clearing her throat and continuing as strongly and with as much conviction as she could "Which is why, I'm not giving up on this, not when we're both finally free and we both want it. It's taken so long for us to get here… I'm not going to make the same mistakes all over again."

"Could you repeat that?" he said in a strained voice.

"I said I'm sorry." she replied furrowing her eyebrows.

"NO. Did you say that you—that you l—lov"

"That I love you? Yes I did and I do. I mean it so totally and completely that it's a little overwhelming to be honest. But I'm done fighting it."

He took a sharp deep breath through his nose.

"I love you." she repeated when he started to shake his head in the negative.

She put her hands on either side of his head trying to still his movement, his eyes closing in a mixture of pain and relief at the contact. "I love you." she repeated slowly. "Very much."

"No you don't!" he suddenly burst out, she tried to interrupt but he continued "No you don't! When you love someone you don't treat them badly Lily. Don't convince yourself of something that's not true. You'll just end up hurting the both of us… again."

"Don't say that! Don't tell me what I do and don't feel. I love you. Please forgive me." she begged "I don't know if I can function without you anymore. I miss you so much I can't think straight."

"What about your boyfriend?" he said suddenly harsh again shaking himself free from her grasp but not stepping back "I'm sure he can help you function."

"I broke up with him." she replied quickly, "What Sirius saw was nothing. I broke up with him long before you came to the hospital… so I could be with you… be with you the way I wanted to be. But when you came to see me I thought you were still with Kim and I just couldn't do it James! I couldn't keep doing what we were doing either. I thought I was doing the right thing. I just underestimated how much it was going to hurt and how completely wrong my decision was. I don't have excuses or reasons but I do know I don't want you to walk away from me, from us. In fact, I would like it if you never left me again."

He sighed "I know you want me Lily, the problem is you just don't want me enough and I cant be with someone who I'm in love with if they don't love me back, no one should have to live like that."

"No, I do want you and I do love you enough, and if you love me…" she trailed off.

She was starting to make him angry "You feel it!" he said, "If what you're saying is true and if the last few months have been any indication, you feel what's between us. You have always felt it and yet you have spent years ignoring it, pretending that you hated me, knowing it was hurting me, that I desperately wanted to be with you. If you loved me why would you do that?"

"No Lily," he said shaking his head, "you don't love me, if you think that's love then….you don't know what love is."

"I do, and I do love you." she replied stubbornly repeating herself. She would say it over and over again until he believed her.

He couldn't stand it any longer he had to punish her, he had to show her, prove it to her. He needed to show her how she made him feel. She wasn't listening to him she just keep repeating that she loved him, and every time she said it his heart constricted. He couldn't bear to hear it again if it wasn't true….

So he did the only thing he could think of; he grabbed her face and kissed her roughly, expecting her to be shocked and to pull away like she had in the past, proving to her that he was right. What he wasn't expecting was for her to reciprocate instantly. Before in their various meetings during the first few second of any kiss she always seemed hesitated before relenting and kissing him back, but this time she seem to give herself over to him completely, curling her arms around his neck and holding on to him so tightly, there was no room to breathe. She was clinging to him as if she was afraid he would pull away he realise with a glimmer of hope rising in him, his heart starting to thaw a little.

He groaned into her mouth indulging himself for a moment before he tore his mouth harshly away staring at her with confused and shocked eyes.

"I told you," she said giving him the barest hint of a smile "or have been trying to anyway" she continued breathlessly rubbing her thumb gently on his cheek "I love you and I'm never going to deny this or you again."

"I'm so sick of all the miscommunications James, sick of coming so close only to have something cock it up at the last moment." she sighed "its getting to be really annoying. So if it's alright and you're willing to listen I would just like to get this straight once and for all. I broke up with Jacob because of you, because of my feelings for you. I'm not stopping you from touching me I'm not hesitating anymore because it's okay for us to be together now. There is nothing standing in our way, we're both free." She said fiercely before she smiled almost shyly and continued "Not to mention that you have such a huge effect on me that I would do anything you asked me to in a heartbeat. I love you and I want to be with you and I am so unbelievable sorry for the way this year has gone but if you let me I will spend as long as it takes trying to make it up to you."

"You… you saw what I couldn't. You saw what was between us long before anyone else and I am so sorry that I didn't see it … but I see it now and I want this so badly it hurts."

He shook his head ruefully "This isn't the way love is supposed to be. It's all too hard."

"Nothing worth having comes easily James," she said tightening her arms around him again, afraid that he was still going to leave her "but look on the bright side considering all we've been through to get here , from now on everything should run pretty smoothly… that's if you'll let it?"

He shook his head lightly and opened his mouth to speak but Lily beat him to it "I'm so sorry I'm constantly fucking this up. I don't know why I've acted the way I have over the years. I'm so sorry for what I did and all the things I'm likely to do. In fact, I can't promise I won't do something just as stupid sometime in the future, not with my temper. But I promise James I am going to try my best to make you happy, just give me one more chance to try. I know I don't deserve it, but I really want that chance."

"You really mean it don't you." he said in wonder, her words and her actions finally getting thought to him.

Sensing her potential success she sighed loosening her arms a little but the moment she did he reached around her and brought her right back up close to his body this time he was the one afraid that she was getting ready to flee.

His actions caused her to smile at him beatifically "Does that mean I'm forgiven, that you want to give us a real shot again?" she questioned hopefully.

He sighed leaning his forehead against hers with his eyes close, and for one mad moment Lily thought that he was still going to turn her down. The thought made her feel like she was going to be sick. She had no idea what she would do if he —

"Only if it means that you will forgive me for all the stupid and mean things that I've done."

It took a moment for Lily to process his words before she let out a short relieved laugh and looked into his eyes and said sincerely "Yes. Anything. Merlin yes. I'd forgive you anything." before she kissed him deeply.

She pulled away abruptly startling James, he looked at her confused for a moment and it was so endearing Lily leaned up to kiss his lips quickly before allowing her face to become serious again.

"What, what is it?" he ask with a slight trace of fear in his voice.

"Don't worry," she said quickly to reassure him "I forgive you, there was nothing to forgive. Everything that has happened this year can be left in the past. There's no need to panic every time I pull away anymore" she said caressing his neck gently.

James nodded the worry lines fading a little and just as his lips were about to touch hers again she whispered "But James, cheat on me and I will hunt you down and kill you like the dog that you are."

"Understood" he said solemnly before becoming thoughtful for a moment and then grinning and saying in a voice almost childlike in its giddiness "but I really don't think it's going to be a problem."

Suddenly tears sprang to Lily's eyes again, "What's the matter, now?" James said hurriedly "I promise you're it for me too, I'm never going to cheat on you. I'm going to take you up on that offer to never leave you again. In fact, even if you do decide to leave me, you're going to find yourself a bit stuck because I'm just going to follow you where ever you go."

She gave a watery laugh, "No I believe you. It's just… Really this…. this is real?…Jacob and Kim are out of the picture, you are forgiving me for being a monumental idiot and we are going to be happy? No one and nothing is going to pop out and ruin it all over again?" she choked out desperate to believe it but unable to quite let herself. "No new girlfriend is about to walk in wanting to hex me? No best friend coming in to yell at us? Really?"

"Yeah." he sighed kissing her gently, "I'm so glad it's all over." They stood there just holding each other for what felt like ages before James eventually said "Come on lets get back to the nice warm common room. There's a sofa with our names on it."

But when he tried to move he found himself unable, he looked down at her with a half smile.

"I'm sorry, it's just… I don't want to let you go." she said shyly burying her face into his chest and holding him tighter.

He sighed and as he wrapped his arms back around her he said "its okay, you don't have to… and I don't want you to either."

The End

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AN:

I know there was a looooong wait. And I know you must be getting sick of my apologies but nevertheless I am sorry it took so long… I just had so much trouble writing this. But unless I'm mistaken this is the longest chapter I've written to date :) perhaps that will go someway to making up for it

This chapter has not been beta read, so if there are mistakes that's the reason. The Beta seems to have disappeared on me…. Perhaps she went away for Easter? Anywho I waited a little while but then I realised it had been 2 months since I posted and I decided it was time to finish the story, grammatical errors and all. So don't be too harsh if there is something ridiculous in there, as soon as I get the edited version I will replace this one.

On a brighter note! Well brighter depending on how much you like my writing. I would like to tell you I have a few things simmering away that may be coming to a screen near you soon. I hope you will all do me the honour of checking them out. Have no fear though next time I'm going to try and stay a few chaps ahead of what's posted so that there won't be any long waits.

Actually if there is something that you think would make a good story, or something in particular that you want to see written let me know and I'll see if I can do something with it, coz after my next one shot I'm a little stuck on what to do next. I'm also working on a multi chap but it's coming slowly so I would love something to work on in the mean time.

And finally

Thanks for reading! I really hope you liked this story, that the ending was worth the wait and that you will be gracious and generous enough to leave a review coz as much fun as writing is it can be really hard work (lol)

Thank you so much for staying with the story. And as always thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed but especially to those regular reviewers who never seem to fail to send me something.

It really does mean a lot.

Lalas x