Title: Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors (3/5)

Author's Note: JD/Cox slash. Based on the song by the Editors "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors".

Disclaimer: Not mine.

"I can't shake this feeling I've got
My dirty hands, have I been in the wars?
The saddest thing that I'd ever seen
Were smokers outside the hospital doors"

The next day Perry walked into Sacred Heart with a bit of hesitation. He could see JD and Carla standing by the nurse's station from a far distance and on his way towards them he wondered if he was going to be greeted by an angry-not talking-sending death glares-Newbie or an angry-lecturing-not leaving him alone for a minute and telling him how much he should stop trying to kill himself-Newbie.

When he approached the nurse's station he was relieved to find that it was neither of the two. He found the happy-talking to much-girly-Newbie he always knew.

"Good morning Dr. Cox!" The younger doctor greeted him cheerfully.

He gave JD a questioning look, a bit surprised that he wasn't angry with him, "Morning Sofia. I don't know how good it can be, considering it involves meeting you."

JD rolled his eyes, thought it didn't look like he was offended. He was used to Perry's sarcastic remarks by now and he believed that the other man didn't really mean them; he was just tiring to keep his reputation. Still, he played along with the older man because he knew it was important to him.

"Good morning JD. Good morning Dr. Cox." Elliot greeted them with a big smile smeared on her face as she walked to the nurse's station.

Dr. Cox rolled his eyes, "I was hardly suffering Ginger here and now you came along? I might just have to shoot myself in the leg to distract the pain from my head." He said and walked away.

JD noticed as Elliot's smile turned into a frown and gave her a comforting smile, "Don't worry Elliot, you know Dr. Cox, that's how he rolls. And besides, I think he's going through a rough time right now."

"Well, to me it seems like there's a big stick up his ass and it's been there for a long time!" Elliot said, pouting. She gave JD a curious look and added, "Why do you think he's going through a rough time?"

"Ammm… He just seems a bit… off lately, and grumpier then usual." JD said, deciding it won't be wise to tell more people about his mentor's new habit.

"Still, it doesn't make it okay for him to act like an asshole." Elliot replied angrily.

"You're right, but you know everyone here has got their own way of dealing with things, which sometimes drive other people crazy. I guess he's not to keen about my somewhat dreamy behavior and with your fricking out, hysteric one too." He gave her an apologetic smile.

"Hey! I'm not hysteric!" Elliot protested. JD gave her a come on look.

"Alright, alright, maybe you're right. Oh, why do you all have to be so annoying in the morning?!" She shrieked and stormed off.

JD looked after her, rolling his eyes. He took his charts and went on with his day. The night before he decided he would act like nothing happened, giving Perry the impression that he decided to leave the subject alone. But when the opportunity would come, and he'll get some time alone with his mentor, he planned to confront him and not leave him alone until he tells him why he started smoking again. He just hoped that that opportunity would come soon.

Perry turned the corner and saw Carla's back. He was contemplating on running the other way before she could see him, but he knew he had to face her sooner or later, and he figured sooner would be better.

He walked slowly towards Carla and tapped her on her shoulder. She turned her head and when she saw it was Perry she gave him an angry look and went back to looking in a chart she was holding.

Perry wiped a hand across his face, "Carla, can I talk to you?"

Carla turned around again but walked right past him.

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I shouldn't have burst out on you like that." He said as he followed her.

She kept walking until she reached one of her patient's rooms. She checked his vitals, ignoring Perry.

"Carla, come on, please stop being so stubborn."

"Don't tell me what to do. I was just trying to help you and comfort you because you seemed upset, and in return you gave me one of your stupid rants. Maybe Bamby lets you walk all over him, but I'm not that much of a pushover."

"Okay, okay, you're right. I don't know what got into me; you know you're the last person I want to drive away. I'm sorry." He crossed his arms across his chest and waited for her response.

Carla could sense Perry was uncomfortable with the all situation, being apologetic and actually admitting to needing someone else, and she could see he meant what he said. She knew how hard it was for him to say those things and she appreciated it, "Alright, apology accepted. But don't you do that again."

"I promise mom."

"Watch it." She opened her mouth again and was about to bring up the same subject from yesterday, but then she decided that maybe it would be better to leave it be for awhile. It did seem to strike a chord on Perry's nerves and she didn't want to irritate him again.

Hours later, an exhausted Perry walked over to one of the on call rooms. He finally had some time to rest, before he had to go back and treat his patients.

He opened the door and collapsed onto one of the beds with a sigh. He covered himself with a blanket and shut his tired and sore eyes. He was starting to fall asleep when he heard a soft knock on the door. He growled loudly, hoping it would be enough to make who ever it was to go away.

"Dr. Cox, can I come in?" Perry huffed in annoyance as he recognized JD's voice.

"No! Get the fuck out of here or I swear you'll regret the day you walked into this hospital." He shouted angrily.

"Dr. Cox, I'm coming in."

"Newbie…" He said in a threatening voice, but the young doctor walked into the on call room, closing the door behind him. Perry opened his eyes and gave JD a death glare, "Please, oh please Barbara, leave me alone."

"Can't, Dr. Cox."

"What do you want from me?" Perry huffed at him.

"I want to know what happened, why you started smoking again."

"Newbie, it's none of your fucking business and also, if you won't let me sleep right now I'll make a hanger out of your scrawny little body and hang my lab coat on it. Don't forget to close the door behind you when you leave." Perry said and shut his eyes again, hoping JD would really leave this time.

"I'm not leaving this room until you tell me."

"Fine, "Perry said as he stood up and started waking over to the door, "Then you can stay here all day long if you want. I'll find somewhere else to sleep." He reached for the door knob with his hand when suddenly JD put his own hand firmly on the door and blocked his way.

"Sarah, move your hand now or I'll rip it out of your body and hit you with it."

"I'm not afraid of you." JD said. Perry could see his arm shaking.

"Yeah, I can see that." he said with a smirk, rolling his eyes at JD.

They stood like that for awhile Perry crossing his arms on his chest and
waiting for JD to move his hand. When the time passed and JD didn't cave, the older doctor contemplated on if to shove JD and walk away, or to give in and talk to him, as it seemed that JD wouldn't leave the subject alone.

Perry sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He walked back to the bed and set on it, deciding to stay.

"Alright, alright, you win. I'll do anything if you'll just let me sleep." The older man leaned his tired body on the wall behind him and waited to here what JD had to say.

The younger man took his hand down and held it with his other hand, playing with them uncomfortably, "So, why did you start smoking again?"

Perry set in silence for a few moments before answering, "I guess lately everything has been a bit too much. Jordan has been annoying me, more then usual, work is hell as usual, I'm running around here all day and then I come back home to run around Jack and take care of him. He cries almost every freaking night and doesn't let me sleep. And, because until now I've been literally drowning my sorrows in scotch and other well appreciated liqueurs, and it's not to smart to drink all day when you've a baby, I've cut back on my drinking and started smoking instead," He gave JD a sad smile, "If I won't drink or smoke I might kill someone in this hell hole." He paused again and looked to the floor, "It might be a horrible habit but sadly it works."

JD listened carefully to his mentor, and when he was done talking he had no idea what to say.

Perry looked at him with a smug smile, waiting to see how he would react. He chuckled when he saw JD couldn't come up with anything to say.

"So, Dr. Phil, what do you have to say?"

JD crossed his arms on his chest and frowned at Perry. He sighed and went over to the bed and set beside the older man, their legs brushing lightly.

"Ok, that's a lot, and I feel pretty stupid that I haven't figured it out myself. I should know you better. I should've seen something was going on."

Both were quite for a few moments until JD spoke again, "I didn't say I have all the answers. I just wanted to know what was bothering you, because you seemed upset."

Perry looked down at his hands, not wanting to meet JD's concerned look.

"I… I'm sorry that's things are like this right now. I know how crappy it can get, but I just, I just wish you'd quit smoking."

"I want to stop too, but it easier said then done. Look, Newbie, I just feel like it's all coming down on me lately and I have no power to handle it anymore. I just wish I could take a bit time off from everything and just lie down and relax." He sighed heavily, rubbing his face with his hands.

JD was quit for awhile. It was hard for him to hear his mentor, his super hero, talk like that. He always seemed like he had everything under control, like he'd no problem handling any situation and nothing could hurt him. Thought inside JD knew that it wasn't true, that everybody hurts he wanted to believe other wise.

"If I could find something else that would help you relax and feel better, would you quit smoking?"

"Hell yes, but I don't want you to get your hopes too high Shelly, it's not that easy. I think the next step is taking drugs and I'm not sure you'd like that." He said and gave JD a playful smile.

JD didn't fund that amusing and kept the worried look on his face. They stayed quite for awhile. Perry looked at JD as the other was deep in thought. It always amazed him how much the younger doctor cared for him, he never really understood why.

"Alright, I'll let you sleep; it looks like you really need it." JD said after a few more minutes. Perry nodded in agreement. JD lifted himself from the bed and headed over to the door. He turned around and smiled at the older man, "You can count on me. I'll figure something out."

Perry chuckled, "I'm sure you will Monica."

They looked at each other for a long moment and then JD opened the door and walked out of the room, closing it behind him.

Perry lay down on the bed again. He sighed, going over the conversion in his head. He pulled the covers over him once again and started drifting into sleep, thinking about how much he could use a smoke at that moment.