(Author's Note: It's done! I'm so sorry for taking soooooo dang long! A thousand kowtows of apology! I was so busy!)

"Edward love Lazlo! Edward love Lazlo!" Clam told the world, dragging a now red-faced Edward behind him. To him, it was an important source of revelation. To Edward, it was the shameful truth.

He dug his heels into the ground, but Clam didn't slow down a bit. "This is no way to sneak into camp!" he complained.

"Not sneaking!" Clam told him.

He was dragged out of the trees, exposed; he tried to pull himself back to the safety of the trees. Gawd! Last thing he wanted right now was to face to other Beans, but Clam had a grip like a vice and budged as much as a boulder.

Edward put his arm around Clam's head, putting Clam in a headlock. "Slow down, dammit!"

"Ahhh! He's got another one!" yelled a camper. The campers oozed out of the camp's various nooks and crannies, eyeing Edward suspiciously and murmuring to each other.

"Well well well, look who's back," drawled Ping-Pong.

Dave rolled his eyes at Clam. "Worst. Guard. Ever. Seriously, Clam, you're not supposed to drag the enemy into camp."

Clam jumped up and down excitedly. "Edward good! Edward love Lazlo!"

Edward blushed angrily.

The campers exchanged glances. "Yeah, we know! That's why we threw him out!"

Edward gritted his teeth and lifted up a foot, then brought it back down hard to get their attention. "Back off! I need to see Lazlo!"

"Nuh-uh! We're not letting you go and be all homosemantical with him," whined the beaver.

Samson shook a fist in the air. "Yeah, down with homogemwtricalls!"

"Shut up! Like you're ones to talk!" He folded his arms in front of him and gave them all a look. "Like any of you can honestly tell me that you're straight."

"Eh…?" Awkward looks greeted him.

"I mean, I spent most of my time here thinking you guys were the biggest bunch of fags I've ever met. And now you wanna get rid of me cause I kissed Lazlo…once or twice?! Ha! C'mon! Beaver and Storky over there, they've been going out for ages! And Harold spends every single night watching Raj sleep through Jelly Cabin's window mesh!"

"It's true," Harold confirmed, not sounding the least bit ashamed.

"And you, Ping-Pong—just last week you were telling me how HOT you thought Hanly Manster was! You shouldn't punish me—in fact, I should be your king!" he said, trying to push it.

The campers looked at their feet and shuffled around uncomfortably. "But..Um, uh," they stuttered, at a loss for words. Come to think of it, a lot of them had never really thought about this sort of stuff, or even cared about it, an yet it had been so easy to work themselves into a frenzy over it.

"I don't have time for this," muttered Edward, half to himself. He didn't understand half of what Clam had been trying to tell him, and Lazlo's kiss with Patsy still hung heavily on his mind.

He grabbed clam by the hand. "C'mon, let's go." And they slipped away while the campers discussed their orientation amongst themselves.

"Just cause I said he was hot doesn't mean I'd kiss him or something."

"I'd be happy if I got a kiss from anybody…"

Clam blinked a few times at them, then turned to Edward. A big angry cloud of determination hung over the platypus.

"Umm. Find Raj."

Edward gave him a wry smile. "He could be anywhere. I suggest we look where ALL scum surfaces around here."

Raj, meanwhile, was in the mess hall, sitting across from Patsy and staring at her with a bemused look on his face.

Patsy was talking to him—at least, talking in his general direction. "Well, if you wanted to go out with me, you should have just said so. I mean, I have pretty high standards usually, but you're okay—but I wont just go anywhere for a date, y'know..."

"Who said anything about a date?!" Raj freaked, his face going red. "I just said we should hang out…sometime."

Patsy stared at him and blinked a few times. My god, you can actually see what he's thinking, she thought to herself. You could never do that with Lazlo, who seemed to always gravitate to one general expression.

"It's just..." Raj continued. "It seems like Lazlo would rather be hanging out with Edward more than me, so…"

"Oh yeah!" Patsy exclaimed, remembering her promise to Lazlo. "About that—isn't it about time you let Lazlo out of the cabin?"

"Yeah, but if I do he'll get Edward." He leaned toward her as if about to tell her a dark secret. "And Edward's plotting to get me," he hissed.

"Oh, come on. If Lazlo's in love with him, how bad can he be?"

There was a laugh—more of a dry chuckle than a laugh. There was no joy in it; it was the kind of laugh that only enjoyed pain, preferably someone else's.

Both Patsy and Raj turned toward the source of the sound. Edward stood in the doorway, silhouetted against the noon light. "Oh, you don't know how bad I can be, little missy."

Besting the Bean Scouts had left Edward feeling in control. He reveled in the feeling now. A while ago he had let all his sadness and confusion turn into anger and had aimed it at the campers and found, much to his surprise, instead of the usual hot frustrating rage he usually felt, he was feeling a calculating coldness, and suddenly everything was clear.

He turned to Raj, who let out a yelp. "Hello, Raj."

Raj trembled. "Raj? Who's Raj?" He shuffled to the other side of the table till he was next to patsy and had the table between him and Edward. Then he grabbed her beret and placed it on his head "My name's…Clarise!" he said in a high-pitched squeak.

"I want Lazlo! I want to see him right now and if you dare get in my way I will rip you to shreds," Edward hissed.

"Aaaaaahhh!" Raj waved his arms, too flustered and too scared to think of what to do next.

"The key!" Edward demanded. "Right now!"

Raj reached to his pocket, hesitated, and turned imploringly to Clam, his eyes wide and his lower lip quivering. "Clam, stop this madness!"

Clam paused, turning his head from one leader to the other. Between the two of them, he'd rather be following Lazlo.

"No," he told Raj, and stood behind Edward.

"Clam is on my side now." Edward smirked at Raj. "Though heaven knows why."

Clam turned to Edward. He blinked a few times. He had thought he'd explained it very well. "Edward loves Laz—"

"Okay, we get it, shut up!" Edward blushed and turned to Raj angrily. "Gimme the dang key!"

"Key!" Clam echoed.

Edward turned slowly toward Clam, giving him a long, weirded-out stare. He blinked a few times, trying to put him out of mind, and turned back to Raj. "Now!"

Raj, in turn, turned to Patsy imploringly.

She smiled weakly. "Just give them the key, Raj…"

"Fine!" He threw up his hands in the air in a teenagerish fit. "Everybody's against me!!"

He grabbed the key and tossed it at Edward, who caught it easily.

Edward glanced at the key in his hands, then looked up and gave Raj a smile. It wasn't a wry smile, but one of those genuine ones that rarely graced Edward's lips. Raj harrumphed at him.

Edward turned and ran out of the mess hall, key clutched tightly in his fist. He felt so excited, so eager to see Lazlo again—he tried to stamp his anticipation down and remind himself that he was mad at Lazlo, but nevertheless he found himself speeding up. Clam followed closely on his heels.

Back in the mess hall, Raj looked at Patsy. She giggled. He blushed.

"Um…Let's go follow them!" he squeaked, and rushed out the door.

Edward ran like his life depended on it. The long wait to see his Lazlo was finally over, and the few seconds between him and Jelly Cabin seemed to last forever.

He nearly didn't notice Lazlo standing in front of Pinto Cabin. "Hi, Edward! Bye Edward!" he shouted mirthfully into Edward's wake.

It took a while till the sound of his boyfriend's voice reached Edward's ears and he stopped. He turned around slowly, a small smile gracing his lips. Tears were in the corners of his eyes. "Lazlo!"

Lazlo grinned and brought up his arms to hug the little platypus. "You wouldn't believe it! I completely forgot about that loose floorboard and—"

SLAP!

Lazlo's face ploughed into the ground. He looked up at Edward, shocked.

"You bastard! How dare you let her kiss you like that!" Edward leaned down, grabbing Lazlo by his neckerchief and pulling him up roughly. "Do you have any idea, any idea at all…?"

"Edward's using bad words again," muttered a camper, and the other campers gathered around for an educational experience.

In the crowd of campers, Clam turned to Raj with a knowing expression on his face. "Edward love Lazlo," he told him again with a smirk.

"Really?" he replied hesitantly. If this was love, he wanted no part of it.

Lazlo's expression changed from a confused to a sad one. "Oh, Edward…" He put his hands on Edward's shoulders. "I hurt your feelings, didn't I?"

"No." Edward looked away. "It just…" He sighed and glared at Lazlo. "You kiss anyone other than me again and I'll rip your lips off and feed them to you, y'hear?!"

Lazlo smiled and hugged him. "I love you too!"

He leaned forward, nuzzling his face on Edward's. "You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah...No!" Edward folded his arms in front of him and pouted, glaring at Lazlo. "I need reminding…sometimes. Laaazlo, I'm not like you."

"No, you're not." Lazlo grinned. "That's why I love you so much!" He hugged Edward again. "Thanks for coming to save me, Edward. You're my heeerooo."

"Quit laying it on thick, it's not gonna get you out of a beating," huffed Edward, looking flattered and annoyed at the same time. "Oh yeah!" He snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering something. "Speaking of beatings…" He pointed at a frightened little elephant in the crowd. "Kill him for me. I was gonna do it myself, but after you kissed that bitch, well, consider this your punishment." He pushed Lazlo towards Raj.

Raj let out a little scream. "Lazlo! Um…Umm, I was going to let you out!"

"Really?" said Lazlo, who hadn't stopped smiling since Edward had told him he was going to rip his lips off, but to Raj, his smile seemed sort of sinister.

Raj looked at his feet, shuffling around guiltily. "Yeah, well, we have swimming activities at five, and you...You love swimming…so…"

"Aw, Raj, that's so sweet of you!" Lazlo laughed and gave Raj a hug.

"What part of kill don't you understand!" snapped Edward.

"The 'll' part!"

"Don't you give the cheeky monkey act! I've got you number right here!"

"That cause I gave it to him," Lazlo told Raj, giggling.

"You gave him your number?" muttered Raj.

"Yeah, my phone number."

Edward huffed. "How am I supposed to believe you love me if can't do this simple little thing for me?"

"I can't stay mad at Raj, Edward. I forgive him"

"Y-you do?" sighed Raj, relieved.

"Well, I don't," growled Edward.

"It's okay," said Lazlo, patting Raj on the back. "He'll make it up to you"

Raj's hair stood on end.

"And I will too, Edward. I'm really sorry."

Raj tugged on Lazlo's shirt, eyeing Edward with fear. "Ummm, Lazlo, I'm not sure…"

"It's okay, Raj. It'll give us a chance to hang out with each other more, just like you wanted."

&&&

Edward sat on a pile of pillows, most of which had been pilfered from Scoutmaster Lumpus's boudoir. It gave Edward a warm feeling, knowing that small acts of thievery were carried out for him.

Clam sat on the pile, a little lower than where Edward was sitting, drinking lemonade through a straw.

Edward twirled his own glass of lemonade, letting the ice jangle inside. He smiled and turned to Clam. "You know, Clam, you're not as retarded as I thought you were."

"Um…?" Clam slowly stopped sucking on his straw.

"That's his way of saying thanks!" said Lazlo, jumping in to the rescue.

Edward smiled at him. Lazlo was covered in grime and carrying a mop. Edward had set both Lazlo and Raj on the hard task of cleaning away the dirt that had oozed form Skip and Chip's beds into Edward's side of the cabin.

In the background Raj screamed as the grime fought back.

Edward sighed. "I need ice cream," he stated.

"Oh..? Oh!" Lazlo realized he was being given a command. "Yes, your majesty! I'll get you some right away."

He dragged Raj out from under the dung beetle's double-bunk bed. "It dragged me in!" Raj squeaked, gasping for breath.

"C'mon, his majesty wants ice cream!" Lazlo told him, helping him up.

"And I want a break!" Raj protested, but to no avail as Lazlo dragged him out of the cabin.

On the way back from the ice cream truck, Raj trailed behind Lazlo, looking at his feet. "Lazlo?" He bit his lip. "I really am sorry…for getting in the way of your…love!"

"It's okay. My love is too big to get in the way of," Lazlo said with pride. "So… you're okay with me being gay?"

Raj sighed. "You be whatever you want. I won't stop you." He smiled at Lazlo.

Lazlo grinned, folding his arms behind his head. "Good, 'cause it's always okay to be happy and carefree!"

Raj sighed.

&&&

THE END

&&&

CREDITS:

Lazlo and Edward sat on the docks eating ice cream. They were sitting a foot away from each other.

Lazlo put an arm around Edward's shoulders, trying to look inconspicuous. Edward blushed, rolling his eyes and smiling to himself. Lazlo leaned down and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Oh-OH! Canoodling, eh?" Lumpus jumped out of a nearby bush, looking ecstatic. "Slinkman! SLINKMAN! I caught a happy couple right here with some unauthorized hanky panky!!" The scoutmaster gave them an "ooh you're gonna get it" look.

Slinkman practically flew out of the scoutmaster's cabin, 'Mr. Spankfull' in one hand and a determined look on his face.

"Oohoohoohoo! I should read the rules more often!" chuckled the Scoutmaster to himself. "This is fun!"