Usagi: HI and welcome back to another thrilling chapter of Heart Wars….were nothing of importance is going on…
Zakura: the Organization gets a new spare nr 14 though…
Usagi: or 15… anyway, on with the chapter:
Chapter 3
New Allies
Having escaped from Twilight Town our heroes flew towards the Organization's new HQ, which was positioned on a jungle planet.
"So… Tatooine is only desert, Hoth is only a frozen tundra, Corrosant is nothing but one humongous city and Endor is a moon covered in nothing but trees. Haven't George Lucas heard of diversity? Is Earth only sea? No. Its only 70 sea" Namine said, as she was reading the script to Star Wars for some reason. "And why doesn't anyone realize Anakin and Padme are married when they're living in the same apartment?"
"Namine, what's the point in questioning the logic of a movie? It's not getting you anywhere" Roxas said. "And I'm getting really tired of listening to it as well… NOBODY CARES!"
"You are nobody" Namine stated. "So judging by what you just said you do care. And hey, if Scar isn't Kovu's father, who is? Maybe he and Kiara are half-siblings…Gasp! No wonder Disney covered that up…"
Roxas slammed his head into the dashboard.
"Please tell me we are there or knock me out please" he said.
"We're there…but this might become a bumpy landing since you just wrecked the dashboard" Axel said.
And so the MFR crash-landed onto the Deep Jungle, destroying a colony of gorillas in the process as they weren't needed for the plot.
"Okay we're here. Now where's our dysfunctional leader?" Roxas asked.
"My guess is that he's in there" Axel said and pointed to a small barrack, it had a note on the door saying "Help Wanted".
Roxas went in and sure enough there was Xigbar, currently interviewing some white fuzzy creature with a red pompon on its head.
"So…you say your people can help us out in the war…do you have any awesome technologic advantages?" Xigbar asked the creature.
"Nope. But we have a neat catapult, kupo" the thing said.
"…And super powerful energy balls to fire from it?" Xigbar asked.
"Nope. But we could throw large rocks, kupo" said the moogle. Because it was a moogle. And if you hadn't figured that out sooner then I don't think you've been paying much attention in Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy.
"Riiiight. Well we'll think about it. Don't call us, we're calling you" Xigbar said.
"We don't have a phone kupo" the moogle said.
"Good for you" Xigbar said and pressed a button, the moogle was immediately dropped into a trap door. Where that trapdoor went? You don't want to know…
"Any luck getting new subordinates?" Roxas asked.
"No…and weren't you supposed to train with Ansem right now?" Xigbar asked.
Roxas glared at him.
"Point taken…well there wouldn't be much use anyway since we just got a letter saying he has died" Xigbar said and gave Roxas a letter.
Roxas read it out loud: "Dear Roxas. Sadly I can't continue our very important battle training, as I have burned to death after falling into the lava. I hope your death won't be too painful. From Ansem."
"How the heck did he send that letter if he was already dead?" Namine asked.
"When did you come in?" Roxas asked.
"Just now, Xigbar, there's some woman outside…" Namine said.
"Let her in, she can't be worse than the moogle anyway" Xigbar said.
Roxas and Namine decided to leave, leaving room for a rather pissed looking woman with bright blonde hair and red eyes.
"Name?" Xigbar asked, not even looking up from his files.
"Are you my enemy?" the woman asked.
Xigbar looked up from his papers and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Everybody is my enemy!" the woman declared.
"Everyone? You don't have friends?" Xigbar asked.
"Nobody is my friend!" said the demonic woman.
"Well in that case we must be your friends, we are nobodies" Xigbar said.
"That's not what I meant…"
"Also we could use some help fighting some people who try to destroy us, maybe you could help us out?" Xigbar said.
"I'm not sure you get what I'm saying…"
"And if everyone are your enemies then surely they must be too…they are part of "everybody" as far as I know" Xigbar said.
"Wait…I'm confused" the woman said.
"Look, its simple" Xigbar said. "We are nobody, thus not "everyone", the empire however are not, so they're among "everyone else" so wouldn't that by your own logic mean we are your friends and they are your enemies?"
"I've got a headache…" said the woman.
"You're hired! But I do need a name for the contract" Xigbar said.
"I am a being of solitude" the woman said.
"O…k? That's not a name…look I'm just gonna call you Rozalin is that okay?" Xigbar asked.
"The hell it is! It's the worst name ever!" said the woman.
"Well that's what your name tag says" Xigbar said.
"Well I'll be damned…but since I'm a demon I guess I already am. Fine, call me Rozalin if you have to. Now I need to lie down before this headache gets worse" Rozalin said before opening the door.
As she did, Roxas and Axel (who had been eavesdropping outside) fell over when the door was opened. Rozalin just ignored them.
"You wouldn't hire the moogles with their catapult but you hired a random woman in a large dress?" Roxas asked. "Does she even have any super powers?"
"Hell if I know, but someone that crazy has to be a threat to someone" Xigbar said. "Also I hate moogles. Saying the same word over and over is just lame dudes."
"Got it memorized?" Axel said.
"That was totally out of context…" Roxas said.
--
Meanwhile back on…wherever Sora and Riku were at the moment, Riku was checking a print of the Death Star Instruction.
"Let me see now, Shoop da Woop Laser; check. Fridge; Check. Pokèmon cards; Check. Army of evil; check. Well it seems Leon's kept his death star in good condition considering he never used it. Such a waste" Riku said as he stared at Leon's "Army of evil", who were a bunch of old soldiers covered in moss and cobwebs.
"I can't believe he's got Charizard" Sora said, as he was staring at Leon's collection of Pokèmon-cards. "I've been looking for this forever! There is no way Kairi and her stupid Venusaur is going to beat me now!"
"Where is Kairi in this fic anyway?" Riku asked.
"Shopping?" Sora suggested.
"For all this time?" Riku asked.
"She is a teenage girl" Sora said shrugging.
"Oh yeah…you've got a point there" Riku said.
"That or she's hiding somewhere waiting to kidnap one of us so she can steal their part in the fanfic" Max said.
"You crack me up little buddy" Sam said… at least it looked like Sam, but he seemed to have suddenly grown long red hair and appeared to be wearing a mask….with his own face.
"CAN I FIRE UP MAH LAZAR NOW?" the talking shadow yelled. "IMMAH BEEN CHARGING UP MY LAZARZ FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT AND IF IMMA NOT FIRIN SOON IMMAH GONNA BLOW".
"Nah, that's not necessary anymore, we have a new death star now with a built-in laser" Riku said.
"MAYBEH I WASN'T SHOUTING HIGH ENOUGH…."
"No its okay. Go save your strength, play that PS3 I bought you" Riku said.
"Sure hope Roxy-kun doesn't discover you bought that guy a PS3, he's been nagging about it for months" Sora said as the shadow walked away. "Kind of surprising he could nag that much when he can't talk…"
"Meh, he'll get over it" Riku said. "I gave him a NAME, that's more than I did for…that laser-shooting fella."
"You named him after the person you hate most because he was a moron, how's that for an act of love?" Sora asked.
"Technically I named him after you" Riku said. "Or well the original Roxas was named after you so calling the shadow Roxas was…well you get what I mean."
"I don't think that was very kind either" Max said, before a giant key suddenly hit him in the head from nowhere…and if you don't get where that key came from you still haven't played enough Kingdom Hearts… in fact I'd be wondering if you've played it at all, in which case WHY are you reading this fanfic?
Usagi: poor Roxy-kun must be feeling so neglected…
Zakura: he's a freaking heartless…. They don't have feelings!
Usagi: Pft. He's still cute. Anyways the new helper of Organization was a bit of a random insert…. She's from Disgaea 2 and no…she's not normally like that, but I just love that alternate personality of hers XD
Rozalin: Are you my enemy?
Usagi: er… You can turn back to normal now…
Rozalin: I am a being of solitude.
Usagi: jikes… ADEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! (Runs of)
Zakura: and while Usagi's of hunting game characters, I guess I should say Please review!
Rozalin: (charging up her lazarz…wait what?)
Zakura: (runs of)