Who are you now?

So this is it. This is the end of the line for you. Everyone says you can be at peace but you can't. You are now cleansed. They healed you; they got rid of your hate and your anger. The got rid of your need to maim, torture, kill and destroy. But when they did that they took away your purpose.

You see there is no heaven and hell for you. There is only your mind and what you think you deserve. Once you could see what you had done, you didn't belong in fire and ice. You belonged in loneliness and pain. Everyday being forced to relive what you did.

Look down on what you made your family into.

A renegade

A traitor

A confused man

A lonely woman

A psycho killer

Slowly as the years went by. Less and less of your hearts survived.

Now look at the end product you created.

A man lost in some hell alone and defeated.

An empty shell, lost and broken looking after a child that's not even hers.

A lost soul in a lake of dead.

A scared woman jumping at every noise. Waiting for you to return to her.

A woman lost forever in the insanity of her own mind.

Was it worth it? For the cause? Now you look back down. You see your life rushing in front of you. All that you did.

Was it worth it for what you could have done?

Remember the first time you killed something? You were only six. The bird wouldn't stop singing and you wanted to sleep. You kept wishing it would be quiet. And then a green light emitted from you and the bird died.

Do you remember rushing outside and cradling the bird? Begging it to come back to life and crow again. Do you remember crying and saying you were sorry over and over again? Do you remember bursting into tears when you realised what you had done and promised to never ever do it again? Do you remember burying it in the forest on your grounds? Do you remember calling him Smokey and coming to visit it everyday for years? Do you remember being to ashamed to tell anyone what you had done? You felt so bad. But you told Smokey all about life to make sure he didn't miss anything.

How far you have come since then.

Do you remember the life before Hogwarts. The innocence and the laughter. The sheer joy at being alive.

On your last day before Hogwarts. You told Sirius what you had done to Smokey. And he wasn't cross with you. He hugged you and promised to visit Smokey when you weren't there.

Do you remember your first dance? Who it was with? You were to shy to ask anyone to dance or accept any requests. But the Sirius took you by the hand and promised to dance if you would dance with him. For him only, you said yes because it felt like all those times you had practised in one of the lounges. Do you remember feeling so light and happy to be dancing with your best friend? The one you shared everything with? The one that even you identity was joined?

Do you remember Rodolphus Lestrange interrupting you and asking fro a dance. Which Sirius had given you the courage to except. But maybe if you hadn't, things would be different.

Do you remember a cold man with bright red eyes looking you in the eyes and saying how fine you were and stroking your cheek? Do you remember calling him a stupid retard with a ridiculous name and trying to pull away? Do you remember him names going deeper into your skin and leaving three scratches? Do you remember swearing every single word you could think of at him? Do you remember telling him to take him and his retarded butt out of your ball? Do you remember Sirius charging at him but the man hit him so hard he flew against the opposite wall? Do you remember calling him a name it is unfit to be heard in this world? Do you remember him rewarding you for your bravery and telling you that you will make a wonderful servant? Do you remember thinking: Yeah right as if I would ever join that frickin lunatic? Do you remember rushing to Sirius? But as you remember the man's amazing entrance an exit, you kinda took to him a tiny tiny bit.

Do you remember killing and torturing? Do you remember the night you got the dark mark? Do you remember Sirius's seeing it while you were passed out drunk? Do you remember him fleeing for his life?

Do you remember Andromeda looking you in the eye for the last time? The look of sorrow and the knowing she had finally lost you. As she gave up and walked out the door just as Sirius had.

Do you remember throwing everything at the wall? Do you remember smashing everything you could find for the loss of the people you loved most?

Do you remember the day you heard Regulus was dead. How you didn't even look concerned. You were too used to it then. You had already got past the fact the world was trying to hurt you.

The night you killed Sirius was hard on both of you? Do you remember fighting to stun him not to kill him? Do you remember him holding out his arms and giving you a look of understanding? You knew that it meant: Bella it hurts too much. You saved me once now save me again. I want it to be you. You who gave me everything, now take it away.

So you did.

You have cried twice in your life and meant it, once was the night Sirius left, twice was the time he left for good.

But you already knew the world wanted to break you. But it could torture you, it could take the ones you love, it could lock you 12 years in a prison of insanity living your worst memories again and again, it could force you to kill the person you never wanted to, hell it could even kill you.

But you are never broken.

Are you Bellatrix?

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Heya guys. I am thinking about one last chapter to conclude it. But the more reviews I get the more likley it is. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Anyway to the people who did review, YOU GUYS ROCK! Gives cookies to all reviewers

Every Reviewer gets a cookie.

Buh-bye

xoxoxoxox

Bellatrix (AKA Charli)