Disclaimer: As everyone knows, I do not own the characters from Hana Yori Dango/Boys Over Flowers.

Nor do I own Pitselseh by Elliott Smith

Thank you, Kamio-sensei!

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AN: Pitseleh means "little one" in Yiddish

Pitseleh

A Hana Yori Dango SongFic

by Janice Rips

I'll tell you why I don't want to know where you are

Because every time I see you anymore, he's found a new way to hurt you. And because I don't want to hurt you too.

I got a joke I been dying to tell you

A joke the cosmos played on me. I couldn't let myself love you until after I had already lost you to him.

A silent kid is looking down the barrel to make the noise that I kept so quiet

She drew that silent kid out of his shell. But you taught him to laugh.

I kept it from you, Pitseleh

I can never tell you how grateful I am, little one. If I said I loved you now, you wouldn't be my best friend anymore.

I'm not what's missing from your life now, I could never be the puzzle pieces

You need him. He's loud, he's rude, he's uncouth, but he loves you more than meat loves salt. You've read King Lear, you know the reference. And my love is too little, too late.

They say that god makes problems just to see what you can stand before you do as the devil pleases, and give up the thing you love

And you've had more than your fair share, but you never give up. You're the strongest person I know.

But no one deserves it

Least of all, you. I can't stand it. I don't know how you do.

The first time I saw you I knew it would never last

The first time I saw you, you were hollering about the king's donkey ears, but you were really saying how vain and stupid we all were. And you were absolutely right. If I were honest with myself, I think I lost my heart to you right then.

I'm not half what I wish I was

Despite what you think, I'm not noble. If you hadn't fought back, and stood up for what was right, I would never have intervened on your behalf. I'm just as selfish and spineless as the rest of them. I only have strength for you because of all the times you've lent me yours.

I'm so angry I don't think it'll ever pass

He's hurting you again, and the only reason I don't kick his ass is because I know that would just hurt you even more. But make no mistake, I am royally pissed.

And I was bad news for you just because I never meant to hurt you

I know my kindness weakens your resolve. And I understand that your heart would break if I told you I love you. So if I can't be your lover, let me play with your hair, and talk in riddles and literary references, and hold your hand. Let me laugh with you, and hold you when you cry. Let me be your strength. Let me be your friend. Let me be your big brother. Let me be your home, my little one.

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Pitseleh was written by the late great singer/songwriter Elliott Smith.

Here are the lyrics:

I'll tell you why I don't want to know where you are
I got a joke I been dying to tell you
A silent kid is looking down the barrel
To make the noise that I kept so quiet
I kept it from you, Pitseleh

I'm not what's missing from your life now
I could never be the puzzle pieces
They say that god makes problems
Just to see what you can stand
Before you do as the devil pleases
And give up the thing you love

But no one deserves it

The first time I saw you I knew it would never last
I'm not half what I wish I was
I'm so angry
I don't think it'll ever pass
And I was bad news for you just because
I never meant to hurt you