Absolutely Not - a Harry Potter xover

Standard disclaimer: characters/universes not mine, not making any money off this.

For the folks who requested a Harry Potter xover, it's finally here.

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It was on days like these that Minerva McGonagall, newly-minted Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, missed Severus Snape. The man had been unpleasant, true, but no one in the wizarding world had made better headache potions.

The pain had started this morning, as the three-way battle between the magical engineers, construction wizards and charms masters reached new heights (or lows) of finger pointing and yelling. They had finished the reconstruction of the Great Hall, the symbolic heart of Hogwarts. It was safe, but the enchantments on the hall's ceiling had gone, as some muggleborns said, "wonky". It showed the sky; but not just the skies over Hogwarts. So far, it had shown London, Paris, New York City, Sydney Harbor, the Grand Canyon, the Great Wall of China, and once, to Professor Sinistra's great delight, a view of Saturn from the surface of Titan.

But that was a minor matter compared to what she was dealing with now. Trust good-hearted Hagrid to cause more trouble than a squad of Death Eaters. Minerva McGonagall could feel the headache blooming behind her eyes. Hagrid had asked her, and his favorite students, to come down to his hut and see his newest creature. She could see the looks of disbelief on the faces of Harry, Hermione and Ron as they gaped at the incredibly hideous creature currently inhabiting the paddock behind Hagrid's hut.

"He followed me home, Professor, excuse me, 'ead Mistress. Can I keep him?" asked Hagrid will the eagerness of a five-year-old child.

Minerva was at a loss. After several attempts, she managed to force out, "But what is it?"

Hagrid scratched his head. "Well, I don't rightly know. But maybe Hermione could do some research, now the library has been put to rights?" He gave Hermione a pleading look.

"It looks like a horrible cross between, between" Ron faltered as he tried to think of candidates for the creature's parents.

"A wolf and a wart hog?" suggested Hermione.

Ah yes, Minerva thought. You could always count on Miss Granger to have the answer to a question.

"Ah, but 'e's hurt," objected Hagrid, "and no one looks their best after you take arrows outta them. And 'e had armour on 'im; it was a tangled mess it was."

Hermione, the always curious, interrupted. "Armour? Cound we see it, please?"

Hagrid's face lit up. Give Hagrid a job he knew he could do, and he was happy, thought Minerva.

"Sure I can get that fer yeh. Be right back," he said and headed for the small shed by the paddock.

"When did this thing show up?" asked Harry.

"Last night, according to Hagrid's message. He said he found a wounded creature in the Forbidden Forest during his rounds," said McGonagall. They were interrupted by Hagrid's return.

"'ere it is," he said as he handed some pieces of armour to Hermione.

She turned over one bit, and froze. "I think I know this sign," she whispered.

The others looked at it blankly. A messy white handprint stood out from the black armour.

"I've never seen a coat of arms like that, Miss Granger," said McGonagall.

"It's Isengard, I think," said an obviously shaken Hermione.

"So it's German or Swedish?" asked Ron.

"No, a bit further than that." Everyone looked at her in confusion.

"Isengard is a place mentioned in The Lord of the Rings by Tolkien. It was the stronghold of a wizard who became evil."

"But The Lord of the Rings is just a novel," said Harry.

"Yes, but, but," Hermione was getting excited, and started pacing back and forth. "The battle brought down the wards around the castle, and enormous amounts of magic were being thrown about. What if all that energy weakened the walls between dimensions? Or started making fictional creatures take shape? The implications..." she trailed off, awed and terrified by the possibilities.

"So you know what it is, Miss Granger?" asked Minerva.

"I think so," said Hermione. "If I'm right, that's a warg, a creature that fought on the side of evil in the books."

"So it would not be a good creature to keep at a school full of children, would I be correct?" Finally, McGonagall thought, some useful information.

"It would rank right below dragons and acromantulas," answered Hermione. "As a matter of fact, if this is the result of holes in dimensional barriers, we had better find out how to close them up, quick. We could have an army of orcs show up next, or," and here she gulped, "a Nazgul or even Sauron."

"Who's Sauron?" asked Ron.

"A dark wizard who makes Voldemort (Minerva flinched; she couldn't help herself) look like a small child throwing a tantrum," answered Hermione. Everyone was silent as they absorbed that cheerful bit of information. McGonagall shook herself.

"Well, then, here's what we'll do. I'll call every available witch and wizard to search the Forbidden Forest for this...what did you call it?" she turned to Hermione.

"A dimensional rift is probably the best term," she answered. Hmm, wondered McGonagall, why was Harry giving a little fake cough and saying 'Torchwood'? Best not to get sidetracked; she'd ask him later.

'Yes, this rift, return our guest to his proper place, and close the rift before something even more unfortunate finds its way through."

"Ah, but 'eadmistress, couldn't he stay?" begged Hagrid.

"I'm sorry, Hagrid, but it is quite impossible."

Hagrid's face fell. "But I thought e'd make a good friend for Fang."

Fang, Hagrid's cowardly boar hound, was currently trying to burrow his way into Potter's robes. "Fang does not seem interested in furthering the acquintance, Hagrid," said Minerva.

"But," McGonagall interrupted him.

"Absolutely not," said Minerva firmly. She turned back to the castle to put the plan into motion.

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And so it came to pass that of all the wargs and orcs that marched out of Isengard to make war on the people of Rohan, only Snapping Fangs of the fifth warg patrol survived to see the dawning of the Fourth Age.

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Although I am usually a book purist, for the sake of this story I went with a cross between the movie version of wargs and the book's really big wolves.

I apologize to any British readers for any blatent Americanisms - if anyone thinks, "Oh a Brit wouldn't say that; they's say this." let me know.