We've been afraid to find.
It's easier to get broken
It's easier to hide.
Looking at you
Holding my breath
For once in my life
I'm scared to death
Of taking a chance
Letting you inside.
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the scars under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong – I'm feeling right
Where I belong, with you tonight
Like being in love can feel for the first time.
-"First Time," Lifehouse
Betty grit her teeth and began to walk faster. She sniffed slightly and tried to keep her mouth from trembling and her eyes from tearing up.
A car honked and she looked around quickly, wiping at the few tears that had broken free - Jughead?
"Hey, Bets," he said.
"Hi," she responded. "Since when do you have a car?"
"I bought it used with the money from my food commercials," he said. Then his face grew worried and his voice became gentle. "What's wrong, Betty?"
"Nothing," she lied. "I just - I just don't want to be in Riverdale right now."
"Well, then, hop in," Jughead invited.
She wasn't particularly surprised. There seemed to be some sort of magnetic attraction bringing the two of them together whenever she was upset…especially like this. Somehow, it was always this food-loving, woman-hating guy who ended up comforting and helping her.
"Are you sure?" she asked anyways. "If you have something to do…"
"I'm sure," he said firmly. "Get in."
Betty got in the passenger side of the attractive silver coupe.
"I was just going to show this baby to Archie," explained Jughead.
Betty snapped her head away abruptly so he wouldn't see the tears welling in her eyes just at the sound of Archie's name.
"Ah," he said, knowingly, taking the freeway entrance. "This has to do with Archie."
He sounded weary and with good reason. It always had to do with Archie. Betty said nothing.
"So what happened?" Jughead asked.
"I-I've decided to cut him loose," she said, breathing deeply. "He's free to go after Ronnie…or Cheryl…or whoever he wants."
"He cares about you though," protested Jughead. "And I know you care about him too."
"That isn't enough!" she said fiercely - more fiercely than she'd intended. "I'm tired of playing second fiddle to rich, beautiful Veronica Lodge. Don't get me wrong - she's my best friend, but…but it would just be nice not to compete with her anymore. And besides - " her voice softened. " - I've seen what Polly and Chic have. Genuine love. I want that. I want it so much."
He didn't respond, but shot her a sideways glance. Then he spoke.
"I hate to point this out, but you have never been able to swear off Archie for very long."
Betty nodded. "I know. But in the past, it's always been because I was mad at Archie for something in particular. This is after a lot of thought. Sometimes the little things just add up and become too much to stand. Besides, Archie was my first love, but that doesn't mean he has to be my last, does it?"
"Of course not," said Jughead, taking an exit, "but you've held on to him for so long."
"Yeah, I guess I hoped for a sort of fairy tale life in which my first love would be my last. But real life…"
"I know what you mean," said Jughead after a momentary pause. "Oh, is it okay if we pick up some food?"
"Go ahead."
He pulled up to the McDonalds Drive Thru window. "One Big Mac with a side of fries and a Coke and - Betty?"
"I'll just have a vanilla milkshake," she said.
"Okay, so one Big Mac with a side of fries an a Coke and a vanilla milkshake," he said.
He paid, collected the food, and parked his car.
Betty drank in silence before saying thoughtfully, "You know, letting go is strangely liberating - I feel empty, yet…free and somehow…relieved.
Jughead was watching her a bit oddly as he ate his burger and she wondered suddenly exactly what he was thinking. She noticed, too, for the first time, that his biceps bulged slightly in his bent arms. That was strange. She - and everyone else in Riverdale - had always thought of him as rather scrawny, despite the amount of food he ate.
"Only one Big Mac today, Jug?" Betty joked.
"I have to have an appetite for the delicious meal you're going to be cooking for me when we get back to Riverdale," he joked.
"Oh, come on. We both know you can eat five Big Macs and still have room for a delicious meal."
"I guess I'm just not hungry," he said with a shrug.
She stared at him, open-mouthed with semi-mock-shock. "Jughead Jones isn't hungry?"
"There's a first time for everything," he said, setting down his Big Mac on the dashboard. He leaned over and eased off her hair tie. She watched him bemusedly as her hair tumbled down in soft, golden waves. Then she noticed just how close they were. She could smell him and he didn't smell like food. He smelled…nice…clean, like soap. And she noticed just what a guy he was. Why had she never been aware of it before?
And their faces were so close together. Jughead grazed her bottom lip with his thumb and leaned even closer…and they were kissing.
Jughead had always been there for her. It was always he who wiped her tears and cleaned up Archie's messes in the form of brokenhearted Betty. It was Jughead Betty thought of when she thought of comfort - not Archie, who she'd been "in love" with for so long. She felt safe when she was with him, like no harm would ever come to her.
She had no idea of how much later it was when they resurfaced for air - she was dizzy, breathless, and felt as though she had eaten so much sugar on an empty stomach.
"I love you," Jughead whispered blearily, his eyes glazed. Then they snapped wide open and he flushed, muttering, "Maybe we should go back."
Betty gazed at him, unable to process the words. "You - you - what?"
"Forget I said anything," he said, sounding agitated.
"You drop a bomb like that and expect me to just forget it?" Betty demanded, softening her voice to add, "It's okay, Jughead, just tell me - "
"You're my first love, Bets," he said, his voice eerily quiet. "But Archie's my best bud. As long as you want him and he wants you, I can't butt in. I can't scam on his girl."
"You aren't scamming on me," Betty said gently. "I'm not his girl any longer. I told you that already."
"It's like we're betraying him," Jughead said, his knuckles whitening as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "I'm the mediator. I was supposed to smooth things over, not kiss you. That wasn't supposed to happen."
"So you're not allowed to have a life of your own? You're just supposed to help make Archie's life perfect?" Betty asked, her lips still tingling.
"He's my best friend," Jughead said.
"And mine too. But that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to be more…to each other."
"You've adjusted to the idea quickly for someone who just decided to break up with her first love," he said.
"Well, I thought about it when we were…you know…kissing."
"You could think?" he said, surprised.
"Yes," she said with a smile. She thought about Archie and a dull ache flared in her chest. Well, that was to be expected. She wasn't going to get over him just like that.
"Betty…" Her name came out as a sigh. "I don't know what to do."
"Juggie, you can't seriously still have doubts," she said. "We belong together. You've always been there for me…we could have been together so much earlier if you hadn't stepped aside."
"So it's my fault we're at this junction?" he asked sarcastically.
"No, of course not," said Betty. "It was very…gallant of you to care for us so unselfishly. But you've always been unselfish. It's no surprise."
Jughead was quiet for a long time an Betty followed suit, deciding to let him think it over for a bit.
"You know…I felt like I'd been punched in the gut any time I saw another guy kiss you. Even Archie."
"So…" she began tentatively.
"Isn't there supposed to be a mourning period after you break up with Archie? Isn't Archie supposed to know you've broken up before you start dating anyone else?"
"We've never been exclusive," she said, brushing the questions aside. "No more excuses, Jughead."
"Okay, then. Elizabeth Cooper…will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, Forsythe Pendleton Jones III, I will," she replied, to which Jughead cringed.
"I told you never to use my real name - and my real full name - even worse."
"I think it's sort of cute," said Betty with a slight smile. He leaned across his gears and cupped the back of her head with his hand, kissing her so hard her tooth dug into his lip, cutting it.
Jughead jerked his head back and massaged his lip.
"Oh, god! I'm so sorry!" Betty said, grabbing a napkin and dabbing at the blood.
"No," said Jughead with a wan smile. "I was hasty."
"I - I guess we should go back," said Betty. Her eyes were on his lip and cleaning up the blood, but out of the corner of her eye, she could see his gaze on her.
"Bets," Jughead said gently, taking the napkin from her and wiping at his lip, "if you feel at all uncomfortable…"
"No, no, it isn't that," Betty assured him quickly. "We just need to get back to Riverdale and…I know our decision is right, but I was wondering how to break it to Archie."
"I know," said Jughead, starting his car. "I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt him."
"Me neither," she agreed gloomily. "But we have our own lives. We can't be hung up on his."
Jughead did an odd gesture that was halfway between a nod and a shrug.
"Archie means a lot to you," Betty said quietly. "He means a lot to me too. I can't imagine losing his friendship. And now - " she touched the cut on his lip and he took her hand and squeezed " - I can't imagine things going back to the way they were. Oh, god, are we here already?"
Archie and Reggie's cars were parked in front of Pop Tate's. Jughead parked between the two. He stopped the car and rubbed his hands against his thighs.
"It's now or never."
"I - I guess you're right," she said. "Come on, Juggie."
He smiled at her as he got out of her car. "I always did love it when you called me that. I know a lot of people do, but you in particular…Listen, Betty, maybe we shouldn't tell Archie about us yet."
"But that would mean keeping it from him," she protested.
"But wouldn't it be insensitive to throw it in his face?" asked Jughead.
"I guess," she sighed, "but I still think we should tell him."
They went inside to see Archie, Ronnie, and Reggie all seated on their usual stools, having some drinks.
"Jug, Betty," greeted Archie, his arm around Ron. "Where have you guys been?"
It made Betty ache a little to see that, but it surprised her how dull the ache was. So, she thought about being without Jughead, now that she knew what it was like to be with him - the pain flared.
"Archie, can I talk to you?" she asked.
"Anything you have to say, you can say here," said Ron haughtily, her jealous streak rising.
"Sure, Bets," he said, looking bewildered as they went to the far end of Pop Tate's. "I like your hair, by the way."
"Thanks. Ummm...I think we should stop seeing each other," she said quickly, looking him in the eye so he wouldn't the sincerity of her decision.
"What?" squeaked Archie, looking both stunned and horrified. "But, Betty, you've always been my girl."
"One of your girls," she corrected. "I've just been a filler for when Ronnie wasn't available."
"N-no, Betty," he stuttered. "I care about you and Ronnie equally."
"I heard my name," Ronnie said, joining them a bit nosily. "You have no business talking about me if I can't listen."
Reggie was close behind, so Jughead followed unhappily.
Archie was as white as milk and Betty has to look away to keep from changing her decision. No. She was through with living her life on Archie's terms - for Archie's emotions. She was glad Jughead was there, even if he was several feet away from her. Just his presence calmed and strengthened her.
"I like you, Betty," he said, ignoring Ronnie. Betty wasn't sure what he was trying to prove by doing that.
She smiled ironically. Archie liked her, but Jughead loved her.
"We'll still be friends," Betty said gently, putting her hand on his arm. "Won't it be easier when I'm not trying to get you to take me on a date?"
"What?" interjected Veronica, looking alarmed. "You're…giving up Archie? Why? Was it something I did? Was it something I said?"
"Bets - " began Archie.
"In that case, you can have him," Ronnie said quickly.
"But I just gave him to you," said Betty, surprised. Since when was Veronica Lodge so unselfish?
"I insist," Ronnie said.
"How did I lose both my girlfriends in one shot?" asked Archie glumly.
"On the bright side, you have two girls fighting over you," chortled Reggie.
"You didn't lose both your girlfriends," said Betty, ignoring Reggie. "You still have Ronnie."
"No, you still have Betty," she corrected. "Betty, you're my best friend. I don't want to lose your friendship."
Betty hugged her quickly. She could be petty and jealous and shallow, but Veronica Lodge was a true friend.
"Besides, there are so many richer, handsomer boys," Ronnie added.
"Thanks," Archie said, looking dejected.
"But why are you giving up Archie?" asked Veronica. "It's like you've…given up. I can't have a best friend who acts defeated. You know how bad that would be for my image?"
"I had, but I found another reason to let go of Archie," Betty confessed.
"It's a guy isn't it?" growled Archie, rolling up his sleeves.
Jughead looked alarmed.
"I decided to cut you loose before I had anything with this guy," Betty said quickly, glancing at Jughead.
"So, you're really dumping frecklesnoot…" said Reggie, wonderment in his voice. "So, Betty, baby, can I buy you a soda?"
"No, thanks," she said.
"You dumped Archie and you're refusing Reggie? There must be something wrong," said Ronnie worriedly.
Now Betty was getting really frustrated. "There's nothing wrong! I'm just into Jughead!"
She gasped and covered her mouth. Jughead was sure to be furious…after he had explicitly asked her not to tell Archie today.
The three of them stared at Betty. Then they turned to Jughead, who had whitened so immensely it didn't seem possible for him to be alive.
"You left red here for the string bean?" said Reggie incredulously.
"But Juggie doesn't like girls - he only likes food," Ronnie reminded her.
"Not girls in general," Jughead spoke up, walking over to stand beside Betty and taking her hand, "but one girl in particular."
"For how long?" asked Archie.
"A long time," he replied. "But I couldn't come between the two of you. I stayed out of it."
"Is that why you love eating so much, Juggie? You took solace in food when you couldn't have Betty?" asked Veronica.
Jughead thought for a moment. "No - I really do love food."
They all laughed, the mood considerably lighter.
"I understand, Bets," said Archie. "You two have been so close to me for so long. Jughead, no one could hope for a better friend than you. I've been selfish."
"No," said Jughead. "Betty's no toy. She wanted to be your girlfriend."
"And now she wants to be yours," Archie said, clapping Jughead on the back. "Take good care of each other."
"Of course," said Betty, looking at Jughead now.
As Archie, Reggie, and Ronnie returned to the stools, Betty and Jughead said they would catch up in just a moment.
"Well, that went well," said Jughead.
"Yeah, it did," Betty agreed happy - so happy - and relieved.
"Let's get something to eat," he suggested. "I'm starving."
"You know what?" said Betty. "So am I."