Ranma's Heart
A Ranma ½ Fanfiction by KnightMysterio

All characters are copyrighted to their original creator and used for non-profit amusement purposes. Comments, compliments, and constructive criticism is appreciated. Flames will be ignored.

Continuity places the story two years after the end of the manga.

Word of warning: People who like Ranma/Ukyo, Ranma/Kodachi, and ESPECIALLY Ranma/Shampoo pairings will hate this story.

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Nerima…
The home of Nodoka Saotome…
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The handsome young martial artist gulped nervously as he sat down at the table. He looked around the room quickly, looking for any signs of a katana, but finding none, he relaxed.

But only a little.

"You wanted to see me, Mom?"

The elegant older woman sipped at her tea and smiled. "Yes, I did. But first, there's something I wish to see first…"

"What's that?" Ranma said.

Nodoka sighed. "I do hope you can forgive me for this," she said, before producing a bucket of cold water and throwing it at Ranma.

Ranma didn't even have time to react as the water hit him, triggering his curse and shifting his gender. She gulped nervously, staring at her mother.

She nodded. "Sorry. I had figured it out a while ago, I just wanted to see it happen for myself."

Ranma stared at her fearfully. "So… You're not going to have me commit seppuku for being unmanly?"

"No, of course not. Honestly, I don't know why I forced that promise on your father," she said, "I guess I just got caught up in this passion of the moment…" A sad look came over her face, "Maybe if I hadn't forced that promise on him, I would have been able to see you more…"

Ranma frowned. "Mom, it's okay, really… I mean, I thump on Pops daily, so it's not like I'm not making him pay for it."

Nodoka giggled despite herself. "He's not entirely blame for your situation… At any rate, there is a good reason I wanted to see you, Ranma."

More relaxed now, Ranma helped himself to some of the cookies on the table. "So what's this about?"

"Your fiancées," Nodoka said.

Ranma choked on the cookies. "Figured this was coming," she said. "So now what?"

"Well, it took me a while, but I managed to end almost all the engagements that Genma forced on you, and narrowed down the four best possible candidates for you."

"Who?" Ranma asked.

"Akane Tendo, Ukyo Kuonji, the Amazon Shampoo, and Kodachi Kuno."

Ranma rolled her eyes. "It always comes down to them, doesn't it…"

Meanwhile, outside, the four aforementioned fiancées waited in a quiet, hidden corner.

"Remember girls," Ukyo said, "This truce only lasts until tomorrow. But we have to know how Ranma feels about us all…"

"Shampoo remember, Spatula Girl, now shut up before we heard," Shampoo growled.

Akane just sighed, wondering how these three lunatics dragged her into this. As for Kodachi herself, she ignored them all, staring intently at Ranma. She had recently discovered the truth about Ranma and his curse before this little encounter, and it had been a hard pill to swallow. But she was determined not to let this affect her feelings for Ranma. Besides, she had always been curious as to what a same-sex encounter would be like…

Ranma layed on her side, casually munching a cookie. "So what about them?"

"Well," Nodoka said, taking another sip of her tea, "Recently I had a chance to talk with all four of them. Each one made a strong case, at least in my view, about why they should be your wife."

Ranma snorted laughter. "Even Akane?"

Nodoka chuckled. "Well, most of her case consisted of stammered insults towards both you and the other three fiancées, but I could tell she cares about you."

Ranma blinked. "She does?"

Nodoka smirked at him. "Do you think anyone would have put up with you otherwise if they didn't have some sort of affection for you?"

Ranma smiled a little. "Huh… Who knew?"

Akane, listening in, blushed a little, ignoring the glares Kodachi, Shampoo, and Ukyo shot her.

"Well," Ranma asked after a moment, "What do you think of them?"

Nodoka sighed. "Later. What I want to know is what YOU think."

Ranma frowned. "Oh man… Well, if nothing else, I know that none of them are here to cause me trouble. Anyway… I'll start with the easiest: Kodachi."

"That works, since she was the first to talk with me," Nodoka said.

Ranma scowled. "So you heard that hideous laugh of hers?"

Kodachi flinched, listening in intently.

Nodoka blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When she laughs? It's like banshees belching while gargling peanut butter," Ranma said.

Kodachi choked. Her laugh wasn't THAT bad, was it?

"Yes, it's that bad," the other three girls said, as if reading her thoughts. Kodachi ignored them.

Ranma sighed. "She's a demon. She needs help. Severe mental help, and quickly."

"She didn't seem that bad when I talked with her," Nodoka said.

Ranma shook her head. "You haven't known her as long as I have. She's a con-artist, a schemer, a blackmailer… Christ, the only one worse than her is Nabiki! And then there's the fact that she likes poisoning people with paralysis powder or some other garbage like that. Her entire family needs to see a psychiatrist or be locked up, and at this point I don't care which."

"Oh dear…" Nodoka said.

For Kodachi, it was as if a knife had been stabbed into her heart. She wanted to run in there, beg Ranma to admit he was lying… But deep down, she knew it was true… That she had been kidding herself for years… Hearing it directly from Ranma was the final blow…

Kodachi left, vanishing in a swirl of black rose petals.

In a rare moment of agreement, Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo smirked at her, glad to see the lunatic gymnast leave.

Nodoka sipped her tea. "Oh my… I have the feeling I'm going to have a lot of bad shocks about these girls before the night is over."

"Wouldn't surprise me in the least," Ranma said, "Who talked to you next?"

"Shampoo did."

Ranma sneered and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, her," she said, "That psychopath."

Shampoo went wide-eyed, stunned by her beloved's words.

Ranma sat up. "Shampoo has precisely two things going for her: Her looks, and her cooking. Everything else about her disgusts me almost as bad as Kodachi. The only reason I haven't said anything is because A.) I've never been able to figure out a way to break it to her gently, and B.) because the other three fiancées usually come along and ruin the moment anyway. It's a trait common to the three that can actually fight."

Akane and Ukyo went wide-eyed, staring at Shampoo. The purple-haired Amazon could only stare, too shocked to speak.

Ranma ate another cookie, and sighed. "For one thing, Shampoo is WAY too ready to kill. I can't and won't tolerate that. Another thing that gets me mad is her reason for trying to kill the girls. It's something she said in one of our first meetings: 'She is obstacle. Obstacles are for killing.'"

Nodoka choked on her tea. Ranma shook her head. "Honestly, I don't think her marriage claim is even that legitimate. I wasn't challenging her for her hand, I was trying to stop her from killing Akane! The fact that she got knocked out by her own bonbori mace after I kicked the head of it off was just a fluke, nothing more."

Nodoka frowned. "She never mentioned this when we talked…"

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Not surprising. A common feature among the four lunatics engaged to me, mainly Akane in this case, is that they never can admit when they're in the wrong, for whatever reason. I can't even begin to count the number of times Akane knocked me into the stratosphere for something that was either Ukyo's, Kodachi's, Ryoga's, or Shampoo's fault…"

Shampoo whimpered despite herself. Why was her love saying things like this? Hadn't she always been kind to him, giving him nice food and things?

Ranma's rant continued. "Then there's the way she treats Mousse. The guy is madly in love with her, would kill for her, would DIE for her, would probably conquer the world for her using nothing but a tuna and a whiffle ball, and she treats him like something she needs to scrape off her shoe. It makes me sick."

Shampoo fell to her knees, tears flowing freely down her face.

Nodoka frowned. "This Mousse person cares for her that much?"

Ranma scowled. "To make matters worse, he's actually a more powerful fighter than she is!"

THIS surprised Shampoo to be sure. Her Airen actually thought Mousse was stronger than her?

"Oh really?" Nodoka said.

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, and he's got great potential. The problem is, I'm better than both of them. I could easily solve the Shampoo problem by just taking a fall. But I just can't do that. Damn stupid pride… To make matters worse, I can tell she has feelings for the dope herself, she just chooses to go after me anyway… Ugh…"

Nodoka frowned. Ranma shook her head. "Gods, I could go on for hours," she said, "She's constantly trying to trick me into dates with her, teasing me with promises of a cure. She's almost as bad with the poisons and hypnotic charms as Kodachi. She keeps wrecking the Tendo dojo just by showing up (she refuses to use the door), and Nabiki makes ME work to pay the damages! Then of course, there's her oh-so-wonderful way of greeting me by landing on my head with her bicycle, and the fact that she likes glomping me in front of Akane, which in turn gets her angry and gets me knocked into the upper atmosphere… GRAH!! I hate it! I hate HER!"

Ranma sighed, and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

Shampoo felt numb. A part of herself had been torn away tonight, leaving a gaping wound where it used to be…

She needed to get out of there…

She needed time to think this through…

Ukyo, as Shampoo slowly trudged away, giggled despite herself, and thought, Two down, one to go…

She turned back, just as Nodoka, looking very disturbed, asked Ranma about her.

To her surprise, Ranma's reaction wasn't what she expected.

"Ucchan…" Ranma said, "If I had to sum up my feelings about Ucchan in one word, it'd be disappointment."

Ukyo went wide-eyed, stunned by the revelation.

Nodoka frowned. "What do you mean?"

Ranma sat up again. "Well… She's become way too much of an opportunist. When I come to her for help, all she does is try to take advantage of me and drag me off somewhere. I think, what hurt me most, is when I tried to get her help after Happosai made me weak, and all she could think about was dragging me off and having a bunch of kids with me…"

Ranma shook her head. "I kinda stopped expecting much of her after that… I mean, I still consider her a friend and all, but I just really thought she'd be better than that. She's nicer to Konatsu, that ninja I told you about earlier, but honestly, she treats him only slightly better than Shampoo treats Mousse. And since Konatsu doesn't stand up for himself at all, there's practically no difference between them. Sometimes, Ucchan can be as savage as Shampoo in her pursuit of me…"

Nodoka frowned, and took out a notebook, looking at the notes she had made on the four suitors, and sighed. "Ranma… Could you ever love her as a wife?"

Ranma shook her head. "Mom, there are times when I'm not even sure I want her as a friend anymore…"

That was it. That was the fatal blow to Ukyo's heart. Ukyo turned away from the peephole she was looking through, and sat down up against the wall of the building, staring up into the sky.

Akane gave Ukyo a concerned look.

"Ukyo…" she started to say.

Ukyo shook her head, tears flowing down her face. "Don't… Just… just don't…" she said, pulling herself to her feet and starting to walk away.

Akane bit her lip. She may not like it when Ukyo flirted with Ranma, but she still considered the okonomyaki chef a friend. "Will you be okay?"

To Ukyo's own surprise, she actually managed a smile. "Eventually… I just… need to think about some things…"

Akane watched as Ukyo trudged away, and then nervously turned back to Ranma and Nodoka, wondering what he's say about HER…

"That brings us to Akane now…"

Ranma chuckled softly. "Ah yes, my favorite uncute tomboy…"

Nodoka frowned. "To be perfectly honest, after interviewing the four of them, I had put Akane at the bottom of the list of people I'd accept as your wife. But after hearing this…"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, Akane's okay."

That surprised both Akane and Nodoka.

"You tease her constantly," Nodoka said.

"She gets on my nerves from time to time. Besides, it's fun. Akane's one of the few who can keep up with me in an insult contest for more than a few minutes before attacking me."

Nodoka blinked. "She knocks you into the upper atmosphere on a regular basis for what you call misunderstandings."

Ranma rolled her eyes. "That's more annoying than painful. She's tough, but Ryoga hits harder than she does."

Nodoka sighed. "Maybe I better just let you explain things for her…"

"Fair enough," Ranma said, picking up the still hot teapot and pouring the hot water inside over herself. She winced, both from the feeling of the heat and the feel of her body reverting back to male again.

"Damn, that's hot…" he grumbled, "Anyway, Akane… Well, I mostly just say the uncute thing to get her mad. I really do think she's cute, I just… well, I just have trouble saying it to her face." He grinned softly, and continued, "To be perfectly honest, the only thing I really have against her is her temper, her cooking, and the fact that she almost never gives me a chance to explain myself before declaring me a pervert. Well, all that and the hammer."

"All men hate the hammer, dear," Nodoka said with smirk.

Ranma took one look at his mother and grinned. "Now I know where I get the smarmy streak from."

Even Akane managed to giggle at that, but she quickly stifled it. Fortunately, Ranma and Nodoka laughed as well, so she wasn't discovered.

"Akane…" Ranma said, sighing, "Yeah, she's a tomboy, but she's also cute, like I said. Especially when she smiles. I've always had the easiest time talking to her out of anyone else in the Tendo family. She's always tried to help me, whether she actually could do something or not… Hell, she's even put aside her own feelings to stick up for the other fiancées when they've been in trouble. Any of them would probably just let her die, but she's always sticking up for people. And while I appreciate the effort she puts into trying to cook for me, well… Let's just say Kasumi REALLY needs to get down on her with the wife lessons…"

"Oh come now, Ranma," Nodoka said, "She can't be that bad at things."

Ranma scowled. "In a scheme we cooked up to get rid of Happosai, she had to sew a patch on his outfit. She tried to sew a puppy image but it just came out looking like a giant-headed pig drawn by a five-year-old. I ate her cookies one time, and had to get my stomach pumped. And that's just the start of things…"

"I get the hint already," Akane muttered. Still, she was starting to feel good about things. She had no idea Ranma actually thought so highly of her.

"Aiyah…" Nodoka said, "I really think Kasumi and I need to talk to her about her domestic skills…"

"And soon," Ranma said, chuckling, "Anyway, that's pretty much it."

Nodoka looked directly at her son. "Do you love her?"

Ranma blinked, confused. "Love? …Mom, to be perfectly honest, I don't even know what that means…"

Nodoka didn't break her gaze as she spoke. "Do you enjoy being around her? Does your heart flutter when you are near her? Do you sometimes find yourself unable to speak properly when near her? Do you put up with her faults despite however much they may annoy you? Does coming home to her feel good? Does the thought of spending the rest of your life with her make you feel good? Would you give your life for her?"

Ranma thought for a minute, then blushed, smiling his trademark cocky grin. "Mom, if that's what it means, then I've loved her since I met her, and have just grown to love her more since then."

"Ranma…" Akane said softly, blushing profusely.

Nodoka smiled, and then turned to the door. "You can come in now, Akane."

"AKANE?!" Ranma said.

SHE KNEW I WAS HERE ALL ALONG?! Akane jumped up, startled, and hit her head on the windowsill she was underneath. Wincing and clutching her head, she walked into the room with a smiling Nodoka and a blushing and VERY frightened Ranma.

"Um… Akane…" Ranma stammered. For a wild moment, he felt himself starting to slip into the Nekoken state, but managed to resist it.

Akane blushed, and took his hands. "Ranma… I… Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

Ranma grinned weakly. "Well… Be fair, Akane. I've never really had the chance…"

Nodoka watched the lovebirds for a few moments, watched them start to grow more comfortable in each other's presence, and then left the room.

"I'll be right back. I think you two need time to talk."

As they did just that, she strolled out to where the other remaining snoops were, following the wire from the hidden camera that had been in their room the whole time.

He eventually found Tatewaki Kuno, Ryoga Hibiki, and Mousse sitting just outside the other side of her house, looking at a video screen.

Tatewaki Kuno was frozen in place, staring at the screen. Mousse was giggling, poking him with a stick. Both he and Ryoga nodded to acknowledge Nodoka's presence. Nodoka stared at Tatewaki with concern.

"Is he all right?" she asked.

Mousse giggled. "I think his brain broke," he said.

Tatewaki whimpered. "My beloved pig-tailed girl… And my nemesis Ranma… One in the same…"

Mousse couldn't resist. "And just think, you wanted to make out with her," he said.

Tatewaki made a strangled gargling noise and fainted. Mousse collapsed with laughter.

Ryoga shook his head. "I'd feel sorry for the idiot, but he's had worse coming for years."

Nodoka sighed. "Anyway, I let all of you set this up because I wanted to talk with you."

Ryoga held up a hand, a wistful smile on his face. "Say no more, Mrs. Saotome. My rivalry with your son will be a friendly one from now on. I still have feelings for Akane, it's true, but my feelings for Akari are starting to overshadow them. I've made my peace with Akane about my curse, and I am ready to move on."

Nodoka nodded, and then frowned. "Have you fully recovered? She layed into you pretty hard, from what I heard…"

Ryoga grinned. "She actually took it better than I expected. I honestly thought she would have killed me, but I only had to spend a couple months in a coma. The brain damage actually cured my sense of direction, too!"

Nodoka grinned weakly. "That's… That's nice dear…"

Ryoga smiled warmly, and checked his watch. "At any rate, thanks for indulging us, Mrs. Saotome. See you around," he said, walking out the back gate.

Mousse sighed. "The sad part is that he wasn't kidding about the brain damage fixing his sense of direction," he said.

"Oh my," Nodoka said. She stared after Ryoga for a minute, and sighed, turning back to Mousse. "Which brings me back to you. Why do you keep pursuing Shampoo?"

Mousse sighed. "It seems like a foolish quest, I know… But I cannot help how I feel. She is my goddess, my angel. Yet the problem is not entirely as Ranma thinks."

Nodoka blinked, and gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Mousse sighed. "I'm not really sure it's a matter of Shampoo loving Ranma anymore. She says she loves him still, but I know her better than she knows herself sometimes. And to be perfectly honest, I think her interests are starting to shift. The old ghoul has been noticing this as well. I can tell, because she's started being nicer to me."

"What are you trying to say?" Nodoka asked, still not understanding.

"By Amazon law, whether Ranma intended it or not, he is Shampoo's husband. The only way the marriage can be broken is if another man defeats Ranma in hand-to-hand combat. By law, Shampoo must bring Ranma back to the tribe so he can be judged by the Elders and take his place among the tribe, either as a warrior or as a homemaker, which is what the majority of men are delegated to. I am one of the lucky few men to be regarded with the same respect as an Amazon warrior."

Nodoka frowned. "And if she cannot bring him back?"

Mousse shook his head. "If she cannot bring him back, then her honor is gone forever. She doesn't dare return without him. And because the old ghoul took on the responsibility of helping her, she is subject to the same laws. I can come and go as I please, and at this point no one in the tribe would hold it against me if I gave up. But if either Shampoo or Cologne try to return to China without Ranma, they'll both be killed."

"That's barbaric…" Nodoka said.

Mousse shrugged. "It is the way of our people."

Nodoka frowned, trying to think. "You say the only way Shampoo can be free of her obligation to Ranma is by another male defeating him?" she asked.

Mousse nodded, not sure where she was going with this.

"I was talking to my husband the other day," Nodoka said, a thoughtful expression on her face, "He said that the Anything Goes style, particularly the variant Ranma uses, has a major weakness to more 'erratic' fighting styles, such as Capoeira and Drunken Fist. Your problem, at least from what Ranma has told me about your matches with him, is that you're far too direct in your attacks."

Mousse went wide-eyed. "Why are you telling me this? Why did you want to know the weaknesses in your husband and son's fighting style?"

Nodoka sighed. "Well… After I saw the mess Ranma was in, I knew that needed to be ready for anything, including a way to possibly have Ranma defeated… As for how I got it…" she said, smirking and shrugging her shoulders, her kimono falling off her shoulders to reveal a substantial amount of cleavage. Mousse blushed, feeling his nose start to bleed.

Nodoka grinned. "Let's just say that it's not hard to get Genma to tell me anything I want."

Mousse grinned, Nodoka pulling her kimono up over her shoulders. "Just remember what I said. Be erratic in your attacks. Keep Ranma guessing, use your weapons to your advantage. And whatever you do, don't let him goad you into a direct attack. Taunts are a very effective weapon in a martial artist's arsenal, but only if the target lets them affect him."

Mousse stood up and bowed. "Thank you, Mrs. Saotome."

Nodoka smirked, and took Mousse's glasses off. "One more thing, deary. Invest in contact lenses. You look much sexier without those coke-bottles on."

Mousse blushed. "I don't know if I can afford them…"

Nodoka shook her head, handing Mousse back his glasses. "Then get an estimate and let ME pay for them. Trust me, Mousse, it'll help you go a long way with Shampoo if she can see those beautiful eyes of yours.

Mousse's blush deepened as he put his glasses back on.

Nodoka sighed, and looked down at Tatewaki Kuno, still unconscious on the ground. "And now the question is this: What should we do with him?"

Mousse giggled. "I say we strip him naked, give him a fish enema, put him in a bra and throw him in a ladies bath at the busiest time of day!"

Nodoka started to denounce the suggestion, but the image was just too funny. She and Mousse shared a hearty laugh.

She shook her head. "Just get rid of him," she said. Mousse bowed again, and picked Tatewaki up by a leg, dragging him out through the back gate.

A wicked grin came to Nodoka's face. "And Mousse, if you do the fish thing, I want a recording of the whole thing!"

Mousse, giggling maniacally, ran off, dragging the still frazzled Tatewaki Kuno behind him.

Nodoka sighed, shaking her head, and went back into the house. To her surprise and delight, Ranma and Akane were cuddling, Akane sitting in Ranma's lap with her head resting up under his chin. Both of them looked truly content.

"Now that's much better," Nodoka said. Ranma and Akane both jumped, startled, and then blushed.

But they didn't break their embrace.

Nodoka, grinning widely, sat down at the table again. "I see things are going well," she said.

Akane nodded, hugging Ranma tightly. Nodoka grinned. Ranma was right, she really was cute when she smiled.

Ranma sighed. "Still… I really didn't want to tell the others like that…"

Nodoka shook her head. "Ranma, I know you don't like hurting people, but sadly, sometimes you have to treat the rest of life like a martial arts match: with a cold, hard punch to the face. The longer you waited, the more their hurt would have grown."

Ranma nodded, seeing her point. "I guess so…"

Nodoka shook her head. "Contrary to popular belief, you are a nice guy. Sometimes too nice. Isn't that right, Akane?"

Akane blushed, and buried her face in Ranma's chest.

Nodoka sighed. "The girls will have to get over their hurt in time. Best they do it sooner rather than later."

Ranma nodded, and kissed Akane on the head. "Yeah…"

Nodoka nodded. "So things are fine between the two of you now?"

Akane nodded, a content, happy smile on her face. Ranma just smiled, hugging her tightly.

Nodoka nodded. "Good. I'll see what I can do about the engagements to Ukyo and Shampoo. Also, if you like, the two of you can spend the night here."

Ranma smiled, liking the idea. Akane looked surprised. "Are you sure it'd be all right?"

Nodoka smiled. "I've kept Ranma's room prepared for him for years. I've even updated it as he grew older. You two can sleep in his bed if you like."

Ranma and Akane both blushed brightly at the prospect.

Nodoka rolled her eyes. "Husbands and wives share their bed all the time. And if nothing else, it'll spare you a night of dealing with Soun and Genma sobbing for joy, getting drunk, sparring for no apparent reason, and then throwing up. Not necessarily in that order."

Ranma and Akane had to laugh at that. Then they both looked into each other's eyes, grinning.

"I suppose there are worse things that sharing a bed with an uncute tomboy," Ranma said, his trademark cocky smirk on his face.

Akane giggled, sticking out her tongue at him. "Ranma, you jerk. Why would I want to sleep with a gender-shifting pervert like you?"

Nodoka smiled at the banter between the two. "Don't be too quick to denounce perversion, Akane. After all, I did marry a man who studied under the ultimate pervert, now didn't I? And speaking of marriage, when are you two going to give me grandchildren?"

Ranma gagged, and Akane blushed brightly. "GAH!! MOM!!" Ranma shouted.

Nodoka laughed.

Looks like things were finally starting to settle down.

THE END