Dagger Collector

Chapter 24: Gryffindor Feeling

Jaids stood, pressed against the wall, a tall man before her. The man's head was bend down against her neck and he could discern who the man was. He could only see Jadis beyond this unknown man's large frame because he was holding her up. Her legs and arms were wrapped around this strange man, her head tossed back against the wall she was pressed against as her yes were half-lidded in lust. The pair were completely oblivious to the third party watching them, so caught up in their lust they were that they didn't notice.

He felt sickened watching the way her lips were slightly parted. He could see the way her hips gyrated to men the man's thrust and he felt all the worse. He wanted to move forward and put an end to it. However, he was hopelessly helpless. He didn't exist. There was nothing he could to to stop it. He was nothing.

He wanted to look away. Wanted to be eaten by the earth and swallowed hole to escape the horrid sight. He felt that anything would be better than watching the scene before him which caused his stomach to violently revolt. He wanted something to stop the growing ache in his chest. But even then he was powerless to do anything. He had to watch the scene, watch their mutual pleasure, be forced to realize that she not only no longer needed him, but didn't even want him. She had someone else and he... he head nothing because he was nothing.

But then, why could he still feel if he were nothing?What was the point of being nothing, if you still felt the pain of being human?

Severus bolted upright, feeling very groggy, but also very nauseous. Lately, his nights were consumed by insomnia. Tonight he had gone to sleep very early in the hopes of catching up on much needed sleep. He was aggravated to have his sleep robbed from him by such an unpleasant dream. He felt incredibly abused and battered by his unconscious. Why would it torment him with imaged that reflected all of his waking thoughts? It appeared that even in his sleep he could not escape his daily bane, and that's just what Jadis had become, the bane of his existence.

He cared for her more deeply than for anything else living. And Merlin he knew how much he wanted her, but that was not enough. Jadis deserved more. That was why he let her go. She couldn't have had any sort of life with him. But the thought of her already finding someone else killed him. He couldn't bare to witness that! He couldn't bare to see her move on. He wanted that for her, and wanted her to be happy, but he didn't want to see it. He couldn't!

Severus groaned as he turned and lay back down, this time on his stomach. He buried his head beneath a pillow and vaguely wondered what time it was. It was hard to tell considering his private quarters were in the dungeons and therefore always pitch black, that is unless the lights were on. His internal clock, which was quite always spot on, told him it was most likely only one in the morning. Though he supposed that meant he had sleep about five hours as he went to sleep exceptionally early.

Bitterly, Severus chided himself for being a feeling fool. He should have been selfish and waited to dump Jadis when she finished her seventh year. At least than he would be able to enjoy of her company and afterward wouldn't have had to worry about seeing her or even hearing about her finding someone else, which was bound to happen. Girls stunningly-beautiful, pureblood and rich like Jadis was, did not remain single long and never went unmarried. Especially not when they had the brilliance and humor that Jadis did.

However, Severus wasn't that man. Sure he was cruel and a sadist most of the time, and had once wanted power and fame more than anything, but he wasn't the type to have wanted it by a woman. And his love for her, though not what it had been for Lily, was still great enough to recognize he had to let her goo sooner rather than later. He couldn't allow himself to lead her along for a full year simply because he wanted to keep her from finding someone while she was at school. He had tone the right thing, even if it was un-Slytherin of him.

I did the right thing, he told himself angrily to bite back the the mocking laughter that rang inside his head and told him that what he had done was incredibly, foolishly, and stupidly Gryffindor; just like agreeing to Dumbledore to protected Potter after Lily was already dead. At least when he'd sought out Dumbledore to begin with there was some ulterior motive, some hope of attaining Lily for himself in the end. This,what he had done for Jadis, had not benefit for him. It was disgustingly noble; a very Gryffindor actions if ever there was one.

"But I didn't the right thing," he murmured dejectedly to the darkness that engulfed him, hoping that saying the word aloud would provide him with some comfort. Then why do you feel like shit? A voice in the back of his mind asked. Because doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do, he reminded himself as he briefly recalled something that Albust had once said to him. He loathed it coming from himself as much as he had when it had come from Dumbledore's mouth.

Severus pulled his head out from under the pillow and rolled back onto his back. The night was very cold and despite lying between his sheets and laying beneath his black comforter, his limbs still felt quite cool. It was something he'd never minded when laying in his large bed. Actually once he'd kind of enjoyed it. Now, however, thanks to Jadis, he loathed it. It reminded him of his solitary condition. It made him long for the days and nights that he had shared it with Jadis.

Oh and what times those were, he thought with a small smile as he recalled the moderate warmth her body provided when simply curled into his and the passionate heat she caused when they had sex. He loved sharing his bead with her, and his eyes adored the things she wore to bed. Being who she was, her wardrobe consisted of some of the most exquisite, expensive and arousing lingerie he had ever seen. She owned a large variety, in every color or silk, lace and satin garments, that included bikini bottoms, boy-shorts, thongs, bras and negligee. Equally, she had garter belts, thigh-high stockings, and heels in every color to match; all of which made her already mouth-watering long legs look even longer and that much more enticing.

Oh Jadis was every bit the pureblood princess that Narcissa Malfoy, then Black in their years at Hogwarts, had been. Only Jadis did not act like an ice-queen or like she had a wand shoved up her ass. However, that did not change the fact that she was the type of Slytheirn girl that in his youth he could not even dream of attaining. She'd have been out of his league then. Hell she was out of his league now. Perhaps that was why he was powerless when it had come to resisting her; why he was so drawn to her. She was really the kind of girl that was supposed to go for the likes of the Malfoys or Blacks, but instead she had chosen him. Inexplicably she had descended to his level and chose him!

She was a little queen in-the-making. All the statues, power and fortune he'd ever desired was embodies in this beautiful girl. How could he have resisted? But then it was so much more than that. She was intelligent and somehow the perfect mis of strength and vulnerability. To top it all, the girl was sweetness and love, ad he'd never before seen in any Slytheirn pureblood. And those large, soulful eyes saw beyond status, saw beyond the physical, saw beyond facades. She'd fallen for him and that made her all the more precious to him.

Jadis was more to him than a prize that should have always been unattainable. And thought he loathed to admit it, he'd never considered those things before this night. Yes, he'd acknowledges what a Slytheirn Princess she was from the moment he laid eyes on the little runt that she was when she was eleven. But what had caught his attention first was the amazing grace and preciseness of her hands when she prepared her potions. It was her brilliance and humor. Her respect for him despite her mischievous and sometimes rebellious nature. And it was the determined woman she grew to be that he'd fallen for.

Severus groaned and shut his eyes tight as he once more turned and buried his face in the pillow. He lamented what he'd given up, but he once more told himself it was the right thing to do. He couldn't keep Jadis around just because she was what any man would dream of. That wasn't love. Jadis deserved to be loved. She deserved to be treated like a queen and Severus could never do that. It wasn't in him to be a devoted slave to someone, not even if he loved her as much as he did.

XX

Velma's birthday celebration was surprisingly uneventful and tame. There were a few arguments, fights and drama's, but none of them had thankfully involved Jadis. She supposed that was all thanks to Felix Felicis and Matt who had attained the potion for her. However, as the weekend concluded and a new week of classes began, she was beginning to wonder about the events that occurred early on in the evening with Professor Lupin. The last bit in particular.

They had kissed, Jadis moving against him until she was sure that she had completely ridden out their orgasms. She had pulled away when she stopped moving, and merely leaned her forehead against his as they both closed their eyes to savor what just had happened while trying to catch their breaths. They could feel each others breath on each others face as they panted, and it was hot and sweet.

Jadis had been the first to recover. She smiled brilliantly at him as she opened her eyes to look down at him, but she would not remove her forehead from his just yet. Nor had her hands the capability of unsnaking from around his person, or her hands able to dislodge form the silky locks of his hair. She was sure her eyes had to be shining like mad, just like she was sure that the smile on her face could not be anything but bright. "That was amazing," she whispered huskily, causing his eyes to snap open and look up at her. She could see the guilt that immediately came into his magnificently amber eyes as his cheeks flushed. He opened his mouth to say something, but she quickly placed her index finger against his lips to quiet him.

"You are not going to apologize for what happened because it's what I wanted. We are not going to pretend this never happened. You are not going to start avoiding me. And we are not going to allow this to make things awkward between us. If you violate any of these terms, I'm going to have to punish you. Have I made myself clear?" Jadis said as she tilted her head and smiled at him in a way that made his mouth water. Her tone was stern and yet sweet and teasing. Remus could only nod in response. "Good," she said with another brilliant smile as she leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. "Now I have to run before Matt and Pam start wondering where I have disappeared to for so long," she said as she got off him and straightened herself out, pulling out her wand to do so. She gave him one last wicked smile before exiting his office and shutting the door behind herself.

As Defense Class drew closer, she couldn't help but wonder whether or not he was going to comply with her demands. She somehow doubted that he would, as it just seemed in human nature for things of a sexual nature to lead to awkwardness and consequently to avoidance of that person. Especially as she didn't see him during meal time the rest of the weekend or on Monday and Tuesday. She was beginning to suspect that he was really avoiding her and if that were the case, she wasn't sure how she was going to punish him. However, she supposed that she had time to think of a suitable way to punish him seeing as she had to make sure of the fact and the only was to be sure was to interact with him.

In the meantime, she found herself wondering about the things that he had said. She supposed that his reluctance had been because of the fact that it was so inappropriate considering the fact that he was her Professor. After all, didn't his compliance and the fact that he bit and kissed her neck imply that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him? However, the things that he had said seemed to mean so much more and it had her wondering whether or not perhaps he felt more for her.

Don't be an idiot, Jadis, he could have just been saying those things, she told herself firmly. Though, she knew he would never lie to her the circumstance changed mattered. In the heat of passion, people were prone to admit or acquiesce to anything, especially men. Therefore, she couldn't hold him accountable for his words nor allow hope that they were true grip her. That would be very foolish and dangerous.

Nor could Jadis admit to herself that the event arose due to anything more than desire and Felix Felicis. She could admit to carnally desiring Professor Lupin. She could not admit to wanting more form him than his friendship and body. She could't admit that she loved him and wanted desperately to be with him. At least not until knowing what it was he felt and wanted from her, because she knew he would never hurt her the way Severus had.

When the moment of truth came, Jadis wasn't exactly disappointed by what she encountered. When Jadis, Matt and Pam strolled into Defense class Professor Lupin was making himself busy at his desk... organizing it and did not look at them, though they weren't exactly the first in the class. Jadis merely raised a brow at this, however, merely took her seat. Maybe her really is just straightening his desk, she thought for a moment, still trying to hold on to some hope.

However, once class started, she was sure he was avoiding her. It became blatantly obvious when he handed Jadis her terribly wrinkled essay as he blushed profusely and could not look her in the eyes. Great, now I'm going to have to sort him out, Jadis thought as she sighed heavily. However, she couldn't help the smile when she saw the perfect score at the top of her essay. Especially as the wrinkles were a reminder of the time they had together saturday evening.

For the rest of class Jadis tried her best to concentrate on the lesson, but felt that really her mind was free to wander as Professor Lupin couldn't quite bring himself to look at her. Besides, she had more pressing matters to attend to. Like how she was going to punish Professor Lupin and get him to get over whatever qualm he was having with what they did. Merlin its not like we even had sex! And even if we had, its not like it would have been my first time or like I was some innocent he was taking advantage of, Jadis thought.

Remus on the other hand felt that the past couple days had evaporated too quickly. Despite agreeing to Jadis' request, he couldn't help feeing guilty for what had occurred. While the full moon had provided a momentary reprieve from the gnawing guilt, his return to human form was inevitable. In order to not think of the even he'd buried himself in his grading but even that could not stop the flashbacks that lit his being on fire with loinging but also with deep contrition.

Thought Remus thought the even to be one of the loveliest in his life, he almost wished he'd put a stop to it. Now, as a result of his lack of self-control, he wasn't sure how to act around Jadis. She was his student! He should have never allowed such an impropriety to occur. He was an adult and an authority figure, his behavior had been simply unacceptable! Now, he felt the most prudent thing to do was to distance himself from her, because he couldn't allow the same to be repeated. A thought that was quite unpleasant as Jadis was the closest thing he had to a real friend since he was in his early twenties.

Remus felt the pangs of a great loss, and it really made it hard to concentrate. However, he supposed h should be used to that. Jadis had been quite the distraction to him from the first moment they became acquainted, since even before he started to feel anything for her. What do I feel for her? Remus wondered distractedly for a moment. Oh you know perfectly well, something inside his head snapped vexedly, causing his stomach to churn.

Yes, he was well aware of what he felt for Jadis, The intimacy he'd caved to was proof of the madness that were his feelings for her. He loved the girl, and it wasn't just the love one had for a dear friend as much as he wished it were. But what he felt for her was the kind of love that people dreamed of and freaced all at once. The kind of love that became the very air you breathed; the kind that rendered one a slav. He wasn't lying to her when he told her that he was completely, irrevocably, immutably hers. He'd spoken from the bottom of his damned, utterly foolish heart.

How could someone as young and beautiful as Jadis feel the same for him? The girl was rich, brilliant and completely charming. Why would she ever be interested in the likes of him? Well... she did fall in love with Severus, he reminded himself. However, he shook his head of this. It was really irrelevant seeing as how even if she were interested in him in a way that was beyond the physical, nothing could happen. She was his student and really any form of relationship beyond what was stictly professional was wrong.

"Professor?"

Remus shook his head and snapped out of his thoughts. "What? Sorry, where was I?" Remus said, realizing that he'd probably spaced out. As percy responded, Remus wondered how long he had spaced for and shook his head. This is getting ridiculous, he thought. For the remained of the period he forced himself to stop thinking about Jadis. He was going to drive himself insane if he went on this way. Not to mention he would probably get himself fired. It was simply not acceptable.

When class finally came to an end Remus almost sighed in relief. For the most part he'd managed to keep his gaze from wandering over to Jadis, a task of some difficulty despite how embarrassed he was. However, as class concluded he couldn't help the way that his gaze wandered over to her. He was just so damn curious as to how she felt about the whole matter now that she had time to consider things rationally.

Remus grimaced to see that she was rather unfocused, and assumed that she had been so throughout the entire lesson. He watched in mild vexation as Matt shook Jadis out of her reverie so she could realize that class was over. If I didn't allow things to get out of hand, Jadis would not be so distracted, he thought as Jadis looked around briefly before turning her gaze to him. As amber eyes met black, Remus felt himself blushing to which Jadis responded by merely raising a black brow as the corners of her mouth turned up slightly.

Why does she look as though what happened merely amuses her, Remus wondered as he averted his gaze and turned, pretending to busy himself with something on his desk. The three Slytherins were hardly the last students in the class as many others were still gathering their things and exiting. When Remus finally heard the classroom door shut behind the last student, he was almost afraid of looking up as Jadis had promised to punish him if he started to act differently towards her. When he at last gathered him Gryffindor courage to look up, he was relieved but also disappointed to find that the classroom was completely empty for but himself. Probably for the best, he thought with a heavy sigh. However, very deep inside where Remus tried to contain any of his selfishness, he hoped that this was the end of whatever had started between himself and Jadis.

TBC...

A/n: Sorry for the long wait. Had this written for a while, but wasn't sure the chapter was really complete and felt that I should add something to it, but can't think of anything more to add to it at the moment. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and remember to review!