Summary: Takes place after 1.4 : Veronica goes to Lilly's grave and tell her some of her deepest secrets but someone hears everything… Duncan and Veronica never dated.

A/N : I know, I know, I've got a lot of stories going on, but I like this one and I wanted to post it without waiting. I've got only one VM fic which isn't over yet (what happened to us). Please don't forget to review.

Sorry for all the mistakes, I'm French.

Veronica walked along the path she had come to know over the last year, she came here more often than anyone but no one knew she was one who came every friday to visit her best friend's grave and left flowers. She usually came to see Lilly on Fridays so she wouldn't feel alone in this place where there was only silence, her best friend shouldn't be here, she used to be so full of life. She was proven right by the footage Logan made in her honor, Lilly was the definition of life whereas she, Veronica Mars, was the definition of death, depression and many other things.

She slowed down when she reached her the grave and put the flowers against the headstone and sat on the freshly mowed lawn.

"Hey Lil', it's me. I know it's not Friday but I wanted to visit you sooner but don't worry I will be there on Friday, you get to see me twice this week, lucky you!"She started to say as if her best friend was standing in front of her. A lonely tear made its way on her cheek, this was not part of the plan, she had stopped crying months ago, why was she crying? She hated that! "I'm sorry, I know how much you hate it when I cry, Veronica 0.2 never cries so I don't understand why I'm crying, gosh this is so stupid. You know, today your parents held something at school in your honor, you should have seen Celeste, she was all happy but when she saw Logan's footage she almost had a stroke. She wanted him to show the Lilly she would have wanted to have for daughter, not the real you, not our Lilly, you would have been proud of Logan. After more than a year, one would think that it would hurt less to come here and talk to you but it still hurts like hell, I can't move on Lilly, I can't forget you. I want to know who did this to you, I want to know who raped me, I want to know why I can't move on, I want to know why every time I close my eyes I see you." she said angry, as she wiped her tears away, she didn't want to cry, big girls don't cry and she was a big girl. "My life is hell without you in it, sometimes I wish I were the one who died, you shouldn't have died, there are so many things you wanted to do, things I can't do, I'm not like you Lilly, I'm not strong. You were the strong one, if you had been raped I'm sure you would have done something about it, you wouldn't have done what I did and try to pretend it didn't happen, you would have kicked Lamb's ass. and you wouldn't have cut your hair by yourself.

"You wanna know what the hardest thing is? Pretend that what the people who used to call themselves my friends don't hurt me with their words, pretend that I don't care that my mom was so much in the bottle that she didn't even see that I suffering, pretend that Logan's words don't even hurt me, because they do. I had seen how horrible he could be towards someone, but to be the focus of his hatred is too hard, I don't know how long I can do this. I just want this to end, someday when I wake up I wish I had died in my sleep or something like that, I just want this pain to end and if it means that I have to die for it to end then okay, I don't care anymore. I want my old life back, I want my best friend back, I want my family back."

"I know what I'm saying is horrible and you would probably kick my ass if you were here, but it's true Lilly, I just want life to come to an end but don't worry I won't kill myself, I will just wait for death to come and get me. I'm not going to give to the 09ers the pleasure of knowing they've managed to drive me to death, I will just wait patiently the day when I will leave this life and join you in the afterlife. You'd better have a party ready by the time I join you and don't forget to invite all the hot guys there are, if you could get James Dean to come that would be awesome!" she said with a small smile, she dried her wet cheeks and look at the stars, looking for the one that was shinning more than the others. After Lilly's death she had decided that the star that shinned the most was Lilly's star.

"I can't see the Lilly's star tonight, don't tell me you are depressed because I wouldn't believe you, you are the one with the great life and I'm the one with the shitty life. I miss you Lil', I wouldn't feel so bad if I knew you were happy, could you please give me sign, just a small one to make me feel a little bit better and make these nightmares stop. I want to go to sleep forever, I want a night with no nightmares, just for once I want to be able to go to bed without being scared. I'm tired Lilly, so tired." she whispered slowly as she looked at the flowers she had brought with her, they were beautiful just like her best friend is/was. "My father wants me to go to see a shrink but I don't, I'm afraid of what I could tell him, I don't want to worry about me. You know, he still doesn't know anything about the rape, if you knew you would have turned Neptune upside down to find the one who did this. Some days I wish I could tell someone about it, but there is no one to talk to but you, I know my secret is safe with you, see you aren't the only one with a big secret.

"I've got to go, my father is out of town again and I want to go home and do some homework before going to bed, I will come back on Friday and tell you all about my last adventures. Take care Lilly and if you are bored in the afterlife, you can always visit me so we can gossip a little, just like in old times."

She kissed her fingers and put them on the headstone, she hurried to her car, not even noticing someone was behind her. She brought her car to life and drove away from the graveyard.