It's a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Yoshi are all outside having a picnic.
Mario: I love spaghetti!
Toad: Only you're not supposed to have spaghetti on a picnic! Whatever happened to fried chicken and sandwiches?
Yoshi: Get some from Popeyes!
Peach: Must this author make a fast food reference in EVERY story he writes?
Luigi: You noticed that too, huh?
Mario: No.
Toad: It figures YOU wouldn't.
Yoshi: Who that?
Peach: OK, Yoshi, who's this imaginary figure you're seeing?
Yoshi: Right behind you.
Peach: Sure, I'll just turn around and--ACK!
Mario: Prepare to die, Koopa!
Toad: That's not a Koopa, you idiot. That's--
Peach: Sorry, gotta' go, bye!
Peach runs off into the castle, and puts lots of locks on the door.
Toad: Luigi, you might want to look behind you.
Luigi turns around, and finds--
Daisy: Don't even THINK about it, Luigi.
Luigi: Um... I wasn't going to think that... at least not seeing you drenched in mud.
Daisy: I'm going to KILL that Princess!
Lots of guards come out, and try to take Daisy, but she throws them all off.
Daisy: Oh no, Peachie Pie, you're not getting rid of me that easily!
Toad: Um... why are you soaked in mud, anyway?
Daisy: Why? WHY?!
Toad: Nevermind... pretend Luigi asked.
Daisy punches Luigi, and he falls to the ground.
Luigi: She-a loves me.
Daisy: I'm sorry Toad... you know how I'm usually so naturally nice and sweet.
Toad: That was why the King kept Peach and threw you out the kingdom, yeah, I'm sure.
Daisy: No, he did that because he's a moron!
Mario: Peachie's perfect... you're-a not.
Daisy: Well, my older sister isn't all that nice.
Mario: Didn't I already-a say Peachie's perfect?
Daisy: She came and beat me up this morning, and threw me into a deep puddle!
Mario: I-a like strong-a women.
Daisy: Strong?! You want strong?! How do you think I've been able to maintain myself all this time?! Being thrown out the Mushroom Kingdom, having to find my own little place.
Luigi: Don't you own a kingdom yourself?
Daisy: It's a tiny place. And why does everyone always insist on calling it Super Mario Land, anyway?! He saved me once, they change the name on me!
Mario: You-a owe me for-a that!
Luigi: Well I can help you get revenge on Peach.
Daisy: And I'll be in return you want me to start dating you.
Luigi: You're a great mind-reader, Daisy.
Daisy: You guys are--UGH!
Daisy storms off to the castle, desperately trying to claw her way in to attack Peach. She can't, and she eventually leaves.
Toad: Well that was strange.
Luigi: I'll bet she's gone home to prepare for a date with me.
Toad: You got half of that right, anyway.
Meanwhile, at Koopa Castle...
Lemmy: King Dad, I can't believe what you're doing!
Bowser: What? You know how I am.
Lemmy: Since when did you start using the Internet anyway?
Bowser: Since I saw Daisy's chest in that interview you had with her.
Lemmy: So why do you want to show the whole world that snapshot you took of her in that swimsuit?
Bowser: All the men on earth will think of me as a god, being able to get this picture to show all the earth bums who could only dream of someone so... so... so darn good-looking!
Wendy: I think you guys are sick... I mean, look at my chest area--note what it doesn't have. And I'm better looking than she could ever hope for.
Bowser: Uh, Wendy? You know there's a time in every Dad's life when he has to tell his daughter things she doesn't want to hear, and now's the time for that--Wendy, you're ugly.
Wendy: WHAT?!
Wendy starts to tear up and cry hard, and leaves the room.
Lemmy: King Dad, you had to tell her.
Bowser: You think I feel bad about that? I've been waiting for years for the right moment to tell her! Couldn't wait to upset her just the right way!
Wendy decides to sit out in front of Koopa Castle... it's a rare nice day there. Wendy soon sees a figure walking toward the castle.
Wendy: Halt! Who goes there?!
Daisy: It's me, Daisy.
Wendy: Oh you. I have a sudden urge to KILL you!
Daisy: Please don't.
Wendy: I said I had an urge to... I'm too hurt right now to actually do it though.
Daisy: Well, I had come her for some help to get revenge on Peach.
Wendy: I'm sure my Dad would LOVE to help you... he's been obsessing over your chest for days.
Daisy: STILL?! That was months ago! What kind of--
Wendy: He's like that.
Daisy: I just--just wish I could live my life how it was meant to be. I want to rule over the Mushroom Kingdom again.
Wendy: Good luck trying to do that... Mario's going to stop you if you try.
Daisy: I know... I wish I could do it somehow though.
Wendy: You need a smaller goal.
Daisy: Like kidnap Peach? Bowser's done that a lot, right?
Wendy: Well, yes... but he's never actually kept her.
Daisy: But I think I might be able to pull it off. After all, I've got something Bowser doesn't have.
Wendy: What's that?
Daisy: My well-built chest.
Wendy cracks a smile.
Meanwhile, at Peach's castle...
Peach: Why, oh why, did my crazy sister come here? She's gonna' KILL me!
Mario: Now why would-a anyone kill you? You're the sweetest--
Peach: SHUT UP!
Mario: Okie doke.
Someone knocks on Peach's door.
Peach: Grr... who could that be, annoying me at the door?
Wendy: (whispering to Daisy outside the door) Um... what do I say?
Daisy: Um... she knows what we sound like, right?
Wendy: I'll talk like Yoshi... maybe she'll fall for it and let us in.
Daisy: I... guess that's an idea.
Wendy: Me hungry! Let Yoshi in!
Peach: Why Yoshi, you sound an awful lot like Wendy.
Wendy: Um... me not Wendy, me Yoshi.
Peach: I'm not stupid, you know.
Wendy: No, but me stupid... me too stupid to talk right.
Peach: Uh, Wendy, you might not be aware of this, but Yoshi is standing right next to me.
Yoshi: Yeah! You bad imitation.
Wendy: That--that fake Yoshi in there! Me real Yoshi.
Peach: Haha, I'm not so stupid after all, am I? I know a real Yoshi when I see one.
Suddenly, Yoshi unzips himself, and shows himself to be Mario.
Mario: Ha! I knew my Yoshi disguise would fool you!
Peach: Um... I knew it was you, Mario. Really, I did.
Wendy: See? Me know me real Yoshi.
Mario: Don't let Yoshi in, Peach! He'll steal all my food!
Peach: It's Wendy. It's not Yoshi.
Mario: Oh, well you can let Wendy in. She won't eat all my food.
Wendy: Uh... I have cheese, Mario. Let me in, I give you cheese!
Mario: When will Yoshi learn I don't like cheese. Pasta, now that's another story...
Wendy: (to herself) Darnit. I've got to stop reading those interviews.
Daisy: We'll be back, Peach! You hear me?! We'll be back!
Daisy and Wendy walk off.
Wendy: Well that didn't work. What now?
Time passes.
DING! DONG!
Peach: Who is it?
Daisy: Air condition repair man.
Peach: Man? You sound like a woman to me.
Daisy: Well, same thing.
Peach: Go away!
Daisy: Fine! Sweat and stuff!
Peach: I really hate h--
DING DONG!
Peach: Who is it?
Daisy: Plumber! Here to fix your pipes!
Peach: Go away already! Ugh, she makes me so--
DING DONG!
Peach: What?!
Daisy: Electrician.
Peach: Go away!
DING DONG!
Peach: WHAT?!
Daisy: Package for Peach.
Peach: Go--
DING DONG!
Peach: GO AWAY!
Daisy: Orkan man!
Peach: GO--
DING DONG!
Peach: WHAT?!
Mushroom Guy: Pizza!
Peach: We didn't order pizza!
Mario: Um... I did, actually.
Peach: Well you'll have to starve, because I'm NOT opening this door.
Mario: But Peach... I'll go hungry!
Peach: We have a frozen pizza in the freezer... heat that up.
Mario: Frozen pizza yuchy! I like delivery.
Mushroom Guy: I'm going to break down this door if you don't answer already and pay me.
Ten coins slide under the door.
Peach: Leave it on the doorstep!
Mushroom Guy: What about a tip?!
Peach: Don't deliver pizza here EVER again!
Mushroom Guy: Grumble!
Peach: Why do people say that aloud anyway? Well, I--UMPH!
Wendy gags Peach and ties her up.
Daisy: Thought you were rid of me, didn't you?
Wendy: Remind me how we got in here again?
Daisy: Unexplained plot twist. Golden Road just needed to find a way for me to kidnap Peach to get on with the story.
Wendy: Good enough for me!
Peach: Mph! Mph-mph!
Daisy: Don't you worry now, Peach. I'm going to treat you just as well as you've treated me over the years!
Peach: MPH!
Wendy: I presume that means she didn't treat you all that well, did she?
Daisy: Well she did take this kingdom away from me.
Wendy: Don't be too hard on her, now. We've been trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom for years now!
Daisy: This time, they're going to lose, though!
Wendy and Daisy head to Koopa Castle, with Peach all tied up. Meanwhile, at Peach's castle....
Mario: Someone remind me--was I in here when Peach was kidnapped, or was there some unexplained plot twist to where I somehow wasn't in this room when Peach was kidnapped?
Luigi: Why Mario--that's-a the most intelligent thing you've ever-a said!
Mario: I want pasta hungry!
Luigi: I see that's over now.
Toad: #*(&@ Peach is gone! Should I be worried, or should I celebrate?
Yoshi: Peach is gone? Yay! She no let Yoshi eat food!
Toad: No, she just doesn't #*(@&# let you eat as much food as you want to #*(&@# eat!
Yoshi: Yoshi can't live on one crumb every day!
Luigi: What about getting Peach back? We have to get her back!
Toad: All right then, let's go get Peach back from the evil clutches of Daisy!
Luigi: Yes, let's... wait--Daisy?
Toad: Yes, Daisy's the one who kidnapped her.
Luigi: I can't do anything to upset Daisy--I'm on her side!
Toad: She isn't going to date you anyway, Luigi.
Luigi: I don't care. I just couldn't do anything to her!
Toad: Well, looks like it's just me, Mario, and Yoshi to save Peach.
Yoshi: No, just Toad and Mario--Yoshi no help. Peach mean to Yoshi.
Toad: Fine! Just me and Mario then!
Mario: Can we stop at McDonald's first?
Toad: But we have to go to earth for that. Why not just stop and some nameless random hamburger joint on Plit?
Mario: Because we have to advertise fast food places on earth!
Toad sighs.
Anyway, back at Koopa Castle, Daisy and Wendy are torturing Peach.
Peach: STOP! Cut it out! Please! I'll do anything! Just stop it!
Daisy: Stop what? We didn't do anything to you yet.
Peach: I can hear Wendy singing in the shower!
Wendy: (from the bathroom) I'm not that bad!
Peach: I'll bet your siblings would say different!
Wendy: Who ungagged her, anyway?
Daisy: She swallowed her gag. We're all out of gags now.
Peach: Mario's going to come and rescue me, and he's going to kill you!
Daisy: You mean the same Mario who can't find his way out of a bowl of spaghetti?
Peach: Um... no. I'm not talking about Mario Mario. I'm talking about... erm... hmm... ah, I got it, I know! I'm talking about Mario Lario! Eh, yeah yeah!
Wendy: Who's Mario Lario?
Daisy: It's just some made up name Peach came up with, because she knows that the stupid plumber is her only hope of escape, and she's embarassed to admit it!
Peach: Rescuing me is the only thing on Mario's mind right now!
Toad and Mario, at the time, are on their way to rescue Peach. Mario is at a drive-thru restaurant.
Mario: I'll have a number 3 with a Coke!
Toad: This place is closed, Mario. It's been closed since last September.
Mario: This place is not closed. Why, I've been going to this Bre In for months now.
Toad: It's a closed-down Burger King! Some of the letters just fell off--it never was a Bre In!
Mario: It's not closed down. I still can get some food inside the place.
Toad: It's gotta' be months old!
Mario: Months old? That might explain why I get it for free.
Toad smacks Mario with a mallet.
At Koopa Castle, Peach is still being tortured by Daisy and Wendy.
Peach: AAUUGGHH!!
Daisy: The All-Barney Channel! All Barney, all the time!
Wendy: Only trouble is we have to watch it with her to make sure she stays in here.
Daisy: Good point--must be something better on.
Wendy: Well, we COULD always just use one of our torture devices.
Daisy: What torture devices do we have?
Wendy: Let's try the stretcher!
Peach: No! Not the stretcher!
Daisy: Yes, the stretcher sounds good to me!
Peach: But I don't want to be ripped in two!
Wendy: Ripped in two? Nonono, not THAT stretcher! I'm talking about the excercise machine the stretcher!
Peach: ACK! That's even worse!
Daisy: Wouldn't that be sweet revenge?
Peach: I swear, Mario's going to be busting through that door RIGHT THIS SECOND!
At that very moment, a figure in red crashes through Wendy's brick wall.
Kool-Aid Man: Who's thirsty?
Wendy: You just ruined my wall!
Kool-Aid Man: Well, sorry. Most people are happy when I come crashing in.
Wendy: Don't worry--I'll just get that worthless Lemmy to fix it for me. Just give us some Kool-Aid.
Kool-Aid Man: OK.
Wendy: Except the girl tied-up. She doesn't get any.
Kool-Aid Man: Fine with me.
Peach: You monsters! I LOVE Kool-Aid!
Daisy: Well you don't get any, so nya!
Mario and Toad are still on their way to save Princess Peach.
Mario: Giddyup, Toad! Giddyup!
Toad: We could go faster if you weren't riding me like a horse.
Mario: (angrily) Pony!
Toad: Fine, riding me like a Pony.
Mario: And don't you forget it!
Meanwhile, Peach is STILL tied up with Daisy and Peach watching.
Ludwig: And take THAT!
We see Ludwig whipping something tied up, but we can't make out what it is. It seems Ludwig is now torturing Peach, and--what? That ISN'T Peach? Some mutant creature, you say? I think we're in the wrong room. Now, back to the room Peach is in.
Peach: You'll never get away with this, you cretins!
Wendy: Watch us.
Peach: Mario's going to save me!
Just at that moment, we see Luigi bust through the door.
Peach: Luigi! Thank you! Now untie me and teach them a lesson!
Luigi: What? I just came here to ask Daisy for a date.
Daisy: NO!
Luigi: Aw man.
Wendy: Would you mind coming back later, Luigi? This is kind of a bad time, seeing as how we have a kidnapped princess in here right now.
Luigi: Well geez! You don't have to be so cranky!
Luigi leaves.
Peach: WAIT! Save me, you moron!
Suddenly Yoshi barges in.
Yoshi: I'LL save you, Peach!
Peach: Thank GOODNESS!
We see Yoshi using his tounge going for Wendy, but all he does is take the peach she was eating out of her hand and eats it himself.
Yoshi: There. Peach saved.
Wendy: You know, I could've gotten you one too if you just asked, Yoshi.
Peach: What about saving me?
Yoshi: You not let Yoshi eat. Me no like that. You stay here until you learn lesson.
Peach: Remind me to put him in the royal prison when I finally escape.
Suddenly Mario barges in, sitting on Toad.
Toad: Please... off... now... dying!
Mario: OK, but stay here. When I rescue Peach, we'll need to to give us a ride back to the castle.
Toad shivers for a few seconds, then faints.
Peach: Mario! Save me, please!
Mario: All right, you evil doers! Let her go, or face my wrath.
At that moment Bowser comes in.
Bowser: Hey! Thanks for catching Peach for me, Wendy. Made my job easy!
Bowser takes Peach from the room and exits.
Bowser: By the way, lovely chest you have there, Daisy.
Yoshi blinks.
Yoshi: Chest?
Daisy: Well, what do YOU want this story rated as? R?
Mario: Well, it's off to defeat Bowser! Let's go, Toad!
Toad: This time, you're not riding atop--
Mario whips Toad.
Mario: I'm so glad Ludwig had a spare whip. Now giddyup!
Toad makes a neighing sound.
Daisy: Well how do you suppose Toad did that?
Mario, riding on Toad, go to Bowser's lava room.
Mario: So how do I defeat you this time?
Bowser: This time, you cannot defeat me! I am completely--
Toad hits the axe on the bridge, forcing Mario and Bowser to fall into the lava.
Bowser: I'll get you for this Mario!
Toad goes to untie Peach.
Peach: Mario! Get out of the lava and give me a kiss! Thanks for saving me!
Toad: Actually, didn't I save--
Peach: Move it Toad!
Toad screams as Peach just pushed him into the lava. Peach lassoes Mario and brings him out.
Mario: Ah, thanks-a Peach!
Peach: Don't mention it.
One week later, all is normal in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Luigi: I-a wish Daisy would-a call me.
Toad: She won't, get *(#@# over it.
Peach: I hope we never see her again. I mean, we have enough strange creatures trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom as it is... we don't need another.
Mario: So, Peach, did-a you make pasta for dinner.
Peach: I made your favorite instead Mario, cheese!
Yoshi: Yoshi still confused. What obsession over word chest? Yoshi still don't get why not call them--
Peach: THAT I think is enough right there, Yoshi, let's quickly change the subject to something else!
Mario makes squiggly eyes and faints. Meanwhile, at Daisy's castle....
Daisy: (being fanned off by a Chibibo) Don't think you'll rule the Mushroom Kingdom forever, little missy. I'll rule over the kingdom yet, just you wait! Just you wait....
Daisy dials the telephone.
Daisy: Hello, operator? I'd like to speak with Wendy O. Koopa please....
Mario: I love spaghetti!
Toad: Only you're not supposed to have spaghetti on a picnic! Whatever happened to fried chicken and sandwiches?
Yoshi: Get some from Popeyes!
Peach: Must this author make a fast food reference in EVERY story he writes?
Luigi: You noticed that too, huh?
Mario: No.
Toad: It figures YOU wouldn't.
Yoshi: Who that?
Peach: OK, Yoshi, who's this imaginary figure you're seeing?
Yoshi: Right behind you.
Peach: Sure, I'll just turn around and--ACK!
Mario: Prepare to die, Koopa!
Toad: That's not a Koopa, you idiot. That's--
Peach: Sorry, gotta' go, bye!
Peach runs off into the castle, and puts lots of locks on the door.
Toad: Luigi, you might want to look behind you.
Luigi turns around, and finds--
Daisy: Don't even THINK about it, Luigi.
Luigi: Um... I wasn't going to think that... at least not seeing you drenched in mud.
Daisy: I'm going to KILL that Princess!
Lots of guards come out, and try to take Daisy, but she throws them all off.
Daisy: Oh no, Peachie Pie, you're not getting rid of me that easily!
Toad: Um... why are you soaked in mud, anyway?
Daisy: Why? WHY?!
Toad: Nevermind... pretend Luigi asked.
Daisy punches Luigi, and he falls to the ground.
Luigi: She-a loves me.
Daisy: I'm sorry Toad... you know how I'm usually so naturally nice and sweet.
Toad: That was why the King kept Peach and threw you out the kingdom, yeah, I'm sure.
Daisy: No, he did that because he's a moron!
Mario: Peachie's perfect... you're-a not.
Daisy: Well, my older sister isn't all that nice.
Mario: Didn't I already-a say Peachie's perfect?
Daisy: She came and beat me up this morning, and threw me into a deep puddle!
Mario: I-a like strong-a women.
Daisy: Strong?! You want strong?! How do you think I've been able to maintain myself all this time?! Being thrown out the Mushroom Kingdom, having to find my own little place.
Luigi: Don't you own a kingdom yourself?
Daisy: It's a tiny place. And why does everyone always insist on calling it Super Mario Land, anyway?! He saved me once, they change the name on me!
Mario: You-a owe me for-a that!
Luigi: Well I can help you get revenge on Peach.
Daisy: And I'll be in return you want me to start dating you.
Luigi: You're a great mind-reader, Daisy.
Daisy: You guys are--UGH!
Daisy storms off to the castle, desperately trying to claw her way in to attack Peach. She can't, and she eventually leaves.
Toad: Well that was strange.
Luigi: I'll bet she's gone home to prepare for a date with me.
Toad: You got half of that right, anyway.
Meanwhile, at Koopa Castle...
Lemmy: King Dad, I can't believe what you're doing!
Bowser: What? You know how I am.
Lemmy: Since when did you start using the Internet anyway?
Bowser: Since I saw Daisy's chest in that interview you had with her.
Lemmy: So why do you want to show the whole world that snapshot you took of her in that swimsuit?
Bowser: All the men on earth will think of me as a god, being able to get this picture to show all the earth bums who could only dream of someone so... so... so darn good-looking!
Wendy: I think you guys are sick... I mean, look at my chest area--note what it doesn't have. And I'm better looking than she could ever hope for.
Bowser: Uh, Wendy? You know there's a time in every Dad's life when he has to tell his daughter things she doesn't want to hear, and now's the time for that--Wendy, you're ugly.
Wendy: WHAT?!
Wendy starts to tear up and cry hard, and leaves the room.
Lemmy: King Dad, you had to tell her.
Bowser: You think I feel bad about that? I've been waiting for years for the right moment to tell her! Couldn't wait to upset her just the right way!
Wendy decides to sit out in front of Koopa Castle... it's a rare nice day there. Wendy soon sees a figure walking toward the castle.
Wendy: Halt! Who goes there?!
Daisy: It's me, Daisy.
Wendy: Oh you. I have a sudden urge to KILL you!
Daisy: Please don't.
Wendy: I said I had an urge to... I'm too hurt right now to actually do it though.
Daisy: Well, I had come her for some help to get revenge on Peach.
Wendy: I'm sure my Dad would LOVE to help you... he's been obsessing over your chest for days.
Daisy: STILL?! That was months ago! What kind of--
Wendy: He's like that.
Daisy: I just--just wish I could live my life how it was meant to be. I want to rule over the Mushroom Kingdom again.
Wendy: Good luck trying to do that... Mario's going to stop you if you try.
Daisy: I know... I wish I could do it somehow though.
Wendy: You need a smaller goal.
Daisy: Like kidnap Peach? Bowser's done that a lot, right?
Wendy: Well, yes... but he's never actually kept her.
Daisy: But I think I might be able to pull it off. After all, I've got something Bowser doesn't have.
Wendy: What's that?
Daisy: My well-built chest.
Wendy cracks a smile.
Meanwhile, at Peach's castle...
Peach: Why, oh why, did my crazy sister come here? She's gonna' KILL me!
Mario: Now why would-a anyone kill you? You're the sweetest--
Peach: SHUT UP!
Mario: Okie doke.
Someone knocks on Peach's door.
Peach: Grr... who could that be, annoying me at the door?
Wendy: (whispering to Daisy outside the door) Um... what do I say?
Daisy: Um... she knows what we sound like, right?
Wendy: I'll talk like Yoshi... maybe she'll fall for it and let us in.
Daisy: I... guess that's an idea.
Wendy: Me hungry! Let Yoshi in!
Peach: Why Yoshi, you sound an awful lot like Wendy.
Wendy: Um... me not Wendy, me Yoshi.
Peach: I'm not stupid, you know.
Wendy: No, but me stupid... me too stupid to talk right.
Peach: Uh, Wendy, you might not be aware of this, but Yoshi is standing right next to me.
Yoshi: Yeah! You bad imitation.
Wendy: That--that fake Yoshi in there! Me real Yoshi.
Peach: Haha, I'm not so stupid after all, am I? I know a real Yoshi when I see one.
Suddenly, Yoshi unzips himself, and shows himself to be Mario.
Mario: Ha! I knew my Yoshi disguise would fool you!
Peach: Um... I knew it was you, Mario. Really, I did.
Wendy: See? Me know me real Yoshi.
Mario: Don't let Yoshi in, Peach! He'll steal all my food!
Peach: It's Wendy. It's not Yoshi.
Mario: Oh, well you can let Wendy in. She won't eat all my food.
Wendy: Uh... I have cheese, Mario. Let me in, I give you cheese!
Mario: When will Yoshi learn I don't like cheese. Pasta, now that's another story...
Wendy: (to herself) Darnit. I've got to stop reading those interviews.
Daisy: We'll be back, Peach! You hear me?! We'll be back!
Daisy and Wendy walk off.
Wendy: Well that didn't work. What now?
Time passes.
DING! DONG!
Peach: Who is it?
Daisy: Air condition repair man.
Peach: Man? You sound like a woman to me.
Daisy: Well, same thing.
Peach: Go away!
Daisy: Fine! Sweat and stuff!
Peach: I really hate h--
DING DONG!
Peach: Who is it?
Daisy: Plumber! Here to fix your pipes!
Peach: Go away already! Ugh, she makes me so--
DING DONG!
Peach: What?!
Daisy: Electrician.
Peach: Go away!
DING DONG!
Peach: WHAT?!
Daisy: Package for Peach.
Peach: Go--
DING DONG!
Peach: GO AWAY!
Daisy: Orkan man!
Peach: GO--
DING DONG!
Peach: WHAT?!
Mushroom Guy: Pizza!
Peach: We didn't order pizza!
Mario: Um... I did, actually.
Peach: Well you'll have to starve, because I'm NOT opening this door.
Mario: But Peach... I'll go hungry!
Peach: We have a frozen pizza in the freezer... heat that up.
Mario: Frozen pizza yuchy! I like delivery.
Mushroom Guy: I'm going to break down this door if you don't answer already and pay me.
Ten coins slide under the door.
Peach: Leave it on the doorstep!
Mushroom Guy: What about a tip?!
Peach: Don't deliver pizza here EVER again!
Mushroom Guy: Grumble!
Peach: Why do people say that aloud anyway? Well, I--UMPH!
Wendy gags Peach and ties her up.
Daisy: Thought you were rid of me, didn't you?
Wendy: Remind me how we got in here again?
Daisy: Unexplained plot twist. Golden Road just needed to find a way for me to kidnap Peach to get on with the story.
Wendy: Good enough for me!
Peach: Mph! Mph-mph!
Daisy: Don't you worry now, Peach. I'm going to treat you just as well as you've treated me over the years!
Peach: MPH!
Wendy: I presume that means she didn't treat you all that well, did she?
Daisy: Well she did take this kingdom away from me.
Wendy: Don't be too hard on her, now. We've been trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom for years now!
Daisy: This time, they're going to lose, though!
Wendy and Daisy head to Koopa Castle, with Peach all tied up. Meanwhile, at Peach's castle....
Mario: Someone remind me--was I in here when Peach was kidnapped, or was there some unexplained plot twist to where I somehow wasn't in this room when Peach was kidnapped?
Luigi: Why Mario--that's-a the most intelligent thing you've ever-a said!
Mario: I want pasta hungry!
Luigi: I see that's over now.
Toad: #*(&@ Peach is gone! Should I be worried, or should I celebrate?
Yoshi: Peach is gone? Yay! She no let Yoshi eat food!
Toad: No, she just doesn't #*(@&# let you eat as much food as you want to #*(&@# eat!
Yoshi: Yoshi can't live on one crumb every day!
Luigi: What about getting Peach back? We have to get her back!
Toad: All right then, let's go get Peach back from the evil clutches of Daisy!
Luigi: Yes, let's... wait--Daisy?
Toad: Yes, Daisy's the one who kidnapped her.
Luigi: I can't do anything to upset Daisy--I'm on her side!
Toad: She isn't going to date you anyway, Luigi.
Luigi: I don't care. I just couldn't do anything to her!
Toad: Well, looks like it's just me, Mario, and Yoshi to save Peach.
Yoshi: No, just Toad and Mario--Yoshi no help. Peach mean to Yoshi.
Toad: Fine! Just me and Mario then!
Mario: Can we stop at McDonald's first?
Toad: But we have to go to earth for that. Why not just stop and some nameless random hamburger joint on Plit?
Mario: Because we have to advertise fast food places on earth!
Toad sighs.
Anyway, back at Koopa Castle, Daisy and Wendy are torturing Peach.
Peach: STOP! Cut it out! Please! I'll do anything! Just stop it!
Daisy: Stop what? We didn't do anything to you yet.
Peach: I can hear Wendy singing in the shower!
Wendy: (from the bathroom) I'm not that bad!
Peach: I'll bet your siblings would say different!
Wendy: Who ungagged her, anyway?
Daisy: She swallowed her gag. We're all out of gags now.
Peach: Mario's going to come and rescue me, and he's going to kill you!
Daisy: You mean the same Mario who can't find his way out of a bowl of spaghetti?
Peach: Um... no. I'm not talking about Mario Mario. I'm talking about... erm... hmm... ah, I got it, I know! I'm talking about Mario Lario! Eh, yeah yeah!
Wendy: Who's Mario Lario?
Daisy: It's just some made up name Peach came up with, because she knows that the stupid plumber is her only hope of escape, and she's embarassed to admit it!
Peach: Rescuing me is the only thing on Mario's mind right now!
Toad and Mario, at the time, are on their way to rescue Peach. Mario is at a drive-thru restaurant.
Mario: I'll have a number 3 with a Coke!
Toad: This place is closed, Mario. It's been closed since last September.
Mario: This place is not closed. Why, I've been going to this Bre In for months now.
Toad: It's a closed-down Burger King! Some of the letters just fell off--it never was a Bre In!
Mario: It's not closed down. I still can get some food inside the place.
Toad: It's gotta' be months old!
Mario: Months old? That might explain why I get it for free.
Toad smacks Mario with a mallet.
At Koopa Castle, Peach is still being tortured by Daisy and Wendy.
Peach: AAUUGGHH!!
Daisy: The All-Barney Channel! All Barney, all the time!
Wendy: Only trouble is we have to watch it with her to make sure she stays in here.
Daisy: Good point--must be something better on.
Wendy: Well, we COULD always just use one of our torture devices.
Daisy: What torture devices do we have?
Wendy: Let's try the stretcher!
Peach: No! Not the stretcher!
Daisy: Yes, the stretcher sounds good to me!
Peach: But I don't want to be ripped in two!
Wendy: Ripped in two? Nonono, not THAT stretcher! I'm talking about the excercise machine the stretcher!
Peach: ACK! That's even worse!
Daisy: Wouldn't that be sweet revenge?
Peach: I swear, Mario's going to be busting through that door RIGHT THIS SECOND!
At that very moment, a figure in red crashes through Wendy's brick wall.
Kool-Aid Man: Who's thirsty?
Wendy: You just ruined my wall!
Kool-Aid Man: Well, sorry. Most people are happy when I come crashing in.
Wendy: Don't worry--I'll just get that worthless Lemmy to fix it for me. Just give us some Kool-Aid.
Kool-Aid Man: OK.
Wendy: Except the girl tied-up. She doesn't get any.
Kool-Aid Man: Fine with me.
Peach: You monsters! I LOVE Kool-Aid!
Daisy: Well you don't get any, so nya!
Mario and Toad are still on their way to save Princess Peach.
Mario: Giddyup, Toad! Giddyup!
Toad: We could go faster if you weren't riding me like a horse.
Mario: (angrily) Pony!
Toad: Fine, riding me like a Pony.
Mario: And don't you forget it!
Meanwhile, Peach is STILL tied up with Daisy and Peach watching.
Ludwig: And take THAT!
We see Ludwig whipping something tied up, but we can't make out what it is. It seems Ludwig is now torturing Peach, and--what? That ISN'T Peach? Some mutant creature, you say? I think we're in the wrong room. Now, back to the room Peach is in.
Peach: You'll never get away with this, you cretins!
Wendy: Watch us.
Peach: Mario's going to save me!
Just at that moment, we see Luigi bust through the door.
Peach: Luigi! Thank you! Now untie me and teach them a lesson!
Luigi: What? I just came here to ask Daisy for a date.
Daisy: NO!
Luigi: Aw man.
Wendy: Would you mind coming back later, Luigi? This is kind of a bad time, seeing as how we have a kidnapped princess in here right now.
Luigi: Well geez! You don't have to be so cranky!
Luigi leaves.
Peach: WAIT! Save me, you moron!
Suddenly Yoshi barges in.
Yoshi: I'LL save you, Peach!
Peach: Thank GOODNESS!
We see Yoshi using his tounge going for Wendy, but all he does is take the peach she was eating out of her hand and eats it himself.
Yoshi: There. Peach saved.
Wendy: You know, I could've gotten you one too if you just asked, Yoshi.
Peach: What about saving me?
Yoshi: You not let Yoshi eat. Me no like that. You stay here until you learn lesson.
Peach: Remind me to put him in the royal prison when I finally escape.
Suddenly Mario barges in, sitting on Toad.
Toad: Please... off... now... dying!
Mario: OK, but stay here. When I rescue Peach, we'll need to to give us a ride back to the castle.
Toad shivers for a few seconds, then faints.
Peach: Mario! Save me, please!
Mario: All right, you evil doers! Let her go, or face my wrath.
At that moment Bowser comes in.
Bowser: Hey! Thanks for catching Peach for me, Wendy. Made my job easy!
Bowser takes Peach from the room and exits.
Bowser: By the way, lovely chest you have there, Daisy.
Yoshi blinks.
Yoshi: Chest?
Daisy: Well, what do YOU want this story rated as? R?
Mario: Well, it's off to defeat Bowser! Let's go, Toad!
Toad: This time, you're not riding atop--
Mario whips Toad.
Mario: I'm so glad Ludwig had a spare whip. Now giddyup!
Toad makes a neighing sound.
Daisy: Well how do you suppose Toad did that?
Mario, riding on Toad, go to Bowser's lava room.
Mario: So how do I defeat you this time?
Bowser: This time, you cannot defeat me! I am completely--
Toad hits the axe on the bridge, forcing Mario and Bowser to fall into the lava.
Bowser: I'll get you for this Mario!
Toad goes to untie Peach.
Peach: Mario! Get out of the lava and give me a kiss! Thanks for saving me!
Toad: Actually, didn't I save--
Peach: Move it Toad!
Toad screams as Peach just pushed him into the lava. Peach lassoes Mario and brings him out.
Mario: Ah, thanks-a Peach!
Peach: Don't mention it.
One week later, all is normal in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Luigi: I-a wish Daisy would-a call me.
Toad: She won't, get *(#@# over it.
Peach: I hope we never see her again. I mean, we have enough strange creatures trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom as it is... we don't need another.
Mario: So, Peach, did-a you make pasta for dinner.
Peach: I made your favorite instead Mario, cheese!
Yoshi: Yoshi still confused. What obsession over word chest? Yoshi still don't get why not call them--
Peach: THAT I think is enough right there, Yoshi, let's quickly change the subject to something else!
Mario makes squiggly eyes and faints. Meanwhile, at Daisy's castle....
Daisy: (being fanned off by a Chibibo) Don't think you'll rule the Mushroom Kingdom forever, little missy. I'll rule over the kingdom yet, just you wait! Just you wait....
Daisy dials the telephone.
Daisy: Hello, operator? I'd like to speak with Wendy O. Koopa please....