FOR ALL WE ARE
Hey guys!
This is my new fiction. It's going to be different and as I said, every one is a central character.
I hope you enjoy it.
Prologue
September 2005
22:00 pm…
She always hated hospitals. Yes she had worked in one for over ten years but she still hated every moment of it. She hated getting to know a patient and then all of a sudden they just die without a warning. Yes, that was what she hated about hospitals.
Now here she was waiting for news and that was the hard part. she knew the procedure on how the doctors are to explain. As she eyes rose with tears and went red, she looked to both sides and found no none besides to her, no one to shield her from the expected news, no one to hold her when it came crashing down. She refused to call them until she knew what the news was.
Oh how her heart beat in frustration and fear. How she wanted to scream at how something like this could to her. She refused to cry but she couldn't hold the tears and her throat hurt from holding in her sobs. She furiously wiped her tears when she saw the doctor still in this operation attire walking towards her. There was no smile on his face; no hint of assurance…all she saw was pity.
"Lydia James?" he said as he walked up to her.
Lydia nodded as she cleaned her eyes with her tissue. "Yes," she said with a small voice.
"Did you come alone…"
And just then she knew the inevitable. "Just tell me," she said in a much forced bravery, like she could take it.
He took a deep breath. "Mrs James we tired stopping the blood from the internal injury he sustained in his heart but…but…" her eyes were already spilling with tears. "He has little time,"
She watched her as she sat down slowly on the chair and tried to absorb the news.
"How about Haley," she asked immediately looking at him. "How's my little girl?"
He nodded as he sat besides her. "She had a bleed from her brain, she broke parts of her ribs but luckily there was no damage to her legs,"
"Thank God,"
"But…" her head snapped up at him immediately. "Lydia…you don't mind if I call you that…" she shook her head. "I think you should call someone…"
"They are not here now…" she took a deep breath. "My children are all over place…it was only Jimmy, Marc…that's Haley's twin, then Haley and me,"
"Right,"
"Please tell me she's okay,"
"She is but the only problem is that…" he looked at her. "After we were done with the surgery…she slipped into a coma," she panicked. "We are very sure she'll wake but we don't know when,"
"I want to see Jimmy…I want to see my husband," she said as she stood up.
"I'll show you to him," he led her to Jimmy's room. "I'll leave you,"
She just watched him lying there with tubes all over his body. How did they get here she asked herself. One minute she was watching dishing in the kitchen and he kissed her neck as he always did before leaving the house with Haley. A tear slipped from her eye as she watched the love of her life so vulnerable. Jimmy James was never vulnerable because he said he owned it to himself to leave his life to the fullest. He was just forty-eight…
"Baby?" she heard him whisper and walked up to his side. "Hey,"
"How are you feeling?" she said with a forced smile, not knowing that tears were spilling from her eyes.
"Like shit," she laughed. "He told you, didn't he?" she nodded. "I'm sorry…"
"Jimmy…"
"I promised you forever and…" he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I've never broken a promise to you,"
"I know…"
"I want you to know that I will always…always love you,"
She placed his hand on her cheek before kissing his palm. "I'll always love you, Jimmy James…you are the love of my life…"
He gave a ghost smile. "How is Haley?"
"She did great in surgery but she slipped into a coma…"
"Oh God,"
"There is hope she'll wake soon,"
"Don't let her blame herself, Ly…she was driving and it wasn't her fault…we were doing the Red Light Speed Away…" he trailed. "Promise me…"
"I promise…"
He kissed her hand. "And don't you stop living life…"
"I will have the kids…"
"No…I want you to live your life for you…I want to go out…buy a new car…"
She snatched her hands away from him. "How can you ask me to do that…I've know you since I was sixteen…I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like if your not there…" she was crying now.
"That's the point…you lived my life,"
"No I didn't,"
"Yes you did…you sacrificed so much for me…college…"
"I did that because I loved you!" she snapped. "And I quit college because I was pregnant with Matt,"
"And I told you we could make it. I could quit the tracks for a year while you go on with school,"
She sat down besides him immediately and took his hand. "You loved racing…it was the only way to get out of your father's shadow…you said so yourself,"
A tear slipped from his eyes. "I thought I failed you after the accident,"
"I didn't care if you won or lost, Jimmy…all I cared about was you being okay,"
"But still," he kissed her hand again. "I want you to live your life to the fullest…I want you to love again…"
She tried to release her hands from his but he held tight. "I don't think I can do that,"
"Sure you can,"
"It's not that easy, Jimmy!" she snapped. "You're meant to tell me to love you forever…to never forget you…"
"I'm not going to say that because I already know that you'll love me forever…and you'll never forget me…"
"I don't think I've got anymore love left in me,"
"Sure you do, Sugar," he said with a smile. "You've just got to find a way to bring it all out,"
"You haven't called me Sugar since High School," she gave a watery smile before kissing him. A second later, he looked in serious pain when he started breathing hard. She brushed his damped hair out of his forehead, both of them crying at the same time, as she whispered reassuring words to him. "It's okay Jimmy…"
"I'm Scared, Ly…" he whispered.
"It's okay…you're going to be okay now," she said. "I love you,"
"I love you too…" and his eyes shut close before she heard him take his last breath. Then she went under the blanket and lay besides him with her head on his chest.
She cried when she finally realised something.
She would never hear his heart beat again.
…………………………………………
When he heard about the accident from his mother he just knew. It was like a blow to his stomach and all he felt was regret, he didn't know why. He had used his skate board to travel to the hospital. He didn't know the last time he was in one but he hated it.
"Hi," He said to the receptionist. "I'm Marc James…you had two patients…"
"Oh yeah," she said softly with pity in her eyes. "Third floor, room 246…use elevator,"
"Thanks," he said as he picked up his skate board. When he got there and saw his mother by herself. She looked broken and his heart just dropped to his stomach. "Mum?" he said faintly.
"Oh Marc…" she put her arms round his shoulder as he held unto her.
"How are dad and Haley…" he asked.
She pulled away. "Haley is fine…she's in a coma right now but she'll be waking up soon…"
"And dad?" she went silent. "Mum what of dad?"
"They tried everything to stop the internal bleeding but…"
"He's dead isn't he?" he said as his eyes burned with tears before he moved away from her. "It should have been me…" he said as he grabbed his hair. "I should have been in that car…"
"It's not your fault Mj,"
"He wanted me to test drive that car with him but I was to self centred…"
"Mj…"
"Mum I should be the one in a coma right now not Haley…"
"Okay you will stop this right now!" she snapped as she hugged him again. "He wouldn't want you blaming yourself,"
"I so sorry mum…so sorry,"
"Me too," she pulled away and wiped his tears with his thumbs. "We've got to be strong for Haley…she was the one driving and she's going to blame herself for your father death…"
"But it's not her fault,"
"Haley wouldn't know that,"
He nodded. "Have you called the others,"
"Yes but I couldn't get Taylor and Matt,"
"I'll do it," he said to her. "Have you seen Haley yet?"
"No…I was waiting for you," she sighed. "Truth is, I just watched your father die…I didn't think I would have the strength to look at Haley,"
"Then lets go," he held his hands out to her and she took it. "You are not as weak as you think you are,"
They paused as they saw her lying on the bed and all they could hear were the machines. Marc sat down at the other side of the bed while Lydia at the other.
"Haley baby…its mum," she smiled. "You did great and your daddy was proud of you. But we all need you back sweetheart because you belong with us for now,"
"I need you back, Hales," Marc said before he broke out with a suppressed sob. "You can't leave me now…I want you back…please don't leave me,"
………………………………………………….
2 days later…
"Mum can I get you anything?" Vivian asked as she sat besides her mother who was holding Haley's hand.
"No Sugar, I'm alright," Vivian smiled at her.
"I just can't believe he's gone," she said quietly.
"I know," Lydia said as she brushed a lock of hair from Haley's eyes. "Where's Quinn?"
"She's at the morgue with Brian and Justin,"
"I don't want you children going there and seeing your daddy like that,"
"I know but we just wanted to see him…where's Marc anyway?"
"He went back home to bring a few things for me,"
"I'll go check on the guys,"
…………………………………………..
"I can't believe he's gone," Quinn said and Justin wrapped his arms around her as they left the morgue.
"It just feels so weird, you know," Brian said as he sat down. "I mean…he's never going to start being hard on us about basketball or racing…"
"You used to hate that," Vivian pointed out as she sat besides him and put her head on his shoulder.
"Yeah but I always felt he had too,"
"'There are two things we James men are known for,' he'd always say," Justin said.
"'Basketball, music and racing,'" Marc said as he came up behind.
"Hey little brother," Justin said as they arm hugged. "How have you been?"
"Good. It was hard being back in the house and going through dad's office…knowing he would never be there again," there was a brief silence before he spoke again. "Taylor here yet?"
"No…and she hasn't called either,"
"It's just like her," Marc said.
"Don't start," Quinn warned him.
"We all know she didn't get on great with dad but…"
"Hey," a voice said softly behind them.
"Ty?"
"It's true isn't it?" she asked before covering her mouth with her hand. Marc walked up to her and engulfed her in a hug. "Oh God,"
"It's okay," he said as he brushed her hair softly with his fingers.
"It's never going to be okay…this dad we're talking about!"
…………………………………………………….
As he sat on the moving bus, looking at the scenes that passed by him…a tear slipped from his eyes. He had seen so many things that no one was destined to see. He thought he ran away to escape his past but the further he ran the harder it was to come home.
When he joined the army he felt such confidence that it overwhelmed him. Training boot was what was expected of it…it was hard, painful, stressful and yet fulfilling. He smiled when he remember how scared he was of cutting his rich blond hair. Funny as it was, he loved his hair because he was one of others that had great hair. He remembered walking into his room with his room mate…remembered setting the pictures of his family on his side of the wall.
When he got to Iraq, it was all wrong. The first time he put a bullet through a man's heart it destroyed him. It turned him into someone else…he felt stained and unclean. Coming home was no option because he could face their thoughts when they looked into a murder's eyes. Yes, the man he killed shot one of his men but still…
He had been attending to a patient when his area commander asked for him. He remembered walking into the commander's quarters with his head held high and his confidence in its rightful form.
"You asked for me, Sir!" he said as he saluted his commander.
"You've got bad news, Sergeant James," the commander boomed.
"Sir?"
"You're needed home…a call came in today," the commander got up and walked up to him. "There was an accident…your father and sister were involved,"
That was when his world came crashing down.
He hadn't been home in four years but he sent video messages and letters back home. It was only Marc that came to see him in the military barracks when he was sent to Virginia on an assignment. He was pissed off at Marc for running away because he had had a fight with their father.
He hadn't been in good terms with his father before his death. No…he and Jimmy James never really got along. Probably because his father lived in a way he could never see himself living. He leaved in an organised environment and there was never an organised day in the James house.
But he loved his father. He loved him with every breath in his body. He brushed the tears that fell from his eyes furiously away because he wouldn't cry. Only his father could bring out the weak side of him. Four years in the army had taught him to fess up and smell the coffee…life wasn't always sunsets and beaches.
But before his father death, he had begun trying to mend their relationship…he even thought of coming back home for thanksgiving. They had talked all night about what's been going on and he found it easy to talk to his father again. That was the thing with Jimmy…he was a good listener. He remembered what he always told him when he was little. "If life beats the shit out of you…get up and deal with it," he would say.
He smiled and whispered Jimmy's words that were playing in his head. "Because we all got one life so let's make the hell out of it,"
"Did you say something," the man sitting next to him on the bus said and he shook his head.
He sighed. Five more minutes and he would be in Charleston. It's been so long since he's been back and it looked different. Once he got down from the bus he took a deep breath and his eyes became moist again.
He didn't want to go to the hospital immediately so he took a cab home. He knew where the keys were kept and helped himself to it. Nothing had really changed since he left as he walked round the house he was raised in. he walked into his father's office and a huge lump seized his throat. It was just the way he had remembered it and all around he could feel Jimmy.
He picked up the keys to the hummer jeep his father drove on occasion and set out to the hospital. As he drove, he wondered if all his siblings were there…he felt guilt glide through his heart for not being there for his mother.
"Hi,"
"Hello,"
"I'm Matthew James…" he said to the receptionist
"Right," the way she said it made his heart heavy. "Third floor, room 246…"
"Thanks," he replied faintly.
He remember being in the hospital. It was during the times Jimmy had his accidents as a racer and his mother would want him to stay with his father so she could look after the twins. He was twelve then and had always wished he would race like jimmy…and he did. All the James children raced because it was tradition.
His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw his little sister on the bed so helpless. She looked nothing like the Haley he remembered…this Haley he was holding by the hand was fragile.
"Matt?" he turned around to see a red eyed boy with chestnut hair looking at him in surprise.
"Hey Jake," he said softly before walking up to him.
"When did you get here?"
"Just now…where's everyone?" he asked as he stole a glance at Haley before turning back to Jake.
"They are in the cafeteria having lunch…at least their trying," Jake looked away from Matt when his eyes became watery. "I'm meant to be on watch incase Haley wakes up…"
"She's going to wake, Jake…"
"Is she?" he said in a way that made him sound pathetic. "Because she doesn't look like she's gonna…I mean she's my best friend…she was there for every big thing that happened in my life…she was part of it…how on earth will I…" he was barely breathing now.
"Jake listen to me," Matt said as he gripped Jake's shoulder. "You have got to be strong for her…"
Jake wiped his eyes and nodded fervently. "You're right,"
"Good,"
"Do you want to see the others?"
Matt shook his head. "I want to see dad," Jake nodded and led him to the morgue. So the coroner pulled out Jimmy's body from one of the cabinets…it finally donned on Matt that his father was really dead. He was never coming back.
"I can't believe he's gone," Jake choked out.
"Me neither," Matt replied quietly before pushing Jimmy back into the cabinet. He wasn't going to see his father like this. "I would like to see my mother now…"
"Sure,"
Jake showed Matt to the cafeteria before going back to check on Haley. He saw his family were the only ones left in the cafeteria and they were all talking seriously about something.
"Hey guys," he said softly and watched as their heads shot up.
"Matt?" his mother was already in his arms before he could blink an eye. "Oh thank God you're here,"
"It's okay mum," he said as he looked at his other siblings and beckoned them to him. He hugged each and every one of them before turning back to his mother. "Come on, you've gotta sit down," he said to her.
"God we missed you," Quinn said as she squeezed his hand across the table. "How long would you be staying?"
"I don't know…still they call on me," then he noticed how tight his mother held onto him. "But not for a while,"
"You look different," Taylor commented. "Where is the goldilocks?" she teased and they all laughed for the first time since the accident.
"Have you gone to see Haley?" Justin asked and he nodded.
"Jake's with her now,"
"He's pretty beat up about it," Marc said.
"So are we," Vivian said with a soft smile.
"How you doing, Mj?" Matt asked Marc who smiled at him.
He shrugged. "Holding up," he was okay now that Matt was back home.
"Come here," Matt said and Taylor scooted over for Marc to sit between her and Matt. "Letting your hair grow like mine, are you?" he said as he ruffled Marc's hair.
"Men I hate hospital food," Brian said as he pushed his salad away. They all snorted. "It's not funny,"
Lydia watched her children with some much adoration that she had to blink back her tears not to cry. Especially Matt. He had been away for so long that she feared if she let go of his hand he would disappear.
"We need to talk about your father's funeral," she said bravery and the tabled quieted down.
"Yeah we do," Matt said. He was in charge now and they all knew it…it was why the younger ones had always looked up to him. "But first…we've got to stop going into that morgue to see dad…"
"But…" Quinn started.
"It's not right, Quinn…" he said softly.
"Your brother is right…I want to see my husband in a tux," she said with a smile.
Matt looked at her affectionately as he held her hand. "Brain, Justin, Quinn and I would take care of the funeral arrangements while Taylor and Vivian would take care of mum and Haley…"
"I didn't think I wasn't capable of taking care of myself,"
"Of course you are mum but I don't want you stressing yourself,"
"What about me…what do I do?" Marc asked.
"I don't know yet but I'll need you and Jake,"
Then they saw Jake bust into the caviteria trying to catch his breath.
"Jake what's wrong?" Marc asked.
"It's Haley…" he said. "She's awake,"