Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT
Author's Note: So, I think all these amusing monster fics are going to become a series. AKA I already hsve a third one rolling around in my mind (oh and feel free to leave suggestions for other monsters/amusing situations you'd like to see! The more ideas I have the more I'll want to write them down!) It is possible this one is even more ridiculous than N.O.N.V but well...that's what makes it funny. Enjoy :)
Oh, and it's not neccessary to read Night of the Ninja Vampires before this but it is referenced in the fic so it may help if you read it. Plus its really funny so I think you should read and review it anyway ;)
"Oh my god! Johnny what's happening to you?"
"The--the moon!"
The glow of the television screen was the only light in the dark living room. Donatello hid a grin as Leonardo's arm slipped casually around his shoulders. Don shifted, curling his legs on the couch and resting his head on Leo's shoulder. Michelangelo had just retreated to his room, pronouncing the movie to be even too cheesy for his taste. Not long before Raphael had stalked away as well, less than thrilled with that night's movie choice. This meant that Leo and Don were alone for the first time all day. Don liked to think that his brother's had noticed their limited alone time and left them together on purpose. It was a perfect night for it, since Splinter had retired to bed even earlier than usual to meditate. Don found it somewhat romantic, watching the movie alone with Leonardo. It was the closest they would ever get to going out on a date to the movies.
The girl on the screen screamed, running from Johnny's bedroom and down the hallway, trying to reach the stairs before…
"Awoooooo!"
Leo's hold tightened and Don sighed, snuggling closer to his brother's warm body.
"This is the last time you pick the movie, Leonardo," Don teased
"Yea yea, I already heard that from Raph and Mikey," Leo muttered, "If you guys would go out and pick it every once in awhile I wouldn't have to."
"Mikey volunteers!"
"You really want to watch what Mikey picks?"
"You know, I'm this close to telling you you're sleeping on the couch tonight."
Leo glanced down at his brother with a grin.
"You wouldn't dare," he said quietly, leaning closer.
"Would too," Don replied, tilting his face up towards Leo's.
"Wouldn't," Leo breathed softly, their faces so close his warm breath tickled Don's beak and then---
"Oooh--ahhhhhhh!"
Leo jumped, his beak bumping clumsily against Don's. Don frowned, rubbing his beak in annoyance as Leo glanced around the lair before turning to examine the TV.
"What is it, Leo?"
"That howl…it didn't sound like it came from the movie."
"Don't be silly, Leo, of course it was the movie."
Don watched his brother in confusion as Leo stared at the screen.
"Ahh-wooooooh!"
At the howl, they both jumped. Oddly enough, there was no werewolf on the screen this time.
"Don…that's not coming from the movie!"
Don's brow furrowed in confusion.
"But, how could that be?"
Leo paled.
"You don't think…" he started. Don shook his head at the flicker of fear that swept into Leo's eyes. Don knew it wasn't Leo's own fear of what could be in the lair but rather his fear of what could be in the lair harming his family.
"Leo, we're all safe here. If something had entered the lair, my alarms would have sounded."
"Unless it was already here…"
Leo untangled himself from Don and quickly rounded the couch. Don scrambled after him.
"Leo, wait! Where are you going?"
"It wasn't coming from down here, it was coming from upstairs which means--"
"You're worried about Mikey and Raph?" Don questioned, catching up to his brother as they started up the stairs. Leo nodded curtly.
"It wouldn't happen to be a full moon tonight would it, Donnie?"
Don blinked, pausing in his ascent. It was.
"Leo, I can't believe what you're suggesting!"
Leo turned at the top, shrugging.
"It's probably just a coincidence but…I'd feel better checking up on them."
As Leo started down the hall Don ran to catch up. He had to admit things were a bit suspicious. Maybe Raph or Mikey had other reasons for leaving after all, he mused.
Leo's hand hovered over Mikey's doorknob, waiting for Don to reach him. Noticing his brother's incredulous look, Leo sighed.
"Just humor me, Don. I know it sounds ludicrous but…"
Don just smiled, reaching out to squeeze Leo's shoulder. Taking a deep breath, Leo slowly opened the door. The room was dark and Donnie peeked over Leo's shoulder, expecting to see the lump that would be Mikey slumbering in his bed. To his horror, there was no lump.
Leo entered the room in a flash, turning on the light. The bed was empty, the sheets only slightly ruffled. Leo's heart began to race. A thousand possibilities ran through his mind, each one more horrible than the next. Stupid monster movies, Leo thought shaking his head. He had to think rationally…
"He can't be downstairs," he muttered, eyes scanning the room for any clue as to his brother's whereabouts, "we would have heard him."
"Ok," Don replied, taking a steadying breath, "that means he has to be somewhere upstairs."
Their eyes met, each reliving the scene from the movie they had just watched. The girl who had run down the hall hadn't faired so well when the werewolf caught up with her…
Leo's eyes widened.
"Raph!"
The two of them bolted from the room, each thinking that this had to be a dream. Such a ridiculous notion couldn't be real and yet…what else made sense? The howls, the empty bedroom…they had encountered their share of freaky events in their lives after all.
Leo reached Raph's door first and this time he didn't bother to open it quietly. Leo burst into the room, frantically trying to find the light switch with his shaking hand as Don ran in beside him. The soft sound of panting filled the room and images of a transformed Michelangelo hovering over the bloody body of Raphael, gore dripping from sharp teeth, filled their minds. Finally light flooded the room. An orange clad ninja panted on top of a still Raphael on the hammock. That was all Leo needed to confirm his suspicions and he lunged to tackle his psychotic little brother off of Raph. He was halfway to the hammock when Don's hands latched onto his scutes, pulling him back. Leo stumbled, coming to a halt. He frantically glanced behind him, not wanting to hurt Donnie by shoving him off. Don's pale face stared back at him. Don released Leo slowly, putting a finger to his lips before speaking.
"Leo, calm down. Look." Don pointed back to the hammock. Unlike Leo, Don had absorbed and analyzed the sight before him and in a split second it had hit him like a ton of bricks, leading him to frantically try to stop Leo from doing something he was going to regret.
Leo took a deep breath and turned, wondering why on earth Donnie was stopping him from saving Raph. A bit calmer, Leo tried to examine the sight before him. Raph lay snoring softly on the hammock, legs dangling off the sides. One arm slung lazily over the shoulders of Mikey while the other swung slowly off the side. Leo frowned. The whole hammock was swinging slightly.
"Wha—Leo? Donnie?"
Leo's eyes snapped to Mikey, his hands bawling into fists, waiting for an attack. Don placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Mikey was curled on top of Raph, lying between his legs with his head resting on Raph's plastron. He blinked tiredly, planting his hands on Raph's chest and raising himself up to give his intruding brothers a confused look.
"W-What's going on?" Mikey mumbled, rubbing the blurriness from one eye. Leo stared, his hands slowly relaxing. Don sighed, letting go of his older brother and moving to stand between him and Mikey.
"You weren't in your room, Mikey, so we got worried. We heard some strange noises and thought that maybe…"
Don paused. Mikey's eyes had snapped open at Don's reply, his eyes darting from the sleeping Raphael to the two brothers staring at him.
"Y-you thought w-what exactly?" he asked nervously.
"What are you doing in Raph's room?"
The harshness in Leo's voice surprised Don, and he prepared himself to play moderator to his brothers as always. Don thought it was fairly obvious why Mikey was in Raph's room, but apparently his worried lover hadn't noticed the stained towel on the floor on the other side of the hammock.
"We, I mean I needed to tal—I mean Raph had my…" Mikey's stammering faded and at the hopeless expression on his face Don knew Mikey had given up. No one spoke and the air became thick with tension. Everyone was so still that they all jumped in surprise when Raph moved. His arm had slipped from Mikey's shoulders and Raph reached up, grabbing the back of Mikey's neck and pulling him back down onto his plastron.
"Oof!" Mikey pin wheeled his arms in an attempt to gain some balance as the hammock swung at Raph's quick movement. Mikey squirmed until his face was no longer pressed against Raph's chest and he could breathe.
"Stop movin', Mikey," Raph grumbled. Mikey gave his observing brothers a sheepish grin from his awkward position.
"Raph talks a lot in his sleep," he explained nervously, "and um falls asleep quickly after…" Mikey fell quiet as Leo's eyes narrowed and he folded his arms. It was his lecture pose and Mikey's heart sank. Uh-oh.
"And you're aware of this because?" Leo asked. Don cleared his throat.
"Leo, I think Mikey--" Leo held up a hand silencing his brother.
"I want to hear what Mikey has to say." Mikey gulped audibly, looking to Don in desperation. Don gave him a small smile.
"It's ok, Mikey. Just tell us." Mikey nodded slowly.
"Guys…me and Raph…" Mikey's expression softened and a small smile tugged at his lips, "we're kind of involved."
Don waited for the explosion but it didn't come. Leo just continued to glower.
"How'd this happen, Mikey?"
"Mikey s'cold, come closer."
Mikey gave a strangled noise as Raph's other arm wrapped around him, squeezing him close. After a moment of struggling Mikey was able to breathe again.
"Erm, he gets really cuddly too…" he mumbled.
"Mikey…"
"Alright, Don! It wasn't planned, ok? It was after I walked in on you and Leo that time and thought you were--"
"Yes, we remember go on," Leo snapped. Mikey flinched, but continued to look only at Don.
"Well, one night awhile back I had another nightmare. A really scary one too with this large burly fellow trying to hit me with a pink umbrella and some kind of winged ball chasing me around and around and…"
"Mikey," Don warned.
"Okok! So I went to Leo's room like always only this time when I knocked there was no answer and er, when I pressed my ear to the door it was obvious he was occupied-um with you! Of course…I mean, who else would Leo--"
"Mikey!"
"So I went to Raph even though he hates it and after the initial anger we got to talking and I told him how I couldn't go to Leo 'cause you guys were busy, I mean, gettin' busy," Mikey moved closer to Raph as Don's eyes narrowed, "so we got to talking andRaphadmittedhewascuriousaboutwhatitwaslikeandIsaidIwastooandwekissedwhichledtootherthingsandnowwe'reloverssothere!"
Mikey was breathing hard and trembling. Don held back a laugh. Poor Mikey, what was he scared of? He was in the same situation now as Leo and himself. They were in no position to judge.
"S'ok, Mikey, I'm here, don' be scared…"
Raph nuzzled the top of Mikey's head and Mike blushed. Before Don could open his mouth and reassure his little brother, Leo spoke.
"He didn't force you did he?"
"Leo!" Don and Mike's gasps of shocks didn't disturb Raphael, who continued to snore and mumble into Mikey's head.
"W-what?" Mikey asked shakily, "Leo he'd…he'd never…"
"Leonardo," Don snapped, turning to glare at the blue clad turtle, "that is possibly the most stupid thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth!"
Don's anger seemed to deflate Leo, whose shoulders began to sag. It was rare Don became angry but when he did it was wise to duck for cover.
"Do you remember what Raph thought when he found out about us? Remember how you felt at being accused? I stood up for you, because I knew as he should of, that you would NEVER take advantage of me. I can't believe now I have to defend Raph to you. How could you even think that about one of your brothers?"
Mikey's heart lifted at his brother's defense and he felt a sense of satisfaction at the guilty expression that formed on Leo's face. His eyes met Mikey's hesitantly, not from disgust or anger as Mikey expected, but from shame.
"I'm sorry, Mikey," he sighed, "I never should have thought. Especially since me and Don are. Forgive me?"
Mikey gave his brother a signature Mikey-grin.
"Of course, bro."
"I just thought," Leo continued to babble, "I mean, the noises we heard were so loud."
"Um, sorry about that. We tend to get er," Mikey's grin faltered, "a little noisy."
"A little?" Don snorted, "You guys were howling."
Mikey snickered.
"Howling…yea, that was probably me. Old Raphie boy knows just how to--"
"Ok," Leo held up his hands as if he could ward off the unwelcome images, "we don't need that much information, Mikey. We'll just leave you guys alone."
Leo and Don were practically out the door when Mikey called for them to wait. The couple turned to find a confused Mikey gazing at them.
"I don't understand one thing," he began, "you guys barged in here like it was World War III. What exactly did you guys think was going on? You thought Raph was…?" Mikey couldn't say it. It was too horrible to say.
"No," Leo started quickly, "Mikey, we didn't suspect a thing. It was just, we heard the howling and then your bed was empty and we're watching that stupid movie…"
Mikey's eyes grew wide and then a large grin spread across his face.
"You thought we were being attacked by a werewolf!"
"Actually," Don said in his best serious voice, "we thought you were the werewolf."
Mikey began laughing so hard that both Leo and Don quickly moved forward, scared that the hammock would flip and dump both of their brothers onto the floor.
"You thought I…!" Mikey laughed, "That. I. was. Oh god! It's too funny!"
Leo frowned but Don couldn't help but chuckle. Mikey was right. It was ridiculous. Mikey struggled from Raph's grasp to point an accusing finger at them.
"You thought I was crazy for thinking you were Ninja Vampires! But you thought I was a freakin' Wereturtle!!! Hahahaha Wereturtle Mikey! All beware! Awooooo!!"
"Mikey, shut up!" Leo cried, but Don was joining in on the laughter now and finally Leo smiled. Mikey's laughter was cut short when Raph made a grab for him again, pressing there bodies together.
"Shhh," Raph mumbled loudly, "S'why so noisy, Teddy? Quiet and sleep lil' Mikey…" With one hand he began to gently caress Mikey's arm and with the other he traced invisible patterns on Mikey's shell.
This time Leo and Don were the ones booming with laughter as Mikey scowled.
"Hey! It's just a cute nickname! He'll call me his Teddy Bear when--"
"What is going on?"
The stern voice cut off the laughter instantly. Three pairs of frightened eyes snapped to the door. Splinter stood in the doorway, a white nightshirt covering his furry body with a matching nightcap on top of his head, the point of the hat (with a fluffy pompom on the top) flopped in front of his serious face. Three turtles paled before their Master, excuses and explanations fleeing their minds. Splinter's eyes rested on each of them in silence before he faced Leonardo.
"Well?"
Leo took a steadying breath before bowing slightly to his Master.
"Sensei, Mikey had a bad dream and went to Raph for comfort. Don and I heard Mikey crying and came in here to see what was wrong."
"I heard odd noises, shouts, and laughter," Splinter said taking a step into the room. He blinked sleepily and for the first time Leo and the others realized their Sensei wasn't fully awake. Maybe they could get away with this after all…
"There was also something about Wereturtles…?"
"Teddy's s'good to Raphie."
Everyone froze at Raph's loving murmur.
"Heh heh," Mike forced a laugh as Raph nuzzled his head.
"Raphie promises to repay Mikey…"
Mikey let out a squeak as Raph's hand traveled down his shell to tease his tail while the other hand slid down his arm and began to finger his side.
"Oh god," Leo muttered, palming his face. Don chewed his bottom lip nervously.
"Leonardo, Donatello," Splinter cocked his head to the side, frowning slightly as he watched Mikey try to bat away Raph's advances, "why is Raphael groping Michelangelo?"
"Sensei! I can—ARG Raph stop—explain!" Mikey cried.
"Well, Father," Leo began, "Michelangelo and Raphael have taken their relationship to er a new level."
Splinter lifted an eyebrow as Raph bent down to nip at Mikey's neck, forcing a squeal from his little brother.
"I did not realize Raphael was so active during his sleep," Splinter said calmly. Mikey gave his brothers a desperate look and Don watched with pride as Leo moved to stand protectively between the couple and their father. Leonardo was prepared to confess everything and no doubt take all the blame onto himself to save his brother. Selfless leader to the last, Don thought happily, giving Leo a loving smile.
"Father, I'm afraid it's my fault. I may not think it's wrong, but to you I may have set a poor example for my brothers. You see, Donnie and I have also taken our relationship a step further--"
"Pfttt!"
The noise cut off Leonardo's sentence and made all the turtles stare at their Sensei in shock. They had never thought they'd hear such an undignified noise from their Sensei's mouth.
"You think I did not know, my son?" he huffed, causing the pompom on his cap to flutter in front of his face, "I am not blind, nor am I deaf! I was aware of you and Donatello crushing on each other."
"Um, but," Don started. Splinter turned a knowing eye on him.
"I am your father! A father can sense certain things about his children. I was aware of your growing feelings and when you started to act on them. For one thing, Leonardo stopped going all doey eyed when you entered the room and instead started smirking in satisfaction, as if he had accomplished some great feat…"
"Master!" Leo cried in disbelief.
"As for Michelangelo and Raphael, I was not entirely sure if anything would occur but well," he shrugged, "it was only a matter of time."
"So, er, you're ok with this?" Mikey asked, grabbing Raph's wrists to stop his wandering hands.
"There are four of you," Splinter said seriously, "four of you in the entire world. If you chose to pursue a relationship outside this family there would always be a risk. I will admit it crossed my mind that you may one day turn to each other. I will also admit I have my concerns on the subject, however in the end it does not matter what I say. You are adults now, you can make your own decisions and live with the possible consequences."
There was a long silence before Don and Leo moved forward to hug their father. Mikey would have joined in but well, he was occupied at the moment.
"One last thing…"
Leo and Don swiftly moved away. They all listened eagerly.
"Yes, Sensei?" Don asked hopefully. Splinter's eyes locked with each of there's gravely. His expression turned stern.
"I am not paying for all your weddings…I cannot afford it."
"Master!"
"Father!"
"Sensei!"
"Mmmikkkeeyyyy!!!"
The croon from Raph made them all turn and stare. Raph was nuzzling Mikey's neck and making him turn an interesting new shade of green.
"Now off to bed all of you," Splinter commanded, heading slowly for the doorway, "A ninja needs a good nights sleep. I will be enforcing this sternly in the future, especially now that I know you're getting all this extra exercise," his sons embarrassed groans fell on deaf ears as he left the room.
"A story in my own home…" he grumbled, shuffling down the hallway. He shook his head when another distinctly Mikey howl filled the lair. How on earth could Raphael sleep through all that? His sons never ceased to amaze him.
Once down the stairs, he noticed the blue glow of the television in the living room. Splinter sighed, moving to shut it off. Kids, he thought grumpily reaching for the control. He flinched when another howl filled the room only this time it had come from the TV. Splinter frowned and with a simple click dismissed the fanged werewolf into darkness. He glanced at the silent upper level as he walked towards his room. Besides keeping an eye on their sleeping habits, he'd have to start monitoring what they watched as well…
So what amusing monster/situations would you like to see in the next one??