No, they're not mine, I tell you. Seriously, I haven't stolen them. I've just borrowed alright? No, let me go! Let me go!!
A/N: I'm writing a pretty humorous fic called Beneath Your Window, and when you have a really bad day where everything seems so hopeless it's not easy to write a lighthearted fic. So I wrote this angsty little piece to get everything out. It was very therapeutic for me.
--- The Liar & The Thief ---
Nothing would ever be the same again. She would never be the same again. It had changed her forever; turned her brutally inside out, ripping her apart at the seams. There wasn't a thing in her that felt familiar anymore, every emotion felt like a foreign intrusion, something that had never been there before. Blissful memories were just a blur, even now fading away with every reluctant heartbeat. Every one of them were getting replaced by the growing hopelessness crowding her from all angles.
She pulled her knees up into her chest and sobbed uncontrollably, desperately hoping to escape the feeling of losing herself. It was like he took her with him when he left, leaving nothing but a shell, nothing but a worthless mess of tears and despair. Would she even see herself if she looked in the mirror? Or would there be nothing left, a hollow, empty space? Or would it be worse; Her face distorted into the unrecognizable, her hair limp and greasy, her eyes faded and dry?
Desperate fingers clawed at rough denim as she clung to her own legs in a tight embrace. It was all wrong. This wasn't the right ending, this wasn't her happily ever after. Her fairytale didn't entail having her soul ripped out, having her heart crushed, her mind torn apart. There were supposed to be marriage and kids, a small, but adorable house surrounded by breathtaking scenery.
She lost it all. Her dreams, her smile, her love, her past, her future, her life – it was all gone. There was nothing left. No, that was a lie. There was pain. Bitterness. Tears. They seemed to never end. She could taste them on her tongue, feel them on her skin, hear them in her head. She was drowning slowly, agonizingly in her own tears.
"You just never listen, do you?" he laughed bitterly, shaking his head incredulously. "It doesn't even occur to you that I might need you to listen, to be there for me."
"I've done nothing but be there for you since you came to us, expecting to be redeemed and forgiven!"
She was flabbergasted by his accusations, indignant and bordering on furious that he would ever suggest that she didn't care.
"Yes, you've been around, but you haven't really been here."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she shrieked, tears forming behind her eyelids.
"I always play second violin for the ones you truly love," he hissed angrily. "I bloody well know you don't lust after any of them, but what does it mean when you give them everything else? You focus all your energy on them, how they complete you, how they understand you better than anyone."
"They're my friends. FRIENDS. Do you need a dictionary, cause I have one right here," she spat, waving frantically towards the bookshelf.
"No, you're fucking soulmates, that's what you are. They own you. They own so much of you that there's hardly anything left for anyone else.. They're so much a part of you that it feels like I can't separate you from them anymore. You're not Hermione, you're some kind of ... Heryon."
She snorted loudly, her mouth hanging open.
"Please don't tell me you're jealous of them, after all this time!"
"I bloody well am jealous of them! Which part of you is reserved for me, Hermione? They're the ones you turn to. They're the ones who comfort you. They're the ones you laugh with, the ones you cry with. You practically live at their flat. How many times have you been a no-show for dinner this week? 3? 4?"
He was nearly yelling now, her heart now racing uncomfortably in her chest. His eyes were so pained, so desperate. Had she caused that?
"When is the last time we talked, love. Please tell me"
"We talked just last night..."
"Bullshit," he spat. "We watched TV and you told me about that hilarious thing Ron did"
Tears streamed down her cheeks when she heard the anguish in his voice. Had she really been that absent lately? He was right about dinner. She hadn't returned home several days this week because of after-work drinks with Harry and Ron. And now that he mentioned it she couldn't recall the last time they really talked.
"The only thing you reserve for me is shagging. And I'm starting to think I don't even have that to myself anymore either."
She gasped in horror and wheeled around, finding him staring at her with cold eyes, his fist clenching and unclenching.
"How DARE you insinuate that I would ever cheat on you!" she bellowed. "I've been entirely loyal to you, I've loved you so much it almost scares me. I want us to get married, to share everything together."
"Don't you think I wanted that too?!"
"Wanted? WantED?" she screamed in desperation.
"Yes, past tense, Hermione. I wanted all that with the girl I fell in love with, but she disappeared. She disappeared and was replaced by some distant clone who had eyes for no one but her friends and their little bubble."
A sob escaped her lips as she realised what he was saying, what it all implied. She wanted to shut him up, kiss him senseless; kiss him so hard he forgot every disturbing thought in his head.
"When are you going to realise that there's friendship, and then there's what you three have. Normal people talk to their friends on a regular basis, they share things, they go out together once in a while, they're there for each other. But they have other lives, they have other commitments. They have room for more in their lives. You're completely absorbed in your own little world! A world I'm not in, and haven't been in for a long time!"
"Draco, please don't say that," she cried, desperation threatening to pull her down. "I love you, fuck I love you so much, why are you making it seem like I've done nothing but neglect you?"
"I know you do, I know you love me, but if I'm always going to feel like I'm last on your list, then what are our lives going to be like? You're not who I fell in love with. I'm sorry."
"STOP!" she screamed, hitting the nearby wall in agony. "Stop saying that! Stop saying I'm not who you fell in love with, like you're going to leave me."
"Hermione..."
"Oh God... You're leaving," she gasped breathlessly, her surroundings shaking as her world crashed. "You selfish piece of scum, you're leaving!"
"You're damn right I'm leaving!" he screamed back, his eyes flashing in anger as he paced restlessly.
"All the things we went through and you're giving up this easily? You're going to leave me just like that? You're not going to attempt to work it out? You're not going to give me a second chance? You're just going to run, just like that, without a fight?"
She was shaking with fury, desperation, grief. She was torn in all different directions, every action seeming tempting in its own way. The anger she felt wanted her to hit him, throw him out, make him regret what he said. Grief wanted her to break down, sob, plead, fall into a messy pulp on the floor. Desperation wanted her to devour him alive, shag him so hard he lost every idea of leaving her for good.
"There's no room in your life for me anymore!" he cried, gesturing wildly. "You don't need me."
The anger in her took over at that moment, flooding her veins with icy cold rage.
"No, you're right, Draco. I don't need you, there's no room for you, and frankly, I'd rather be with Harry and Ron"
She was a filthy liar. Never in her life had she uttered a statement so far from the truth, and yet it hit him right home. It confirmed his worst fears, his nightmares, and it killed him. It killed everything in him that fought for her, for them.
She let out an ear-piercing scream when he turned abruptly on his heel and made to leave. Her legs reacted faster than her head, and even before the thought reached her mind she had clung onto him for dear life. He ignored her weight on him as he preceded into the entrance hall of their flat.
"Draco, don't you dare leave," she threatened desperately. "Don't leave!"
He just looked at her, his eyes so sad, so broken that a part of her died right then and there. He was leaving. It was over. Tears leaked freely from her eyes now, there was no way to control them. He still held her gaze, and she noticed she wasn't the only one crying. The gravity of the situation hit her again when she saw him cry. Draco Malfoy was crying for their lost relationship. She couldn't help what came next, she couldn't help the desperation that forced her to press her lips down on his, her tongue frantically trying to taste every bit of him. For some blissfully numb moments he answered with the same violent desperation, clinging to the last connection between them. Then he broke it. Abruptly.
"Draco," she pleaded, her face twisted in torment.
He gave a twisted smile, one that sent chills down her spine. It wasn't kind, not even loving. It was cheerless; a last, bitter goodbye.
"Don't you dare leave," she said again, wrecking her brain for options to make him stay, make him love her again. "I'll hex you"
He laughed hollowly at her childish attempt to keep him back, before running a trembling thumb over her cheekbone.
"Goodbye, love"
"DON'T YOU FUCKING LEAVE"
His only reply was the door slamming shut behind him as he left the flat, leaving her wide-eyed behind, trying to comprehend how her life had fallen apart.
She rocked back and forth, furiously trying to calm herself from the dry sobs that heaved through her frail body. The one man she loved beyond everything had left, and she had driven him to it. There was no reason denying it; she had taken him for granted, neglected him and grown distant in their relationship. Had he been faultless? No, but she knew she was largely to blame. She didn't resent him from wanting more, not letting himself be treated the way she had been treating him.
She had nailed the coffin shut when she said there was no room for him, that she didn't need him. It had been a horrible lie. It could hardly have been further from the truth. She needed him so badly, wanted him so desperately that it felt like her entire self was gone. Her entire life had left with him. There was plenty of room for him now, cause there was nothing left but emptiness.
"Hermione"
It was easy to ignore them. She had ignored them for days. They came by now and again to make her eat, make her sleep, make her stop crying. It never worked.
"Please, Hermione. Just say something. Anything," Harry begged, his gorgeous green eyes pained by the look of her.
He wanted her to speak. He wanted to know. She gave a mad cackle, making his brow furrow in concern. He thought he wanted to know how she felt, but she knew he wasn't prepared to know how ruined she was.
"He's a thief," she finally croaked, staring vacantly at him.
"A thief?" he repeated in confusion.
"He's a fucking, lowly thief," she hissed. "He took it."
"What did he take?" Harry asked soothingly. "We'll find it for you. Whatever it is he stole from you, we'll find him and get it back."
Her dead eyes fixed on his face, his concerned, loving face. It was going to break him in two, devastate him. Her words would pain him. Some twisted part of her smiled at the thought.
"My life," she said apathetically. "He took my life."