Author's Notes: My first yaoi fic. I've had lots of yaoi ideas for several animes/mangas, but this is the first one I've come around to actually writing. It's a Knives-Legato pairing, my favorite yaoi couple from Trigun. If you don't know what yaoi means, it's two men in a romantic relationship (or at least a sexual relationship—romance isn't necessary, as with all sexual relationships, be they yaoi, yuri, or straight). WARNING: KNIVES IS TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Legato may be, as well.
Knives, Legato, and everything else that has to do with Trigun is not mine, but Nightow Yasuhiro's, as well as anybody else who holds copyrights to it.
Only a Human By Annie-chanLegato stood behind his master, his eyes downcast, saying nothing. It was unwise to say anything to Master unless he speaks to you first, or it is of dire emergency. Even in an emergency, you must be careful of what you say to him. Now was one of the worst times to speak to Master unbidden.
Master was angry. Furious, even. His accursed brother was on the move again, heading for May City. He had again saved humans by stopping a plant in Inepril City from exploding and destroying the city and everyone in it. Master stared out over the desert, his hands balled into fists at his side, his teeth clenched tight enough to hurt, His eyes twin fires blazing with rage and disappointment. Once again, Vash the Stampede has saved a bunch of wretched humans, for no reason other than his pathetic belief that all life is sacred. The outlaw had yet to learn that the humans are a poison that must be purged from existence.
Legato, too, was beyond angry. The fact that Master's idiotic brother still had not seen the truth and taken his rightful place at Master's side infuriated him to no end. Instead, Master must make do with him, Legato Bluesummers, a pitiful excuse for a replacement. Master himself had said that he was the best choice for a replacement, but he was far from equal to Vash in power, intelligence, and all-around worthiness to serve at Master's side.
I don't deserve this, the super-psychic thought bitterly. I don't deserve to be in His presence. I don't deserve to speak to Him. I don't deserve to look at Him. Hell, I don't even deserve to exist. I'm only a filthy human. His normally calm visage twisted into a silent snarl of hatred. Damn you, Vash the Stampede. Come to Master, as you should. Take your place beside Him, so He may stop degrading Himself by using me as His second. His hands clenched into fists much like Master's were. Words couldn't describe the hate he felt for Master's twin for the outlaw's refusal to follow his destiny.
"Legato," he heard Master say softly.
Legato's face went blank, and his hands unclenched. "Yes, Master?" he asked, his voice flat and unassuming.
"Leave me," Master said just as softly as before. "I am done with you for today."
"Yes, Master," Legato responded, bowing respectfully before he turned and left. It was dim in the halls as he walked toward his quarters. The suns were setting, but it was not dark enough for the lights to come on yet. He entered his quarters and crossed the floor to the bed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress after removing his overcoat. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling it out of his eyes. It fell right back into place again. The same thoughts that came to him every evening were running through his head, causing his normally buried emotions to come out.
Legato didn't just feel hatred and rage directed at this Vash the Stampede. He was jealous. Insanely jealous. The fact that all of Master's thoughts were centered on his stupid brother was almost too much for the young psychic to bear. Master thought nothing of him. He was no better than trash next to him, and he knew he deserved nothing better. Still, that did nothing to change his own feelings. He wanted Master to do something to acknowledge he was there. Even if was abuse, be it physical, sexual, emotional—he didn't care. Part of him was disgusted at himself. How dare he desire his master's undeserved attention?! He was garbage! He should never wish for Master to debase himself like that! Still—the other part of him was dying, wasting away from the inability to receive the one thing he wanted in life. No matter how undeserved that one thing was.
He absentmindedly removed the black glove from his left hand, raising the hand to his face. He let it rest gently on his cheek for a moment before he turned his face into it, closing his eyes and savoring the feel of it. He pressed a kiss to the palm, then licked along the fold lines in the skin. His right hand came up to press it firmly against him. The flesh of Master's brother. This was the closest he would ever get to him. Legato knew he had tainted the sacred flesh with the simple fact that it was attached to his body, but it was still so much more than mere human flesh. His left hand caressed his right cheek, his right hand still pressing it against his face. If only He would touch me like this…
He felt something small and wet trickle down his cheek and drip off the end of his chin to fall on his left pant leg. Another followed it, and another, and another.
Tears, he thought, surprised. How can this be?! I cannot cry! I am unable to! He quickly wiped them away, but more only took their places. Stop it! he ordered himself. Never cry over something you can never hope to have! The tears only flowed harder and faster as the words passed through his mind. That's right. He will never have Master's attention, or anything else of that nature from Master. He didn't deserve it, and he would never get it. He was only a human.
Legato bowed his head, placing it in his hands, his fingers fisting in his hair. He sat there, trembling violently with the force of his nearly silent sobbing. Why?! he screamed mentally to whatever god may be listening. Why must I desire something I may never have so much?! Why must I suffer like this?!
He eventually kicked off his shoes and curled up on the bed, hugging the pillow tightly to him. Tears still flowed down his face, and he could taste their salt on his lips.
Master, he thought, half hoping Master would hear him, totally forgetting that he didn't deserve it. Come to me. Please. I love You.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Knives heard Legato leave, the door closing almost silently behind him.
As his principal servant left him, he felt a bit of his current tenseness wear off. Legato was very good at sensing emotions, and could tell the emotional state of someone even if they were trying to hide it. He could even tell Knives' emotional state, whether the tall blond man was trying to hide it or not. He hated to admit it, but the human had him pegged in that area, at least.
He was angry at the moment. No, not angry. Totally enraged was a better word to describe it. He knew that Legato had known very well that he was furious, but hoped to God that the mad psychic didn't know the cause of the intensity of his anger.
Yes, he was upset at the fact that Vash had risked his life to save a rat's nest of worthless human garbage. But, that was not near enough to cause his anger to skyrocket as it did. He was much more angry at himself that he was with his brother.
Why? Because, Legato had been sparking odd feelings in him that he was no closer to understanding than he was when he first noticed them. The feelings he had for his brother were starting to manifest themselves whenever his thoughts rested on the young human, only in a different fashion. What he felt for his twin was the deep sibling love that he had always felt for him, so what did he feel for Legato?! It was…disturbing.
Am I growing soft?! he raged to himself. Am I starting to have feelings for this man?! That's impossible! He is only a human! He doesn't deserve anything but death! He was torn between who to blame for this. One side said that he should take it out on the source of the problem, either by killing Legato or at least giving him the beating of his life. The other side said that he was all to blame, that he was letting himself be corrupted by that pathetic human.
He knew Legato practically worshipped him. He knew that he would kill himself in the slowest, most painful way possible if he was given the order to, for the solitary reason of living his life to please his master.
He gripped the railing of the balcony he was standing on so hard his knuckles turned stark white. If the railing were any lighter, it would have been crushed beneath his fingers. He bowed his head, trying to regain control of his thoughts and emotions. His anger was slipping fast, replaced by confusion and desperation.
Stop it! he screamed at himself. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't think of him that way! He doesn't deserve you! He is only a human!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His eyes were shut tight, and his teeth were bared in his effort to beat down his treacherous feelings. It would only ruin him to give in!
Master. The word pierced his chaotic thoughts like a single bullet, cutting through with no difficulty. It wasn't telepathy…more like thoughts passing through a mental link between two people bound tightly together by fate. His eyes widened considerably. Come to me. Please. I love You.
Before he knew what he was doing, he was walking down the halls in the direction of Legato's quarters. He was in front of the door before he realized where his feet were taking him, and he halted immediately.
What am I doing here?! he thought frantically. What does this mean?! I know it was his thoughts that I heard, but…
A shudder passed through his consciousness, without a doubt from the man on the other side of the door. He was horribly upset, and only one thing could have caused it. Knives forgot all thoughts except one, and he quickly opened the locked door with a simple mind trick, slipping inside and letting it lock again behind him as it closed.
The room was dark, but it was still possible to see things semi-clearly. He could see Legato curled up on the bed, not having heard someone enter his room. Small, pitifully weak, mewling sobs could be heard, and Knives' usually cold heart constricted almost painfully at the sound. He strode quickly over to the bedside, kicked his shoes off, and slid underneath the covers.
"M-Master!" Legato gasped as Knives pinned him firmly to the bed. "Wha—" He was cut off as his lips were captured by his master's. Knives felt him shudder beneath him, a small moan escaping from the younger man's throat. At first, the psychic was still and stiff as a board, obviously in shock, but with gentle coaxing, he began kissing back. Slowly, hesitantly, his arms snaked around Knives' waist, holding him tight.
Knives finally broke away, leaving Legato gasping for breath. He licked the tear marks from his face. "Don't talk," he murmured, moving down to nibble Legato's throat. "Just relax."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The first thing he felt was warmth surrounding him as he lay on his stomach in his bed. He was confused as to its source as he slowly dragged himself out of sleep. Odd, Legato thought. I seem sleepier than usual. He opened his eyes.
The first thing he noticed was that his head was resting on someone's chest, and that someone had their arms tight around him. His sleep-slogged mind didn't register just who it was in his bed with him until his bedmate sighed in his sleep and tightened his arms. Legato's blood froze over when he looked up and recognized the face.
"M-Master!" he gaped, quiet enough that he didn't disturb his sleep. Legato's breath was suddenly very rapid and shallow, and his eyes were wider than they had ever been before. He reached up hesitantly and gingerly traced his jaw.
"Mm," Master purred in his sleep and turned his face slightly into Legato's hand. He was real. It wasn't a dream, after all.
The first thing Legato felt was confused elation at waking up in the arms of his master, but that elation was short lived. It was quickly replaced with guilt, shame, and a feeling of wretched unworthiness.
Oh…God, no, the young human thought miserably. I don't deserve this. I'm only a human. He…He is sacred…perfect. I've stained Him with my filthy touch! Tears again began pouring down his face. Master! How could You let me do this to You?! I've marred Your perfection! He began quivering uncontrollably, his tears dripping down to Master's chest. The blond man stirred, and seemed to be coming out of sleep.
Legato panicked. He threw himself to the side, breaking Master's hold on him, and landing on his back on the bed next to him. He sat up, bending his knees so they were nearly level with his face. Laying his head on his folded arms on his knees, he began to silently cry. Master! I've ruined You! WHY did You let me do it?!?!?!
"Legato…?" he heard Master mutter beside him as he woke up. He sounded a little confused and sleepy. "Hey…what are you doing? Are you crying?" He laid a hand on Legato's bare shoulder.
The psychic flinched away. "No!" he choked. "Don't touch me! I'm unworthy of Your touch! You…You've already let me ruin Your perfection with my filthy body!" He shuddered and curled up tighter. "Why did You let me do it?!" he murmured, distraught.
He felt Master place his hand on his shoulder again, but couldn't flinch away again without falling off the bed, so he tensed up and stayed where he was.
"Legato," he heard Master's soft, soothing voice say. "You didn't 'ruin my perfection.' I was the one who took control, and if I had wanted it to stop, I would have stopped it without a second thought." He heard Master sigh. "This is none of your fault."
"Yes, it is!" Legato cried. "I've ruined You! You're no longer untouched by a human's imperfection! All because of me and my stupid desires!" His weeping resumed, and he was trembling even worse now.
"Legato," Master clipped, his voice sounding a bit angry. "You know never to defy me! Don't you ever contest what I say again!"
"Ye-yes, Master," Legato stammered weakly. "Please, forgive me."
Master sighed, calming down. All the emotions Legato could sense from Master were jumbled up in an unreadable mess, and he had no idea what exactly he was thinking.
"I'm sorry, Legato," Master said softly. "I didn't mean to snap like that."
Legato was visibly shocked, jerking his head up and around to look at Master. Since when did he need to apologize for snapping at him?! Master seemed to ignore Legato's alarm.
"What I mean to say is, I did what I did last night because I wanted to," Master explained.
"Wha-what?!" Legato gasped. "Y-You wanted to…do that with me?! "B-but, why?!?! I-I don't deserve anything like that! I'm only a human!" He was quickly getting stuck in an unmanageable confusion.
"Legato," Master said again, placing his other hand on his other shoulder. "I never would have done anything like I did last night if I thought you didn't deserve it. I tried to deny to myself that I felt anything for you, that you were only a filthy human that deserved nothing from me, but I just couldn't lie to myself like that forever."
"Oh, Master…I…" the distressed young man whispered.
"Look at me," Master said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Legato complied, turning his head back around. "Now, do you think I would do anything like this if I thought you didn't deserve it?" Before Legato could puzzle over what Master meant by "this," Master pulled him to him and sealed his lips over his.
Kiss me back, Legato, Master said into his mind. He flicked his tongue against Legato's lips, demanding entrance. The human obeyed, opening his mouth to allow Master in. He shivered in nearly uncontained pleasure as he felt his tongue dip under his tongue, stroke along the top of it, run over the roof of his mouth. Kiss me back, came the request again. It wasn't an order, but a request between lovers. Legato hesitated a moment more, then submitted to his desires. He fairly melted into Master's embrace, wrapping his arms around him, pressing insistently against his mouth. A moan escaped his throat, muffled by his master's lips. He was breathless by the time he broke off, and was almost surprised to see that Master was the same. Was that his doing?! Did Master really react to him like that?!
Master held him tight, cradling his head against his shoulder. "I love you, Legato. Believe me when I say that. I never thought that I could love a human, and I still don't understand how I could, but you've somehow worked your way into my heart."
Tears began stinging Legato's eyes again. "I don't deserve this," he whispered again, his voice dripping with spiritual agony.
"Now, damn it!" Master almost shouted, giving Legato a quick, tight squeeze. "You very well deserve it! I wouldn't love you like I do if you didn't deserve it!"
Legato's eyes were wide. Master's emotions were still rather jumbled, but Legato could sense one thing for sure: unwavering conviction. He meant very well what he had just said to him.
"I love you, Legato," Master said again, his voice gentler than Legato had ever heard it. "Do you have the courage to say the same to me?"
"I-I…" Legato stuttered. "I love you, Master."
"Knives," Master said. "Only call me 'Master' when other people are around. When it's just me, I'm Knives."
"Y-yes, Master," Legato replied. "I-I mean…Knives…" It felt strange to say it. He never called him by his name, even when speaking to other people. He was Master, not Knives. It would take a while to get used to it.
Knives ran a hand through Legato's hair. "That's better."
Legato felt like all of this was somehow not real. His deepest and most secret desire had come true! What were the odds of that?! Oh, what the hell, he thought, and nestled comfortably into Knives' embrace. He may have laughed if he had heard Knives' thoughts just then.
Lord, Knives thought, looking skyward, half joking, half serious, what have I gotten myself into?!
OwariAuthor's Notes: I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just had to write something like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I made Knives TOTALLY out of character, but I wanted to write a Knives-Legato yaoi where the relationship was more than Knives-relieves-his-sexual-tension-and-sadistic-desires-on-Legato. I like stuff that's different than the norm. Anyway, how'd I do with this one? Please let me know. Any comments can go to [email protected], onegai shimasu!