WELCOME TO THE LAND OF DENIAL

population: me and you apparently

a/n: this idea just came to me while i was listening to music. it's a series of oneshots that aren't oneshots. does that make any sense at all? basically they exist in the same universe and there is a plot, but... okay, you know what? they're not oneshots, i just write them like they are. each chapter's based on a song whose lyrics are at the beginning of the chapter. pretty easy to understand right? okay. good. how about i let you read now? yeah, i think it's a good idea to.

-insert disclaimer of your choice-

"Wake Me Up"

Norah Jones

Wake me up when it's over,

Wake me up when it's done,

When he's gone away and taken everything,

Wake me up.

Wake me up when the skies are clearing

When the water is still,

Cuz I will not watch the ships sail away so

Please say you will.

If it were any other day,

This wouldn't get the best of me.

But today I'm not so strong

So lay me down with a sad song

And when it stops then you know I've been

Gone too long.

But don't shake me awake

Don't bend me or I will break

Find me somewhere between my dreams

With the sun on my face.

I will still feel it later on

She can't do this, not today. She can't face Derek and that intern. She can't even say her name. The woman who took her husband away. Normally, and this is something you have to understand, normally, she can deal with this. Ever since they started the divorce proceedings she's had to deal with Derek and her. And she can deal, she really can. But today is different. Today is special, and not in a good way.

Today would have been her and Derek's twelfth anniversary.

See, told you she can't deal. But she will go in to work anyways, because she said she would and she enjoys rubbing salt in her wounds. Really, she does. It would explain Mark, at least the second time around.

She has to go in, right? She can't just… not go in. She said she would. And she will, but honestly, all she wants to do is curl up and sleep for, maybe, ever. But she won't. She will go in and she will not burst into tears. At least not in public.

She takes extra pains today on her appearance. At least she can look flawless on the outside, even when she's a mess internally. Besides, she knows that she'll be in scrubs, and honestly, she can't resist the chance to remind Derek of what he's missing. So she chooses her most subtly sexy outfit and she makes sure that her hair and makeup are perfection. And then she's ready.

She can do this, she really can. She strides into the hospital, chin up. No one's going to know that today is any different. She passes her and Christina and she can feel them eyeing her warily. "See, how am I supposed to compete with that?" she whines. She smirks, it's good to know that the twelve-year-old has self esteem issues. Have fun with that, Derek.

Later on, she's looking over some charts at a nurses' station. "Nice outfit," Mark says from behind her and she turns around with a roll of her eyes. "I like the nearly hidden slit in the skirt."

"Go away, Mark," she groans, because she really can't deal with the almost sexual harassment, not today. "And if you won't, please just tell me what you want so that I can help you and then you can leave."

"Relax, Addie, I just wanted to see how you were doing today." He puts emphasis on today.

"You never ask me that. Why would you ask me that?" Addison asks, because she is determined that no one will know that today is different from any other day.

"Because today's you and Derek's anniversary."

She's impressed, but she doesn't want to admit it. "It is?" She pretends that she didn't spend half an hour in bed contemplating not getting up because of the day. "So you can remember me and Derek's anniversary, but you can't remember your own mother's birthday?" she asks, referring to the fact that every year he always gets a call from his father two days after his mother's birthday, asking if he's planning on sending a present or maybe even showing up. He always opts for the first option.

"It's an important day. Or was, I guess."

"You know, Mark, I'm fine. I'm great. You know what would make me even better? If you turned around and walked forward."

"Ow."

"Mark, please. Just… not today. Not today."

For once in his life, it seems Mark has just a hint of compassion and walks away.

When he's gone another voice from behind her says, "I'd say 'happy anniversary', but I'm not required to anymore."

"Derek. Seriously. Just go away."

"Why? Are you sad? Actually regretting sleeping with Mark?"

"I think we've been through this a couple of times."

"So what are you doing later? Me and Meredith are going out to dinner." She nearly flinches at the sound of her name, but she contains herself. Is it just her or is Derek in a particularly malevolent mood today?

"Good for you. Have fun." And with that she pushes past him and runs to an on call room, because she said she wouldn't cry in public. She said nothing about on call rooms.

It's dark in the room and she barely closes and locks the door before she starts crying. She doesn't notice the lump in the top bunk until it sits up and asks, "Dr. Montgomery?"

"Oh, ah, Karev, ah, hi, um, yeah, um, I'm sorry, I'll just… I'll go now."

"What's wrong?" Alex asks as he hops down from the bed, because he's noticed the tear tracks on her face.

"Nothing's wrong, I-I'm fine," Addison replies, pretending that she's not still having issues breathing.

"You were just crying."

"Uh… ah…" She can't decide what to say. "I, uh, I…"

"Why?"

"I… ah… I… it's nothing."

"It's something."

"It's nothing."

"If it's something to you then it's not nothing. Come on, tell me. Maybe I can help."

She decides that she can trust him, for some reason he seems like he actually cares. "Today would have been me and Derek's twelfth anniversary," she tells him. "And Derek said something and… I don't know, I just want to crawl under my covers and never come out, you know? Of course you wouldn't know, you've never been married. I'm sorry that, that sounded mean. I just, I don't get how you're supposed to help me or whatever. You can't possibly know what this feels like."

"You're right, I don't."

"It's just like it hurts and I can't make it stop and Derek seems like he's intent on making it even worse and I just can't do this."

"Then don't."

"Wha- Alex, what are you talking about?" She's so caught up in what he's saying that she doesn't realize that she just called him by his first name.

"Take the day off. The Chief'll understand."

"No. No, I can't. Because then Derek will know he won and he can't win. Because if he wins then she wins and she's already got my husband, she can't win too." Addison tears up again.

"No one said anything about competing," Alex points out.

"Doesn't matter." She shakes her head. "We are. And I'm losing." She continues to shake her head and her tears make an encore appearance.

Alex looks uncomfortable, but wraps his arms around her, because it seems like that's what she needs. She stiffens for a moment, but then just lets go and lets herself melt into his arms. They stay like that for a good five minutes, until she pulls away. "You're exhausted," he says. "Stay here and sleep or avoid Shepherd or whatever."

"But-"

"Addison, seriously. Stay," he orders, guiding her to the bed. He doesn't seem to notice that he just called her by her first name, but she does. "Sleep. You don't have a surgery for awhile. I'll come get you or I'll page you. I'll wake you up somehow."

She considers saying no, but she really is tired and she doesn't want to face Derek again. "Okay," she agrees. "Hey, Alex? Thanks. For everything."

"No problem. Get some sleep." He turns and walks out of the room. She lies down and closes her eyes. She'll deal with everything later. For now, she's going to sleep.

want to tell me what you think about it?

-Juliana