Well, it's Hana Kimi fiction now. Yay. A little bit a of language from Kagurazaka, Shin, and Sano. There's also some slashy goodness later on and big brother fury. Reviews much appreciated. Good day.
When he first started jumping, not to succeed his father and brother but to satisfy his own need of flying, the bar didn't seem so high. But now, when his pride was at stake, it seemed to tower above.
How had his brother been able to conquer such a terrible height?
Oh yeah, he had "him", twisting his head to the side, Shin caught a glimpse of that vivacious Mizuki that Izumi enjoyed the company of. Maybe more...
It was another thing he couldn't have, along with the fact that he will never defeat his brother. Even though a lot of people, teammates and competitors alike, congratulated him for his efforts, what he does and whatever accomplishes is always over shadowed by his brother.
Shin knew he wasn't as experienced as Izumi when it came to high jumping, and that he didn't have Izumi's perfect form and grace when sailing through the air but he still foolishly hoped that he had more than that.
When Izumi ran away from home, by what seems so long ago now, all he heard from his father was "Izumi" this and "Izumi" that
every
single
day.
Somewhere in his conscience he knew that his father just missed Izumi but he couldn't help himself get angry with him. What about him? Would his father show as much concern for him just as he showed for Izumi?
Again his conscience replied that of course he would, he was his father's son just as much as Izumi. Yet again, he ignored that part of his brain and let the doubts consume him. He wasn't as precious of an athlete as Izumi, and he didn't have the charisma, the looks, in fact, he had absolutely nothing.
Unlike Izumi, who took much after their father, Shin looked almost exactly like his beloved, deceased mother. Another reason why his father couldn't look him in the eye when he felt upset, his face served a constant reminder of the woman his father had loved and whose death he took the blame of.
Because of his mother's looks, he was forcibly sheltered and pampered, so he couldn't get hurt and broken. His father wouldn't allow him to try high jumping, or any sport for that matter, and forced him to watch from the sidelines. And so he watched, as Izumi soared higher and higher not only in the sky but on the charts as well. Shin longed for the same proud look his father always casts on Izumi and that same proud grin that Izumi never saw.
Then Izumi and his father fought, of what he didn't know, but it had something to do with Izumi's high jumping career, and Izumi left to attend Osaka High School in Tokyo. (Shin couldn't help but snicker at that. A private school in Tokyo named after another city? What were the founders thinking?)
A part of Shin felt a bit sad at the lost of his brother but most of him rejoiced at the chance to prove himself to his father. This was his chance to show his father that he could be just as good, and better, than Izumi.
He jumped, without taking any of the precautions he always heard Oya-ji lectured Izumi to take, and crashed (quite horribly). His hopes tumbled toward the ground as his body twisted and hurtled toward the mat below. With an earth shattering thump, and a cry of pain from his mouth, his body slammed against the mat and bounced, once, twice, before it settled.
His left arm and right leg was sprawled against the cushion at a haphazard angle and his left ankle stung as if it was sprained and probably was, along with his right wrist. The only good part of his first attempt was that the pain gave him the excuse to not face his dad and black out.
Sometime after that incident, in the hospital he was staying at, his father berated him for his foolish act. He had never seen Oya-ji so angered and upset.
Not even at mother's funeral.
Even though the pain and ache was terrible, his heart soared at the attention and worry his father was displaying for him. That is, until Oya-ji mentioned Izumi. His doubts and fears were becoming real as his father continued his rant.
"You could never be like Izumi, so why try? It was stupid of you to even do that! Izumi wouldn't have done it - he would've come to me first. But you didn't, did you? You jumped as if you didn't need any help; you were so stupid and dumb! Unlike you, Izumi had a brain - he took precautions! It's times like this that I wish I only had Izumi for a son!"
At this, he let his temper take control. He screamed back at his father, and said some horrible things that he regretted later on. But at that point he just didn't care, he just wanted his father to feel as hurt as he did.
"So what? I'm not your precious Izumi and you know that! So what if I'm foolish and stupid? You were foolish and stupid enough to drive that stupid car years ago! And you're absolutely right; it is your fault that Mom died! You stole my mother away from me and I'll never forgive you!"
The look on his father's face was so depraved that it almost made Shin feel guilt for what he had done, but at least it made his father leave the hospital and stayed out for the remainder of Shin's recovery. During the duration of that time, it gave Shin time to think and settle his thoughts.
So he did and came to realize the source of his misery - Izumi. On the last night of his hospital stay, he snuck out. After stealing (from his house of course, he wasn't some petty thief!) some new clothes and money for his trip he headed out to find Izumi.
It was time he settled this once and for all.
In a whirlwind of events that left him at Tokyo, Shin lost his courage. It all seemed so well planned in his mind so why back out now?
He knew, it was because of Izumi. What was he supposed to say to him? "It's all your fault that Oyaji doesn't see me for who I am!" That seemed as if he was placing all the blame on Izumi even though his raven-haired brother wasn't even there, much less know of, the incident back in Hokkaido. Plus, it showed how weak he was at that time. Weak and spineless.
As much as he disliked his 'oh-so-perfect' brother, Shin looked up to him just as much. Is this how he wanted Izumi to see his brother? The spoiled and vulnerable brat he was? Hell no. But that made all the trouble he went through to get to Tokyo absolutely worthless. He crossed a frickin' ocean, damn it!
Shin supposed one glance at high school Izumi wouldn't hurt; after all, it wasn't like he'd actually talk and interact with Izumi. Right?
Then he met him, Ashiya Mizuki. For a minute, he had mistaken Mizuki for a girl. But his tone of voice and boyish actions soon set Shin straight. (Pun intended, please.)
Normally, Shin didn't take kindly to strangers and especially nosy strangers that gladly took it upon themselves to recover a brotherly bond that was lost for years. In the end, Shin couldn't help but be thankful for what Mizuki did.
His heart began to become attached to the bright person that is Mizuki. Maybe he could start over, just like Mizuki said, and become a better person. He believed he could and regained the hope that was broken long ago. Not only that, but he wanted to start over... with Mizuki.
After the incident during the track meet, which landed his father in the hospital and brought the family (especially Izumi and Oya-ji) close once again, Shin decided he was going to confess his feelings to Mizuki.
But, yet again, his hopes were dashed. As if to torture him, his brain recalled the looks of love and admiration Mizuki would always send Izumi when he thought no one was looking. Shin painstakingly remembered the proud shine in Mizuki's bright brown eyes and the silly, lovesick grin on his strawberry pink lips. It painted such a beautiful picture, a beauty that he couldn't have.
As much as he loved Mizuki, he was sure Izumi loved him more. He caught the glimpses of fondness on Izumi's face whenever Mizuki was around and the concern Izumi always showered on Mizuki even when there was nothing to hurt from. It seemed that Izumi's stoic and frozen persona would always melt in the adversity of Mizuki's warmth.
Izumi had finally let someone in, and that was enough to show Shin that the feelings were reciprocated from one to another. In the beginning, he had pointedly ignored those looks but now it was costing him.
The burden that was lifted from his shoulders was back. Strangely, it felt even heavier, weighing down every inch of his body. Every step he took almost made his topple to the ground and his heart ached every time it beats.
So this is what it feels to be rejected by what seems to be the love of your life.
Shin mused at this thought. maybe he was a masochist, chasing after a love that would never be granted to him.
He knew that ever since he first asked Mizuki if he would like to see his jump. He had gotten better, much better in fact, since his first time. His form was more controlled and his timing pinpoint accurate. Shin couldn't wait to show Mizuki just how more awesome he was.
But even though Mizuki had said yes, Shin saw how that glimmer of glee in Mizuki's eyes never quite reached her smile the way it always did when he saw Izumi jump.
Then the realization hit him like a piercing jet of ice-cold water. His jump would never amount to the sheer phenomenon that was Izumi's. At least in Mizuki's eyes. Train and train he did, but no amount of hard work and perseverance would ever make his jump as beautiful and breath taking as Izumi's. He just wasn't good enough.
"Well if it isn't the little Sano punk." A voice drawled from the shadows on Shin's left.
Shin turned and glared at form that had materialized into Kagurazaka. Was it just him or that it seemed misery and pain was attracted to him?
Kagurazaka raised a hand in greeting, his mouth twisting into a sardonic grin, fangs bared. Shin just snorted and went back to walking away. He just didn't feel like butting heads with that brute, definitely not today.
He'd rather go sulk about his miserable love life.
Kagurazaka frowned, what the hell was wrong with his 'rival'? Normally, the little red head would spit flames at his mere presence and his face flushing an adorable red. Whatever, Kagurazaka was more miffed that the boy didn't even bother to acknowledge him. If there was one thing that really pissed him off, it was being ignored.
"Yo, Shin!" He called out after the retreating figure. He was going to give that little punk such a beating...
"What?" Shin turned and stared at him with a furrowed brow.
Surprisingly, there was no menace in his tone. Shin, on the other hand, was quite surprised at being addressed by his given name to retort something smart back at the bleached haired athlete. The only person (non-family) to have ever called him by his given name was...
Kagurazaka blinked at the hurt and pain that reflected Shin's watery eyes. So that was it then, the little puppy got dumped! Kagurazaka suppressed a snigger, normally he hated crying wimps, but this was Shin, so it was far from normal.
Easily, he strode towards Shin and the red headed shrunk back. He took one step forward and Shin would take three steps back. This pattern continued on until Shin's back hit a dark corner in the alley. Just where Kagurazaka wanted him.
Grinning menacing down at the cornered Sano, Kagurazaka was pleased to notice that Shin did not back down. The boy glared up at him, his eyes smoldering in warning, and his fists clenched and ready to strike back.
This act of defiance turned him on, against his better judgment.
Slamming his hands on either side of the cornered boy, Kagurazaka hunkered down until his lips caressed the lobe of Shin's ear.
"I think your jump was beautiful."
This managed to have the effect Kagurazaka desired. Shin froze, his eyes becoming dazed, and allowed himself to be at mercy to Kagurazaka's whims.
Shin couldn't help but blush when he felt lips cover his own. Damn it! He'll get back at Kagurazaka for this!! ... Right after Kagurazaka's done with that delicious thing he's doing with his tongue.
Kagurazaka let his pleased grin blossom on his face when he felt Shin's hands, one clenched in the fabric that covered his torso and the other one gripping and massaging his scalp, pressed them even closer. The tent in his jeans pitched up an inch or two when Shin nipped harshly at his bottom lip and thrusted his hips forward simultaneously.
Kagurazaka clapped himself on the back for his amazingly good taste.
Sano glared at the bastard in front of him, to his disgust, the bastard grinned as if he was the cat that got the canary, not even flinching at Sano's Big Brother Death Glare (TM).
"Shin", he ground out with clenched teeth, " what the hell is Kagurazaka doing here?"
As if possible, Kagurazaka's grin became wider.
Shin's voice, unbelievably calm and composed, drifted softly from the kitchen.
"I invited him over."
"And why," insert burst of intensity in death glare, " is Kagurazaka wearing my clothes?"
At this, Sano could see the innuendo and blush that belied his little brother's reply and that mortified (!) him.
"Um, I, we, sort of gotten his clothes dirty. That's all."
After that, an awkward silence rang through the house.
Sano glared harder, as if possible, at Kagurazaka, his greatest rival, his brother's (dare I say it...) boyfriend, the rapist who stole his brother virginity and apparently chastity... etc. etc. Sano snarled at the bastard. "You're on my list."
To his absolute horror, Kagurazaka just grinned that irksome grin which was accompanied with a wink in Shin's direction and a comment that made him flinch in mortification.
"Nice to know we're getting along well, Brother-In-Law," Kagurazaka smirked down at Sano, enjoying the rare rage of emotions that he inflicted on the stoic teen.
Honestly, he liked this Sano better than his usual mood. He never liked quiet people. Given the boom of sounds that echoed in Shin's room last night, it was quite true that Kagurazaka did not like quiet people at all.