A/N- Hello, my dear readers, and wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome to Burning Up, the sequel to Love For Rent. Before we get started, I'd like to get a few things out of the way.
Disclaimer- While I do own a Mark scarf, Without You, and other Rent odds and ends, the characters and story of Rent itself belong to the dearly beloved Jonathan Larson. Thank you so much, Jonathan, for gifting the world with something so beautiful and for bringing so many people together.
With that, I would like to thank and dedicate this story to three wonderful people that Rent has brought into my life—my second family, my "older sisters" Belinda, Samantha, and Lily. Bella will forever be in my heart as my Mark, one of the most amazing people I know and certainly someone I hope to be friends with for a long time. Sami is my Roger, the inspiration for the Trai/Roger in LFR and this story that a lot of you praised. I love you, Sami, and thank you for all you've done for me. And Lily is my favorite nerd, the one who I can quote Elizabethtown with, act like a total idiot, talk about soulmates, and who I must credit with coming up with the character of Holly. Thank you, my darling.
Now, on with the story. Thank you, everyone!
"It's the end of the world as we know it/It's the end of the world as we know it/It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine..."
- "It's The End of the World (As We Know It)"
R.E.M.
Burning Up
Chapter One
It's The End of the World
(As We Know It)
"Mark?"
Trai Buscemi slowly stepped into the kitchen. Her fiancé, Mark Cohen, gave a wide grin, leaving the sauce he'd been stirring to simmer while he came over and kissed her gently. "Hey. Nice nap?" he asked. She'd been sleeping when he came home.
"Yeah, yeah… sure…" Trai seemed distracted. "Um… can we… can we talk, Mark?"
"Sure, baby." Concerned, he sat her down. "About what?" he asked as he took a seat next to her.
She shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "I think I might be pregnant."
Mark looked at her for a minute, gently tucking her hair behind her ear. "Oh," he said quietly.
In his head, what he was really saying was oh, shit.
Trai looked at the floor. "I… I didn't want to take a test… Mark… I'm scared," she whispered.
Mark reached over and pulled her into an embrace. "I know," he said gently. "I am too. I know."
Valentine's Day, 1993. 6 PM, Eastern Standard Time.
Three and a half months since the miscarriage. A month and a half since Trai's return and Mark's proposal.
Mark very gently rubbed her back to comfort her. "Have you missed your period?" he asked softly.
Trai nodded, close to tears. "This month and last."
Mark smoothed her hair and whispered, "Trai, we'll get through this. I promise you we'll get through this."
"I don't want to lose another baby. I can't," she whispered, trembling.
"I know. Shh… shh… don't cry. Don't cry, baby… it's okay…"
Trai shook in his arms, then wrapped hers around his neck, just wanting to be held. He rested his cheek against the top of her head as she cried, stroking her hair calmly, tenderly. "Shh… shh… I'm here…"
Finally, when her tears had died down a bit, Mark tilted her face to his. "Do you want me to get the test?" he asked her, gently, trying not to upset her.
Trai nodded.
Slowly, Mark got up, not wanting to leave her when she was so upset. He kissed her for a second, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Then he pulled away, setting the sauce and the rest of dinner aside half-prepared, and grabbed his coat and scarf.
He stopped at Roger's on the way down the stairs.
"Come in!" Roger called as Mark knocked.
Mark found Mimi and Roger on the floor, playing with their daughter, Lauren, who was almost seven months old by now. "We have a bit of an issue," Mark said slowly.
Roger's expression shifted immediately to concern. "Is Trai okay?" Roger and Trai had gotten to be very close, and Roger was really protective of her, almost more so than Mark.
Mark let out a slow breath. "If you call a potential pregnancy okay."
Roger looked up, the same concern in his eyes that Mark had felt earlier. Very softly, he said, "Shit."
"I know," Mark said quietly, swallowing hard. "I… I really don't know what to do… she's so scared…"
"You said potential—she's not sure?" Mimi asked.
Mark nodded. "But she's late."
"By how much?" Mimi prodded gently.
"She missed last month and this one," Mark sighed, shutting his eyes and leaning against the wall. Don't freak out... don't freak out...
Mimi bit her lip. "I'll come with you to get the test… Rog, take Lauren… try to keep Trai calm until we get back…"
"How much longer?" Trai whispered into Mark's shoulder.
Mark checked his watch. "Four minutes," he said gently, squeezing Trai's shoulder. But for the past eleven minutes, his stomach had been in knots. Trai wasn't much better; she'd already thrown up twice, worried sick.
Trai closed her eyes and tried not to freak out again. "I don't think I can do this," she whispered. "I really, really don't…"
Mark rubbed her back, though his hands were shaking. "Shh," he soothed. "We… we don't know yet if you are."
"You honestly doubt it?" Trai whispered.
I wish I could say I could. "I don't… I'm sorry, baby… I'm just… freaking out a little still."
Trai nodded and pulled closer into him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
After what felt like an eternity, his watch beeped. Mark felt his stomach clench. Shaking now, Trai whispered, "Please look?"
Mark slowly got up, looking at the test sitting on the sink.
He was met by two pink lines.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit…
"Mark?" Trai whispered, shakily, from the floor. He couldn't speak. He sat down beside her and pulled her close, trying not to cry.
"Positive?" she whispered.
Mark nodded.
Scared out of her mind, Trai almost started hyperventilating. Mark hugged her, rubbing her back, trying anything to soothe her, though he was terrified himself. "It's okay, baby, it's okay… we can get through this, baby, I swear…"
After a while, Trai said quietly, "Okay… okay… can you help me up?"
"That's my girl," Mark whispered. He got up and helped her off the floor. "You need anything?" he asked softly.
"I just want to lie down… can you get Roger?" Trai asked, a little timidly.
Mark knew Roger would want to know if Trai was pregnant or not anyway, since they were close, and knew that his best friend could help to calm her down more as well. "Sure, baby. Go lie down. I'll be right back."
Before he left, Trai kissed him. He kissed her back and stroked her hair for a moment before he left to go downstairs.
Roger practically leapt up when he opened the door. "Is she…?"
Mark nodded. "Yeah. She is."
Roger breathed in and let it out. "Would you mind if I went to see her?"
"She wants to see you, actually; it's why I'm here."
Roger nodded and went upstairs. He softly pushed open the door to the bedroom, finding Trai lying on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. "Trai?" he said, very softly.
Trai looked up, and he realized that her face was streaked with tears. "Oh, Trai…" he whispered, sitting down on the bed and grasping her hand.
"How can I do this?" she whispered into his shoulder as he pulled her into a hug. "I don't… I can't…"
Roger gently made her look at him. "We're all behind you, Trai. You can do this," he said softly.
"I'm going to lose it," Trai whispered shakily.
"You're not going to lose it," Roger whispered, knowing enough not to promise but wishing he could. "We'll do everything we can to make sure of that."
Trai just nodded, not quite reassured.
Early the next morning, she was sitting with Mark in the office of the obstetrician at the clinic. They wanted to be absolutely sure of her pregnancy, and to ask a few questions about it in general.
Though she was a little less shaken, Trai was still a little high-strung. She'd barely eaten the night before, worn out from worrying and getting sick previously. Mark knew that the both of them hadn't slept much, either.
Mark kept his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. Finally the obstetrician came in.
"Hi, Ms. Buscemi, Mr. Cohen," she said with a smile. "I'm Doctor Montgomery." She offered them her hand; both of them shook. Montgomery took a seat across from them.
She looked first at Trai, then at Mark. "To start… your test was positive, Tracy," she said gently. Trai inhaled a slow breath and surveyed the floor, her hand on Mark's squeezing painfully tight.
Montgomery watched her, all too familiar with scenes like this. She knew that Trai had miscarried a few months before, and laid a comforting hand on Trai's. "We're going to do all we can to monitor the baby all throughout your pregnancy," she assured Trai. "As long as you get prenatal care, as long as you allow us to monitor the baby, this will go fine," she said softly.
Trai leaned into Mark, shaking a little. Mark whispered, "Hear that? Everything will be fine."
Trai breathed out a shuddery sigh, trying not to think of the D and C she'd gone through the day she'd lost Grace. Roger had carried her half-conscious to the hospital, where she'd been put under heavy sedation and brought into surgery in order to complete the miscarriage. Trai had been alone and absolutely terrified. She'd had nightmares about it for nights after, often waking up crying, which had scared Mark.
"Take this," Montgomery said, handing Trai a prescription. "Prenatal vitamins. It's not absolutely necessary that you take them, but they'll help you and the baby. Do you have any questions?"
"I, um… how far along am I, exactly?" Trai asked quietly.
"About six weeks, from the look of things," Montgomery told her.
Trai breathed out slowly. "Shit," she whispered.
Mark knew what she was thinking. The power outage. Goddammit.
Trai slowly got up. "Thank you, Dr. Montgomery… if I have any questions, can I call?"
"Of course," Montgomery said with a nod. "I'll give you my number. I'd like you to come in about four weeks from now; we'll check on the fetal heartbeat and do a general checkup. Sound good?"
Both Mark and Trai nodded and left the office, Trai scheduling another appointment at the desk before they left.
Mark cleared his throat and said quietly, "Trai, I'm… this is my fault…"
Trai held up her hand. "No one's fault. We got caught up in the moment, I guess. Didn't occur to either of us."
"Everything will be fine," Mark said softly. "It'll all be fine."
"I guess," Trai said quietly. "What... whatever you say..."
"There's three feet of snow on the ground, it's fucking freezing, I can't feel my fingers and—Mark, is the power out?"
"You'd be correct. Hey." Mark kissed Trai as she pulled off the leather gloves that had done nothing to keep the cold from her skin. Trai wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, dropping her shopping bags.
"Was your shopping successful?" Mark asked as they broke apart.
"Yes, it was, and if my parents call and ask, yeah, I totally did the shopping last week, and no, you and I are not engaged. I haven't told them yet."
"Well, technically we've only been engaged since this morning, so you can give it some time."
Trai sat down on the couch after hanging up her coat and stripping off her boots and socks. She was dressed comfortably in a shirt and heavy sweatpants. Mark went back to lighting candles to bring some light to the pitch-dark loft.
It was January 1st, around eleven o'clock in the evening. Mark had proposed to Trai early that morning, after they came home from watching the Ball drop. She'd accepted, happily, and they were finally back to normal after the miscarriage.
After he was done lighting the candles, Mark settled down next to Trai and pulled her to him. "How are you?"
"I'm wonderful," Trai said softly, smiling. "Fantastic. I'm… God, Mark, I'm your fiancée. I couldn't be happier."
Mark smiled and let her snuggle into him. "Cold?"
"No shit, Sherlock. I still can't feel my fingers."
Mark brought them up to his lips, kissing them gently. "Better?"
"Little more," Trai said with a grin. Mark smiled, trailing kisses up her sleeve, gently laying her back onto the couch, slipping his hands up her shirt and cupping her breasts in his hands. "More than one way to keep warm," he murmured.
"I like your way better," Trai said softly, and unzipped his jeans.
Mark passed Roger a beer as he came out onto the fire escape. "Hey, man," he said quietly.
"Hey," Roger said as he sat down. "You guys okay?"
"I guess," Mark sighed. "God, this is my fault…"
"It's no one's fault, Mark. These things happen… I mean, Mimi and I didn't plan on having Lauren, but look at where we are now."
"No, Rog, it's my fault. I didn't think about protection. It didn't even cross my mind. We want to have kids, but not this soon! Not after… not after Grace," he said quietly. "We wanted to wait."
"You can't honestly tell me you're unhappy, Mark. I know how long you've wanted this."
Mark sighed. "I'm not unhappy. I love Trai, and I want kids. I know I want this. But… Trai… she's been through so much. I just… I hope she's not upset…"
"I'm sure she's not."
"You haven't seen her since she and I went to the clinic. She's quiet. She won't even say anything to me."
"Just give her time to let it sink in. Sleep it off," Roger suggested. "That's what I did for Mimi. She just needs to think."
Mark sighed and took another drink of his beer. "I can't even begin to think about this." He leaned his head back against the wall.
Completely knowing the feeling, Roger offered, "Try this—in eight months, you'll be a dad."
Mark closed his eyes and mulled it over. He'd thought about starting a family since Cindy had had kids, but had pretty much given up on it while he was with Maureen—she was too wild, at that point, to be a mother, and after they'd broken up he'd pretty much sworn to celibacy. When he'd found Trai, he'd been happy—unbelievably happy. Almost ten months after they started dating, she'd miscarried before she'd even told him she was pregnant, and it had almost torn them apart.
He wanted kids so badly, and the only person he wanted them with was Trai…
"I want this," he whispered. "I really do."
Roger squeezed his shoulder. "Knew you did," he said softly. "And I'm here for you, man. You and her."
Mark hugged his friend for a moment. "We'll need you," he assured him. "And I am so glad that you'll be around to be my kid's uncle."
Roger smiled. "Just like I'm glad you're Lauren's. Now," he said as he pulled away, "go talk to Trai."
Trai was lying in her bedroom, the room Mark had kept for her just in case she didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him some nights. She went in there when she needed time alone—usually when she was upset, or when she was missing Danny, her brother. Right now, she needed to think.
She slowly ran her hands down her body, letting them rest on her stomach. Since the night before, she'd been trying to wrap her mind around the fact that there was a life growing inside her. She'd struggled with the same thing right before the miscarriage, but this was different. She and Mark had been so afraid that they wouldn't be able to conceive, that somehow something had gone wrong. And now… now they were having a baby.
"I want this," she whispered to herself. "Why don't I feel happy?"
There was a soft knock on the door. "Trai?" Mark called softly.
"Door's open," Trai called back.
Mark opened the door and came in quietly, shutting the door behind him and sitting down on the bed next to her. "How you feeling?" he asked gently, smoothing her hair.
"Okay," Trai sighed. "Tired. A little sick."
"That's normal," Mark said softly. "I think it'll end in a month or so."
Trai laid her head in his lap. "This scares me so much," she admitted quietly. "It terrifies me, and I can't believe that we're having a baby, but… God, Mark… I want this," she whispered. "I want this."
Mark put his hands over hers, which were still resting on her stomach. "I do too," he whispered. "So much… Trai, I love you. I love you more than anything. And I love our baby," he whispered.
Trai sat up and let him pull her close. He kissed her softly, holding her face in his hands. "You mean everything to me," he whispered, stroking her cheek. "I promise you that we're together in this. I promise you, Trai."
Trai nodded and buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. "God, I love you," she whispered.
Mark smoothed her hair, holding her close to his body. "I love you too," he whispered into her ear. "I love you too."
"Can I sleep in our room tonight?" Trai asked quietly. "With you? I just… I came in here to calm down."
Mark nodded. "Of course," he said gently, helping her up and leading her to their bedroom. She got under the covers and curled up next to him, closing her eyes, fatigued due to the pregnancy and somewhat worn out due to the day they'd had. Mark wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head before they both fell asleep.
A/N- Please, everyone, read and review, and if you haven't read the original, please do so! If you want to be notified when I come up with a new chapter, please put me on alert!
Thank you all so much!
- Sally.