Chapter XII: Broken and Unbroken

Gwendolyn Reynolds sometimes had to pinch herself as a reminder that she was dating Sirius in reality and not in her dreams. If you had told her a year ago that she would be arm-in-arm with the most desirable boy at Hogwarts, she probably would've scoffed at the idea of even having a boyfriend. But now, she was gorgeous, wanted, and felt on top of the world. Who knew that all it took to be happy was to be pretty?

As she strutted down the corridor toward the Ravenclaw Common Room, she noticed her adored boyfriend heading towards her. Smiling, she ruffled her auburn hair and swayed her hips a little more with each stride. As he got closer, she noticed he was scowling.

"Sirius…?"

"You are so far out of your mind that it's impossible to pinpoint the exact coordinates!" barked Sirius, fists clenched. "Who the hell do you think you are, blackmailing James like that? And who do you think I am, some sort of arm candy that's supposed to drool over you just because Remus threw some makeup on your face?"

"He told you?" screeched Gwen, enraged and reddening as a result. She felt simultaneously furious and worried that her relationship with Sirius had just been hit by a Reductor Curse. If she lost this, she would go back to being an unnoticed nobody instantly. Controlling her temper, Gwen coaxed, "I mean, I'm sorry, Sirie. Please calm down – I just wanted to get close to you and I didn't have another – "

"Don't tell me to do anything, you conniving snake," he snapped. "I've been holding back so much I've been wanting to say to you because I didn't want to hurt your feelings but this crosses the line."

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"First of all, I want to Crucio something every time you call me 'Sirie,'" exclaimed Sirius, his voice getting louder and angrier by the syllable. "And this so-called true love thing you think we've got going on? I think you've been Confunded or something because the only thing I'm getting out of this is someone to snog and a more and more annoying, whiny twit who doesn't know how to take a hint that I'm not into her – do you hear me? I don't love you. We are not soul mates. You're just another pretty girl and I know you haven't figured this out yet, so I'll just tell you – pretty won't get you as far as you think."

"You're the one who made me like this!" spluttered Gwen, throwing her hands up. "You and your stupid friends shoved me into this – this contrived nonsense! You dressed me up, made me look like this and now you just can't handle it, is that right? Well, you can tell your pathetic little friend Potter – "

"Don't you dare call him pathetic!" roared Sirius, reaching for his wand.

"Sirius!" interrupted a tired shout from down the corridor. Sirius jerked his head to the right to see Remus rushing over, complexion pale with worry. Remus panted, "Just leave it. She's not worth it…let's just go back to the Common Room, alright?"

"Did you hear what she said about James?"

"Forget it, okay? We have bigger things to worry about – come on," Remus beckoned Sirius over. Reluctant, Sirius let his hand fall to his side, glared at Gwen one last time, and headed toward Remus.

"Tell Potter," hissed Gwen as Sirius walked past her, "that if he had any chance of getting with Evans today, it'll be gone by tomorrow."

James Potter had learned a lot over his years at Hogwarts, but never how to let go.

"James, you've been waiting for her to talk to you for two weeks now," Peter pointed out meekly. "Perhaps you should give it a rest, mate."

"S'not a big deal," muttered James blearily, rubbing his eyes. "Just waiting."

"You've been sleeping two hours a night in hopes that she'll randomly be awake after midnight – I know you wait in the kitchens for her," said Remus, his forehead creasing with worry. Breaking a piece off of the chocolate he was munching on, he added, "If she wants to talk to you, she'll come to you; Lily's not shy. Here, eat this and go to sleep." He tossed the chunk to James, who consumed it without tasting. Since his row with Lily, food seemed to have lost flavor for him.

"Yeah," agreed Sirius, running his hand through his sleek hair. "Things'll happen when they happen. Even if you did bump into her, you're not going to be able to talk to her half-conscious."

"Oy," replied James, yawning. "You blokes are right." He pushed himself off of the maroon armchair he had been lounging in and stumbled towards the stairs to his bedroom. Despite what his friends thought, James didn't think it was so mad to be up all night waiting to see if Lily would come to the kitchens or sitting in the Common Room to see if she would come out to speak with him. No matter how hard he tried to focus on his Transfiguration homework or Quidditch or a prank on Sirius to get back for that shrinking hat so long ago, he always ended up thinking about Lily in a matter of minutes – how her personality challenged and energized him, how her smile always made him feel warm. But mostly, he obsessed over what he had said to her that had caused the whole mess. It wasn't the bets. It wasn't Remus or Gwen or Sirius, even though they were also contributing to problems in his life. The only person James could blame was himself, and he had been doing just that for the past two weeks.

Nearly asleep, James entered his room to see a silhouette behind the curtains of his four-poster.

"Padfoot, I don't like you like that," he joked, reaching out to pull back scarlet fabric. "You've got the wrong id– "

Hazel met viridian.

"Lily," breathed James, suddenly feeling ten times more awake, but even less articulate. "Hi."

She looked up at him, twirling her red hair nervously. For a solid minute, the two just stared at each other without saying a word. But through a single glance, James could feel every emotion he had tried to numb flooding back into him – joy over seeing her face, excitement that he might finally be able to talk to her, and the appetite he had neglected since their argument.

"Wow, I'm really hungry," muttered James, breaking the silence. In retrospect, he should have said something more sincere.

"What?" Lily responded, smiling a little. Immediately, James felt his fingertips warm – her smile was some kind of magic that he'd probably never be able to understand.

"Sorry, that wasn't very articulate," he admitted. "I've, um, wanted to talk to you."

"I know," Lily whispered apologetically, scooting to her left so that James could sit. Once he did, she gently placed her hand on his and brought her face close. Breathing in sharply, James shut his eyes for a moment, trying to find the right words. As he opened his mouth to speak, she put a couple fingers over his lips and continued to speak. "I read what you wrote about me – I know I wasn't supposed to, but I'm glad I did. It made me cry a little."

"Sorry," whispered James. "I never mean to make you cry."

"It wasn't in a bad way," she whispered back. "It made me realize that I should be thanking you too, for helping me open up as a person. What you said to me that night was harsh, but it was true. Even though you made me cry, what you said helped me and Alice talk about our friendship and I feel better now. I know I'm not a third wheel, even though I constantly felt like one before. Before, I felt so unimportant…but now, I feel like Alice and I have our friendship back. I have you to thank for that."

"Know," interjected James with a small smile, "that you'll always be important to someone."

"You?"

"Yeah."

"You make me so irritated sometimes," sighed Lily, smiling now too. "But these past couple weeks have been worse than any kind of annoyance I've experienced. Not having you around made me feel…I can't describe it…"

"Like ten people just performed a Suction Charm on your mind and emotions?" suggested James.

"Exactly that."

"Me too," he breathed. "Nothing was interesting anymore. I felt tired at the wrong times, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep at night – when I was around other people, I got ticked almost instantly at how happy they were, but it got even worse when I by myself. It was…"

"So lonely," they said in unison. James leaned forward and touched her face with his palm.

"I missed you, James," Lily whispered before she lifted her face up so that their lips met. James felt every neuron in his skull lighting up and his heart rate accelerating faster than his Nimbus 1000 broomstick as lip pressed against lip, teeth, and tongue. When the two finally broke apart, James found himself grinning.

"You…you called me James."

"That's your name, isn't it?"

James chuckled appreciatively and yawned a little, as he still hadn't slept in twenty-two hours. Lily made a mock-insulted face at him.

"Was the kiss that boring?" she gasped in joking outrage.

"Of course not," replied James. "I just haven't slept in a bloody long time."

"We can take a nap right now," suggested Lily, lying down coyly. James followed suit and extended his arm for her to rest her head on. Before dozing off, they kissed again and Lily murmured, "How do you feel?"

"Pure bliss."