UPDATE: Betaed Chapter 1 online! Also: Sorry for the lack of updates but I don't really have much time to write at the moment :( Sorry!
Title: Somebody To Love
Author: Thilia (cicoa87[atyahoo.de)
Fandom/Pairing: Harry Potter / Snupin
Rating: Not sure yet. Let's make it R
Warnings: Slash
Beta: MaiaMadness
Disclaimer: I do not own Remus Lupin, Severus Snape or any other character borrowed from J.K. Rowling.
Feedback: Very welcome, especially for this story since it's my first ever Harry Potter related story and I'm so scared to write something that doesn't make sense. So please don't kill me xD
Summary: Instead of hating Snape like his friends, Remus begins to be more than interested in the mysterious boy...
Author's Note: I've discovered this pairing only recently, somehow it never occurred to me to slash Sev and Remy. Anyway, I've read some very good stories about the two of them and now I'm trying to write my own. It's my first Harry Potter story and till now I mostly wrote RPS, so this is almost entirely new for me. I reread this chapter about a thousand times to make sure it was as perfect as possible and... I hope you like it and let me know:) Thanks. So here we go...
"Done," Remus exclaimed as he wrote the last word of his essay, dropping his quill on the table and crossing his arms in front of his body. He grinned and looked around, earning evil glances from his friends that were still writing on their homework. Peter was staring holes into the wall; he'd not even finished his introduction. James was checking something in a book, but he seemed to be done soon too. Sirius was staring out of the window, probably not even thinking about his essay, but his latest conquest.
Remus shook his head. The subject was so easy; he had no problems at all and had finished his work in record time. But he also knew that his friends often had problems when he didn't. It wasn't that they were bad at school; it was more the fact that they were often distracted by girls or other silly things when they should be concentrating on their school work. Remus however did not have those problems. Curiously, he'd never found a girl he'd been really crazy about. He got along with all the girls all right, but he couldn't imagine actually falling for any of them, very unlike his friends.
James had been crazy about Lily Evans for a really long time now, while Sirius changed the subject of his desire nearly every week. And Peter… well, he was a very specific case and Remus wasn't even sure if he'd even grown his first pubic hair yet. Anyway, at least like that Remus got top marks and passed the year without any difficulties.
He had to admit that in the last couple of weeks, he had actually partly been distracted by someone, but it definitely wasn't a girl. No, the subject of his attention had peculiarly been a boy he'd never paid any particular attention to. His name was Severus Snape. During their first few years at Hogwarts, Remus and his friends had mostly ignored him. Everyone they knew considered him strange and arrogant and also slightly spooky. He was always alone and didn't seem to have any friends; the only people he'd ever been seen talking to were his teachers and some few Slytherins.
They'd never had much contact; they did perhaps have some classes together but because Snape was generally very quiet, Remus hadn't noticed him. But lately James and Sirius, who had always ignored him, had picked an interest in him and started making fun of him. And that's when Remus had started to take a closer look at Severus. He'd never joined in any of his friends' bullying - to be honest he found it quite unnecessary and stupid - but when they were determined to torment someone, they couldn't be pulled away from that goal easily. And for now it had all been pretty harmless.
James and Sirius always seemed to find something to laugh about in that boy: his quite large nose, his always slightly greasy hair, and dark, old-fashioned style of clothing, his voice, the way he spoke, just about everything. Remus found their behaviour rather childish, but he didn't say anything because he knew that he couldn't do anything about it. And apart from some ridicule and a few harmless jinxes, James and Sirius hadn't done anything serious. While they were bullying Snape, Remus had started to observe him. There was something mysterious about that boy and Remus was extremely curious about him.
Deep in his thoughts, Remus didn't even notice that James had taken his essay and was reading it thoroughly. It was only when he was almost entirely through it that Remus came back from his reverie and snapped the sheet out of James's hand.
"How are you ever going to learn anything if you copy everything?" he asked, putting the essay in his bag along with all his other things that were still scattered around the desk.
"Well you sure took a long time to notice it," Sirius said with a frown. "What are you thinking about, Moony?" Then, with a grin, he added, "Anyone we know?"
Remus only shrugged and mumbled something about school, but he was all too aware of the flush creeping up his cheeks. He hated that he always blushed, even if he wasn't really embarrassed. Sirius kept looking at him suspiciously and James too, looked at him questioningly. They knew him too well. When Remus ignored them and they realized that they wouldn't get a more satisfying answer, they dropped it and turned back to their homework. At least they knew when to give up.
"Where did you find the stuff about the Renaissance thing you mentioned in your essay?" James asked, browsing through a book. Remus sighed and gave him the book he'd quoted, got up, shouldering his bag, and wished his friends a good night before making his way to the dormitory.
"What page? Oi Moony, that book's gigantic! Where did you find it?" he heard James ask, then grunt in frustration, but Remus only chuckled mischievously. That essay was going to take them a whole lot longer than they thought.
Back in their dormitory, he put his school bag on his shelf, put on his pyjama and slipped into bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin. He stared at the ceiling, mentally checking what subjects he had the next day, a soft smile spreading on his face when he realized that he had Potions. It wasn't that he particularly liked that subject; it was actually one of the few he couldn't really figure out. The reason for his happiness was of a slightly different nature because he could use those two hours to continue analyzing the boy who had been spooking through his head the last few days: Severus Snape.
The next morning Remus was, as usual, the first one to wake up. He yawned heartedly, stretching his limbs before jumping out of bed and opening the window. He looked towards the beds of his friends that were all occupied except for one. Remus sighed and shook his head. James had probably worked on his essay all night, falling asleep on his work. Without bothering to get dressed yet, he left the two sleeping figures behind, descended the stairs to check on his friend and saw his suspicion confirmed when he found James sleeping on a piece of parchment. At least it looked as if he'd finished the essay.
He poked his friend in his side and grinned when James flinched and looked around in alarm. Before his he could react, Remus grabbed the sheet and quickly looked over it, relieved that it was at least finished. Even though he hadn't told his friend the exact page number the previous evening, he didn't want him to fail because of it.
"What time is it?" James asked with a yawn, packing his things. He was used to sleeping there, so it was no big surprise for him to find out that he had, once again failed to get into bed in time. Beside that, he knew that he could always count on Remus who usually got up way to early and so functioned an alarm clock for all of them.
"Don't worry, you haven't missed anything. It's half past six", Remus replied, James essay still in his hand.
"Thank God, if I'd be late again, McGonagall would kill me", James said, looking relieved. "You'll read through it, will you?" he added, pointing to the sheets of paper in his friends grip.
"No problem," Remus promised, and then both of them went back to their dormitory to wake up Sirius which could, as they very well knew, take no less than half an hour. After pulling him out of bed and when all of them were fully clothed, they went down for breakfast. There, every one of them followed their morning ritual, Remus reading his friend's homework, adding some corrections where needed, Sirius reading the newspaper and James trying to impress Lily. Peter just gazed at his breakfast through half-lidded eyes, looking as though he was still asleep.
"Looks all right to me," Remus said when he finished reading his friend's homework, handing the essay back to James.
"Thanks. I really can't mess this up again," James said, thankful for every bit of help his friend offered him.
"You're welcome. And I'm right in my assumption that Padfoot hasn't even bothered to start with his homework?" Remus asked, looking to Sirius, who looked up from his newspaper with a meaningful grin. Remus grinned back and shook his head. Sirius had charmed his way out of many detentions, but he was sure that someday he wouldn't be able to do that anymore. Sooner or later, he'd have to do his homework, just like the rest of them.
Remus took another croissant and looked around in the Great Hall when he spotted Severus Snape making his way to the Slytherin table. Remus watched him as he walked to a free spot at the table with big hurried steps, his long, black hair flying with every step. His way of moving was fascinating, very elegant and graceful. When he sat down, Remus sighed in frustration, a huge girl was now blocking his view.
"Moony!" Sirius said impatiently and when Remus looked at him, he realized that he had apparently been talking to him.
"I'm sorry, you were saying?" Remus asked with a last glance in Snape's direction before fully paying attention to his friend who suggested a trip to Hogsmeade in the afternoon. Remus agreed and minutes later, they left the table, making their way out of the Great Hall where they had to split up, James and Sirius starting their day with Herbology while Remus had to get down to the dungeons for Potions.
He was one of the first ones there, leaning against the wall to wait for the teacher when Snape arrived in his elegant manner. Remus immediately straightened up, observing Severus pull a small book out of his bag, browsing through it. He watched the long, white fingers turn the pages, the inky hair falling in his face from behind his ear. Remus shook his head unnoticeably. He really didn't see why James and Sirius would make fun of him. He didn't find him at all unattractive and the arrogance was maybe just a sign of shyness. He was, above all, mysterious and his every movement stimulated Remus's curiosity.
Remus's trail of thought was interrupted when Snape suddenly looked up, piercing black eyes staring straight into his own. Even though they basically only looked at each other for at most five seconds, Remus could feel his face flush and he quickly looked away, feeling as if he'd been caught doing something forbidden. When he thought it safe to look back to him, his eyes met Severus's frame again and he was relieved to find him staring into his book once more. At that moment, Slughorn arrived, unlocking the classroom and letting them all in.
Slughorn explained briefly what he'd prepared for the two lessons. They would be working in groups, making some complicated potion Remus had never heard of. 'Wonderful', he thought, looking around. He hated working in groups when his friends weren't with him. Not that he needed them because he didn't manage the work the teachers gave him, but because he hated working with people he couldn't stand and since most of the people who had Potions with him were from Slytherin, the chance to end up with one of them was pretty high.
They were supposed to make groups of 3 people and in a matter of seconds four groups were formed, leaving only two outsiders left. Remus's heart made a leap when he discovered who the other person was.
"Oh well, it looks like Mr. Lupin will be working with Mr. Snape then," Slughorn stated with his usual annoying smile and Remus grabbed his bag and took place next to his partner. He was suddenly very nervous, without exactly knowing why. He knew that the Slytherin was brilliant at Potions, so he didn't need to worry about this experiment being a failure. He realized that he'd never actually spoken to Snape, but he could imagine that he didn't exactly like him, considering what his friends always did to him. Remus had no idea what he could say to him and that fact made him extremely nervous. He always had something to say and not knowing made him feel insecure and vulnerable. Slughorn noted the page of the potion on the blackboard and they were ready to go.
In order to gain more time to think of something to say, Remus opened his book and stared at the ingredients. He gazed over to his partner who was already placing the ingredients on his desk. He did this with a certainty that surprised Remus.
"Have you ever tried this before?" Remus asked when Snape started chopping something that looked a little like parsley. He was happy to find something to possibly start a conversation and really hoped that Snape would take the hint and talk.
"Several times," Snape replied in a soft, dark voice, not once looking up from his task. He didn't sound particularly friendly, but also not completely unfriendly, just like someone who didn't want to be bothered. 'Not a big speaker then,' Remus thought to himself, wondering what to say next.
"So... what can I do?" Remus looked at him expectantly, deciding that it would be best not to forget their assignment completely.
Snape gave him a slightly annoyed look, and then told him to put various things into his cauldron. While doing as he was told, Remus looked over at his partner from time to time, still trying to find a subject to discuss with him. He now really did want to get to know him. What had started out as simple curiosity had now developed into genuine interest. He knew, of course, that he could never tell his friends if they ever did develop something that could be considered as friendship, but they didn't have to know everything, did they?
"You don't like me, do you?" Remus wondered where those words had come from the moment he spoke them. He didn't want to get so personal right away, but somehow his mouth seemed to have another opinion. Again, he first got an annoyed look, and then Snape replied with a simple, "No."
"Why not?" Remus asked, already knowing the answer. It couldn't have anything to do with him personally, but with the way his friends had treated Snape. But it could also be that his Potion's partner had a general dislike for people which would on second thought be even more probable since he was rarely seen with other students.
"Will you please be quiet now? I'm trying not to mess up our project," Snape just replied coldly, without looking up and completely ignoring the question. He made sure to stress the 'our' to underline the fact that Remus didn't exactly help him much.
"I would help you, if you let me and told me what to do. I'm not the expert here," Remus said with a snort, now slightly unnerved by the Slytherin's behaviour. He crossed his arms in front of his body, sitting back in his chair like an offended child. He heard his neighbour sigh and then some ingredients were shoved his way and Snape briefly explained to him what to do with them. Inside, Remus grinned triumphantly, then started preparing the ingredients just as he'd been told to. After some minutes of silence, Remus tried to make the boy talk again by repeating his question.
"So?" he asked, looking at him.
"So what?" Snape asked coldly without looking up from his work.
"Why don't you like me? What did I do to you?" Remus was still waiting for an answer and was determined to keep this going until he got what he wanted.
"Do I really need to answer that?" At this, Snape actually looked up from his book to give him a disbelieving glance. When Remus only shrugged innocently, he continued, "Well, if I say James Potter and Sirius Black, does that ring a bell?"
Remus considered it for a while, thinking about what to say next. If he wanted to really keep this conversation going, he had to be careful not to say something wrong. He had expected this answer and so he simply repeated, "I didn't do anything to you."
"Right, but your friends did. And you stood there, letting them do it which is as bad as helping them." Snape's tone was full of hate. Remus frowned. He didn't think that they'd hurt him that much. After all, the jokes James and Sirius had played him had all been relatively harmless. At least they were nothing compared to the stuff they used on some other people.
"I'm sorry," he said earnestly without averting his gaze. Snape looked at him with a frown, completely thrown off by this honest apology. After a few seconds of gazing at him in surprise, he just looked back at his potion, slightly shaking his head. When the silence between them stretched and became awkward, Snape snatched the knife out of Remus's hands and said a little too harshly, "Are you still not finished?", making him flinch.
Remus found his reaction very strange. Instead of solving the mysteries about his personality, the more he talked to Snape, the less he seemed to understand him. He sighed quietly, and then decided to be quiet for the rest of the lesson because Snape obviously didn't care much for conversation. He instead spent his time watching the Slytherin finish their potion which was actually completely satisfying for him. Several minutes before the bell was about to ring, Professor Slughorn made his way through the classroom, inspecting the potions but he didn't seem to be quite satisfied with any of them until he reached their table.
While Slughorn was bent over the cauldron, analyzing the various aspects of their potion, Snape was eyeing him attentively, his usually calm face and body language slightly tense. Remus smiled. It looked like Snape was desperately seeking recognition in this specific subject. When the Professor finally commented their potion with "Outstanding!" he seemed to really glow for a few seconds before going back to his usual dark self.
As soon as the bell rang, he ran out of the classroom, leaving Remus no time to say anything more. He collected his things, shouldered his bag and made his way to the place where he was going to meet his friends, on his way further reflecting on the mysterious nature of Severus Snape.
Just as they had planned, the Marauders went to Hogsmeade that afternoon, though they of course didn't take the usual way, but one of their many secret ones. They spent some time, running around, taking a look at the shops before going to the Three Broomsticks to drink a butterbeer. All of them were halfway through their drink, when Peter suddenly exclaimed, "Oh look, there's Snape."
All three heads immediately shot into the direction Peter was pointing. And indeed, there he was, making his way down the street in hurried steps.
"That guy is so weird," Sirius said, shaking his head and taking another sip from his beer. "I wonder what Snivellus is up to."
"He's not that bad, you know," Remus said, defending the Slytherin. He didn't like it when his friends talked ill of him. And if he really wanted to become friends with Snape, he had to find a way to make them stop bullying him. As soon as those words had left his mouth, all three of his friends stared at him in disbelief.
"What? How would you know?" James finally asked.
"I talked to him. Today, during Potions. He's not all that bad actually. And you should really stop making fun of people. That really hurts them, you know?" Remus suddenly felt a little awkward, being all in the centre of attention now. He also felt the usual heat in his cheeks, telling him that he was blushing again.
"You talked to him? Remus, are you well?" Sirius asked in disbelief.
Remus sighed. He shouldn't have said anything about it. In some things, his friends really didn't understand him. Why was it so hard for them to believe that Snape was just an ordinary guy and that he had feelings too? At his friend's questioning looks, he quickly told them what had happened that same morning, leaving out the reason he had started talking to him because he wasn't even really sure of that himself. After he'd finished his narration, all three of them looked at him.
"Well, it doesn't sound like he was exceptionally nice to you, was he?" Sirius concluded and James and Peter nodded.
Remus sighed yet again. "Didn't you listen to me? He wasn't nice to me because he doesn't trust me and that's because of you lot. He thinks I'm just as mean as you are and want to torment him, so that's why he's a little suspicious. You can't really blame him for that."
"I still don't see why you even talked to him. He obviously doesn't want anything to do with us. And to be honest that's quite reciprocal," Sirius said with a shrug. And with that, the topic was closed. Remus shook his head and emptied his butterbeer. Fine, then he wasn't going to talk to them about it anymore.
When Severus finally found himself in the quiet of his dormitory, he ran his fingers through his hair and frowned. What a strange day. He still couldn't believe that Remus Lupin had actually talked to him. And not only because he had to; he had actually tried to start a conversation with him. A pretty personal one, too. What was happening to the world?!
Snape lay down on his bed and sighed. He was sure that it was just another one of their tricks. Give him a false sense of security to ridicule him once again with his friends. All right, Remus had never actively participated in those larks, but he had been there, nevertheless. So he was surely trying to help them plan their next step. Yes, that must be it. Or was it?
It must be. Why would he want to make small talk, anyway? He really couldn't think of any reason. He sighed and got up, walking to the large mirror on the door of his wardrobe and stared at his reflection. After a few seconds he couldn't help wrinkling his nose in disgust. He could see why not even his Slytherin companions wanted to be his friends. How could anyone like him if even Severus himself couldn't?
His greasy, long, black hair surrounded his pale face. Black eyes stared at the overlarge nose and the thin lips. He had dark rings under his eyes and looked sick no matter how healthy he was or how many hours he'd slept. He shook his head, closed his eyes and walked back to his bed. He couldn't look at himself any longer. Determined to keep a clear head, he grabbed his Potions book and started reading.
But it didn't take long for him to once again drift away with his thoughts. He just couldn't stop wondering why Remus Lupin wanted to talk to him. And even after Severus had treated him quite poorly, he hadn't given up and still tried to come up with a subject. Weird. No matter how long he thought about it, Severus could only come up with two possibilities.
The first one was that he was only nice to him because Potter and Black had planned something. That one was the most probable one, it wouldn't be the first time those two pulled a prank on him. And the second possibility couldn't be true. That one would mean that Remus had an honest interest in Severus as a person and wanted them to become friends.
Severus shook his head. Definitely the first one. And still he couldn't help hoping that it was the second one. Could it really be that Lupin was as bad as the other ones? He had always seemed reasonable and... nice. Severus sighed in confusion. No matter how long he thought about it, he couldn't come up with a solution that made sense to him. And why was he even thinking about him in the first place?! He dropped his potions book on the floor and crawled under the sheets, determined not to think about it any further, but utterly failing.
Tbc...