The Dealio: This is my first story I've actually posted, but not the first one I've written. I've actually been working on this for a while, but I erased a lot of what I wrote the first time because I didn't like it. Yes, I am an anal perfectionist. I figured if I didn't put it up soon, I was going to do the same thing again, and then I'd be getting no where. So… here it is, love it or hate it.

Summary: The story takes place at the end of season one/beginning of season two when Addison shows up in Seattle. It's my own little take on what should have happened to her and Derek because Addek is LOVE. This is a terrible summary. You should just read the story for yourself. :-)

Disclaimer: I do not own Addison, Derek, or anything having to do with Grey's Anatomy, except for the DVDs and the calendar; however if I did own them, they would still be Addison and Derek, and the little Grey's world would be a happier place for it. Also, any lines you recognize are not mine. I borrowed some of them because they were too good not to use. But anything you don't recognize is mine.

ENJOY and review, por favor.

Chapter 1
Crashing Down

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We have reached our cruising altitude of 10,000 feet, and it looks like we'll be having a pretty smooth ride across the country today. We should be landing in Seattle around 6:30 p.m. local time. Please enjoy the rest of your flight, and as always, thank you for choosing Delta Airlines."

Addison Montgomery-Shepherd adjusted her pillow against the window and closed her eyes, hoping to get at least an hour or two of sleep before the plane touched down at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. She hadn't gotten more than a couple hours of sleep the previous night, and she was exhausted. Hell, she hadn't gotten more than a couple hours of sleep in the last six nights, maybe even longer than that. She'd lost count by now, and to be honest, it didn't really matter anymore. As she began to drift off to sleep, thoughts of everything that had happened in the last few months began to haunt her once again.

- - - - - - - - - -

These back steps are steeper to the ground
The brightest stars are falling down
I'm walking the edge
I'm walking the tightest rope
And we can be frank
Reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane
I'm over the bridge and under the rain

The past couple months or so had been a blur. She'd been on the worst emotional rollercoaster of her life, and it didn't seem as though she would be getting off of it anytime soon. After Derek had left her a little over two months ago, she spent almost a week at home, crying and refusing to talk to anyone, even Mark, who had always been there to comfort her in the past. This whole mess wouldn't be happening if it weren't for him. She said this to herself over and over, but no matter how many times she repeated it, she was never quite convinced of its truth. She knew she was also, if not mostly, to blame for engaging in the biggest mistake of her life, which was what made it so hard to get out of bed in the morning, so hard to change out of Derek's old CBGB shirt that she loved, and so hard to even look at herself in the mirror most mornings.

After that fateful night with Mark, she wasn't sure how she was going to carry on with her life. Everything she'd known for the last fifteen years had suddenly changed. That week she spent at home afterwards was the worst of her life. After begging Derek not to leave her after he found her and Mark together that night, he had walked out anyway, and she spent most of the night and early into the morning sitting on the stairs waiting for him to walk back through the front door. She eventually fell asleep there around dawn and was awakened a few hours later to her best friend, Savannah, helping her upstairs. They got about halfway up before Addison broke down. Savvy helped her to sit down and rubbed Addison's back as she laid her head in Savvy's lap and bawled. Addison cried until she felt sick and couldn't cry anymore. She finally let Savvy help her the rest of the way upstairs and into the shower, then into the guest bedroom to sleep, as Addison couldn't bear to sleep in the room she had shared with Derek. After that, Addison had refused to see or talk to anyone for days. She was essentially numb to the world around her.

It had taken more strength than she was really willing to give, but five days later, Addison knew she had to get back to work. There were laboring mothers whose deliveries couldn't be put on hold just because her life was crumbling around her. So she went back to work, trying to put on a brave face and take life one day at a time. She was incredibly lonely, sad, upset, and angry (mostly at herself), so when Mark showed up at her door one night and practically begged her to give him a chance, she gave in, against her better judgment. She was afraid that Derek was never coming back, and she didn't want to believe that she'd thrown her marriage away on just a fling. So she stayed with him. She knew better, she knew his ways, but she didn't want to listen to the rational voice in her head telling her to get out of that relationship. She stayed with him for about two months, never really happy but trying to convince herself that everything would be okay, until her life got so chaotic that she just couldn't handle it anymore.

- - - - - - - - - -

If everything's falling, if everything's changed
If I'm in the open, if I'm in the way
What am I doing here if you're not with me
What have I got to live for if it's just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
Gravity's pulling; you're still holding my heart
You come crashing down, crashing down

Two days ago. That's when she realized that she couldn't play this game any longer. Mark had had three very long, very complicated surgeries that day, and he was on call that night, which meant he would be spending the night at the hospital. Which was fine because she didn't want to see him, anyway. In fact, she didn't care if she ever saw him again in her life. Luckily for Addison, she had the next day off because, as usual, she couldn't sleep. She hadn't had a good night's sleep since Derek had walked out and never looked back. So she lay in bed, tears streaming down her face as she thought about what her life had become. She couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed a box of Kleenex and her laptop. She started it up as she climbed back into bed, still wearing Derek's old CBGC shirt (which she only wore on the nights when Mark wasn't there). She quickly found what she was looking for – a one-way ticket to Seattle, Washington leaving the day after tomorrow. That should be plenty of time to call Richard and let him know I'm coming for sure.

Richard Webber, her mentor from the time of her internship and residency, had called Addison last week, asking her if it would be at all possible for her to fly out and consult on a complicated case of TTTS. That alone had caught Addison's attention; it would be a rare and interesting procedure that she and only a handful of other doctors could perform, but she wasn't sure if she could manage the time off. She had missed work a lot recently due to "personal problems," as she had told her boss. She had told Richard that she would see what she could do. He agreed, and she was just about to say goodbye when she heard him sigh heavily into the phone.

"Richard? Is there something else?"

"Addie… I don't really know how to tell you this. But I've known you a long time, and you're like a daughter to me, so I have to…. Derek is here. He's been here for a little over two months, and he asked me not to call you. He wouldn't say why, but I told him I would respect his wishes. But I can't do that anymore. He's been seeing an intern here. I don't know for how long or how serious it is, but I can't just stand by and let him throw away his marriage. So I thought you should know."

His words stung. Derek, her Derek, was seeing someone else. He moved across the country and had forgotten about her in only two months. Her eyes began to well up, and she barely managed to finish the conversation with Richard.

"Um… okay, well… thank you. I'll call you soon and let know about the TTTS case." And with that, she hung up and burst into tears. Perfect. Absolutely perfect timing, as always. I can't take this right now… I just don't know what to do anymore.

She chose not to think about everything during the next couple days. She became numb to everything around her, except for her work and her patients. They were the only thing keeping her sane for the time being. She thought she would be okay if she just pushed all those painful, complicated thoughts aside for a while, but it only turned out to make things worse. They built up and up inside her mind until she reached the breaking point and just couldn't take it anymore.

Sitting alone in that bathroom stall, tears streaming down her face and an EPT in each hand, she could only shake her head in disbelief. No, no, no. This can't be happening. Not now. Not with him. She didn't know how long she sat in there. All she knew was that there was no way she could go through with this. She couldn't tell mark. If she said it out loud, that would make it true, that would make it real, and it would be too much to deal with. Plus, she already knew how he would react. He had never been a big fan of kids, nor did he have any desire to be a father. He had made that abundantly clear whenever Derek's nieces and nephews came to visit. Deep down, she already knew what she was going to do… but she just couldn't think about it. Not yet, anyway.

She went to find an on-call room to collect her thoughts, and the one she walked into turned out to be occupied. By Mark. And he wans't alone. He was sleeping, naked, next to some blonde nurse with big boobs, which he had undoubtedly had something to do with. Addison quietly let herself out of the room.

She made an appointment at a clinic outside of Manhattan for the day after next. She managed to keep her composure on the drive there and throughout the procedure. She made it back to the parking lot and into her car. And then she lost it. She cried all the way back home. She cried the whole time she made the dinner she didn't eat. She cried while she took a shower and while she changed into that old t-shirt she loved. She cried until she felt sick and couldn't cry anymore. She lay in bed feeling empty, numb, and broken. The tears started flowing away, silently this time, and she let them come until she couldn't handle it anymore. That's when she found herself on the computer at 2:00 a.m. buying a plane ticket to Seattle.

These four walls are closing in on me
The talk is louder than I'll sing
I want to be there
I want to be where you are
But you know it all
Every look and smile that are mean to break
I'm over the bridge and under the rain

- - - - - - - - - -

Now she was on that plane. On her way out to the west coast. To a city she'd never been to or ever cared to visit. To see the husband she loved more than anyone else in the world. Who probably despised her by now. She had tried to get in touch with Derek, hoping that she could at least talk to him to make sure he knew she was coming. But he never answered his phone. She called for two days, and he never once picked up. Great. What have I done with my life? How did I get so screwed up?? She was jolted back to the present as the pilot announced their descent into the Seattle area. She sat up and smoothed out her black pants and sweater and waited for the plane to land. This is it, she thought to herself. No turning back now.

If everything's falling, if everything's changed
If I'm in the open, if I'm in the way
What am I doing here if you're not with me
What have I got to live for if it's just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
Gravity's pulling; you're still holding my heart
You come crashing down

You come crashing down...

Well, what do we think? Was it too confusing? I know I jumped around a bit, but I tried to tie everything together. It made sense in my head, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. So if you're confused, let me know, and I'll try to clarify. Also, if there's something you want to see, let me know. I'm not promising anything, but I'm open to new ideas.

Chapter 2 is ready to go... if I get some reviews. :-)