Ok, after watching the episode where Mayuri explains he made Nemu, this popped up. Kenpachi's the only Captain I could think of who would have the balls to go up to Mayuri and make fun of him for it. Takes place before the Bleach series starts.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

Warnings: Mentions of...just read it.

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"Hey, Mayuri, who is that?"

"Oh her? This is my Lieutenant, Nemu Kurotsuchi."

"Wait, Kurotsuchi? Isn't that your last name?"

"Yes."

"So how is she related to you?"

"She is my daughter."

"Daughter?"

"Yes."

"Since when did you have a kid? And she looks nothing like you!"

"Oh, you misunderstand me, Zaraki. I created Nemu."

"Created?"

"Yes, a combination of the best artificial bodies and souls I've researched over the years."

"So she was made in a lab?"

"Yes."

"So, she's not related by blood."

"No, but I am her creator."

"You just couldn't get laid, right?"

"What?! Nonsense, I just wanted to prove my capabilities as President of the Shinigami Research Institute."

"So, you couldn't get laid?"

"I'm dedicated to my work! Unlike some people."

"…but that doesn't change the fact that you couldn't get laid."

"That is not the case!"

"Mayuri's a virgin!"

"You incorrigible fool!"

"What can I say? It's believable."

"What do you mean?"

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You're a freak! And what's that thing on your head?"

"Why, I've never!"

"You're a mad scientist. You scare people."

"You're one to talk, you big brute."

"Oh?"

"You're an oversized oaf who wears bells in his hair and runs around with a little pink thing on his back."

"Be lucky that little pink thing isn't here."

"Oh yes, I'm shaking."

"And the bells are stylish, you should try them."

"Not on your life."

"I'm telling you, it's fashionable."

"So what you're saying is, even with your hulking size and homicidal tendencies, people still enjoy being in your presence?"

"Well, duh. It's part of my charm."

"I can't see why."

"I know what your problem is! You lack the equipment!"

"What?!"

"Either you don't have the necessary assets to perform, or you just can 'rise to the occasion,' heh."

"I'll have you know, I am well equipped to…"

"Why do you talk like that?"

"What in the world do you mean?"

"That has something to do with it, too. You're just plain odd. Talking all proper and stuff."

"My manner of speech has nothing to do with this! It just proves my intellect."

"Intellect has nothing to do with getting laid, my friend. And it doesn't change the fact that I've been laid and you haven't."

"Why you…!"

"Well, I gotta go. I promised Yachiru I'd take her out for ice cream. And those bastards Ikkaku and Yumichika are probably gonna show up. It was nice to meet you, Nemu. Later, Mayuri."

"Goodbye, you wretch."

"Oh, and two more things. One: Ever insult anyone in my squad, especially Yachiru, again, and I will kill you. And two…"

"…what?"

"Your daughter's hot!"

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Yeah, I have an odd sense of humor, what can I say? Looking back, I'm not even sure if this made sense...

Reviews are awesome...